Relationships

It's a question I hadn't given much thought to (and I'm guessing I'm not the only one) until Slate posted it: Why don't single sitcom characters date online? Everyone and their mother (quite literally) is doing it in real life, so why haven't televisions shows jumped on the bandwagon?

Earlier this month, The Mindy Project used mobile dating as a marketing device. Tinder users swiping through profiles could come across two fictional characters from the show, which would then direct to videos promoting the sitcom if they made a match. It's was a clever marketing gimmick, and relatively unobtrusive for a generation of people who have grown accustomed to seeing ads everywhere. But it begs the question: why is Mindy on Tinder, but Tinder isn't on The Mindy Project?

"In two seasons of casual dating," writes Amanda Hess for Slate, "Mindy's been set up on a blind date; she's met suitors on the subway, in her office building, in the hospital, and on the street; and she once even unwittingly employed the services of a male escort. But she's yet to locate a date through her phone." New Girl, How I Met Your Mother, and Parks and Recreation have all featured online dating, but only as a one-off, single episode gimmick.

What gives? In real life, we'd be looking for love online or on our phones at least once an episode, not once in an entire series. Could it somehow be that we're doing away with the online dating stigma everywhere but on television? Are sitcoms just totally out of touch with modern dating?

Slate says there's another way of looking at it: "Sitcoms and dating sites are both built to organize our messy romantic lives by corralling our desires into neat narratives. Sitcoms offer an unrealistic version of modern singledom, but so do online dating services." Sitcom characters have a team of writers controlling the narrative structure of their dating lives, while those of us who live nonfictional lives require technology companies to provide a script for us.

Expect to see more online dating on your screen soon, however. Bravo plans to launch a show called "Online Dating Rituals of the American Male" in spring. The series will follow a cast of men in their search for love (or whatever else they're looking for) online. The hope is that it will provide an insider's perspective on the male psyche and dating in the digital age.

Being on Bravo, it's bound to be a sensationalized, over the top, drama fest of a show, but maybe it's still a step in the right direction.

Are you ready for a new reality TV show about dating? MTV is betting you are.

The new show doesn't center around one bachelor or bachelorette. Instead, the goal of this show is for the 20 singles participating to find true love with the other contestants, which makes the playing field a little more equal. The twenty contestants are stranded together at a resort, which makes for a lot of drama and temptations.

Here comes the catch - each of the contestants has been matched in advance with another contestant on the show - thanks to a staff of dating experts. But the contestants don't know who their matches are. If they all figure out their matches by the show's end, the whole group splits one million dollars. Now, that's incentive to find love. Or is it?

It's an interesting premise, because it allows us to see on the screen how these participants think of connection and love, and what qualities they might consider for someone to be a good match. Do they look for physical chemistry, or what interests they have in common with someone else, or do they look for contestants who share similar backgrounds or careers? Often, what we think makes someone a good match for us doesn't necessarily translate to a real-life connection. Maybe we fall in love with someone who is very different from what we pictured. So maybe these participants will have to let go of some of their assumptions.

At the end of each episode, all the contestants are required to couple up, and they are told how many couples are correctly matched, but not which ones. From the beginning, you can see that some singles are motivated to follow their hearts, while others are looking at strategy and who seems the likeliest fit, whether or not they feel anything for the person. I guess a million dollars can make you rethink your own intuition and judgment.

Jon Caramanica states in his review posted on The New York Times website: "It's striking how casually and easily the participants try one another on for size, and how quickly they're willing to mistrust their own instincts in favor of what the show - via the "truth booth" -tells them about their compatibility. Shanley and Chris T. bond within minutes, but when it's revealed they're not a match a day or two later, Shanley moves on with barely a thought, leaving Chris T. slightly stunned."

I'm interested to watch the show because of this human element - what we value, and how much we trust our guts as opposed to what others tell us might be good for us. Would you be willing to be paired with someone who didn't make you weak in the knees if it meant that you got financial reward? That's reality TV, I guess.

