Relationships

First dates can come with a lot of expectations. You want to be attracted to the person you're meeting, and you want to feel attractive. You want things to go smoothly, which puts more pressure on a tense situation because usually, first dates are awkward and uncomfortable.

So, what do you do to feel less nervous and more comfortable in your own skin? Here are some things to try:

Pick a place you are familiar with to meet. Maybe you're considering the new upscale restaurant in your neighborhood to impress your date, but refrain from doing this for a first date if you're nervous. Choose a place that you've been before where you feel comfortable, and preferably a casual place so you don't feel uptight and formal. When you are more relaxed, dates often go more smoothly.

Wear something that is comfortable, but makes you feel confident and sexy. Rather than going out and buying something new that looks trendy for your first date, wear something that you know makes you feel attractive. It's also best to go with what makes you comfortable---the last thing you want to be thinking about on a date is how your shoes or your shoulder straps are hurting you.

Don't feel the need to talk all the time. Women are especially guilty of this. If there is a pause in the conversation, don't try to cover it up by going on about your cat or the people in your office. Also, don't feel the need to constantly ask questions; nobody likes to feel interrogated. It's okay to sit back, relax, and make eye contact rather than small talk.

Don't go overboard on drinking. Sure, we all like to feel relaxed and alcohol does help in these situations, but know your body. Don't drink too fast or try to cover your nervousness by drinking too much. It will be obvious to your date if you're bordering on drunk, and usually a turn-off.

This isn't your job, so take a deep breath and relax. Your work day is hurried, but there is no reason to rush through a date like you're on a mission. A date isn't a job interview or an attempt to land a client---it is supposed to be informal and hopefully fun. Don't bring your business persona; leave that for your boss. Instead, think of your date as meeting a new friend. The potential for romance is there when you relax and be yourself.

You've been communicating for weeks with a guy you met online. According to his profile and email and phone conversations, he seems great, and you're excited to meet him in person. Within a few minutes of face-to-face interaction however, it's clear that you aren't a match.

This scenario happens more often than we'd like. So what can you do to better prepare yourself for your first in-person meeting so it doesn't end in disappointment? Here are some tips.

Do your research. You've read his profile and you've exchanged flirtatious emails and phone conversations. You may feel that you know enough about him, but chances are, you don't. Do a Google search. If you have an iPhone or Android, download an app like Date Check, which lets you know if he has a criminal or sex offender record. It may sound extreme, but with online dating, we are meeting strangers outside of our trusted network of friends and family so it's necessary to take extra precautions. With so much information at our fingertips, there's no excuse not to use it for dating.

Utilize social networking sites. These days, most people seem to have a Facebook page, a Twitter page, or a LinkedIn account. Remember, you can look someone up on Facebook by an email address, so you know you have the right person. What kind of photos do they post? What messages do friends leave on their walls? What is their relationship status? Social networking sites provide information and insight that we likely aren't able to get through emails and phone calls.

Set up an in-person meeting sooner rather than later. If you put off meeting in person but communicate often via email, instant messages, and phone conversations, you can build up a false sense of intimacy. Better to cut to the chase to see if you click in real life, so set a date to meet for coffee next time you find yourself excited about a virtual guy or girl.

Be realistic. Falling head over heels for someone you've never met but seems great online is a recipe for disappointment. You don't know if there's chemistry until you meet in person. Approach the situation for what it is: getting to know someone for the first time...don't make assumptions, even if your online exchanges seem more intimate.

Like the weather, online dating is unpredictable and frustrating, and the results you want never seem to come at the right time. In other words, when it rains, it pours.

After months of waiting for just one email response, a friend of mine finally got one. And everything was going swimmingly. Then, just as he's really moving into the phase where he can say, “We're dating,” he gets another email response. And another! At any other time this would be a victory, but now he's kicking himself. He really wants to focus on the girl he's dating. How to let the others down nicely? And what if things don't work out with his current flame – will he have closed the door to other possibilities forever?

This is a problem most people would love to have – until they're actually in this position. We've all been turned down before, so when we're put in this position, we want to be classy, graceful. We want to have all the right things to say. And, without being cynical, we might want to leave our options open. How to go about it?

First and foremost – be honest. Say that you enjoyed their email, and it was interesting, but that you're currently attempting to give it a go with someone else. Don't scold them for the amount of time it took them to reply, or imply that they missed out; that's just tacky. If you say something like, “I'm seeing someone else, and I'm not the type of person who can date multiple people at once,” you'll be honest and they might even respect you for it, if they agree.

Now, the next part is trickier. You might not want to close the door on your potential future, but you don't want to be the person propping it open with your sleazy foot, either. Do not, under any circumstances, imply that something could happen if it doesn't work out with your current significant other – they'll wonder if you'll be looking for the next thing while you're with them. Regretfully state that under different circumstances, this story might have had a different ending, so they know you were interested – and move on.

