Relationships

The Consumerist has a post regarding eHarmony and their divorced policy. In it they talk about a woman who was separated from her husband for 7 years when she signed up to eHarmony. She took her time and filled out the hour long profile. At the end she was informed that she would not be able to join since she was not actually divorced. After a year and when the woman got her divorced finalized her daughter wrote to eHarmony for her to see if she could reopen her profile so she didn't have to spend another hour to fill it in again. eHarmony's response was:

Since you are divorced, please reply with the county and state of your divorce proceedings, the name of the judge, and the date your divorce was finalized. We hope you understand that this information is very important in order to protect the integrity of our matching process. Once this information is received, we will be very happy to reset your Relationship Questionnaire for you. You will need to retake the questionnaire so that we can accurately assess your relationship needs and provide matches who are deeply compatible with you.

First off I must say is I do applaud eHarmony for sticking to their guidelines and allowing only people who are not married or separated. Other dating services could learn from this and it is what makes eHarmony one of the top spots to go if you are looking for a serious long term relationship.

In my opinion eHarmony does need to make a few changes to make things flow more smoothly. First off all, one of the first questions they ask is if you are single, separated or divorced. If this is a deal breaker profile question for eHarmony, then it should stop the user from entering further information at this point. They should really have all the profile deal breakers up front so people don't waste their time filling out a profile that eHarmony will ultimately deny. This just makes potential members angry.

The other thing I didn't like from the eHarmony customer service response was that the woman had to provide proof of the divorce. Why can't they rely on her word? On everything else she wrote in her profile they trust her about. Plus if a new member says they are divorced, you don't have to go out and prove this. I'm all for verification of profile information but I think they should allow her to change her status and maybe for these type of issues have a verification logo or something for the profile. Just like how some sites are doing for photos. If she needs to prove she is divorced then all divorced members should have too.

After checking out eHarmony profile creation again I notice that eHarmony Canada still allows you to continue the profile creation if you select you are separated. eHarmony.com has improved on this and now has your current relationship status on the home registration page. If you select separated or married, the browser changes and asks you if you want to learn more about eHarmony Marriage, a service from eHarmony that helps married couples with advice on how to improve a struggling marriage. This is a much better way to go about it than telling you after you spent the time to fill out the profile.

Read our eHarmony review for more information about this online dating service.

Mark Brooks of Online Personals Watch did a guest post at TechCrunch about how the niche dating sites market share is growing fast while the top 5 sites for the most part are losing ground. The top 5 dating sites in market share, according to Hitwise are:

1. Singlesnet
2. Plentyoffish
3. True
4. Yahoo Personals
5. Match

These top 5 sites lost 7% of their overall market share when comparing Match 2008, with a year ago.

Apparently men in America using online dating sites to find woman living in other countries could be breaking a federal law. The law is called the "Marriage Broker Regulation Act" (IMBRA) and requires men who use a fee-based dating site to submit to a criminal background check, a sex offender check and must certify all previous convictions or arrests, marriages, divorces and children. An online dating service not compliant with the legislation can be sued for $5 thousand to $25 thousand and the dating service executives could face up to 5 years in prison. There is no law dealing with the woman US men may meet or US woman meeting foreign men through a dating service.

As stated in the article, the reason for the creation of the IMBRA is:

Moneyhighstreet.com posted a news item about the costs of dating in Britain. In it they refer to the NS&I Quarterly Savings Survey in which men believe they pay on average 60% more than women on dating in a year. In total British men expect to pay about £12 billion on dating this year with woman only spending £4.5 billion. This translates to about £50 per date for men and close to £30 for woman.

Across the pond, I think these statistics hold true here in North America. Most dating men I know spend about $100 on a typical date. This includes the cab ride, dinner and usually a movie afterwards. Of course, more and more woman are picking up the tab but in most cases it's still the mans job to pay (at least in my age group mid 30's). I wonder if this is different for the 20 somethings?

While doing a signing for my latest romance novel, a woman passed by, picked up my book, and immediately wrinkled her nose.

"I don't read these kinds of books," she said.

"What do you read?" I asked.

She slapped it down on the table as if it was so far beneath her she couldn't bare to touch it any longer. "Something with at least a hint of realism."

"I'm sorry for you," I said.

And I meant it.

Why?

Because, good romance novels aren't fairy tales. They are snapshots of love at its finest.

I should know. I've written 28 of them, and read hundreds of others.

The complaint shouldn't be that these romance novels are not realistic.

Many of us just don't know how to make this kind of love last.

But that doesn't mean we can't learn. It's basically a matter of behaving as we behaved when we were courting the love of our lives. And, then taking it a few steps further to establish deeper ties that make "true love" every bit a reality.

How to Make Your True Love Last a Lifetime:

1. Avoid negative thought patterns. Allowing yourself to mentally or verbally tear down your significant other is like gnawing at the bond that holds you together.

2. Remember that your true love means more to you than anyone else--including your parents and your kids. Those who put their children before their spouse are often disappointed to find that they have no relationship left once the kids head out on their own.

3. Be more flexible and forgiving with your spouse than anyone else. We expect our spouse to "understand" our stress or limitations (in other words, put up with our crap). Instead, reserve your patience and kindness for the person who means the most to you.

4. Understand that relationships work on a spiral. The more thoughtful you are to your loved one, the more fulfilled and happy your spouse will be. In return, your spouse will give back to you.

5. Don't get too practical. Some couples forego the flowers, the cards, the dinner dates and the chocolate boxes in favor of saving money. But what's worth more to you? A few bucks or a relationship that will likely affect your whole life and the lives of your children?

6. Do something nice for your spouse every day, even if it's just a chore they typically do. These thoughtful touches will act as reserves against the tough times.

7. Be physical. Touch your spouse a lot, even when there is no hope of it escalating into a sexual encounter. These little reminders that a spouse cares are nurturing to the soul and sends wonderful signals to your children. They feel secure and happy because you are secure and happy, and they are more loving because of the example you've set.

8. Remain loyal and unselfish. Have the grit it takes to stick through thick and thin. And, start worrying more about whether you are being a good spouse than whether your spouse is being a good mate to you, and you'll be glad you did. As much as it may seem otherwise, life isn't all about you, how you're feeling and what you want.

9. Take care of you. You don't have to be model thin or in the blush of youth. But be the best you can be—mentally and physically.

10. Laugh. Don't take life too seriously. It's no fun to be around someone when everything means too much and weighs too heavy.

By Brenda Novak. Best known for her evocative Stillwater Trilogy, Brenda Novak is a national bestselling author of romantic suspense.

Oops, this one was left as a draft article for the last 4 days.

This Press Release on CNNMoney.com is about a poll done for Chemistry.com (conducted by Gfx Roper Public Affairs) which involves controversial dating subjects. Gfx concluded after the survey that America has an open mind when it comes to such relationship topics as premarital sex and same sex relationships. One statistic from the release states:

About eight in ten (79%) single Americans believe that gay people should have the right to find a meaningful relationship and (74%) of singles endorse the idea of gay marriage or civil unions

These numbers seem very high IMO, when you take all of America's view on this topic. Looking closer at the stat you notice that it says "single Americans". This also means younger Americans since the older you are the better chance you are married or seeing someone. Instead of Americas view point this is more of a young American view point.

For more information on Chemistry.com, click here for our review.