Have you ever been on a double date? I'm a big fan of group dates, because it takes the pressure off. Some daters feel more comfortable and relaxed when they don't have to think of all the conversation like they do in a one-on-one date.

But what if you're on a double date with your friend and you find yourself drawn to your friend's date? In fact, you've barely heard two words your own date has muttered. You're too busy staring at your friend's guy - his beautiful green eyes and sexy mouth. The chemistry is there. You can sense he's interested in you, too. Should you pretend not to notice, or do you pull your friend aside and ask her if you can pursue him?

This can be an awkward moment, especially because you have history and a friendship with your friend and likely you're just meeting her date. There's no reason to think that things might work out between you, or that you would know how your friend might feel about it. One question to ask yourself is: how committed is your friend to her date? Is this the first time they are meeting, or have they been going out a while?

If this is a first date and your friend doesn't seem to be too interested, it might be a good idea to pull her aside and let her know how you feel. After all, chemistry is a powerful thing - and if you feel it, you want to see where it leads.

On the other hand, if your friend has been dating him a while or has expressed real interest, then you might be crossing a line by asking if she'd be okay with you dating him. They might not be together, but you don't want to interfere if she started dating him first. If it doesn't work out between them, or if he doesn't feel the same way about her, tell your friend before you start pursuing him.

Think of it this way: would you want your friend to run off with your date, even if you weren't sure if you were interested in him? Probably not, because you at least want a chance to see where it goes. And if you were interested in him initially, it can still feel like a betrayal if she doesn't consider your feelings along with her actions.

Bottom line: Talk to your friend before the date, and let each other know where you stand on this issue. If it is a first date for both of you, then be willing to let your friend pursue your date if you're not feeling it. But if she's been dating him a while? Try looking for someone else.

The winter Olympics in Sochi this year may get a little cold - but not for the athletes. According to various reports, they are looking for a little love and warmth using mobile dating app Tinder.

The dating app has become a popular activity to try during down time in Olympic Village where the athletes congregate. The app is location-based so you can find other singles in the hotels next to yours - no matter what country they represent.

The app works easily and has taken off in the U.S. All that is required is a Facebook account, which populates your Tinder profile with photos, age, and location details. Other Tinder users can scroll through photos - swiping right for yes and left for no. When two people match (that is, they both swipe right), they are put in touch with each other and can message quickly.

According to Today.com, the three American skiers who swept the medals in slopestyle last Thursday, Joss Christensen, Gus Kenworthy and Nick Goepper, all admitted to being on Tinder. But does all this activity take away from their concentration on the games?

Kenworthy notes: "For me it's definitely more the game aspect that's fun,'' he said. "Who you think's hot, see if they do, too. I'm not sure how much further it goes than that for me."

Tinder founder Sean Rad told the Wall Street Journal that they noticed a 400% day-on-day increase in new users since the start of the Olympics. Apparently the athletes are starting a trend among young daters who might not have used the app previously.

Tinder however is primarily used by Americans in the Olympic Village, so there's not much hope of hooking up with someone from another team. Christensen admits it's "a little weird" to see his fellow teammates on Tinder. Goepper however keeps his options open and swipes right more often than not, so he's had some success during the games. "I've gotten quite a few notifications that say: 'this person wants to kiss you'," he tells Today.com.

And what about members of the media who are in Sochi and on Tinder? According to some athletes, they don't want to engage with any media employees over Tinder, and prefer to stick with the other athletes. But that doesn't mean that young media employees are doing the same - they prefer to meet athletes, American or otherwise.

The Olympics have a history of hook-ups between athletes that go on behind the scenes, so it's no wonder that Tinder plays into the lore so well. So the question is - what will be the dating app of choice for the summer 2016 games?

