Why You Should Get Rid of Your Dating “List”

I'm a big fan of having a plan. Good organization helps with business decisions and day-to-day living. But what happens when you try to plan out your love life, specifically by making a big wish list of the kind of man you want and all the romantic trappings that come along with it?

I think many of us get stuck when we try to special-order love into our lives. While online dating makes it possible to pick and choose what we like and don't like, people are much more unpredictable than their profiles might imply. For instance, maybe you only go for tall guys with dark hair who are either musicians or bikers. But then when you date them, it never seems to work out.

Or maybe you have a four-page list of qualities you want in an ideal partner, and nothing less than perfect will do. According to recent studies, women tend to have at least 100 traits that they desire in a man, while men only have 3 traits they look for in a woman.

Can you imagine a man bringing a four-page wish list on a date with you? How would it make you feel to be under such a microscope and never quite measuring up?

Searching for love is an organic process. Real love ignores plans and rules and wish lists. When you really connect with someone, it doesn't matter that they aren't as tall as you'd like, or don't meet your education requirements, or work in public service instead of at a law firm. If you are open to allowing love to happen despite the fact that a man might not meet all of your wish list requirements, you are making room for more opportunity in your love life.

While it would be nice to think we can think up the man of our dreams, life is much more surprising than this. in fact, often what we think we desire is not actually what we truly want. If you think about your true desires in a romantic partnership, is it that your man is taller than you, or that he respects you and really listens to what you have to say? Some things are just more important than others.

It's also important to be open to timing. If you're too focused on career and ignore your love life, you could be missing opportunities. It's the same thing as waiting for "the right time" to have a relationship. The universe doesn't work that way. It's important to remain open.

That's when real love can happen.