Fitting the Bell Curve
- Tuesday, June 07 2011 @ 09:23 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,744
When some people have been involved in online dating for awhile, it’s not uncommon for them to suddenly become interested in statistics and averages, at least as they pertain to online dating. Suddenly there are comparisons all around - am I get enough email responses? What’s my percentage of replies? How about dates? Now what about second dates? Do I fit within the norm?
Relying too much on statistics is rarely healthy, and this time it’s no exception. Relationships are interactions between two unique people. Think about every relationship you’ve ever had - not even just romantic, but friends and family, too. Do all of your relationships play out in the same way? What about all your friendships? If you’re not even getting consistency when one of the people involved is the same throughout, why would you compare yourself to hundreds of other people who aren’t you?
Not only are the people involved different, but so are the life circumstances, the age, the location, the available dating pool. It might be easier to a greater number of compatible people in a city - if your wants and needs are compatible with city-dwelling people, that is. If you long for a family and a quiet house in the suburbs, it might be more difficult than it would for someone already living in a small town.
It’s easy to get frustrated and say “I’m not getting as many responses as I think I should be getting,” but it’s also easy to say something like, “I’m not getting hit on as much as that high-school girl at the mall.” Maybe not, but are you even looking for high-school boys in the first place?
So what can you do? Well, if you’re dissatisfied with your results, you can certainly try shaking things up a bit. Edit your profile, try a different site, or broaden the sort of people you send emails to. If it seems that no one within a hundred miles of you even uses online dating sites, try finding out where singles do go. Sure, the local country bar may not be your “scene,” but if everyone is dragged there you might meet someone else who doesn’t “fit.”
However, if you’re getting responses, and they just don’t seem to be as many or as frequent you’d like, try a little more patience. Remember, ultimately you don’t need twenty responses; you just need one. The right one.
Relying too much on statistics is rarely healthy, and this time it’s no exception. Relationships are interactions between two unique people. Think about every relationship you’ve ever had - not even just romantic, but friends and family, too. Do all of your relationships play out in the same way? What about all your friendships? If you’re not even getting consistency when one of the people involved is the same throughout, why would you compare yourself to hundreds of other people who aren’t you?
Not only are the people involved different, but so are the life circumstances, the age, the location, the available dating pool. It might be easier to a greater number of compatible people in a city - if your wants and needs are compatible with city-dwelling people, that is. If you long for a family and a quiet house in the suburbs, it might be more difficult than it would for someone already living in a small town.
It’s easy to get frustrated and say “I’m not getting as many responses as I think I should be getting,” but it’s also easy to say something like, “I’m not getting hit on as much as that high-school girl at the mall.” Maybe not, but are you even looking for high-school boys in the first place?
So what can you do? Well, if you’re dissatisfied with your results, you can certainly try shaking things up a bit. Edit your profile, try a different site, or broaden the sort of people you send emails to. If it seems that no one within a hundred miles of you even uses online dating sites, try finding out where singles do go. Sure, the local country bar may not be your “scene,” but if everyone is dragged there you might meet someone else who doesn’t “fit.”
However, if you’re getting responses, and they just don’t seem to be as many or as frequent you’d like, try a little more patience. Remember, ultimately you don’t need twenty responses; you just need one. The right one.
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