Relationships

It's one thing to wear revealing clothes on a date, but another to think that the color of your outfit could send men signals about your openness to sexual advances.

According to research published by Andrew Elliot from the University of Rochester, when a woman wears red, she sends out a clear signal she's more interested in sex than if she wears a neutral tone.

In a report by Dating Advice, the study involved a group of men, half of whom were shown pictures of a woman wearing a white shirt, and the other half, the same woman wearing a red shirt. The men who saw the woman in the red shirt said she was more interested in sex than the men who saw the woman in the white shirt.

But it's not just about color vs. a neutral shade like white. When male participants were shown a woman in a green shirt, she was considered less attractive and less interested in sex than the same woman shown in a red shirt.

According to Dating Advice, "Elliot links the color red to sexual receptivity in mammals. He explains the color red has a biological basis in sexual receptivity, ranging from blushing cheeks to swollen lips."

He further tested the participants to conclude that men were most interested in the women they found to be openly receptive to sexual advances over women who were seen as good looking.

So does wearing the color red on dates make you a more desirable love interest than wearing black or gray? According to this study, yes. But does this mean red should be required for successful dating? No.

I'm a firm believer that the most successful daters are the ones most comfortable in their own skin. If you have a certain style that you enjoy that doesn't include the color red, own it! In my experience, many men are attracted to confident women. Which means you should dress according to what looks best on you, trends and color aside.

My advice: dress for a date in something that feels comfortable to you. (I don't mean sweats and a t-shirt though! Both men and women should dress up for the occasion to make a good impression-especially on a first date.)

Also, there's no shame on enlisting a friend to help you dress for your next date. Sometimes it's a good idea to get out of our own heads about what may or may not look good on us, and try something new.

So try your own style, and have fun!

I've never been a huge fan of Valentine's Day. After all, it's commercially inspired, and a little bit exclusive, since it's only for people who seem to be coupled up. Besides, who wants to see the girl in the cubicle next to you at work get a big bouquet of flowers delivered when you're single and searching?

While some might enjoy all the chocolate and expensive dinner reservations, a fair amount of singles don't look forward to Valentine's Day. But instead of complaining about it or avoiding it altogether, why not try some of these inspired Valentine's Day ideas?

Check out the local listings. While you might not want to get all romantic, maybe you wouldn't mind a little flirting. Many bars and clubs offer parties on Valentine's Day, so if you're single, grab a friend, get dressed up, and meet a few other singles. If you're feeling adventurous, check online dating and speed dating sites to see if they are hosting any singles events.

Throw a party. This is for my single female friends. Some of my favorite Valentine's Days included inviting a bunch of my friends over for a great meal (either ordered in or one that I enjoyed cooking) or to gorge ourselves on chocolate, cupcakes, or salty treats while watching chick flicks or stand-up comedy. The point being - celebrate your awesome friends on Valentine's Day---it's about the love in your life, romantic or otherwise!

Send a card. Has a friend, aunt, or parent always been there for you when you needed them? Valentine's Day is a good time to let them know how much you love and appreciate them. Send a card expressing your love - you'll feel good and you will make their day.

Get away. Valentine's Day falls on a Thursday this year. Why not grab a couple of friends and make a long weekend out of it? Get out of town and see something new - whether you're into skiing, hiking, Vegas casinos, whatever. Cash in those bonus miles for a plane ticket or gas up the car and go have fun.

Make it a you-celebration. Not into hanging out with other people? That's okay, too. You can make Valentine's Day a celebration of you. The best way to bring love into your life is to create it yourself, so show yourself some love. Head to the spa and get a massage, or order in from your favorite restaurant and curl up with a good book. Or if you're feeling a bit of cabin fever, why not take the day off and take a drive in the country or up the coast, or go for a hike or bike ride? There are plenty of options - the point is to do something that feels good to you, and reminds you of what you love that you already have in your life.

If you’ve ever owned a pet, you might have had this experience: you wake up from a sound sleep to find a furry face just inches from your own. Your pet is staring at you, expectantly, maybe creepily. There’s animal breath on your face. Whether they’re hungry or need to go out, they can’t wait for you to wake up and get the party started.

Unfortunately, it’s all too easy to become that pet when we’re out on a first date. We’ve been waiting for a new relationship, we’re excited to start one, and we’re caught up in the possibilities; can the party start already? And as you might imagine, our dates are probably as thrilled as we are to see that furry face staring us down in the morning.

It can be difficult to quell that excitement and impatience, but keeping these few points in mind just might help do the trick. First and foremost, consider: The party has already started.

Sure, it might not seem like it at the moment, but no point in life is all happily ever after, all the time. In the meantime, your journey has begun. You’re taking charge of your love life by being proactive, making a profile, meeting new people and maybe even stepping outside your personal box. Whether you find what you’re looking for tomorrow or later, you’re already in the early chapters of your story.

As such, remember this second point: You’ll miss out on the ‘now’ if you’re fixated on the ‘later.’ When you’re caught up in dreaming of the future, it’s easy to space out on the present, and that’s a pretty good way to ensure you’ll only keep dreaming. Try to stay mentally present, especially when you’re communicating with other people. They may be the twentieth person you’ve contacted - but they might also be a great match, and these are the first conversations you’re sharing. Don’t phone it in.

Staying focused on the present will both aid in enjoying these chapters of your journey, and help lose the anticipating-pet mode. Remember: the party’s already started - so start enjoying it.

