Don't Play Cupid
- Friday, June 03 2011 @ 02:55 pm
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,930
In general, I tell people to be patient when they’ve just been set up on a blind date. After all, it’s not the end of the world to meet someone new; if you don’t often meet new people through your job or hobbies, it could actually be beneficial. And after all, the people who set you up are usually doing it from a place of love.
Being patient doesn’t mean you need to emulate it, however. It’s not uncommon for those who have newly found a relationship - whether it be through online dating, blind dating, or some other way - to feel that suddenly it’s their turn to play matchmaker. Whether they just want everyone else to be as happy as they are, or they feel they “deserve” to put their own loved ones in awkward situations, the urge to dabble in matchmaking can be tempting. And it should be firmly ignored.
“But I’ve learned all these dating tips and tricks!” you might say. “I just want to share my knowledge!” And share you can - in general terms. Not quite the same thing as locking two people up together in a room alone for a few hours.
One of the arguments commonly given in favor of matchmaking is that an objective third party may be better able to see what someone really needs. And this might even be true; but when you’re dealing with a family member or close friend, you’re not really objective, are you? The desire to see your loved one “attached” can easily outweigh any discernment, and soon you’re looking to justify your choice, rather than objectively weighing whether they’d be a good match.
It’s also common to set up your loved one with someone you see all the time - a neighbor, a coworker. What if the blind date doesn’t work out? Are you prepared to see the rejected date every day thereafter? When you have something to lose, it often results in added pressure on the unlucky couple. As a general rule of thumb, the only people with something to lose in the outcome of a date should be the two people involved.
“Okay,” you’re saying, crestfallen. “I just wanted to help out my lonely friend.” And so you can! Offer advice when asked, and support at all times. And if there are two people that you just know would be perfect for each other, try throwing a party. Invite them (and many others, too). If they really are a compatible match, that might be all the nudging they need. Leave the matchmaking to the movies.
Being patient doesn’t mean you need to emulate it, however. It’s not uncommon for those who have newly found a relationship - whether it be through online dating, blind dating, or some other way - to feel that suddenly it’s their turn to play matchmaker. Whether they just want everyone else to be as happy as they are, or they feel they “deserve” to put their own loved ones in awkward situations, the urge to dabble in matchmaking can be tempting. And it should be firmly ignored.
“But I’ve learned all these dating tips and tricks!” you might say. “I just want to share my knowledge!” And share you can - in general terms. Not quite the same thing as locking two people up together in a room alone for a few hours.
One of the arguments commonly given in favor of matchmaking is that an objective third party may be better able to see what someone really needs. And this might even be true; but when you’re dealing with a family member or close friend, you’re not really objective, are you? The desire to see your loved one “attached” can easily outweigh any discernment, and soon you’re looking to justify your choice, rather than objectively weighing whether they’d be a good match.
It’s also common to set up your loved one with someone you see all the time - a neighbor, a coworker. What if the blind date doesn’t work out? Are you prepared to see the rejected date every day thereafter? When you have something to lose, it often results in added pressure on the unlucky couple. As a general rule of thumb, the only people with something to lose in the outcome of a date should be the two people involved.
“Okay,” you’re saying, crestfallen. “I just wanted to help out my lonely friend.” And so you can! Offer advice when asked, and support at all times. And if there are two people that you just know would be perfect for each other, try throwing a party. Invite them (and many others, too). If they really are a compatible match, that might be all the nudging they need. Leave the matchmaking to the movies.
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