Relationships

Most people know when a relationship no longer feels right, but often don't want to admit it. We'd rather make excuses, and sometimes we stay longer in a relationship that isn't working because we're scared to be alone. We may need a little help in listening to that voice inside of us that knows when to leave.

If you're contemplating leaving your current relationship but still have doubts as to whether or not it's the right decision, following are some signs that you'll be better off without your SO (significant other).

You make plans with everyone else but him. You may tell yourself you just want to see your friends, but if you prefer to go out with them rather than your boyfriend, that's a pretty good sign that the relationship is waning and maybe you're done. If you're not comfortable sharing and being with him, then it's difficult to build your relationship.

You aren't happy. Do you find yourself dreading being with your boyfriend? Is having fun together only a thing of the past? I'm the first one to say everyone is responsible for their own happiness, but in a good relationship, this comes easily. If you find it hard to connect and enjoy yourself, it's likely because you've grown apart.

You fight about everything, even little things. Do you find yourself arguing over insignificant things that you should really let go of? If your anger is getting the best of you when interacting with your boyfriend, likely it's because you're unhappy staying. Instead of finding excuses to fight, have an honest conversation with your SO and be true to yourself about how you really feel and what you want.

You compromise yourself in the relationship. If you find yourself compromising your beliefs, opinions, or values because you're afraid of how your partner will react, this is a good time to rethink your relationship. Your SO is there to support you as much as you're supporting her. If you aren't free to be yourself, that's a sure sign that she isn't right for you.

No mutual respect. This is the foundation for any successful relationship. Respect is about accepting each other for who you are, and not trying to belittle or change each other. If you don't treat each other with respect, how can you build a connection together?

The most important thing to remember is, if you have any doubts or if you're unhappy most of the time, there is likely a good reason. Don't be afraid to let go. This action will lead you to a future relationship that is right for you.

If you watch movies and television, you might very well have a poor perception of relationships. See, people who are happy and in long-term relationships don’t provide much drama; they don’t move the plot along. So, writers tend to kill them off, or break them up. When they’re not doing that, they use the “hum-drum reality” of a long-term relationship to stifle the main character and cause them to either break down or change their life. In the eyes of Hollywood, the worst place you can be is in the suburbs, married, unless a murder is on the way.

Due precisely to these sort of depictions of relationships, I’ve known people who were excessively worried about their love lives becoming “too comfortable, too quickly.” A friend of mine, Ruth, spoke to me about it yesterday.

“Now, what do you mean, comfortable?” I asked.

“Oh, you know,” she said. “Some days and times are exciting, but the rest of the time it’s all burp jokes and video games and Chinese food.”

“And are any of these things bad?”

“Well, no,” she admitted. “Actually, they’re fun.”

What I told Ruth - and what I believe to be true - is that the “excitement” in a relationship rarely dwindles away into nothing. What she was describing was essentially what life in a relationship is like. Some days, some times are exciting. Other times are fun and “comfortable,” content. Some days there are even arguments or stress. What I’d look for is a relationship where the fun and content outweighs everything else. You’re not looking for a manic life, where everything is amazing; you want to be able to relax, and enjoy life with a partner who truly makes you feel, well, comfortable.

Sure, not all parts of a relationship are the sweeping romance you see on the big screen. However, neither do they then necessarily devolve into drudgery. Instead of worrying whether your relationship matches those of Hollywood, why not follow your own story?

A recent study by dating website OkCupid revealed that if you’re a frequent Twitter user, your romantic relationships don’t last as long.

According to their analysis of 833,987 OkCupid members, people who use Twitter every day tend to have shorter relationships. The average relationship for an 18-year-old who uses Twitter is about nine months, while “everybody else” has a relationship average of nine-and-a-half months.

This isn’t the case only for the young, though they seem to be the most active Twitter users. According to the study, the 50 year-old frequent tweeter has an average relationship length of 15 months, while the non-frequent tweeter of the same age stays in a relationship for an average of almost 17 months.

Does this mean Twitter makes us more fickle when it comes to real life relationships?

I’m a fan of dating studies because they reveal some interesting truths about our behavior. But I have to wonder if this might be an oversimplified interpretation. In other words, is it a Twitter habit that affects our ability to commit to just one person for a significant period of time, or is it the sheer amount of choice we have when it comes to dating?

We now have many different ways to meet new people, keep in touch, and flirt, including through social media like Twitter and Facebook, mobile phone apps and texting, and online dating sites. There are more choices, so it’s easy to see why people may be less inclined to stay in a relationship if there are other options available. It’s hard to keep our attention. After all, there could be a model, millionaire, or some other "great catch" in your ever-expanding network. Shouldn’t you find out?

While Twitter may contribute to the lack of patience or willingness people have to commit to relationships, it also points out a greater challenge: with so many options out there and so many fickle daters, how do we find someone who is right for us?

Despite all of these new opportunities to meet and connect, we still face the same relationship challenges. There’s no way to tell if someone is right for you until you give them a chance and get to know them. Instead of having a mentality that there is always a better option, understand what it is you truly want. Instead of being fickle, be open to the possibility of commitment.

Commitment is a scary thing, but it is also rewarding. After all, we love social media because we want to feel connected. There is no greater feeling of connectedness than in a healthy romantic relationship, even today.

For more information on the social networking site mentioned in this article please read our review of Twitter.