Women place a lot of expectations on themselves when it comes to relationships. We invest emotionally, even when we aren't sure how he feels. We think that if we work hard to show a man how much we love him, how much we're willing to sacrifice, he's bound to love us back.

Life often doesn't work this way.

It's hard to be single, especially when you see your friends getting coupled up, one by one. Maybe you join a slew of online dating sites hoping to meet the right person, or maybe you decide the man you're dating could be the right one, so why not commit to him? Unfortunately, when you choose a partner based on a timeline instead of your own conviction and happiness the relationship will likely fail.

When women date, especially as we grow older, we can accumulate a sense of urgency (the biological clock) as well as a sense of fear (we'll never meet the Right One and we'll be alone forever). So our choices seem very limited and we panic. Maybe we reach out to the first available guy, or maybe we commit to a man who doesn't really care to be in a relationship, just to avoid being alone, or maybe because we think that's all we can have. But in reality - it's quite the opposite. More than half of the U.S. adult population is single. That's more than enough choice. The key is being patient enough to find the person you really want, and having the courage to communicate your needs.

Following are some tips to help you embrace dating instead of the fear of being alone:

Take it slow. When we feel chemistry with a man, it's hard to stop ourselves from jumping into a relationship headfirst. We want to fall in love! The problem is, we can't know someone after one or two dates, so we have no idea what he wants or who he is. How many times have men just disappeared after a great date? So even if you do feel chemistry, it's best to take things slow. Really get to know him, and take your time. There's no rush to the finish line when it comes to forming a lasting relationship.

Communicate your own needs. Are you the one who's always making plans or calling, only to have him cancel at the last minute? Do you find yourself wanting more every time you're together - more intimacy, more communication, more attention? Maybe it's time to stop chasing him, and move on to someone who does the pursuing. There's no use trying to move a relationship forward if you're the only one doing it. You deserve someone who feels the same way about you.

Don't settle when it comes to love.

Our smartphones have changed the way we do...well, pretty much everything...and dating is no exception. Some people remain dating purists, committed to only communicating via phone call, abiding by the 3-day rule, and never, ever using an app to meet someone. Others have fully embraced the new technological era, and are probably swiping their way through matches on Tinder as we speak.

I have no doubt that both sides have valid points, but frankly I prefer to consult someone (or in this case, something) a little less biased: research. A new study examining mobile's impact on dating and relationships has shed a teeny bit of light on how our smartphones affect our love lives. Here's what the study found:

• To call or not to call? That is the question. When asked, women tend to say they prefer men to call before meeting face-to-face, while men say they feel a call is too forward. The data, however, tells a slightly different story. Around 1/3 of both sexes agree that it's less intimidating to ask someone out via text, although 68% of singles say they still want to chat on the phone or in person to schedule dates. We modern techies typically type, but seeing as confidence is widely considered to be the most attractive trait in a partner, maybe the text is doing us a disservice. Perhaps we should opt for the proactive approach and pick up the phone.
• Stop with the 3-day rule already. If things didn't go well on your date, put everyone out of their misery and end things sooner rather than later. Just do it like the nice, responsible adult you are, please - don't be one of the 50% of singles who said they would consider breaking up with someone they were casually dating with just a few swipes on screen, or the 24% who said they would end an exclusive relationship via text. On the other hand, if things went well, make your feelings clear in low-pressure way. A simple thank you text sent within 24 hours of a good first date keeps you on your date's radar and opens the door for further flirty conversation.
• Your smartphone speaks louder than words. The iPhone vs. Android battle is fierce, and it turns out which side you fall on reveals insights into your personality and behaviors. Android users are apparently the politer daters - more likely to pick you up at home, pay for the first date, and send a post-date text. They're also more trusting of their partners - nearly 50% said they would allow someone they're dating to look through their phones!

So are smartphones good or bad news for our love lives? It's hard to tell. But what we do know is that they aren't going anywhere any time soon, so we're far better off learning to love them as another tool in our dating arsenals.