Occasionally you might come across a profile that seems to have it all: they’re clever, intriguing, funny, and attractive to boot. Now, it’s entirely possible that you’ve encountered an attractive, exceptional writer - it might even be more common than you think! But every once in awhile that niggling feeling in your gut might be pointing to the truth: that some element of the profile isn’t entirely honest.

There are a few reasons why someone might lie on their profile. Yes, there are scammers out there, who are interested in your personal information and money. But more often, there are those who just feel insecure or lazy. They don’t think they could write a good profile on their own, so they copy and paste one they feel would work. Similarly, a “doctored” photo probably represents someone who is insecure about their appearance, whereas a completely false one could be indicative of more sinister intent.

The good news is, whether or not you’re dealing with a criminal, if a profile is copied and pasted from somewhere else it probably still exists on the Internet. A simple internet search could reveal that your “perfect” profile has been plagiarized from something else. Nowadays you can even search images, so if that default pic is a stock photo or from a modeling shoot, you just might find it (of course, there’s always the possibility your potential match is a model, but chances are they would have mentioned it).

So what do you do if you reveal that a profile is dishonest? There are options. You can always confront them about it, but remember that a real scam artist will not be ashamed and may persist with “rational” explanations. Do you really want to pursue something when you have no idea if any word of it is true? In most cases, the best course of action is to not contact them at all. Whatever their motivation, it’s just easier to move on to someone who represents themselves accurately.

Remember, scam artists are not incredibly common. However, just as it’s reasonable to take basic precautions when meeting anyone new in person, it’s reasonable to do a quick internet search if something feels “off” to you. Your “gut” can be smarter than you think!

So you’ve been checking out profiles, and someone - or maybe several someones - has caught your eye. The next step is to initiate contact, sometimes called a first-contact email. For some, this is the most nerve-wracking part of online dating, even more so than a first date, because you have no idea about the outcome. Writer’s block is common; how do you sum up yourself, express your own interest, and and say something memorable, all in one email?

The answer is simple: you don’t have to. In fact, you shouldn’t. Consider: why do you have to indicate your interest (through compliments, listing reasons why you think you’re compatible, etc.)? The very fact that you’re sending a first-contact email is proof enough that you’re interested in getting to know your potential match better. When you pile more compliments on that, you’re risking coming off as awkward, smarmy or lewd.

Now ask yourself: why do you have to talk about yourself in the email? Didn’t you spend a lot of time and energy constructing a profile for this very purpose? You’re probably not going to get much better than that, and if you try, it’ll only seem repetitive. Really, the function of the first-contact email is two-fold: you’ve expressed your interest in contacting the person in the first place, and now that you’ve contacted them, they’ll check out your profile as well. They’ll make their own decisions based on your profile, just as you did after reading theirs.

So what do you say in a first-contact email, then? Well, no one wants to feel like just another one of many people you’ve contacted, so a good way to start is with something that verifies you’ve actually read and absorbed their profile. Maybe you could mention that you share taste in movies, and ask their opinion of a specific film. Perhaps you could ask about an anecdote they shared, like “How long did it take you to train for that half-marathon?” By ending the email with such a question, you’re making it easy for them to come up with a response, thus encouraging a conversation. Also, make sure the header is something more original than “hi” - you’ll be more memorable, and your potential match can more easily find your email later if they need to.

It might not sound like very much, but in fact, not much is needed. A brief hello, a comment on something specific to their profile, and end with a question. It may be only a few sentences, but that’s all you really need; the next step is to let the profile do the talking.

Whether we realize it or not, many of the decisions we make in life are based on snap judgments. Chances are, we can walk into a room and decide if we want to be there. We form impressions of people after a few seconds of observation and often those impressions actually pan out. Some people instinctively try to get out of dangerous situations before they even realize they’re in one. But there’s one place where snap judgments don’t always pan out: online dating.

Many people who say they’ve “tried” online dating and don’t recommend it never really gave it a fair shot in the first place. They threw up a placeholder profile, skimmed through a few recommended matches, and gave up when they discovered it really wasn’t a drive-thru of perfect specimens. Online dating seemed too daunting. However, what they failed to realize is that we do the same sorting every day.

Think of all the people you encounter in your daily life - passing them on the street, standing next to them in the grocery store. We don’t pause and look at every single person because part of our brain is constantly scanning and sorting. And with all the people we see, how many of them actually catch our eye?

In online dating, you’re similarly confronted with mass amounts of people, but there are ways to make it more manageable. For one thing, you’ve now sorted out the people who are unavailable, in the wrong age bracket, or the wrong gender. You’ve possibly narrowed it down even more with physical preferences or common interests. So why is it still a bit of a hunt?

Well, though online dating can help, it’s still more limited than our own brain. We’re dealing with text instead of sitting in front of someone. We can be thrown off by typos or bad photos (or unrealistically good photos). Our brain takes in a ton of information when we receive a first impression in person, information not easily duplicated in a profile.

So think of dating as a two-part process. The first part, using a dating site, is not so much about snap judgements. It’s about finding the potential matches you don’t just encounter on the street, the people who are in the next town or don’t advertise their interests on their sleeves.

The second part is determining if that potential translates into real compatibility. For that, you meet in person and see if the sparks fly. And chances are, you will be able to tell if there’s kindling within that first meeting, possibly within the first moments.

Online dating isn’t an alternative to traditional forms of dating; it’s a tool to help get you there, and with raised chances of compatibility. There might not be the immediate gratification of a snap decision; but searching smarter, and with patience, could well be faster in the long run.