Relationships

No one is perfect. If we were all flawless, dating wouldn’t be as fun. I know I make a million mistakes on dates and I share them with my girlfriends so we can all laugh about them afterwards. Half the fun of dating is the stories you get to tell your friends.

1. Stay Away From Your Phone

The biggest mistake women make on a date is using their cell phones. When you’re on a date, your cell phone should stay in your bag. A guy doesn't want to sit across from you if you’re on your phone the entire time. He wants your full attention.

2. No One Cares About Your Ex

Sometimes women talk about their ex-boyfriends too much. You’re in the present, so focus on it. Your date wants to learn about you, he doesn’t care about your ex-boyfriends. If you want a future with someone, avoid bringing up your previous relationships.

3. Don’t Eat Like A Bird

When you go on a date, don’t order a salad. Men like women who enjoy eating. An appetite is sexy. When you order a salad on a date, you send out the wrong signal. Salads are like beans. They’re okay to eat when you’re alone or with a friend, but not on a date.

Being comfortable in any situation will allow you to have fun wherever you are. The number one way to be at ease is to be confident. No matter who you are or where you are, men pick up on confidence. If you walk into a room feeling like a million dollars, people will notice you.

You have to constantly have a smile on your face. Think of a smile like your wallet. When you leave your home you wouldn’t walk out without your wallet. So, don't go anywhere without your smile.

It is important to have a sense of style. You should be dressed as if you are a celebrity. If you were famous, you would never leave the house unless you look your absolute best. The same goes for any social situation you find yourself in. The minute you walk outside your front door, you should look like a superstar.

The next thing to keep in mind is to be polite. No one likes a rude person. You should always be nice to others because people will recognize it. If you are exceptionally polite, you will be complimented on your kindness.

To ensure that you feel at ease in any situation, make sure you are positive. No one wants to be around a Debbie downer. If you are optimistic and have good energy, others will want to be around you. Remember, everyone enjoys being surrounded by happy people.

Good posture is something that is often forgotten. You should always stand up straight to show you are proud of yourself. You own your body, so let everyone know that it’s yours. Do you ever see a person with great posture and think they look very elegant? Well if you are mindful of your posture, you can be that person too!

In addition to your natural beauty, your brain is an important part of you. You should have conversations about subjects you are familiar with. Show off your knowledge. Both men and women are attracted to intelligent people. Wisdom is sexy.

Femininity is another quality that men love. Keep in mind that masculinity is not attractive. If you are gentle and soft spoken, you will stand out in a crowd.

Another way to ensure that you feel comfortable in any situation is to make a friend. Women will be your best friend if you let them. Go up to a woman and compliment her on her lipstick or shoes. Ask her where she bought them and I guarantee she will want to be your friend.

Last but not least, wittiness can add to your comfort level. Humor is a characteristic that is appreciated in every culture. If you tell a funny joke and someone overhears it, they will want to talk to you. If you want to be comfortable in any situation, be funny. Everyone loves funny.

One of the things that drives me crazy is when people say, on their online dating profiles or their blogs, that they're “waiting for their Prince Charming” or “waiting for their fairy tale to begin.” Women are not the only ones guilty of this; some men apparently can't wait to find their “damsel in distress.” Let's think about what we're really saying when we bring up fairy tales, shall we?

Usually, the women in fairy tales are pretty helpless. Think about the beginning of the cartoon version of Snow White – the first and prototypical animated princess: she literally swoons around and sings about how she's waiting for her Prince Charming, that he'll find her. She does not need to search for him; she's a princess, he can come to her.

It doesn't stop with her; virtually every traditional fairy tale princess has to be helped out of some awful situation, whether it's a bad home life or an evil witch (or both). Rarely do they make any move to help themselves. So when a girl says she wants to be “swept off her feet,” whether she realizes it or not, she's saying she wants to have her partner do all the work in the relationship, and she's waiting for the perfect guy to fall out of the sky and into her lap.

There are some guys for whom this is perfectly acceptable; they're eager to battle dragons to win their fair maiden. So let's think about that: how is a partnership equal if one person is a prize? At best, it's putting one member of the relationship on a pedestal; at worst, it's treating them like property.

Now, not all people who speak of fairy tales actually mean any of this – we've been raised hearing these common phrases as ways of describing romance and true love. For most they're generic phrases that are used to describe the excitement and “magic” or romance. Even under the best circumstances, however, they're trite and overused.

So when you construct or edit your profile, ask yourself: do you need fairy tales to describe what you're looking for? No offense to the Brothers Grimm, but I think we're all a little more creative than that.

The Los Angeles divorce of Frank and Jamie McCourt is well publicized, as is their exceptional wealth and key point of contention: they're arguing over who owns the Los Angeles Dodgers. He always assumed the team was his and she always assumed half was hers. It's a $700 million dollar point of contention and a recent Huffington Post article cites the varying dangers of assumptions that we all deal with in the land of relationships. An overwhelmingly powerful read, the article brilliantly articulates the widespread issue of assumptions and how we deal with those assumptions in relationships. Causes, effects and consequences based on these assumptions create chain reactions in love and life. If you don't know what to look for, you could be ending something as soon as it begins.

