Relationships

We often talk about the dos and don'ts of online profile picture-taking. However, one thing manages to slip by: the sheer number of pictures involved. Can there be too many? What about too few?

Picture this: you're looking at a profile and it seems pretty appealing. You wonder, though, if maybe the profile is too appealing – is it one of those vague ones designed to hook anyone? To get more of a personality flavor, you check out the additional pictures of Vague Profile Person – who, based on their default picture, does look pretty hot.

...And you find out that the default picture is the only one there! Immediately red flags are raised. Could this default picture be some random image taken from the internet? Is there some unsuspecting hot victim out there who has no idea their sweet visage is being used to lure additional suckers? In short, is this a scam?

Now, it might not be a scam at all. It might be that the person who wrote the profile is a perfectionist, and they only had one picture that they deemed decent. And that's not a bad ethic to have, but sometimes too little information can be suspicious. Besides, sometimes pictures that aren't necessarily the best from an aesthetic standpoint can be gold in terms of what they say about you – the picture where you have a funny face because you're giving a belly laugh, or hanging upside-down on a jungle gym. If you're a perfectionist, consider allowing a little imperfection to shine through.

Then, however, there are people who go too far in the other direction. We've all seen one; the person is seemingly using their profile as a place to dump all their photos. We get twenty pictures of one night on the town, some “art” photos of a fly on the lid of a trashcan, and one sideways shot of the photographer's shoes when they forgot the camera was on. Excess in anything is not good.

So, what's the magic golden number? There's no perfect answer, but I'd say between three and ten varied, interesting shots is a good place to start. Your pictures can say as much about you as your profile does; don't let your quest for the perfect picture keep your true self from shining through.

Singles ask me one question more than any other...where can they go to meet people to date?

The question seems easy to those who are in relationships...why not go to a bar and start talking to a cute guy or girl? But what happens when you do this a lot, and your dating life hasn't progressed to much more than a few dates here and there?

Well, there are some answers, but if you are serious about wanting a relationship, you have to put in some time and energy into the search process. And don't expect to meet Mr. Right at a bar, unless you're lucky. Going forward, try out some of these suggestions:

Accept invitations to all parties. That's right. If a friend of a friend you just met invites you to a birthday bash this weekend, go. Don't back out because you don't want to go by yourself. Parties are the best places to go when you're single and available, because they will force you to meet new people and expand your network.

Check out local events for singles. Many places are starting to hold networking events for singles, even grocery stores! Scan your local listings of singles mixers, whether it's wine tasting, happy hours, industry events, or speed dating parties. You're bound to find something interesting.

Join online dating sites. Instead of investing your time in just one site, join a few and compare notes. Be proactive in searching and communicating with people. Don't spend a lot of time emailing and phoning...try to get to the meeting quickly so you don't build up false expectations. This is the environment to meet a lot of people.

Do something you love, but in a group. Want to learn to make sushi or hike to the top of Mount Baldy? Check out local classes, sports groups, or whatever hobby interests you and sign up. Doing something you enjoy puts you in a great frame of mind when meeting new people, and attracts others to you.

Try a new dating experience. Heard of dating in the dark, eye gazing parties, or traditional speed dating? Why not try one of these activities out? Even if you don't meet the right person, you could make some new friends that lead you in that direction. Plus, it gives you something to talk about afterwards. New experiences are beneficial, even when they are outside of your comfort zone.

When we talk about taking a good default picture for your online dating profile, it's easy to pick on the men. After all, not all men like to smile in pictures. They're more likely to get that intimidating mugshot look going on. The difference between a good and a bad picture can mean the difference between looking approachable and looking downright scary.

However, women are not immune from picture problems. In fact, they often do many of the same things. The major difference lies in how we, the viewers, interpret them.

For example, men and women have the same problem when they try to take a “serious” picture: they don't aim for thoughtful, or studious, or reflective. Instead, they wipe all traces of expression from their face and snap away. And they think this makes a good “serious” picture. In men, that's when you get the scary mugshot face. In women, it tends to get interpreted as “creepy” or “deadeye.” Women do this less than men, but there's still quite a few out there, believe me.

Women are more likely to combine the “deadeye” look with the “cleavage” look, which is why we're less likely to think “mugshot” when we see it. It's easy to see where the woman is coming from; she notices that sexy photos don't often have women giving big toothy grins, so she thinks a more serious face will be more enticing. However, again, there's no expression going on at all. She might still get emails due to the cleavage factor, but honestly, if someone looks only at the cleavage and doesn't care what messages the face is sending at all, you have to wonder if it's the type of person you want to meet.

It's possible for both men and women to take interesting pictures that don't involve baring all the pearly whites; however, your face still has to have an emotion. In your next photo session, try thinking about a funny joke while trying to keep a straight face. If you're going for pensive, try thinking about... anything. Even if it feels like your face hasn't changed, there are minuscule muscle changes going on there that add up to the big picture. Now that digital cameras are more common, it's easier to experiment and see what works for you.

Remember, you don't want to be known as Mugshot Sally or Steve! Take another look at your own default picture: are you sending the right message?

Do you remember what it felt like to learn to ride a bike? Not what it's like to ride one now, but the first few times – the awkwardness, the lack of balance. When others hopped on and took off it looked easy, but for you it was like you had to tell your body to do something utterly foreign; each step of the process had to be thought through, and it didn't always feel natural.

