Relationships

It's that time of year - office parties, New Year celebrations, and dinners with friends. It's a great time to be social and meet new people, but it's also a time when you can feel more alone than ever if you're single.

Before you start avoiding invitations so you can stay home and hide out the season, safe from Aunt Susie's nosy questions about your love life, remember: this is a time for everyone - including you - to enjoy, regardless of your relationship status. Holidays are about celebrating the relationships we currently have in our lives - friends, family, even pets - rather than thinking about what's missing.

Some tips for having a great single holiday season:

Be grateful. Maybe you love being single for the holidays - more chances to hook up or flirt with co-workers, right? In that case, enjoy your single status and be grateful for the freedom it brings. If you don't enjoy being single, or have just come out of a relationship, take heart. The holidays are a good time to remember everything we do have in our lives. Gather your close friends to go out for a drink. Call your long-lost college buddy to see how she's doing. Tell your brother and sister you love them. Enjoy a delicious meal that you prepared. It's important to remember what we have.

Stay busy. It's easy to get caught up in the commercial hype of Christmas, but this can lead us to feel alone and broke when the day finally arrives. Instead, focus on your friends and family this holiday season. Accept invitations to parties. Make plans for dinner. Grab your girlfriend and go to a spa instead of shopping for gifts for each other. Spend quality time with others.

Volunteer. If you live far from friends and family this holiday season and are unable to join them to celebrate, it can be a lonely time. But it doesn't have to be. Check your local Food Banks, Soup Kitchens, temples and churches for volunteer opportunities. Get out there and help others who are less fortunate - and desperately need your energy and assistance.

Maintain a positive outlook. If you can't stand the thought of another family holiday with your nosy Aunt asking you about your love life, prepare yourself in advance. You know what she'll say, right? So instead of avoiding her or the question, put the inquisition back to her. If she asks who you're dating say, "a lot of people - do you have someone else to set me up with?" and flash your biggest smile. Show them you're happy, dating, and in no rush. This will dispel their desire to "help" you. Remind yourself - a relationship doesn't make a person happy - that comes from inside. So start working on your inner happiness so nobody outside can question it.

The best way to start? Have a positive outlook. If you want things to change, remember they can. But it's up to you to get the ball rolling. Happy holidays!

Some of you might be a little nervous about jumping back in the dating pool, especially if you've been out of it for a while. If you're considering dating again or perhaps have even gotten started, following are some tips to help make it easier and a more enjoyable experience. After all, no matter how long we've been dating, we can all use a little advice from time to time.

Don't bring up the ex. This might seem like a no-brainer, but the worst thing you can do on a date is to talk about what brought you to the singles market in the first place - your ex. When you're meeting someone for the first time, they want to get to know you, not your issues. Don't mistake the two. Leave the topic of your ex off the table, and focus on getting to know each other by asking about interests, careers, hobbies, etc. If your date asks you about your ex or divorce, you can kindly (and in a fun way) steer the topic to something else: "thanks, but I'd rather get to know you."

Start on a clean slate. It's important not to bring your day with you - whether it's stress from work, managing your children (if you have them), or dealing with your ex. Try dressing up, listening to your favorite music, or taking a bubble bath to put you in a happier frame of mind for your date. Attraction doesn't happen if you're preoccupied with other stresses. Remember: dating is a break, so have fun.

Keep the conversation light. There's no need to talk about issues you have with your kids, or work, or even politics or religion. Don't be tempted to overshare, especially if there's a lull in the conversation or if he recently went through a divorce, too. It's better to bond over mutual interests that carry forward and not over anger from the past. Be engaging and focus on learning about each other: that is, your interests, passions, and what makes you get up in the morning. Take it slow, and enjoy.

It's okay to be nervous. Even if you date a lot, it's normal to get nervous before meeting someone. We all like to make a good impression, especially if there's a chance for romance. The key is to take the pressure off yourself. Remember: the first date helps you get to know each other, and nothing more. It's not a deal-breaker or a failure if there isn't mad, passionate chemistry. So just try to enjoy yourself and get a little practice in. That way, you'll be ready when the right one comes along.