Unstated Assumptions: When you begin spending time around someone, you get impressions. You had a date, you're going out on Thursday, he's going to pick up the tab. Possible misunderstandings are around every corner and through effective communication, you minimize those unstated assumptions as they become shared understandings. Talk, talk, talk - it's the road to relationship redemption! Just think about matchmaking services and online dating sites - you're shopping for similarities and understand in advance what someone shares with you. There's less ground for assumption and a better ground for understanding.

Shared Perceptions are Earned and Not Assumed: If couples fail to talk about assumptions, it's breeding ground for conflict. Communication is the conduit for minimizing the effect that assumptions can have on your relationship. Those are assumptions that every relationship faces. However, as a relationship progresses, couples begin to operate "on the same page." This is through effective communication.

Violated Assumptions: All relationships inevitably proceed with some assumptions. When someone in the relationship violates one of those assumptions, however, it causes both partners to evaluate how they see the other person moving forward. It's a time to reassess, evaluate and begin communicating so as to prevent future misunderstandings on the same issue.

Bias - it Happens: According to the article, assumptions happen and they tend to skew in a self-serving direction. In other words, the things we assume are more likely to consider ourselves first and our partners second. As with the McCords above, they both feel "Of course I own the Dodgers! How could you think otherwise?" Consistent and open lines of communication go miles towards preventing the dangers that bias presents in the inevitable land of assumptions.

Room for Adjustment: One of the biggest benefits to communication is the "room to move" effect. By consistently communication, a couple can make adjustments along the way and continually hone their relationship. This minimizes the dangers assumptions present along the way. More in-tune couples discuss deeper issues while those with lesser communication skills tend to avoid them and stick with the non-interactive world do assumptions. Is it easier to build a relationship where there's an ongoing dialogue or one that hits a terminal point and you're left with attorneys tasked with sorting out the tangled web of assumptions you've built along the way?

At first, it may seem daunting or even unmanly to talk about things that are important to you in a relationship beyond where you're going to sit at the ball game on Saturday. There's nothing undignified about establishing grounds for being able to talk to one another. The more communicating you get used to doing as a couple, the better off you'll be in the long run. And remember: talking is different than communicating. We talk all day long. It's the conversations that matter and involve a sharing of ideas instead of just a superficial-level agreement or disagreement that will go miles towards propelling your relationships down a path of success instead of one destined for conflict.

If someone tells me they've got an online dating profile, I don't bat an eye. Of course they do! If they're single, I all but expect it. It's just another sensible way to meet new people, after all. And to me – and most of the people I know – there is no stigma whatsoever.

It would appear that most of society is catching up as well – articles are published every day about the increasing number of online dating site memberships. However, there's always someone who falls a little behind the curve; someone who still thinks online dating is “weird” or “scary.” It's easy to ignore it when it's a parent or someone who's not even single; but what do we do when it's a single friend?

It's a fine line to walk. Resisting online dating for no good reason might seem ridiculous to someone who's been comfortable with the idea for a long time. At that point, it becomes easy to get overenthusiastic about online dating, to exert peer pressure or even use a condescending tone. Those are not the ways to convert anyone to anything. I have heard more than person say, “Online dating, ugh. Not a day goes by when there's not a friend bugging me about joining.”

It gets worse if your friend is newly single, or frustrated with the local dating scene; your friend might be feeling defensive or sensitive before the conversation even gets going. So how to promote online dating without becoming overwhelming?

In short, don't make online dating a big deal. It might be the best thing that's ever happened to you, but for someone who already has reservations, setting up online dating as something exotic and new – even in a positive sense – could make them shy away.

Simply mention in passing, “Well, this has been working for me, so there's another option.” You can give one or two sites that have worked for you, maybe offer to help them get started, nonchalantly – and that's it. If they're interested, they'll ask questions, sooner or later. Some people have to arrive at decisions in their own time. It's great to share what works for you, but giving a single friend some space, allowing the decision to be theirs, will make them more pro-active when they finally do decide to give online dating a try. And you will have avoided becoming the friend that bugs them.

Everyone's heard about Sandra Bullock's devastating journey as she moves on from the cheating man who left her heart by the curb. Many of us have been there, so what do you do when your Price Charming turns out to be a Prince Harming? O Magazine recently published an inspiring article that helps men and women alike get through what's not only a brutal time, but one that's a great ground for rebuilding and reveling in who you are and what you bring to the table.

Celebrate YOU. When someone's violated your trust, why not take the time to focus on who you are and what you have to offer? The decision to cheat is one person's and one alone. You can't control their decisions and you can't make the situation to go away. Sit down and make a list of all the things you have going for you and remember that they're all great things!

Trade Anger for Inspiration. Instead of spending your time being angry at the person who violated your trust, look at the bright side. NOW you know who they are. NOW you can focus your energy on finding someone who's worthy of your time and affections. NOW you have a world of love waiting for you when the right person comes along!

What You Learned Versus What You Lost. You learned something in that bad relationship, so why not celebrate it? Take all the warning signs and use them as markers as you move forward. By gathering up all of those points of learning, you're putting yourself in the position to avoid the same mistakes with a new partner. You can also recognize warning signs early on that your Prince Charming might not be all they seem.

Be Proud of Yourself. No one deserves a Prince Harming and you've placed yourself in a position where you can move on with your life. It's a difficult decision to end a relationship so be proud of your ability to dig deep and decide to move on.