Reading Too Much
- Tuesday, December 20 2011 @ 08:23 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,239
When constructing an online dating profile, everyone wants to be a good writer. The goal is to let your personality shine through, so that the reader feels like they already know you enough to want to know more. Of course, as anyone who’s tried to create a profile knows, it’s impossible to upload your entire brain, or personality, to your profile, so a profile is an introduction at best. It’s easy to see when you’re on that end of the spectrum; when you’re the reader, however, it’s harder to remember. But remember we should.
Falling into the trap of feeling like you “know” someone before you’ve even corresponded can happen to anyone, whether you’re new to the online dating world or a longtime veteran. Here are a few of the ways it happens, and why it’s important to try to avoid it:
For someone who’s a novice in online dating, the ability to “get to know” someone a little without worrying about rejection (yours or theirs) is exciting and new. It’s also fun to realize that you can easily search for common interests. Perhaps you’re suddenly awash in a sea of people who like the same things you do, when before finding even one person with that common interest seemed next to impossible. So what happens? Little “crushes” might be formed before the first email is ever sent.
Unfortunately, even with common interests, there are other factors at play, like the numbers game that comes with dating or simply basic chemistry. Rejection still happens - and when you’ve already formed an attachment, it stings all the more. Over time, it’s emotionally exhausting, and probably a leading source of online dating burnout.
Veterans to the online dating world might not crush at first sight of a profile anymore, but they have their own pitfalls to look for. Call it becoming cynical, or jaded; after you’ve looked through countless profiles it becomes tempting to lump people into “types.” “I’ve dated this sort of person before,” they might think. “They’ll be the sort who likes x and has y as a flaw.”
That might be an effective way to wade through thousands of profiles and narrow it down to a few you’re interested in, but it can be dangerous if this sort of thinking persists all the way to the dating stage. When you think of a person as a “type,” not an individual, you’re not fully engaged in getting to know them. Someone who thinks they already know all the answers might, in turn, appear bored, or smug, or impatient. Not the best footing on which to begin a relationship - or even get a second date.
So no matter how long you’ve been at online dating, be wary of drawing conclusions based on profile alone. After all, a profile is a way of saying hello, forming that first impression - nothing less, but nothing more.
Falling into the trap of feeling like you “know” someone before you’ve even corresponded can happen to anyone, whether you’re new to the online dating world or a longtime veteran. Here are a few of the ways it happens, and why it’s important to try to avoid it:
For someone who’s a novice in online dating, the ability to “get to know” someone a little without worrying about rejection (yours or theirs) is exciting and new. It’s also fun to realize that you can easily search for common interests. Perhaps you’re suddenly awash in a sea of people who like the same things you do, when before finding even one person with that common interest seemed next to impossible. So what happens? Little “crushes” might be formed before the first email is ever sent.
Unfortunately, even with common interests, there are other factors at play, like the numbers game that comes with dating or simply basic chemistry. Rejection still happens - and when you’ve already formed an attachment, it stings all the more. Over time, it’s emotionally exhausting, and probably a leading source of online dating burnout.
Veterans to the online dating world might not crush at first sight of a profile anymore, but they have their own pitfalls to look for. Call it becoming cynical, or jaded; after you’ve looked through countless profiles it becomes tempting to lump people into “types.” “I’ve dated this sort of person before,” they might think. “They’ll be the sort who likes x and has y as a flaw.”
That might be an effective way to wade through thousands of profiles and narrow it down to a few you’re interested in, but it can be dangerous if this sort of thinking persists all the way to the dating stage. When you think of a person as a “type,” not an individual, you’re not fully engaged in getting to know them. Someone who thinks they already know all the answers might, in turn, appear bored, or smug, or impatient. Not the best footing on which to begin a relationship - or even get a second date.
So no matter how long you’ve been at online dating, be wary of drawing conclusions based on profile alone. After all, a profile is a way of saying hello, forming that first impression - nothing less, but nothing more.
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