Relationships

If the commercials are to be believed, the holiday season is all about thoughtful gifts, delicious dinners, blazing fires, and adorable families in matching sweaters.

I love the holidays as much as the next person, but we all know what they're really like: stressful. The time when we're supposed to feel most connected to our loved ones is often the time when we feel the most distant. And it's no wonder - just look at all the things we have to deal with during the holiday season:

• family time - with your own or with your in-laws

• increased consumption of food and alcohol

• financial worries

• increased work load before the holidays

• the pressure of shopping for gifts and entertaining

And that's just the tip of the iceberg. Thanks to all of these seasonal stressors, the holidays are now notorious for being a peak breakup period. You'll probably never be able to eliminate every source of stress during this time, but if you want to beat the breakup odds there are plenty of strategies you can implement. Heading into the holidays, remember these 5 tips:

1. Try to anticipate what your problem areas will be, like finances and scheduling conflicts, ahead of time. The more prepared you and your partner are, the less stressed out you'll feel.

2. Then make a plan for handling those issues when they come up. It's hard to formulate a workable plan of action in the heat of the moment, so take some of the pressure off yourself and your relationship by doing it beforehand.

3. If you're visiting each other's families or attending holiday work functions together, develop a secret code that means "Get me out of here!" When things get a little too intense, hit the eject button and offer each other the support needed to get through the event.

4. Take it easy whenever you can. Don't make more commitments than you can actually stick to, and avoid packing your schedule with so many engagements that you have no time left for yourself and for each other. Give yourself permission to say "no" if you need to.

5. Start your own traditions together if your family traditions aren't compatible. Traditions are one of the trickiest things to navigate during the holiday season. Blend what you can, and forget about the rest. It's not worth fighting over, and the process of inventing your own will bring you closer than ever.

And above all, don't forget to have fun together - that's what the holidays are supposed to be about!

Sometimes you’ll see a profile that really makes you think you’d just click. You have a similar taste in movies; maybe the potential match writes something you actually think is funny. You read their profile, and your first thought is, “I really want to get to know this person.”

There’s only one problem: while it’s true you do have some common interests, and you certainly think you have compatible personalities, there are more specific differences than similarities. Maybe you’re a lifelong member of the National Couch Potatoes, and they love sports. Perhaps they’re a scientist, and you flunked Biology. Sure, you can focus on your similarities in your short, sweet first-contact email, but surely these differences will come up eventually. What then?

This is the point where so many get themselves in trouble: the White Lie. “It won’t hurt anything if I fudge this little fact... and maybe that one,” you might think. And maybe, ultimately, it won’t. But even if the lie was about something of little consequence, no one likes discovering they’ve been lied to, especially if it was early and often. Why not start your relationship off on the right foot?

So if you can’t bend the truth, what do you do? Be completely honest, but positive. Remember what the main goal is: having fun spending time together. If you’re not self-conscious, maybe you could suggest a sports lesson, or something that meets in the middle, like bowling or mini-golf. It’s okay if you’re not a science whiz, but remember not to excessively bash the subject your match clearly loves. You’re looking for a complementary personality, not a bridge partner or a thrifting buddy; not every interest needs to line up. Plus, you might even gain new knowledge and interests from each other.

If you come across that profile where the person shines through regardless of their interests, don’t be afraid to contact them. However, this is a reminder to ensure that your profile isn’t simply a laundry list of hobbies. With a well-thought profile, and maybe a little bravery, perhaps they’ll see the same compatibility in you!

If only we could have flashing signs that gave away our true feelings and intentions - asking someone for their number, or a date, would be so much easier! Alas, real life is not usually so easy.

Take my friend Steve, for example. Steve recently met a girl at his workplace. He asked her on a date. She responded that she was too busy to date - but then she friended him on several social media sites. Steve couldn’t be more confused. Was she simply being honest when she told him she was too busy? Is she simply being polite now, friending him?

Of course, it’s not possible for any third-party observer to figure out what’s really going on inside her head; we can’t be sure any more than Steve can. Still, here’s the general vibe I’m getting from the story: Not Now.

You see, Steve only recently started his new job. He barely knows this co-worker. And in turn, she doesn’t really know him. Perhaps she’s not used to being cold-called for a date. Maybe she’s cautious about new people. Alternatively, maybe she recently got out of a relationship and isn’t quite ready to date yet. Or maybe she truly is busy with life and work and doesn’t want to complicate things further at this point.

However, by adding him on her social media sites, she’s opening the door for a chance to get to know him. If she were truly turned off, she probably wouldn’t have asked him, specifically, for his contact details (which, apparently, she did). This doesn’t seem, to me, like a polite consolation prize; this is a potential future opportunity.

At any rate, the ball is pretty much in her court. What should Steve do in the meantime? Get to know her, be honest and open, and perhaps she’ll become a new friend. More importantly, what he shouldn’t do is put his life on hold; it’s perfectly fine for him to continue to look for other people. And who knows? If they’re truly compatible, maybe something will develop in the future.

While there is not "one size fits all" strategy to dating and making a romantic connection, there are a few universal pet peeves. Maybe you've dated someone with one of these annoying habits, or maybe you do some of them yourself. Regardless, they're a big turn-off for many people.

I think we all could learn more when it comes to dating; that there's room for improvement in everyone. So if you recognize any of the following traits in yourself - stop! Take a step back, and for your next date, try to refrain from:

Talking about yourself non-stop. Sure, we all want to portray ourselves as confident and successful - it makes you a great catch, right? While confidence is a big attractor, you can go overboard. If you spend more time talking about yourself and your list of accomplishments instead of asking your date questions, you're not engaging with her. There's no room to form a connection, so you won't.

