Friend or More?
- Monday, October 17 2011 @ 09:46 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,517
When we’re looking for someone new, sometimes it’s easy to overlook the people who are already by our sides: our friends. But can friends really turn into something more? Is there some sort of time limit, after which you’ll know for sure? Should we avoid mixing friends and love altogether? It’s a sticky subject.
First, there’s the issue of whether friends frequently turn into more, or whether it’s a bit of a myth. “What?” you may be saying. “I know several couples who were friends first! It’s the oldest story in the book!” What I wonder is how long they were friends. If, say, it was only a matter of months before they became more, were they ever really friends in the first place? Or were they, for lack of a better term, pre-significant others?
I postulate that most people who have a mutual attraction will get together in fairly rapid order. I doubt that there are many people who were friends for years before getting together, unless there was some mitigating factor (like, say, one or both were in another relationship). Thus, if you and a friend have been happily available for, say, more than a year and there haven’t been any sparks, I doubt there ever will be. And though cases of slow-growing, smoldering embers take years to grow into a relationship on TV, I suspect that’s for drama and suspense, and less common in real life.
That doesn’t mean you should never consider friendship and romance in the same sentence, however. After all, love contains both lust and friendship; many of the same factors that make a compatible friend make a compatible significant other. And many people feel more comfortable meeting someone new with friendship in mind than they do approaching a possible match.
Thus, the solution is to keep meeting new people, with friendship, at the very least, in mind. If sparks fly, you’ll know sooner rather than later. And if you stay friends - well, aren’t there worse things in life than making a great new friend?
First, there’s the issue of whether friends frequently turn into more, or whether it’s a bit of a myth. “What?” you may be saying. “I know several couples who were friends first! It’s the oldest story in the book!” What I wonder is how long they were friends. If, say, it was only a matter of months before they became more, were they ever really friends in the first place? Or were they, for lack of a better term, pre-significant others?
I postulate that most people who have a mutual attraction will get together in fairly rapid order. I doubt that there are many people who were friends for years before getting together, unless there was some mitigating factor (like, say, one or both were in another relationship). Thus, if you and a friend have been happily available for, say, more than a year and there haven’t been any sparks, I doubt there ever will be. And though cases of slow-growing, smoldering embers take years to grow into a relationship on TV, I suspect that’s for drama and suspense, and less common in real life.
That doesn’t mean you should never consider friendship and romance in the same sentence, however. After all, love contains both lust and friendship; many of the same factors that make a compatible friend make a compatible significant other. And many people feel more comfortable meeting someone new with friendship in mind than they do approaching a possible match.
Thus, the solution is to keep meeting new people, with friendship, at the very least, in mind. If sparks fly, you’ll know sooner rather than later. And if you stay friends - well, aren’t there worse things in life than making a great new friend?
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