Relationships

I had so much fun writing about the crazy stories of love, loss, and romance that Laura T. Coffey uncovered for TODAYshow.com that I couldn't resist posting a few more to get you into the Valentine's Day spirit!

We've already heard two stories of how modern technology helped a brokenhearted woman win her ex back, and allowed a concerned son to try to find love for his divorced mother. We also heard the tales of two only-in-NYC moments that ranged from the sweet story of a missed connection on the subway, to the slightly strange account of a man who posted extremely specific hand-written personal ads around Manhattan.

Crazy love stories are most definitely not unique to the 21st century, however. Consider England in the 1500s, when King Henry VIII fell for the woman who would become his second wife, Anne Boleyn. In order to be with Anne, the king needed to end his first marriage to Catherine of Aragon. When the Pope refused to grant the annulment, Henry retaliated by assuming the role of Supreme Head of the Church of England, annulling his marriage to Catherine, and marrying Anne (and getting excommunicated from the Catholic Church along the way).

And then things got even crazier. When Anne gave birth to Elizabeth, the future queen of England, Henry was furious that she failed to give him a son. After several miscarriages and stillbirths, he lost hope that she would give birth to a male heir and turned his attentions to Anne's maid of honor, Jane Seymour, instead. As proof of his love for Anne, Henry believed charges of adultery, incest, and treason against Anne, and had her beheaded.

The British royal family is the source of yet another story of an act of extreme love. When King Edward VIII (maybe there's just something special about the VIII's?) met Wallis Simpson, a two-time divorcee and American socialite, he fell deeply in love. When he announced that he wanted to marry her, the country was thrown into turmoil. The prime ministers of the United Kingdom, other government officials, church leaders, and many of his subjects strongly opposed the marriage on the grounds that the people of England would not accept a divorced woman as Queen. Rather than end his relationship with Simpson, Edward chose to abdicate the throne - after just 325 days as king - and marry his love, who he remained with until his death 35 years later.

Their story was later turned into a movie directed by Madonna, and if that isn't an example of a crazy love story, I don't know what is!

How about you, readers? What's your most extreme love story?

When Shape and Men's Fitness combined forces to determine if sex has been affected by the digital age, the answer was a clear, resounding, unequivocal, emphatic YES! What the 1,200 male and female survey respondents couldn't agree on, however, were the exact ways in which advancing technology has changed relationships and intimacy. Most importantly: Is technology helping our sex lives, or hurting them?

Opinions were split. Those who believed that technology was destroying intimacy put forth a powerful argument. 35% of women said that being in a state of constant connectivity with the world made the time spent with their partners feel less intimate. And although texting is convenient, most women (65%) would prefer to be asked out in person or with a phone call, and 43% have had to suffer through the awkwardness of a breakup via text message (only 27% of men, in contrast, had been dumped in a text).

Mobile phones can also take a negative toll on relationships in other ways. Though most people said that they would ignore a text message or phone call during sex, 7% admitted that they would disrupt the mood long enough to silence their cell and an entire 6% said they would stop to answer it! Now that's a serious addiction!

On the other hand, for those who believed that the digital age has improved their sex lives, new technology provided novel ways to establish, maintain, and improve intimacy with partners. 58% of guys said that they believe that the constant connection provided by modern technology, and the flirting opportunities provided by things like Facebook, text message, Twitter, and BBM, help them score with women more quickly. Nearly 80% of women agreed that technology is useful for creating intimacy faster, but only 38% claimed they'd actually slept with men sooner.

After the initial hookup, a large majority of women (70%) reported "sexing" their lovers to spice things up in the bedroom, and texting has become so popular that it is now the most common method of communication used within relationships.

The ladies and gentlemen polled also expressed their love for the bedroom-boosting capabilities of Skype and that old classic: Internet porn. About 10% had had Skype sex, and another 20% said they're dying to give it a try. 50% of the women polled by Shape said that they watch porn online and, though most (82%) have no problems with the men in their lives watching porn solo, 18% said they would be furious if they missed the chance to watch a naughty video with their partner.

Online dating websites have, clearly, changed the face of relationships forever. 30% of the readers Shape polled had joined a dating site at some point, but more than half who had met their sweetie online refused to admit it to others.

And of course I can't forget about Facebook! The site that permanently altered friendship has also had an effect on dating. It only takes a month or two for the majority of people to update their relationship status on Facebook when a new man or woman enters their life which means, according to Shape, that "regardless of the tech revolution," "the most important thing remains the same: you've still got faith in love."

When we’re scouring online dating sites, looking for a potential match, so many requirements and questions run through our minds. Does this person look attractive, or at least semi-attractive? Do we have common interests? Do we eat mostly the same things? Do they have pets? Are our lifestyles compatible? Do I think they’d be interested in me?

We might not literally articulate those specific questions, but they’re there. Before we even send off an email, we’re mentally trying on partners like clothing, tossing away an ill-fitting pair of pants before we even bother trying to pull them on all the way. And when we’re worried about specific measurements, sometimes we forget to ask the most important question: whether we even like the outfit.

