Relationships

The Ultimate Soulmate Summit brought together 21 of the world's most respected relationship experts on Valentine's Day 2011. If you weren't one of the 60,000 people who attended the teleseminar series, but you are one of the millions of people searching for their soulmate, Alexia Elejalde-Ruiz recapped the highlights of the convention. We've already reviewed Day One through Day Five, so lets dive straight in to what you missed during the second half of the webinar:

Day Six: Evan Marc Katz, dating coach

When filling out an online dating profile, think of five core adjectives that describe you - then don't use any of them. Give interesting examples that illustrate them instead. Don't be too choosy, but don't compromise on two things: character and consistency.

Day Seven: Lori Gottlieb, author of Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough

Stop looking for chemistry and start searching for compatibility. The sweep-you-off-your-feet Prince Charming types are only found in Disney fairytales, and refusing to settle for anyone who doesn't live up to that standard is likely to leave you single. A lasting marriage is built on flexibility, compromise, and a shared vision for the future.

Day Eight: Pat Allen, marriage counselor

The polarity between masculine energy and feminine energy is responsible for creating harmony and desire. Therefore, a woman who wants to attract a masculine man must embrace her feminine side, and a man who is interested in feminine women must embrace his masculinity.

Day Nine: Jean Houston, mythologist

In Plato's Symposium, Aristophanes tells a story about the origin of love, in which he explains that humans, once upon a time, were two beings in one body. The beings were split in two, and now we are driven by love to find our other halves. Houston advises becoming a living force of love by allowing the spiritual concept of The Beloved, "the great archetype of love," to "be your guiding essence."

Day Ten: Arielle Ford, author of The Soulmate Secret

Find your soulmate by creating a soul mate wishlist. Outline exactly what you want in a partner, and your vision for your life together. Believe that you deserve and will find "The One," and conduct affirmations called "feelingizations" to reinforce that belief.

Day Eleven: Claire Zammit, co-creator of The Feminine Power Courses

Don't lose yourself in waiting for love to happen - focus on actively becoming who you really are. Rather than obsessing over your need to find love, dedicate yourself to being a source of love in the world.

When some people have been involved in online dating for awhile, it’s not uncommon for them to suddenly become interested in statistics and averages, at least as they pertain to online dating. Suddenly there are comparisons all around - am I get enough email responses? What’s my percentage of replies? How about dates? Now what about second dates? Do I fit within the norm?

Relying too much on statistics is rarely healthy, and this time it’s no exception. Relationships are interactions between two unique people. Think about every relationship you’ve ever had - not even just romantic, but friends and family, too. Do all of your relationships play out in the same way? What about all your friendships? If you’re not even getting consistency when one of the people involved is the same throughout, why would you compare yourself to hundreds of other people who aren’t you?

Not only are the people involved different, but so are the life circumstances, the age, the location, the available dating pool. It might be easier to a greater number of compatible people in a city - if your wants and needs are compatible with city-dwelling people, that is. If you long for a family and a quiet house in the suburbs, it might be more difficult than it would for someone already living in a small town.

It’s easy to get frustrated and say “I’m not getting as many responses as I think I should be getting,” but it’s also easy to say something like, “I’m not getting hit on as much as that high-school girl at the mall.” Maybe not, but are you even looking for high-school boys in the first place?

So what can you do? Well, if you’re dissatisfied with your results, you can certainly try shaking things up a bit. Edit your profile, try a different site, or broaden the sort of people you send emails to. If it seems that no one within a hundred miles of you even uses online dating sites, try finding out where singles do go. Sure, the local country bar may not be your “scene,” but if everyone is dragged there you might meet someone else who doesn’t “fit.”

However, if you’re getting responses, and they just don’t seem to be as many or as frequent you’d like, try a little more patience. Remember, ultimately you don’t need twenty responses; you just need one. The right one.

The mantra “50 is the new 40” has caught on among those approaching mid-life, and rightly so. Most are healthy, physically active, and life expectancies are on the rise. They are also established in their careers. Do these factors mean that traditional preferences of dating someone close to your age really matter?

For some, age preference is based on whether or not they want to start a family, and for others, it’s a cultural divide. But many singles are starting to date others who are ten, fifteen, or even twenty years older or younger. Regardless of where you currently stand on the subject, the real question is, what are your priorities when it comes to forming a relationship, and should age enter the equation?

If having a family is your top priority, of course age matters. But many women are now having children into their 40’s, and some younger women have fertility issues despite their youth. If you have a strict requirement, like you won’t date women older than 30 because you want a family, you may want to broaden your search to 35 or 38.

For others, there may be a cultural divide. If you date younger women but find that you don’t have much in common, it may be time to rethink your strategy. Sometimes it’s a matter of the influence of our friends and family have over us. People from different backgrounds meet and fall in love every day, but for some this presents a significant hurdle. For instance, if you start dating an older woman and introduce her to your family, will they judge you? Are you worried about the rude comments your friends might make when you’re with them? It’s necessary to consider these factors and how they make you feel, but remember: it’s your life and you are the one living it. Don’t surrender your own happiness to please someone else.

Older daters have other issues to consider. If you are a divorcee in your fifties, do you want to date men who are 70 and may have health concerns in a few years? Or should you consider each man individually before you decide to write off all 70 year-olds?

I think that for the most part, age shouldn’t be a determining factor in whether or not you date someone. People fall in love every day with the partners they least expect. Consider what you want in a relationship, and take it from there. After all, if you’re a 31 year-old woman who won’t date men older than 36, then you could be missing out on the fantastic 42 year-old who would be a great partner for you. Do you want to take that chance?

