Relationships

I've met a lot of very attractive women who have come through a divorce or break-up looking to meet someone new. The problem? The men who are their ages (in their 40s and 50s) seem to want to date younger women only.

Many women wonder why this is. After all, they aren't looking at only younger men. It doesn't seem fair, does it?

There is an element of truth to this notion: many men do prefer to date younger women, and we see this reflected in TV shows and movies. It's not a problem for a man to date someone half his age, and in fact it's expected. Maybe it's due to biology, or maybe he just wants to ignore his own aging process.

There's also a certain amount of relief in dating a younger woman because she likely doesn't have the baggage that an older woman does. Chances are he looks for simplicity above all else - a woman who has no children, not much debt, or no messy break-up that has taken a toll on her psyche and finances.

So then we wonder - is it possible to find older men who are interested in women their own age?

Absolutely. Just because you've noticed a pattern in your own life or among your friends (or even in a Hollywood movie) doesn't mean that it is true for everyone. There are many single men in the world, and a lot of them enjoy the company of women their own age. You just have to know where to look and what to look for.

First of all, it might be time to refresh your online dating profile. Make sure you are focusing on what you want to bring into your life, not on what has happened in the past. Mention your interests, your career, or whatever makes you happy - and let that be the tone with which you craft your profile. Men can pick up on the energy and tone a woman sends from a profile or a first message. It's important to keep it positive so you can attract as many men as possible.

Second, I would suggest picking a new dating site. OkCupid and PlentyofFish are great for people looking for something casual (i.e. younger), but if you're looking for an emotional connection, it's better to go with a paid site like eHarmony or Match. OurTime is a good niche option specifically for older daters, so you know that your dates won't discount you because of your age.

Third, keep an open mind about the possibilities open to you right now. Say yes to more men that you might not normally consider, just to see what dating someone new is like. Allow yourself a little more fun in the dating process - it doesn't have to be so focused on the end result. It's a journey, after all.

Match.com's Singles in America study, now in its fourth year, examines the attitudes and behaviors of over 5,300 American singles from all walks of life in order to get a glimpse into how love and relationships are viewed today.

I don't need to tell you that cell phones have completely changed the way we relate to one another. And that goes double for dating. In fact, as much as we may want a committed relationship with someone else, the most committed "can't-live-without-you" relationships we ever have might be with our mobile phones.

Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating, but you get the picture. We're pretty much inseparable from our devices. Match.com's fourth Annual Singles in America Study took a look at how the rules of dating etiquette have changed now that were stuck at the hip (or pocket or palm) with our smartphones. Whitney Casey, a Match.com relationship expert, suggests observing the following seven do's and don'ts when it comes to your cell and dating etiquette:

• Know thy self(ie). Most men report loving any kind of photos sent their way, whether sweet or sexy, but most women say sexy pics are a phone faux pas. 75% of women rank racy photos as their #1 foul, while 76% of men say it's their #1 form of phone foreplay.
• Save the slang. Emoticons are a-ok, but abbreviations are another story. Steer clear of slang that requires a Google search for decoding.
• Text timing is everything. As with the Great Selfie Debate, men and women disagree significantly on the ideal time for texting. 63% of women say they enjoy texting during work hours, but men prefer to stay focused on their jobs from 9-5. "Texting during work hours" ranked 2nd in the top three phone fouls for men.
• Be trained in text tempo. Cool your jets. Both men and women dislike it when you're too quick on the text message draw. Sending a second text before receiving a reply is a major no-no for everyone. Nearly 60% of men say it's their #1 phone foul, while women rank it in their top three.
• Cast a wide net. The more dates, the merrier! 72% of women say it's ok to casually date more than one person at the same time and 60% of men agree.
• Save the drama for your mama. 84% of women and 80% of men think using social media to air emotional drama or chronicle personal life details that are too personal is a huge turn off. Pause before you hit Post and think carefully before you select Send.
• Say hi with your eyes. Video chat is the next big thing. Nearly half of singles in their 20s are already using this trendy technology to keep in touch with their dates. Welcome to the future.

The horror-filled days of Halloween may only come once a year, but that doesn't mean fright fanatics can't get their creep on all year round. There are some seriously scary online dating sites (and I'm not just talking about Craigslist ax murderers). Check out these ridiculously specific niche online dating sites designed for your inner horror movie enthusiast:

I'm a big fan of having a plan. Good organization helps with business decisions and day-to-day living. But what happens when you try to plan out your love life, specifically by making a big wish list of the kind of man you want and all the romantic trappings that come along with it?

I think many of us get stuck when we try to special-order love into our lives. While online dating makes it possible to pick and choose what we like and don't like, people are much more unpredictable than their profiles might imply. For instance, maybe you only go for tall guys with dark hair who are either musicians or bikers. But then when you date them, it never seems to work out.

Or maybe you have a four-page list of qualities you want in an ideal partner, and nothing less than perfect will do. According to recent studies, women tend to have at least 100 traits that they desire in a man, while men only have 3 traits they look for in a woman.