Having no manners. Spitting food, talking with your mouth full, snorting, farting, or any bodily noises while eating aren't pretty. So be aware of table manners and brush up on keeping your mouth closed while you eat. Also - it's not necessary but if you think about it, hold open a door or two for your date. Say thank you for a nice meal. Little gestures and acknowledgments go a long way in dating and set you apart from the rest.

Bad hygiene, bad kissing. Remember to put on deodorant before you leave the house and brush your teeth. At the very least, carry mints with you. Nobody wants to smell stale breath or body odor while on a date. (Also, don't be a sloppy wet kisser...)

Being a lush. I've dated men who drank a lot during dates to put themselves at ease. Women do this, too. It's not attractive. When you're slurring words and your date is wondering whether you're going to puke in his pasta, it's not a turn-on. You end up looking like a jerk. So limit yourself, even if you feel nervous. Trust me, it's better to be nervous than to be drunk.

Being rude. Don't treat your waitstaff like they are beneath you. Nothing is more of a turn-off than someone who acts superior. Be respectful of everyone on your date - the valet, waiter, taxi driver, etc. It shows how you behave in relationships. And remember to tip.

Checking your phone every two minutes. While it's easy to say you're on call for work so you can keep glancing through your texts, it's very rude and dismissive to a date. So turn off your phones or leave them at home. You can spend a couple of hours offline.

The three S's - simplicity, sociability, and safety - are a solid foundation for any dating site. So why does it seem like so many sites are mysteriously missing them from their business plans?

Enter LikeBright, a new dating site founded in Seattle that aims to purge deception from the online dating scene. It's a tall order, but Ron Lai, Sonya Lai (yes, they're siblings), and Nick Soman are determined to meet it. The trio met while studying at Harvard, and decided to found LikeBright this year as part of the TechStars, a company that calls itself the "#1 startup accelerator in the world," program in Seattle.

Their goal, as explained to Aislyn Green of TechFlash.com, isn't complicated: "LikeBright is a TechStars Seattle startup working to make dating simple, social and safe for women." Women everywhere - and plenty of men - complain about the lack of trust and rampant lying that plagues online dating sites. For some, it's become such a problem that they've given up on online dating altogether in favor of returning to the traditional methods of dating that they'd once rejected, like meeting through friends or at social gatherings. LikeBright aims to combat this problem by "building a dating layer on Facebook to help women meet people through the people they trust."

The inspiration for LikeBright came from personal experience. Sonya was driven by a desire to help her female friends navigate the sometimes-dangerous world of online dating, and wanted to place emphasis on the issues, often ignored, that women care about when it comes to searching for love online. Ron, a frequent traveler, was inspired to create a site that met his nomadic needs, and Nick learned of the value of meeting a date through someone you trust when a female friend introduced him to his girlfriend.

Before constructing the site, the trio conducted 50 live interviews with women who wanted to share their experiences with online dating. The responses they received ranged from the hilarious to the horrifying, like "Everything seemed good. And then he asked me if I smoked meth" and "He was 11 and I had to drive him home. He had walked all the way across town." Determined that the world lacked a dating site that puts women first, LikeBright was born.

LikeBright is committed to creating an environment built on the 3 S's. Joining the site is simple: it takes 30 seconds to sign up via Facebook Connect. The site promotes sociability by offering users a social context for the singles they see and allowing them to interact with friends - attached or not - on the site. And it's safe: women can use LikeBright anonymously, and every man on the site is vouched for.

Texting is the primary way people make and break plans, especially when it comes to dating. It's quick, convenient, and requires no stress-inducing phone calls with stifled conversation, especially with someone you just met. So, it's become the easiest form of communication.

However, there are certain consequenses to keep in mind when it comes to texting and your love life - sometimes it can improve your relationships and sometimes it just frustrates others. If you want to keep the romance going, remember these tips:

Don't send one-word messages. It seems the biggest pet peeve for guys (according to Twitter) is sending a long text to a woman and having her give a one-word response. They put effort into crafting a nice text and you quickly respond with something like "k." This is kind of like a rejection, because they feel it's blowing them off. Instead of sending one-word responses, wait until you can text something more thoughtful or clever.

Don't use smiley faces. If you're talking to a man, act like a woman. There's no need to get cute and use a dozen exclamation points to show your enthusiasm, or a smiley face with every text to show you're happy. It can get annoying. If you want to convey your excitement, give him a call instead. Same thing with excessive use of "LOL." Mix it up so you stand out.

Don't text a man like you'd text your friends. He doesn't know you, so don't try being overly familiar or talking to him as though he knows what's going on in your life. Flirting is great and fun, but if you divulge too much over text it can be a turn-off. Save those personal conversations for face-to-face interactions.

Don't text him to cancel. This is a pet peeve of mine, because it looks like you're not all that interested if you send him a last-minute cancellation via text. Make a phone call instead. It shows that you're considerate, and also alleviates any misunderstandings that happen so easily over text. If you're not that into him, then let him know. It's easier that cancelling or neglecting to answer his texts, which just makes you look like a jerk.

Don't drunk text him. I know it's tempting to send off a ranting text to someone who might have hurt you in the past, or inexplicably disappeared. Don't do it. Any drunk texts you send you'll usually regret in the morning. Only text when you're in a calm, rational state. Otherwise, you'll only succeed in being angry once more instead of just letting go.