Or, in other words: Do I want to be friends with this person?

Yes, it’s good that you both like hiking, but you won’t be living in the forest. It’s convenient that you’re both gluten-free - but would you be as interested in this person if only one of you was?

When you’re contemplating online dating profiles, you’re not only looking for a co-parent, a co-pilot, a business partner, a sous chef. You’re looking for someone to come home to, someone who makes you feel contentment as well as excitement. As cliche as it sounds, you’re looking for a best friend.

So when you go out on that first date, maybe you shouldn’t focus on whether they turn their nose up at spinach, or whether they’ve seen all the same movies you have. Block out the questions that focus on the surface, specific differences and similarities, and ask yourself: Would I like to introduce them to a great spinach dish? Do I want to share my favorite movies with them?

Perhaps it’s not important whether you’re on the same journey; perhaps the question is whether you’d like to create new adventures together.

Let’s say you’ve been a member of an online dating site for awhile, and you’ve scoured the available singles in your area, to no avail. One night, you decide to type in everything you can imagine in a dream match, and set the search radius to worldwide.

And you find your dream person. Or at least, you think you have. What next?

Online dating comes with certain stereotypes, and one of the most common is the couple who meet from halfway around the world and fall in love. It’s become such a cliche that some people resist looking outside the confines of their own hometown. While I would certainly begin by looking closer to home, it saddens me to think that someone might miss out on love because they don’t want to be “that person.”

Assuming you’re willing to take the plunge on long-distance love, how do you get started?

First, be upfront in your email that you’re not from the area, but that you’d be interested in starting a pen-pal sort of friendship. Try not to come on too strong; remember, a first-contact email is essentially a way of saying hello, not a marriage proposal. If your potential match is interested, take it slow; get to know each other as much as possible through email, or even a video chat. The more you get to know each other now, the less chances there are for unfortunate surprises when you meet in person.

If you do progress to the point where you’re ready and able to have a first date, remember to follow basic dating safety rules. Meet in a public place, preferably with someone you know nearby. Have your own transportation. Make sure someone you know has all the information you have about your date. Above all, remember to trust your gut instincts, and remove yourself from the situation if you feel uneasy.

The fact is, people who connect online, whether it be for friendship or romance, travel vast distances to meet in person all the time. Sure, there’s a certain amount of danger inherent in meeting any stranger, but common sense and caution can minimize these possibilities. When you’re communicating via the Internet, it doesn’t really matter if the person is across the state or on the next street. So next time you’re perusing profiles, think about broadening your search range. Who knows what you might find?

Many of us have tried online dating. There are so many ways to meet people that the old cliché of "there's nobody out there" is not only counter-productive, but untrue. So, maybe it's time to stand up and introduce yourselves to the 96 million other American adults who are single (not to mention all the singles in other countries!)

Since not all singles are online, there are other ways to meet them. The best strategy is being open to any and all opportunities, because you never know when and how you'll meet. Life can take you by surprise. Isn't that the beauty of the process?

Following are some places (outside the bar scene) where you can be open to meeting new people and asking them out. What's to lose?

Coffee shops. This one may seem obvious, but it's really a good place and is often overlooked. Many people spend significant time hoping to "run into" a prospective date by waiting in line for their favorite latte, but then don't actually talk to anyone because they get intimidated. Next time, speak up and say hello to the cute guy standing next to you. You never know.

Public transportation. I live in L.A. which doesn't lend itself to mass transit, but if you live in the northeastern U.S., San Francisco, or other places more subway-friendly, use it! Talk to the woman you see every day going to work. Ask her what she's listening to, or what she's reading. It's time to make an introduction.

Grocery stores. I've gotten a few dates while strolling leisurely down the aisles. If you're always in a hurry, you could miss that guy who keeps trying to catch you in the produce section. Pay attention, smile, and invite conversation.

Walking your dogs. If you don't have a dog, walk around your neighborhood. This is another great way I met several dates. If you've noticed a cute guy walking his dog at 6:30 every evening, make a point to say hello and start a conversation. There's no time like the present.

Laundromats. Since you have nothing but time to kill while you're waiting for your clothes to dry, it's a great time to strike up conversation. Ask to borrow some laundry detergent or fabric softener, even if you have some. The point is, be brave and approach.

Remember to be courageous when it comes to meeting people. The more often you practice, the better you get.

What's the craziest thing you've ever done for love? The most extreme? The wildest? The weirdest?

In preparation for Valentine's day, Laura T. Coffey, a TODAYshow.com contributor, took a look at some of the most insane and extraordinary things done in the name of romance.

It should come as no surprise that the Internet played a role in several of the crazy stories she uncovered. When an Englishwoman named Kelly Summers discovered in April of 2010 that the man she loved already had a longterm girlfriend, she turned to YouTube to air her grievances...and there were a lot of grievances to air. 62 sobbing, heartbroken videos later, Summers had developed a dedicated audience of 11,000 followers who listened faithfully to her stories about devastation and her efforts to recover. One listener - her ex - was particularly touched: "I'd never seen such raw emotion," Keith Tallis said, "and it made me realize how much I loved her."