Relationships

You like them. You really, really like them! It’s the coolest feeling in the world when you meet someone you can get excited about and it makes you want to go the extra mile to please them. Without overdoing it, there are plenty of ways to surprise your date and get their attention. We all want to feel that the partner in our lives appreciates us and listens to what we like and don’t. So with that in mind, let’s talk about cool ways you can surprise your date.

Without going overboard and overwhelming your favorite date, think about the things they’re passionate about. Now, these might not be the same things you’re passionate about: remember that. The easiest way to get your date’s attention (aside from being a kind and respectful partner) is to encourage them in all they love in life. It shows your date that you’re not only secure with them being who they are, but that you like that person! During the surprise planning process, don’t make a big deal out of your surprise. Treat it like any other date the two of your share…and they’ll appreciate the twist even more!

Live music. What’s on their iPod? What’s “most played?” Check your local concert roster (radio station websites are great for this) and see if there’s a way to sneak in some tickets for a show with his or her favorite artist.

Now that we're about to embark on a new year, as well as a new decade, mentioning the big 2010 is one of the easiest ways to bring your profile up to date. However, as you write your New Year's update, it might be prudent to take a moment, proofread, and make sure the message you're sending is positive.

For example, a typical, positive update might be something along the lines of, One of my New Year's resolutions is to try new things, so I'm starting a salsa class! Here, the writer is obviously excited about the resolution, and provides a concrete way in which the resolution is already being pursued.

You could make a joke, like, Here's hoping the next decade brings miracles, like the end of Reality TV! It's just silly enough that no one will wonder whether you're serious and the exclamation point drives the joke home as well. Humor doesn't always read well on the Internet, so tread with caution on this one, and stay well away from inflammatory topics such as politics.

It might be easiest to go with something simple, such as, Do you have resolutions for the new year? In this case, you're asking a question that the reader can respond to in a first-contact email, and it's not exactly holiday-specific, so it won't look out of place until the end of
February.

It can be easy, however, to stray into the realm of negativity. For example, My New Year's resolution is to stop smoking to get my coworkers off my back, here's hoping I stick to it or at least don't get lung cancer, ha ha. We've got a resolution without any excitement behind it, and a joke that falls flat, to boot.

The whirlpool of negativity can make it easy to overshare, as well:
Wow, I hope this decade is better than the last one. Nothing's really been the same since my pet bird died and I had a root canal on the same day...

These bad idea examples might seem ridiculous, but many fall victim to the Negative Nancy trap without realizing it. It might not hurt to give your profile updates a second look, and ensure that you're starting off the new year looking forward.

In choosing a default picture for your online dating profile, there are tons of criteria you could consider: is anyone else in the picture with you? Does holding someone's random baby send the message you want? Do you even look like that picture anymore?

Similarly, there are tips everywhere for taking a photo yourself: get a tripod. Dress nicely. Sit up straight. Avoid the Myspace, security-camera height angle... The list goes on.

However, there's one basic rule – in my opinion, the most important one – that often goes ignored:

Smile.

So simple we often forget it. Or maybe we've been told to “say cheese” so many times we think it must be a cliché. We all have reasons for not smiling from time to time, some of them valid, some of them misguided. Maybe our teeth aren't perfect. Maybe our eyes do a weird squint thing when we smile. Maybe we want to look pensive and intelligent. Maybe we just have ten pictures of the same smile, and want to mix it up a bit. Men, in particular, seem to think they look more manly when they're serious.

Here's the thing, though. Regardless of gender, most people look better when they smile, especially if it's a natural, “I'm about to start laughing” smile. It doesn't matter if your teeth are crooked – most people are looking at your whole face rather than one part anyway. Same goes for the squinted eyes.

It is possible to get a serious picture that looks masculine or intelligent – but nine times out of ten, I see pictures that come across as intimidating or just plain scary instead of manly, and mopey or desperate instead of intelligent.

It might be all right to toss in one non-smiling picture if the rest are smiling, especially if you tend to do the exact same smile in every picture. Still, context is everything, and remember to evaluate your serious self, to ensure you don't look like an Eeyore or a villain.

Even if you toss in a serious shot, your default picture should always be one of the smiling ones. You're sending a first impression with that picture, unlike a social network like Facebook where most of your friends already know you. Smiling sends all sorts of subliminal messages as well: honesty, openness, positivity. Make sure your pictures are sending the right message, and remember: in a happy relationship, you'll be smiling often anyway.

If you would like a professional photographer to take your online dating photo, you should check out our Look Better Online review. This is a service which specializes in taking and touching up online dating profile photo's.

I am not surprised that Facebook is mentioned in divorce cases now days. It can be poison to marriages, as some couples I know spend more time on Facebook everyday than they do talking to each other. I had a laugh when I read that Facebook:

is nothing more than a gigantic catalogue of people you never quite slept with. Some friends, the occasional sibling, but mostly a huge, interactive menu of sexual roads less traveled.

I don't know a single person who has not used Facebook to look up a long lost flame or the one that got away. I am not saying that it is a bad thing but when people in relationships are on Facebook looking through pictures and talking to people from the old High School and/or University days, instead of spending quality time with their partner, you have to start to wonder.

Some people also see Facebook as nothing more than a dating site. Just like on a dating site, most people on Facebook reveal themselves selectively, according to what they think will show them in the best light. On dating sites you know this type of behavior happens, but with Facebook it has the appearance of being an open book, when it really is not.

For more on this story, read the Telegraph. If you are interested in a real dating experience on Facebook, you should check out our Zoosk review.

There's no question that many couples in relationships start out as “just friends.” Sure, there's the occasional “instant spark” or “love at first sight” stories. Many others, however, start out as quiet friendships, maybe with some chemistry smoldering under the surface, that slowly develop into more over a period of months or years.

Some detractors from online dating claim that the Internet fosters an artificial relationship – that simply talking to a person online can't possibly compare to doing the same thing in person. If we agree that friendship, leading to dating, leading to a relationship is the “natural” progression for most people, I make the claim that the use of online dating sites is a far more genuine avenue to starting a relationship than, say, a typical singles scene like a bar.

Consider the bar: many consider it the only avenue to ever finding that “special someone,” so pressure is heightened. It's assumed that if you go through the trouble of selecting just the right outfit, heading out to the watering hole, and making yourself available, that you're a failure if you don't land a date or better – that night. The bar is expected to be immediate dating gratification. And if you do land a date, or something more, you've completely bypassed the get-to-know-you, friendship stage – which might be desirable at the time, but could have long-term repercussions if you're looking for a relationship.

Now consider an online dating site. Now, some use dating sites as little more than classified ads, and others try to rush into a date or a relationship with one email. However, in most instances, first contact on a dating site is the equivalent of a simple “hello.” Emails get exchanged, chemistry and common interests are detected, and finally, after a period of days or months, you progress to the dating stage – and maybe beyond.

Is it immediate gratification? Not usually. But in my opinion, it's much closer to the “natural” progression of relationships – and the rewards for taking it slow could be better and longer-lasting.

We're waist-deep in the holidays and I'm sure like many people, you're just a teensy bit crazy right now. Maybe your shopping isn't done, or maybe your travel plans got ruined by the Snowpocalypse 2009, or maybe your mother is coming to visit and your apartment isn't going to pass her white glove test.

Take a break from the crazy to update your online dating profile!

Putting up a fresh update:

1. Lets people know that you're alive and actively looking
2. Sets you apart from the legions of people who haven't seen their profile since they posted it
3. May get you a second glance from someone who overlooked you previously