Let's Be Friends
- Saturday, March 12 2011 @ 08:43 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,250
When we’re scouring online dating sites, looking for a potential match, so many requirements and questions run through our minds. Does this person look attractive, or at least semi-attractive? Do we have common interests? Do we eat mostly the same things? Do they have pets? Are our lifestyles compatible? Do I think they’d be interested in me?
We might not literally articulate those specific questions, but they’re there. Before we even send off an email, we’re mentally trying on partners like clothing, tossing away an ill-fitting pair of pants before we even bother trying to pull them on all the way. And when we’re worried about specific measurements, sometimes we forget to ask the most important question: whether we even like the outfit.
Or, in other words: Do I want to be friends with this person?
Yes, it’s good that you both like hiking, but you won’t be living in the forest. It’s convenient that you’re both gluten-free - but would you be as interested in this person if only one of you was?
When you’re contemplating online dating profiles, you’re not only looking for a co-parent, a co-pilot, a business partner, a sous chef. You’re looking for someone to come home to, someone who makes you feel contentment as well as excitement. As cliche as it sounds, you’re looking for a best friend.
So when you go out on that first date, maybe you shouldn’t focus on whether they turn their nose up at spinach, or whether they’ve seen all the same movies you have. Block out the questions that focus on the surface, specific differences and similarities, and ask yourself: Would I like to introduce them to a great spinach dish? Do I want to share my favorite movies with them?
Perhaps it’s not important whether you’re on the same journey; perhaps the question is whether you’d like to create new adventures together.
We might not literally articulate those specific questions, but they’re there. Before we even send off an email, we’re mentally trying on partners like clothing, tossing away an ill-fitting pair of pants before we even bother trying to pull them on all the way. And when we’re worried about specific measurements, sometimes we forget to ask the most important question: whether we even like the outfit.
Or, in other words: Do I want to be friends with this person?
Yes, it’s good that you both like hiking, but you won’t be living in the forest. It’s convenient that you’re both gluten-free - but would you be as interested in this person if only one of you was?
When you’re contemplating online dating profiles, you’re not only looking for a co-parent, a co-pilot, a business partner, a sous chef. You’re looking for someone to come home to, someone who makes you feel contentment as well as excitement. As cliche as it sounds, you’re looking for a best friend.
So when you go out on that first date, maybe you shouldn’t focus on whether they turn their nose up at spinach, or whether they’ve seen all the same movies you have. Block out the questions that focus on the surface, specific differences and similarities, and ask yourself: Would I like to introduce them to a great spinach dish? Do I want to share my favorite movies with them?
Perhaps it’s not important whether you’re on the same journey; perhaps the question is whether you’d like to create new adventures together.
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