When It Rains, It Pours
- Sunday, July 04 2010 @ 08:01 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 2,727
Like the weather, online dating is unpredictable and frustrating, and the results you want never seem to come at the right time. In other words, when it rains, it pours.
After months of waiting for just one email response, a friend of mine finally got one. And everything was going swimmingly. Then, just as he's really moving into the phase where he can say, “We're dating,” he gets another email response. And another! At any other time this would be a victory, but now he's kicking himself. He really wants to focus on the girl he's dating. How to let the others down nicely? And what if things don't work out with his current flame – will he have closed the door to other possibilities forever?
This is a problem most people would love to have – until they're actually in this position. We've all been turned down before, so when we're put in this position, we want to be classy, graceful. We want to have all the right things to say. And, without being cynical, we might want to leave our options open. How to go about it?
First and foremost – be honest. Say that you enjoyed their email, and it was interesting, but that you're currently attempting to give it a go with someone else. Don't scold them for the amount of time it took them to reply, or imply that they missed out; that's just tacky. If you say something like, “I'm seeing someone else, and I'm not the type of person who can date multiple people at once,” you'll be honest and they might even respect you for it, if they agree.
Now, the next part is trickier. You might not want to close the door on your potential future, but you don't want to be the person propping it open with your sleazy foot, either. Do not, under any circumstances, imply that something could happen if it doesn't work out with your current significant other – they'll wonder if you'll be looking for the next thing while you're with them. Regretfully state that under different circumstances, this story might have had a different ending, so they know you were interested – and move on.
Not just in your email; move on in your heart, as well. You really should be focusing on the current flame, after all. If – and it's a big if – things don't work out, there's no harm in going back and seeing if option number two is still available – and you haven't tried to juggle two at once. It's a bridge that should only be crossed when you come to it.
After months of waiting for just one email response, a friend of mine finally got one. And everything was going swimmingly. Then, just as he's really moving into the phase where he can say, “We're dating,” he gets another email response. And another! At any other time this would be a victory, but now he's kicking himself. He really wants to focus on the girl he's dating. How to let the others down nicely? And what if things don't work out with his current flame – will he have closed the door to other possibilities forever?
This is a problem most people would love to have – until they're actually in this position. We've all been turned down before, so when we're put in this position, we want to be classy, graceful. We want to have all the right things to say. And, without being cynical, we might want to leave our options open. How to go about it?
First and foremost – be honest. Say that you enjoyed their email, and it was interesting, but that you're currently attempting to give it a go with someone else. Don't scold them for the amount of time it took them to reply, or imply that they missed out; that's just tacky. If you say something like, “I'm seeing someone else, and I'm not the type of person who can date multiple people at once,” you'll be honest and they might even respect you for it, if they agree.
Now, the next part is trickier. You might not want to close the door on your potential future, but you don't want to be the person propping it open with your sleazy foot, either. Do not, under any circumstances, imply that something could happen if it doesn't work out with your current significant other – they'll wonder if you'll be looking for the next thing while you're with them. Regretfully state that under different circumstances, this story might have had a different ending, so they know you were interested – and move on.
Not just in your email; move on in your heart, as well. You really should be focusing on the current flame, after all. If – and it's a big if – things don't work out, there's no harm in going back and seeing if option number two is still available – and you haven't tried to juggle two at once. It's a bridge that should only be crossed when you come to it.
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