New Year's Eve is just around the corner, and this year, there's a movie coming out with the same title that puts the holiday front and center on our minds - especially if we're single. A long list of A-List stars will experience new love thanks to all the romance that's supposed to take place on this night - after all, it's a magical time, right? Not to mention one of the biggest date nights of the year. That's great for Hollywood, but what will most singles experience?

While I love a good romantic comedy, sometimes these kinds of movies put undue pressure on singles to find someone special before the ball drops and champagne toasts are made. But should you be made to feel like your life is missing something because you don't have a date for New Years?

New Year's Eve isn't all about couples and having someone to kiss at midnight. It's about ringing in the New Year - which means new adventures and new people to meet. With all the parties and the festive atmosphere, going out with friends can make for a fun night - no romance involved. And if your friends already have plans? Well, then you should make a point to go solo to that party you've been invited to. While I was never excited to go to parties by myself (I'd much rather go with friends), going solo was how I ended up meeting my husband. Because I didn't have a group of friends to hang out with, I was forced to make small talk and introduce myself to strangers. We talked and he asked me out - the rest just flowed. And it all happened because I went alone to a New Year's party.

The bottom line? You never know what the future holds, but the present is totally in your control. New Year's Eve is a great time to celebrate regardless of your relationship status. So make a point to celebrate it. Following are some ideas, depending on what floats your boat:

Travel. Make plans to visit a friend or family member, or ring in the New Year in an exotic locale you've always wanted to visit. This is a good time to expand your horizons. Take advantage if you want to just get out of town.

Make plans with friends. If you already have a jump on planning your social calendar, that's great! Book your friends for a fun night out downtown or at a favorite club. If that's too expensive, you can always celebrate at someone's house.

Host a party. Why not bring New Year's to you? Have a party at your house and ask each of your friends to invite someone new so you can expand your social circles.

Most importantly, remember that New Year's is about new beginnings. It's not about finding a date so you don't feel alone. Have fun, and enjoy your friends and people you meet. Let the evening take on a life of its own - and see where it leads you.

The holidays are a great time of the year to date. It's easier to meet friends of friends at parties, dinners, and holiday gatherings - which means more opportunities to expand your social network, or to meet someone special.

So what happens if you're at a party and you hit it off with someone new? It's time to make the best possible impression - and there are definitely ways to take advantage of the season. Following are a few tips for making your holiday dating a success - and possibly ring in the New Year with a new love!

Try something new. Instead of the tried-and-true dinner and drinks scenario, opt for more creative options for dates during the holidays. Try ice skating, a carriage ride downtown, a drive down that street where every house has elaborate Christmas lights, or even watching a marathon of holiday movies together. The holiday spirit can be contagious when mixed with a little attraction.

Don't get the family involved. While you might be tempted to invite your new love interest over for Christmas dinner with the family, don't do it. It's best to take things slow and leave the family out of it for the time being - why create added stress? Plan to meet him on your own for a drink or movie afterwards instead!

Curb the holiday spirits. It's easy to get carried away at parties with a few extra cocktails, especially when you're nervous and standing next to someone you're really attracted to. But don't overdo the wine and champagne so you can "loosen up." Pace yourself so you don't do something you'll regret later. Besides, your date will enjoy you more when you can hold a conversation.

No gifting for new relationships. If you've just started dating, there's no reason either of you should expect a gift for the holidays. It puts added pressure on a new romance and it also implies you might be more serious than you are. Leave gifts for later on in the relationship. Just enjoy getting to know each other right now.

Enjoy the season. Accept all of those party invitations and be sure to socialize instead of standing next to the bar waiting for someone interesting to talk to. Parties are much more fun when you make an effort to get to know people, and you may find you click with someone unexpectedly. Take some chances - introduce yourself and try a little flirting. It could lead to your next holiday date.