There are some people who, when they commit to a project, like to do everything the “right” way. The reasoning seems sensible: if you do something, do it right the first time, and as professionally as possible. Thus, home renovations aren’t done without consulting contractors. Haircuts and manicures take place at salons, not on the back porch at the hands of the teenaged neighborhood “artist.” And when these people commit to giving the world of online dating a try, sometimes they decide to get pictures professionally taken.

The problem is, professional pictures aren’t necessarily the best move when you’re trying to make a first impression. “Why?” you may ask. “After all, they’re professionals! They can probably make me look better than I can.” While it’s true that a professionally-taken picture can be preferable to a creepy cell phone self-portrait in a bathroom mirror, even the best pro pictures don’t usually stand up to a good, candid photo where you’re having a good time. Simply put, even though we may be pulling our faces into the same general shape, a genuine smile doesn’t use the same muscles as a posed one. People can instinctively tell the difference, even if they don’t realize it.

Secondly, an online dating profile is all about personality. You want to show who you are, and a candid photo is one of the best ways to do so. Sure, it might be nice to have a picture where you look pretty standing in front of a mountain, but unless you’re a mountain climber, it doesn’t actually give any insight into your personality. Think about actors and their headshots: the whole point of professional headshots is to show that you’re photogenic, yes, but also versatile, a blank slate. Do you want others to think of you as a blank slate?

As you begin to craft your profile, remember that though you want to make a good first impression, you also want to make an accurate one. Some things are best left to the professionals; others, however, are better with a more personal touch.

If you would like someone to go over your profile and you are looking for a professional profile service I would check out our Geek's Dream Girl Review.

Fairytales have schooled us women from the beginning: be patient and a prince will come to rescue us from our otherwise unfulfilled lives, making us truly happy. As we grow older we recognize that relationships don't work this way in real life, but we continue to long for someone who will provide us with the same sense of security and romantic love that we first found in fairytales.

For instance, how many of us have put off that trip to Italy because we want to do it with a boyfriend or husband? How many of us settle in our boring jobs because we are afraid to start our own businesses by ourselves? How many of us get wistful at the thought of finding that one special person who can truly make us happy?

I'm willing to guess most of us have felt this way at one time or another. While we savor our independence and ability to choose our partners, we also spend a lot of time waiting for the right person to come along instead of taking charge and accomplishing the things we want for ourselves.

Following are some tips to help you stop waiting and start moving forward:

Create your own happiness. It's a difficult concept to realize that we are responsible for our own happiness. We wait for the right person to come along, thinking he will make us happy. Rather than expecting someone else to do it for you, recognize that you create happiness in your own life. Pursue your passions; enjoy the moment. When you are passionate about something, it builds your confidence, enthusiasm, and outlook. (And by the way, this creates positive energy and attracts people to you.)

Lighten up. Having a sense of humor is a very attractive quality. When you can laugh and stop taking yourself so seriously, others will feel more comfortable and open around you. This openness allows love to happen.

Be courageous. Sure, it's risky to do new things. Whether you would love to go on that bike riding tour around France or build a new online business, it takes guts to go it alone. But taking these types of risks is what opens our lives to new possibilities. If we don't take these chances now, when can we? It's much harder to make choices for yourself when you have a husband and kids in the picture. When you're single, it's the best time to live for you. Have courage.

Take a break. Sometimes we don't feel attractive or lovable, but rest assured, we are! Take time out to remind yourself that you are worthy. Pamper yourself if you need to, or gather with friends for a fun weekend. Sometimes, taking a quick break can remind us of our strength and abilities. When we have a fresh outlook, it's easy to feel confident and to make things happen in our lives.

Before we head into summer with its barbeques and beach parties to take advantage of, why not see what spring has to offer?

Spring is the season of new starts and new life. Whether you're online dating and another coffee shop date is just too boring to consider, or a new relationship has got you inspired, following are some interesting date ideas that take advantage of the season. It's time to think outside the box!

Go for a hike. In the summer it can often be too hot to try hiking. But the spring is a perfect time...the flowers are in bloom and it's usually cool and sunny. Enjoy a hike close to you, or impress your date with a little day trip out to the country. Either way, it's great to be outdoors and enjoy what's around you.

Biking for two. Since we're taking advantage of the weather, now is a great time to dust off your bike and find a great spot to ride with your date. There's no need to get fancy and mountain bike unless you are both experienced...try a boardwalk excursion ending with a drink or lunch, or perhaps a nice neighborhood with wide roads and lots of trees. Stop at a local market to grab wine and cheese for picnic in the park.

Flowers, anyone? Whether you take a trip to your local botanical garden or a poppy field in the country, there are usually some great options to see spring flowers in full bloom. It's a romantic setting, perfect for sharing a picnic and enjoying the view.

Visit the zoo. Spring is a time for renewal and new life, which means it's the best time to see the baby monkeys, lions, bears, and gorillas making their debut at your local zoo. It's a fun way to spend a Sunday afternoon.

Hit the road. Before the summer arrives and beaches and lakes get packed with summer vacationers, why not take advantage of the lull and plan a daytime excursion? Whether you visit a forest, lake, mountains, or wildflower field, there is something of nature to see within driving distance (or train ride) from where you live.

Take me out to the ball game. I'm not a huge sports fan, but I do like baseball games. There's something about being in a ballpark full of fans that reminds me of happy summer nights when I was a kid. Why not take a date to an afternoon or evening game?

Happy dating!