Relationships

Is romance really that powerful? Do these stereotypes also have an effect on men? And what are the implications of romance-driven preferences like these?

Are women really choosing love over excellence in the fields of math, science, and technology?

These are the questions that Heidi Grant Halvorson, Ph.D., psychologist and author, answers in a recent Huffington Post article called The Surprising Connection Between Dating and Math. Studies have found that women seem to unconsciously show a preference for either romantic topics or academic subjects like math and science, but do not appear to focus on both at the same time. One study, for example, asked undergraduate participants to "accidentally" overhear conversations between other undergrads. The conversations focused on either a recent date or a recent test. When women had romance on their minds, the study found, they showed significantly less interest in math. When women had academics on the brain, the opposite results were demonstrated.

The source of the apparent conflict between "love" and "math," Halvorson speculates, may be hidden in the confusing adolescent period of a woman's development. Most people, she notes, are driven to be romantically desirable during this stage. Both genders "attempt to achieve the goal by conforming to cultural norms of what women and men are 'supposed' to be like," though women are socialized to feel this pressure particularly strongly. While men are expected to be "dominant, independent, and analytical," - qualities that prepare them for successful careers in business, finance, and science - women are expected to be "communal and nurturing, and to pursue careers that allow them to express those qualities - like teaching, counseling and, of course, nursing."

Men are not immune to the pressures of gender stereotypes either: in the search for love, many men are deterred from pursuits that are typically seen as 'feminine.' "In other words," Halvorson explains, "love doesn't just make girls bad at math -- it may also make boys act like selfish jerks, all in the service of conforming to a (largely unconscious) romantic ideal."

Competence, and equality between genders, may be playing a losing game. The unconscious influence of stereotypes may exert an influence that is too powerful for logical thoughts and actions, meaning that we may automatically inhibit what we consider to be conflicting goals - no matter how beneficial they actually are - in pursuit of love. The ultimate lesson to be learned from these studies, Halvorson writes, is the insight it gives us "as parents and teachers into the kinds of messages our children need to hear.... What they need to understand is that breaking out of a stereotype won't keep them from finding the loving relationship they also desire. Only then will they feel free to go wherever their interests and aptitudes may take them."

Related Story: Are Women Choosing Love Over Math?

When people sit down to write their online profiles, they often balk at what should be one of the simplest aspects: choosing their body type. It’s usually just a click of a bullet point, but it can mean a world of difference in how you show up on searches. To make matters worse, the descriptions are often completely subjective and confusing to boot: is “husky” heavier or lighter than “heavyset”? Is “curvy” smaller or larger than “a few extra pounds”? It’s enough to make anyone’s head spin.

As a society, we tend to be overly image-conscious to begin with. We’re bombarded with images that tell us that only the very skinniest of people are acceptable; thus, perfectly healthy, average people might consider themselves overweight or “big-boned.” The truth is, there’s no one factor that can give you a full and accurate picture of the body type and health of a potential match. Even photos can be suspect; an angle can add or take away several pounds.

So what can you do with your own profile? Keep two words in mind: confidence and honesty. First, you’re not going to do yourself any favors by having low self-esteem and choosing a body type larger than you actually are. Someone who’s confident will see themselves in the best possible light; thus, if you’re torn between two descriptions, choose the one that makes you feel better about yourself. If you’re absolutely clueless about which term is “better,” try looking at potential matches and see what they’re more likely to search for. If it seems to be generally agreed that one term is preferable to the other, go with that one - better to show up in more searches, after all.

However, it’s important to remain honest, too; people tend to be wary when they first start out on online dating, and they’re looking for blatant lies. So even if it gets you more profile hits, don’t choose the thinnest body type when you’re clinically overweight. Seeing the world through rose-colored glasses is one thing; outright lying is another. The best way to demonstrate your honesty and confidence is to include several pictures of yourself - not just the cleverly-angled headshot, but maybe a full-body shot. If you feel the term “overweight” does your curvy or well-muscled body a disservice, show it off! No one will accuse you of dishonesty when you’re far bolder than they are.