Then, of course, one day it clicked. You got on the bike and it didn't feel like you had to remember every little step anymore; you fixed your eyes on a point in the distance and just left. You were one of the people who made it look so easy, and soon the difficulty of learning faded from your mind. Instead of Learning to Ride a Bike, the Challenge, it was Bike Riding: A Skill You'll Never Forget.

For some people, dating is like learning to ride a bike: it's hard. It can feel awkward and unnatural. Every step has to be carefully analyzed. And it's frustrating, seeing others for whom it appears to be the easiest thing in the world.

But there's a light at the end of the tunnel; at some point, something just clicks. Like any other skill, those required in dating – small talk, overcoming shyness, etc – can be learned. Soon you move up the ladder to more advanced challenges: maintaining a long-term relationship, for example. Meeting people or going on a first date becomes easy.

However, like bike-riding, there's only one way you can acquire this skill: practice. Sometimes it means falling over; sometimes you might get scraped knees. Maybe it takes more than one person offering advice, because there's someone out there who will describe what you need to do in just the right way. But don't lose heart; one way or another, you'll get the hang of it. Before you know it, you'll be flying down the block.

Still convinced that online dating is for losers, outcasts, and socially awkward recluses?

Think again.

Online dating sites have become the preferred method of finding love for countless singles across the globe, and while the average John and Jane Does of the world are creating superstar identities for themselves on dating and social networking sites, real superstars are using the same sites to shed the restrictive skin of their celebrity personas and find love with everyday people.

Some stars have only been rumored to use online dating services, but others are vocal about their use of the Internet to meet their matches. In a 2005 issue of Rolling Stone magazine, for instance, Rivers Cuomo, the lead singer and guitarist of alternative rock band Weezer, told the tale of a failed attempt to join an online dating site. After completing his profile, Cuomo said, the site sent him a message saying "We're sorry, but there is no one anywhere in the world that is appropriate for you." Cuomo abandoned online dating, but found love with Kyoko Ito, who he married in 2006.

Sassy comedienne Joan Rivers has also been open about her use of online dating sites. In her profile on Match.com, she described herself as interested in "coffee and conversation," as well as "smart men, funny men, elegant men." She also added that if she "had to choose between Brad Pitt stripped to the waist or an old George Clooney in a dinner jacket, George would win hands down."

Even the very top of the A list has discussed online dating. Oscar-winning actress Halle Berry talked about experimenting with dating sites and chat rooms with Contact Music, saying "I am never who I am. I have been to a couple of dating ones just to see what everybody is talking about. I chime in and say a little fun stuff."

Sometimes a rumor is all it takes to cause a commotion. When it was reported that Friends star Matthew Perry was a member of Rich Soulmate in 2008, where he described himself as "cute and adorable, yet pained and lonely," so many people visited the site that it crashed. There have also been rumors of Charlie Sheen using MillionaireMatch.com, and Chace Crawford, of Gossip Girl fame, has mentioned an interest in JDate.com, despite the fact that he isn't Jewish. "I have a bunch of different accounts that no one even knows about," he claimed in an interview with Now magazine.

Why are so many celebrities turning to the world of online dating? The answer is simple: they just want to be normal. Shira Kallus from Date.com tells Ed Krayewski that "Online dating lets people get to know you for what kind of person you are, not who you are," allowing the rich and famous to "stop being celebrities and start being people." By using online dating sites, celebrities can put aside their wealth and fame, weed out suitors who are interested in them for superficial reasons, and develop genuine relationships based on who they really are.

So next time you're contemplating rudely blowing an admirer off, reconsider - it just might be your long-time Hollywood love!

When you live in a big city like, say, Chicago or Houston, there's always a chance you could see someone you know on an online dating site, but it's not very likely. The sheer amount of people in the city means you'd probably have to comb through quite a few pages first. However, what if you live in a small town? Well, that's simple; the chances of seeing someone you know goes up. What if it's a really small town, the kind of quirky town that we see on TV and in movies, where everyone knows your name and your business? Well, then bear these Small Town Dating tips in mind.

First, just assume that everyone you know will eventually see or know about your profile. In the long run, life will be easier that way. In theory, you're doing your best to make a good first impression on your online profile anyway, so it shouldn't be too difficult to proofread with the rest of the town in mind. Think long and hard: is this a joke or a picture you'd be comfortable with your grandmother seeing, or your elderly neighbor? You don't want to completely change your writing “voice,” but you might want to save the raciest bits for when you're engaged in flirtatious emails.

Second, consider broadening your range. Maybe you happen to live in a small town, but Chicago or Houston is just a twenty-minute car trip away. That's a major advantage of online dating; you aren't as limited in your search. And let's face it, if your town only has three hundred people in it and you know most of them, at some point you're going to have to look elsewhere anyway.

Finally, remember that if you choose to go on a first date within your town limits, people will probably notice. And they'll probably have opinions. But as long as they don't regale you with their thoughts during the date, is this actually a bad thing? It's not a bad idea to meet someone new in a venue where others know and care about you, and would notice right away if you weren't yourself.

Ultimately, that's the thing to remember about living in a small town; yes, the romantic prospects may be slim, and yes, gossip may be plenty, but it's like having an extended family. You might have to plan your dates around the downsides, and that's fine – but don't forget the advantages.