Can you imagine a man bringing a four-page wish list on a date with you? How would it make you feel to be under such a microscope and never quite measuring up?

Searching for love is an organic process. Real love ignores plans and rules and wish lists. When you really connect with someone, it doesn't matter that they aren't as tall as you'd like, or don't meet your education requirements, or work in public service instead of at a law firm. If you are open to allowing love to happen despite the fact that a man might not meet all of your wish list requirements, you are making room for more opportunity in your love life.

While it would be nice to think we can think up the man of our dreams, life is much more surprising than this. in fact, often what we think we desire is not actually what we truly want. If you think about your true desires in a romantic partnership, is it that your man is taller than you, or that he respects you and really listens to what you have to say? Some things are just more important than others.

It's also important to be open to timing. If you're too focused on career and ignore your love life, you could be missing opportunities. It's the same thing as waiting for "the right time" to have a relationship. The universe doesn't work that way. It's important to remain open.

That's when real love can happen.

Match.com's Singles in America study, now in its fourth year, examines the attitudes and behaviors of over 5,300 American singles from from all walks of life in order to get a glimpse into how love and relationships are viewed today.

When it comes to modern love, there is no greater expert than Dr. Helen Fisher. Dr. Fisher is a Biological Anthropologist, a Research Professor and member of the Center for Human Evolution Studies in the Department of Anthropology at Rutgers University, and the Chief Scientific Advisor to Chemistry.com (a division of Match.com). She's shared her expertise in five books on the evolution and future of human sex, love, marriage, gender differences in the brain, and the way personality types shape who you are and who you love.

Needless to say, she's a lady who knows what she's talking about. And fortunately, what she sees in the data from the most recent Singles in America study gives her hope for the future of relationships.

In our modern age of hooking up, friends with benefits, cohabitation before marriage, and constant interaction through computers and mobile phones, many Americans believe that we are living in an era of emotional isolation and sexual chaos. But not Dr. Fisher. In fact, she sees many positives about the ways we date now:

• We are less prejudiced than ever before. 75% of singles say they would make a long-term commitment to someone of a different ethnic background. 70% of singles say they would commit to someone of a different faith.
• Despite our increasingly progressive approach to choosing a partner, most singles still want to wed. 79% of men and women in their 20s and 62% of those in their 30s plan for marriage to be a part of their future.
• Not only do most of us still want to marry, we want to do it for the "right" reasons. Only 14% say they plan to marry for financial security. Instead, 86% of single say they want to wed to "have a committed partner to share my life with."
• Even those who say they'd don't want to marry chalk their feelings up to the fact that they "don't think you need a marriage to prove you love someone." So even if the significance of marriage is on the decline, says Dr. Fisher, love most certainly is not.

Unsurprisingly, traditional forms of courtship and partnering are also on their way out. Around 92% of men say they're comfortable being asked out by a woman, and 33% of men say they would make a long-term commitment to a woman who is a decade or more their senior. Moreover, the majority of singles now also approve of same-sex marriage, childfree marriage, and having children out of wedlock.

According to recent research, online dating is now the most popular way to meet prospective romantic partners. If you're considering joining a dating site but aren't sure what to do or what to expect, it's a good idea to proceed with both an open mind for meeting people and a little precaution.

Online dating safety is a concern, and the U.S. Attorney General's office has taken a stand to encourage people to exercise caution when searching for a relationship online because of the recent dating scams, especially when online daters misrepresent themselves in order to extract financial favors.

Zoosk, which markets itself as the number one dating app, has put together a few quick tips for online dating safety, so keep them in mind when you begin your own search:

Create an Alias - Create a new username and use a different email account from your main email when signing up for a dating site to protect your privacy.

Stay Online - Don't give out your personal cell phone number right away, especially if you are feeling pressured. Keep your messages and chats online through the dating site until you meet in-person.

Keep Personal Info Private - Do not share sensitive personal or financial information with someone whom you haven't met. This includes your last name, address, home or work phone numbers in addition to any financial information.

Go Out in Public - Always choose a public venue for your first few in-person dates, such as a restaurant or coffee shop. Never meet for the first time at your/their home, and don't arrange to have your date pick you up. Plan to meet each other at a restaurant or other public location instead.

Tell a Friend - Always let a friend or family member know who, when and where you're meeting for an in-person date with someone you met online.

Here are a few more things to keep in mind when you're online dating:

Meet sooner rather than later. Many problems for daters occur because they form a virtual relationship with their online match and become emotionally invested before they've seen each other face-to-face. Before you get intimate through emails and phone calls, plan to meet each other for coffee in person. Often, a scammer will try to avoid in-person meetings and keep things going online. If your date keeps making excuses for why he can't get together, then move on.

Keep drinking to a minimum. Some people like to have a glass of wine to loosen up on a date. Keep in mind your tolerance levels. If you get tipsy after a drink or two, you might want to consider not drinking at all. Don't make yourself vulnerable to your online dates, especially when you don't know them.