One last thought: for all the stressing and analyzing we do, body type and weight is but one tiny part of the personality package. When people look at profiles, they’re looking at your smiling face before they ever check out your body type. When they meet you in person, they’re seeing an entire personality, not just a clothing size. Remember that confidence covers a multitude of imperfections; show your potential matches that labels just aren’t sufficient when it comes to you.

What lengths are you willing to go to in pursuit of love?

Some singles stick to traditional dating, preferring to meet partners in bars, parks, museums, stores, and at social events. Others venture into the worlds of online dating or professional matchmaking. Some seek out the advice of fortune tellers and astrology experts.

And now, some singles are turning to science in the search for love. New dating sites are using advanced technology to match potential partners online - but does it work, or is it just an attention-grabbing gimmick? Can science really uncover the biological basis of love, and can a scientific approach be used to complement the traditional path to romance?

Scientific analysis is being applied to modern forms of courtship by an increasing number of dating services that claim to use biological research and genetic testing in an attempt to match prospective partners more effectively. Take GenePartner.com, for example, which claims that "Love is no coincidence!" According to GenePartner, there are two important aspects to every romantic relationship:

1. Social compatibility (such as age, education level, humor, life goals, interests, etc).

2. Biological compatibility (which ensures good chemistry and higher chances of successful long-term relationship).

With that in mind, the site pairs potential partners by analyzing the biological compatibility between them based on their genetic profiles. "With genetically highly compatible people we feel that rare sensation of perfect chemistry," the site says. "This is the body's receptive and welcoming response when immune systems harmonise and fit together."

ScientificMatch.com is also taking an advanced approach to online dating by offering a genetic matchmaking service that uses information about singles' immune system genes gathered from members' DNA. ScientificMatch notes that there are several significant benefits to genetic matchmaking, including higher rates of fertility, increased likelihood of having healthy children with more strong immune systems, and a greater chance that "you'll love the natural body fragrance of your matches."

And genetic analysis isn't the only scientific revolution impacting the dating world. FindYourFaceMate.com, a recently-launched dating site, is matching partners using facial recognition technology. "Chemistry is often ignited when we spot someone whose features are similar to our own," the site explains. To craft meaningful relationships, FindYourFaceMate uses "sophisticated facial recognition software and a proprietary algorithm to identify partners more likely to ignite real passion and compatibility."

It sounds impressive on paper, but the question remains: do these space-age dating techniques actually work?

Related Story: Dating & Technology: More On The Scientific Approach To Finding The One

When we’re looking for someone new, sometimes it’s easy to overlook the people who are already by our sides: our friends. But can friends really turn into something more? Is there some sort of time limit, after which you’ll know for sure? Should we avoid mixing friends and love altogether? It’s a sticky subject.

First, there’s the issue of whether friends frequently turn into more, or whether it’s a bit of a myth. “What?” you may be saying. “I know several couples who were friends first! It’s the oldest story in the book!” What I wonder is how long they were friends. If, say, it was only a matter of months before they became more, were they ever really friends in the first place? Or were they, for lack of a better term, pre-significant others?

I postulate that most people who have a mutual attraction will get together in fairly rapid order. I doubt that there are many people who were friends for years before getting together, unless there was some mitigating factor (like, say, one or both were in another relationship). Thus, if you and a friend have been happily available for, say, more than a year and there haven’t been any sparks, I doubt there ever will be. And though cases of slow-growing, smoldering embers take years to grow into a relationship on TV, I suspect that’s for drama and suspense, and less common in real life.

That doesn’t mean you should never consider friendship and romance in the same sentence, however. After all, love contains both lust and friendship; many of the same factors that make a compatible friend make a compatible significant other. And many people feel more comfortable meeting someone new with friendship in mind than they do approaching a possible match.

Thus, the solution is to keep meeting new people, with friendship, at the very least, in mind. If sparks fly, you’ll know sooner rather than later. And if you stay friends - well, aren’t there worse things in life than making a great new friend?