So let’s say you’re perusing an online dating site, looking at profiles. One catches your eye - this person has many of the same, uncommon interests you do, and seems funny and engaging. You want to contact them. There’s just one problem: they don’t have a profile picture. What do you do? Should you still contact them?

While profiles without pictures are increasingly rare, they do still exist. There are many legitimate reasons to not want your picture out on the internet, including sensitive job matters. Maybe the person just jumped the gun and quickly put up a profile before they acquired a picture. Maybe they’re still suspicious of internet dating in general.

However, not everyone has pure intentions. Whenever you run into a profile that’s a little strange, whether it’s a missing picture, just one headshot that looks like it was ripped from a stock photo site, or deliberately vague descriptions, run your “common sense” check. Does this profile seem too good to be true? Are you prepared for the possibility that it could be a scam?

If you’ve assured yourself that you’re on your guard and you still think the person is worth pursuing, there’s nothing wrong with sending an email and finding out if there’s a real person behind this profile. Still, remember to be on your guard - if you’re asked about your credit card information, that’s definitely a bad sign. You might want to even consider mentioning the lack of a picture - not in an accusatory manner, but an direct simple statement, like, “I was hesitant about emailing someone without a picture, but I’m surprised by the fact that someone else likes badminton!” There’s nothing wrong with being honest, right from the beginning.

If the idea of a picture-less profile is just too much of a gamble for you, most dating sites will allow you to filter your searches so that you only include profiles with pictures. However, remember in the early days of the Internet, people did online dating without pictures at all! And also remember that your “common sense” alarm should be on at all times - whether a profile raises a red flag or not. Employing a little common sense can help guide you smoothly through even the strangest of profiles.

What does it take to be a superb social networker and a dynamite dater? We've made it through the do's - and hopefully you're already implementing some of the tactics I suggested! - so let's move straight on the don'ts. Here are four more tips for preventing a faux pas in cyberspace:

1. Don't publicly announce every detail of your relationship in status updates. You are not a celebrity, and that status update about your sweetie is not going to be the next headline on Star or the National Enquirer. Your social network doesn't care that your boyfriend wore mismatching socks that day, or that the sounds your girlfriend makes while sleeping remind you of a pomeranian. Overexposure will kill your relationship just as easily as it kills 95% of celebrity relationships.
2. Don't freak out if your significant other isn't as much of an obsessive social networker as you are. Just because you've uploaded 500 pictures of the two of you together, and tag them in every other Facebook status, doesn't mean that they are required to return the favor. Sometimes Tweets are not returned, photos are not commented on, and chats are ignored. Your S.O. is not obligated engage on social networking sites as often as you do, and they do not adore you any less for having a different approach to the Interweb.
3. Don't stalk family and friends - it's just as bad as stalking your dates. If your partner hasn't introduced you to someone yet, steer clear of them online. No matter how cute you think the older sibling might be, how suspicious you are of the best friend's intentions, or how much you want to start making a good impression on the parents right away, your partner's boundaries deserve respect, both online and off.
4. Don't change your relationship status unless you've discussed it together. Jumping the gun, and listing yourself as "in a relationship" before the two of you have had a serious conversation about where the relationship is going, comes off as attraction-killing clinginess. This rule applies to relationships that are ending as well: only change your status back to "single" if both of you are on the same page. Going "single" on Facebook as a means of getting revenge after an argument, or as a way of avoiding the awkward breakup conversation, are childish and rude.

Bonus Technological Tip: Don't leave evidence of your misdeeds behind. Remember what I said about keeping your inner stalker in check, in the social networking do's? If you find yourself unable to refrain from becoming a private investigator, stalk as responsibly as possible. it's easy to leave online footprints without even realizing it, as many websites, or the apps connected to them, allow users to see information about who is viewing their profiles. Cover your tracks well...or, better yet, don't make them in the first place.

For more information on social networking sites that can be used for meeting new people, check out our Facebook review and our Twitter review.

When it comes to our online dating profiles, we want to make a good first impression. It’s important that we’re informative, but don’t drone on too long; everyone wants to be funny, but it’s one of the most difficult tasks in creating a profile. We want to be able to grab the reader’s attention, but in the right way.

While it’s important to carefully proofread and edit your profile, it is possible to over-think and muddle it up. Yes, it would be nice if your profile had a clever theme that tied together the headline and your closing question; however, is it really the end of the world if you can’t think of one at the moment? Instead of the perfect pun for a headline, Isn’t it more important that your personality shines through?

Remember: an online dating profile is essentially a conversation-starter. You want to provide enough information that the reader can think of a subject to ask you about (without resorting to laundry lists). If possible, it’s good to include a question or two of your own; that way, the reader has something to tell you immediately. A friend of mine decided to title her profile with the headline, “Where can I get the best pizza in Chicago?” As one might imagine, everyone who emailed her had an opinion - and something to talk about right away.

Sometimes simple is the best route to take - and it can apply to all aspects of the dating profile. If you don’t feel clever at the moment, don’t force a joke that falls flat. If you don’t have a fascinating photo or professional headshot for your default picture, just use the clearest, happiest one you have. If you don’t have a witty or informative response to a sidebar question, don’t bother answering it at all. And remember that you can always work on the profile on a different day, or even edit it after it’s been posted. Why muddy the waters when you can just be yourself?