Happy holidays!

Online dating is a great way to meet other singles. Unfortunately, some people use these sites as a way to take advantage of people. Recently, a widow was swindled out of her life savings by a man on a dating site posing as an Iraq war veteran.

It's important to remember that most online daters are looking for love, even though these scams do happen from time to time. Instead of being fearful that everyone you meet online could potentially harm you - and refusing to use dating sites altogether - know how to be proactive in protecting yourself. There are a few simple warning signs to know if you're dealing with someone who's trying to scam you. Pay attention to these and you'll have a good experience online.

He shows affection, but it's too much, too soon. Many scammers play on people's vulnerabilities. If he knows you're looking for love, that's what he says he'll give you. If he is declaring his affection before you've even met, or before you've exchanged half a dozen emails, be weary. It's likely he's manipulating you.

He has a tragedy he wants to share with you. Many scammers share a contrived hardship with their victims in order to emotionally connect - whether it's losing a house, job, spouse, or whatever. They ask for sympathy, which down the line may turn into asking for money or other things of value to you. Be careful of anyone who tries to gain your sympathy - it's just another form of manipulation.

He puts off meeting you. If he lives in another country, or work has gotten too busy, or other obligations are preventing him from meeting you in person, this is a giant red flag. Likely he's buying time and doesn't have any intention of meeting you at all.

He asks for money. This should be a giveaway, but some online daters become emotionally attached and start doing things that normally they wouldn't. Scammers may email regularly and shower you with compliments and tales of woe, but please don't mistake this for knowing who they really are. If any of your dates ask for money, run the other way.

He seems too good to be true. We all have intuition, but sometimes we don't want to pay attention to that little voice inside saying, "this person isn't good for you" or "he's not who he says he is." If you've convinced yourself that your love interest is different, think again. If he seems too good to be true, he probably is.

When constructing an online dating profile, everyone wants to be a good writer. The goal is to let your personality shine through, so that the reader feels like they already know you enough to want to know more. Of course, as anyone who’s tried to create a profile knows, it’s impossible to upload your entire brain, or personality, to your profile, so a profile is an introduction at best. It’s easy to see when you’re on that end of the spectrum; when you’re the reader, however, it’s harder to remember. But remember we should.

Falling into the trap of feeling like you “know” someone before you’ve even corresponded can happen to anyone, whether you’re new to the online dating world or a longtime veteran. Here are a few of the ways it happens, and why it’s important to try to avoid it:

For someone who’s a novice in online dating, the ability to “get to know” someone a little without worrying about rejection (yours or theirs) is exciting and new. It’s also fun to realize that you can easily search for common interests. Perhaps you’re suddenly awash in a sea of people who like the same things you do, when before finding even one person with that common interest seemed next to impossible. So what happens? Little “crushes” might be formed before the first email is ever sent.

Unfortunately, even with common interests, there are other factors at play, like the numbers game that comes with dating or simply basic chemistry. Rejection still happens - and when you’ve already formed an attachment, it stings all the more. Over time, it’s emotionally exhausting, and probably a leading source of online dating burnout.

Veterans to the online dating world might not crush at first sight of a profile anymore, but they have their own pitfalls to look for. Call it becoming cynical, or jaded; after you’ve looked through countless profiles it becomes tempting to lump people into “types.” “I’ve dated this sort of person before,” they might think. “They’ll be the sort who likes x and has y as a flaw.”

That might be an effective way to wade through thousands of profiles and narrow it down to a few you’re interested in, but it can be dangerous if this sort of thinking persists all the way to the dating stage. When you think of a person as a “type,” not an individual, you’re not fully engaged in getting to know them. Someone who thinks they already know all the answers might, in turn, appear bored, or smug, or impatient. Not the best footing on which to begin a relationship - or even get a second date.

So no matter how long you’ve been at online dating, be wary of drawing conclusions based on profile alone. After all, a profile is a way of saying hello, forming that first impression - nothing less, but nothing more.