Online dating has become mainstream, one of the primary ways singles are meeting each other today. There are so many sites to choose from, from standards like Match.com to the niche and specialty sites based on dating preferences like JDate. It's also one of the fastest-growing industries, with revenues in excess of four billion in 2010 alone - and that's not even taking into account all the people signing up on free sites.

Despite its popularity and acceptance, there are some people who are still hesitant to try online dating. Some are afraid and others are doubtful about the results. So, I've decided to take the myths about online dating and set the record straight. Following are some typical arguments against online dating, and why you should reconsider:

I'm worried I'll look desperate. While many people feel online dating is a last-ditch attempt to find someone special, this is not at all the case. Most online daters have very active social lives and date a lot. They are people open to meeting others in more places than the bar or at a party, and they are looking to cast a wider net in the singles pool. It's not desperate to do online dating; it's actually a very social and healthy thing to do.

Nobody ever meets someone special online. On the contrary, I know many married and partnered couples who met through online dating. While not every date is going to go well, online dating certainly provides more choice in dates than ever before. Instead of approaching online dating with a negative attitude of "I'll never meet anyone good," try keeping an open mind and getting to know the people you do meet. I promise you will meet more interesting and diverse people this way, which expands your dating preferences as well.

I'm afraid to put my information out there. Online dating sites are not as information-friendly as social media sites like Facebook. You don't publish your real name, address, or any other personal or financial information. Don't offer financial or any other personal info if your matches ask for this, either. Only share what you feel comfortable sharing. Be safe, but there's no reason to be paranoid.

My friend tried it and said it sucked. While I know we trust in our friends, just because one or two had a bad experience, or tried it for a month and hated it, doesn't mean you will have the same experience. Again, it's all about attitude and approach. If you go in thinking it's going to be bad and you won't meet anybody, you won't. Effort is required. But don't take your friend's word for it - find out for yourself. You'll likely be pleasantly surprised! You might not meet Mr. Wonderful right away, but you'll have fun meeting new people and exercising your dating chops.

For one of the most popular mainstream dating sites you can check our our Match.com review.

You met someone great, and now you've been dating a few weeks. You're excited and scared at the same time. Will it last? Will it be as exciting and wonderful as you imagine it to be? How do you ensure things will work out?

Unfortunately when it comes to love and life, there are no guarantees. But there are things you can do to help grow this relationship together with your significant other to make it a blissful experience. Take advantage of the excitement and euphoria you feel and put that energy into building the relationship. Here are some tips for you:

Tell him/ her how you feel. There's nothing like affirmation to keep a relationship on higher ground. Saying "I love you" is a huge part, but also encouraging your partner goes a long way. Let him know that you're proud of the work he's doing, or that she is the most exciting and interesting person to be around. Think about it. When someone you are dating tells you how wonderful he thinks you are, you can't help but notice and feel great.

Spend quality time together. Instead of going to dinner and perusing your smartphones for the latest text or tweet, or taking that work phone call, put your phone down. Pay attention to the person sitting across from you. Engage fully. After all, your love life is just as important as your career and friendships for long-term happiness. Show your new love that he/ she takes priority when you're together.

Share. There's nothing more exciting than a new relationship where you're learning about each other all the time. Don't be the person who wants to play your entire music collection for your partner and have her be as enthusiastic about it as you are - rather, share your tastes with each other. If your preferences differ, then you just have more to add to the relationship. You wouldn't want to date yourself anyway! Sharing is important and builds mutual respect and understanding.

Resist criticizing. It might be tempting to start listing your date's faults to try and get him to change. I mean - things are great but they could be amazing except for this one thing, right? This type of thinking is a mistake. Criticism only leads to resentment, so practice holding your tongue if you're prone to want to change your dates. You don't want to end up a nag. If you're truly incompatible and the differences start to appear more substantial, then you may want to reconsider the relationship.

Show affection. I'm not just talking about sex, although your physical relationship is an important part. The way you show your date how you feel through holding hands, touching his face, or rubbing her back all show your affection. When you aren't showing physical affection outside the bedroom, it can make your date feel isolated or rejected. Be aware of how you come across.