Not just in your email; move on in your heart, as well. You really should be focusing on the current flame, after all. If – and it's a big if – things don't work out, there's no harm in going back and seeing if option number two is still available – and you haven't tried to juggle two at once. It's a bridge that should only be crossed when you come to it.

For many people who use online dating sites, a long-term relationship is the ultimate goal. Often, this involves cohabitation at some point, so it might seem logical to some to address any associated issues right from the very beginning. In some cases, this is true; if you're deathly allergic to cats, for example, this would affect you from the very first date. In most other cases, however, bring up cohabitation issues can come off as jumping the gun at best, and just plain creepy at worst.

I've seen some profiles that seem more like a resume for housekeeping work or an arranged marriage than someone looking for a new friend. “I love being a keeper at home! I can't wait to have children! I'm really skilled in sewing!” This sort of thing is not limited to women, by the way. Not only have I spotted men looking for just that sort of woman, I've also seen them offering up their own skills that might be useful “around the house.”

Other profiles get into the nitty-gritty of everyday life right off the bat, or seemingly advertise their great location or spacious apartment. Usually I understand what the writer was trying to say – maybe that they have room in their life for someone else, or that they're happy with their life, or that they're trying to give a glimpse into a typical day. However, it comes off more as a listing looking for a roommate than a significant other.

When you're constructing your profile, try not to think much further ahead than the dating stage – it could subconsciously influence your writing. Remember, you're looking for a potential friend, first and foremost – if there's chemistry, the rest of the story will practically write itself. Thus, focus on the hard part – getting to that first meeting. If it's not going to affect every aspect of your dating life – like an allergy, or an unusual diet – the everyday stuff can always wait 'til later.

July is here, and that means you need to find new ways to keep the romance heating-up while we keep it cool. You don't have to let the heat squelch your summer love. We've put together a fun list of four things you can do to keep it interesting with your sweetie and not melt into a puddle in the process. Who knows - you just might discover something in your neighborhood that you never knew existed and could add to your summertime fun!

Summer Date Idea #1: The Water Park

Grab those beach towels and your sweetie's hand. Spending a day at your local water park is just asking for waterlogged fun! If you're health-conscious, pack snacks as you'll probably want to pass on the hot dogs and nachos.

Summer Date Idea #2: Painting Ceramics

Oh, it's not just a "girl thing." See if there's a local paint-your-own-ceramics workshop in your area. Guys can do something cool like a set of sake cups and gals can flower-up anything their heart desires! You'll probably have to pick up your creations in a day or so since they have to be fired once you're done - a great reason to go on another date!

Summer Date Idea #3: Kooky Movies

Almost every major metro area has a throwback movie theatre. Check out your local listings and beat the heat with an evening viewing of classics like Rocky Horror or a John Hughes masterpiece. Oh - and the popcorn is mandatory!

Summer Date Idea #4: Get Fishy

No, you don't even need a boat. Grab your date and head to the aquarium in your area! Always cool (in more ways than just the temperature), you can rest-assured that your day will be filled with learning, fun and if you bring your camera, some great pics to share as well.

If you live in a highly-populated area, online dating sites can occasionally provide quite a bit of frustration when it comes to zeroing in on likely matches.

Your city (or metropolitan area) has no shortage of potential candidates, but none of them seem to have anything in common. Most of the options designed to narrow the search are actually areas in which you'd like to keep an open mind, like body type and height. You're not looking for someone with a specific look – you're looking for a specific personality.

This is where keyword searches can come in handy. Most of the time people use keyword searches solely to find something in common, but that can be like searching for a needle in a haystack – what are the odds of every compatible person listing the same obscure movie as their favorite? However, with a little bit of research, you can use the keyword search to look for various kinds of people.

Let's imagine a woman in her mid-thirties. She's a little bold, a little dramatic, and pretty independent. She's a fan of movies like Star Wars, but it might not occur to her to list it. She loves wit and sarcasm mixed with her horror. She hasn't been living in a bubble for the last fifteen years.

Chances are, she's a fan of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Now, you might be a man who would not list Buffy as one of your own favorites, but you know the women you've gotten along with in the past have all loved it. So why not do a keyword search for Buffy? Chances are, you'll find a higher ratio of compatible women than if you'd started wading through everything in a given age range.

The key to doing a keyword search is keeping the keywords broad and popular. The TV show I mentioned was incredibly popular, and lasted several years – one of those generation-definers. It's possible to be either too broad or too specific. If you're a female sports buff, listing a specific sport – basketball – is more useful than the ultra-general word “sports.” However, getting too specific - “Detroit Pistons,” when you live in LA – could limit the search unnecessarily.

If you feel like you've hit a wall in your searches, why not play around with the keyword search function? Leave all other search ranges as broad as possible. You may come up with a pleasant surprise.