Smarter or Faster?
- Friday, February 08 2013 @ 09:35 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 906
Whether we realize it or not, many of the decisions we make in life are based on snap judgments. Chances are, we can walk into a room and decide if we want to be there. We form impressions of people after a few seconds of observation and often those impressions actually pan out. Some people instinctively try to get out of dangerous situations before they even realize they’re in one. But there’s one place where snap judgments don’t always pan out: online dating.
Many people who say they’ve “tried” online dating and don’t recommend it never really gave it a fair shot in the first place. They threw up a placeholder profile, skimmed through a few recommended matches, and gave up when they discovered it really wasn’t a drive-thru of perfect specimens. Online dating seemed too daunting. However, what they failed to realize is that we do the same sorting every day.
Think of all the people you encounter in your daily life - passing them on the street, standing next to them in the grocery store. We don’t pause and look at every single person because part of our brain is constantly scanning and sorting. And with all the people we see, how many of them actually catch our eye?
In online dating, you’re similarly confronted with mass amounts of people, but there are ways to make it more manageable. For one thing, you’ve now sorted out the people who are unavailable, in the wrong age bracket, or the wrong gender. You’ve possibly narrowed it down even more with physical preferences or common interests. So why is it still a bit of a hunt?
Well, though online dating can help, it’s still more limited than our own brain. We’re dealing with text instead of sitting in front of someone. We can be thrown off by typos or bad photos (or unrealistically good photos). Our brain takes in a ton of information when we receive a first impression in person, information not easily duplicated in a profile.
So think of dating as a two-part process. The first part, using a dating site, is not so much about snap judgements. It’s about finding the potential matches you don’t just encounter on the street, the people who are in the next town or don’t advertise their interests on their sleeves.
The second part is determining if that potential translates into real compatibility. For that, you meet in person and see if the sparks fly. And chances are, you will be able to tell if there’s kindling within that first meeting, possibly within the first moments.
Online dating isn’t an alternative to traditional forms of dating; it’s a tool to help get you there, and with raised chances of compatibility. There might not be the immediate gratification of a snap decision; but searching smarter, and with patience, could well be faster in the long run.
Many people who say they’ve “tried” online dating and don’t recommend it never really gave it a fair shot in the first place. They threw up a placeholder profile, skimmed through a few recommended matches, and gave up when they discovered it really wasn’t a drive-thru of perfect specimens. Online dating seemed too daunting. However, what they failed to realize is that we do the same sorting every day.
Think of all the people you encounter in your daily life - passing them on the street, standing next to them in the grocery store. We don’t pause and look at every single person because part of our brain is constantly scanning and sorting. And with all the people we see, how many of them actually catch our eye?
In online dating, you’re similarly confronted with mass amounts of people, but there are ways to make it more manageable. For one thing, you’ve now sorted out the people who are unavailable, in the wrong age bracket, or the wrong gender. You’ve possibly narrowed it down even more with physical preferences or common interests. So why is it still a bit of a hunt?
Well, though online dating can help, it’s still more limited than our own brain. We’re dealing with text instead of sitting in front of someone. We can be thrown off by typos or bad photos (or unrealistically good photos). Our brain takes in a ton of information when we receive a first impression in person, information not easily duplicated in a profile.
So think of dating as a two-part process. The first part, using a dating site, is not so much about snap judgements. It’s about finding the potential matches you don’t just encounter on the street, the people who are in the next town or don’t advertise their interests on their sleeves.
The second part is determining if that potential translates into real compatibility. For that, you meet in person and see if the sparks fly. And chances are, you will be able to tell if there’s kindling within that first meeting, possibly within the first moments.
Online dating isn’t an alternative to traditional forms of dating; it’s a tool to help get you there, and with raised chances of compatibility. There might not be the immediate gratification of a snap decision; but searching smarter, and with patience, could well be faster in the long run.
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