Relationships

Since we've covered the ground on what turns people on, it's only fair to also cover what can turn them off. There are times when you're interested in someone and suddenly she says something that makes you cringe. Or he acts in certain ways that make you question his intentions. This can be a real turn-off while you're dating.

Or maybe you have some bad dating habits of your own that you might need to change. If you're not aware of what you might be doing to turn people off, following are some tips to help make you more successful in attracting people to you. Remember, once you have the spark, it's nice to keep it going!

Although everyone has different tastes, there's some universally disliked behavior among men and women. I can attest to one in particular because it happens so much in L.A.: flakiness. If you make plans with a woman and she consistently cancels or reschedules, it can be more annoying than if she'd simply said she wasn't interested in you in the first place. There's no excuse for inconsiderate behavior. If you're too busy, don't make plans and reach out. Wait until you can dedicate some time. If you want to find love, make sure that dating is a priority in your life.

Another turn-off for both men and women is people who play games. If you wait until the other person texts you, or play hard-to-get, or insist on being "chased," you'll have a hard time attracting quality men. And if you aren't consistent about calling and making your intentions and feelings clear to your date, and instead are keeping her interested in you so you have someone to booty call, this is also playing games. Be upfront about your intentions: whether you're just looking for a good time or something more serious, let him or her know.

One turn-off I hear often from men is that women can be too picky. They often feel cross-examined on dates, and told me that they don't understand all the expectations placed on them. Should they open the door, or pay for the meal, or will the woman feel insulted? (Not to mention the problem with women who appear "high maintenance." One man described how his date ordered specialty-made food items that weren't on the menu, and then spent the rest of their date complaining about the service. He felt embarrassed because he'd picked it out and paid for everything. Obviously, he didn't want to ask her out again.)

And the biggest turn-off for women? It's a man who doesn't engage or seem interested in getting to know her. If he's looking around at other women while she's talking, interrupting a lot, or talking too much, she assumes he's not interested and then begins to shut down. If you're perplexed why a woman isn't responding to you it's because she doesn't feel connected. So keep your attention focused on her, not on what's going on around you.

Hope this helps - happy dating!

It’s somewhat surprising to me how many general rules there are for dating based on random criteria such as gender. “Let the man do the pursuing.” “Let the girl take the lead on how fast to go.” What if one person is particularly shy? What if they both are? What if both members of the couple are the same gender? What magical, one-size-fits-all rules apply there?

The truth of the matter is, no matter who you are, or your personality type, there are points in dating when you will simply have to be brave. It’s nerve-wracking and maybe even frightening, yes. But absolutely no one should assume that they’ll find themselves in a relationship without ever taking a little personal risk.

“Oh, I just wish people could be mind readers,” you might be thinking to yourself. But what are you actually saying? You’re saying you wish people could be privy to your personal thoughts and feelings. But there is a simple way they can be - you can tell them. Functionally speaking, there’s no difference - you still run the risk that they might not feel the same, but you could also find yourself in a new romance.

So what will bravery mean for you? It might mean emailing someone whose profile attracts you. It might mean moving in for the first kiss. It might just mean doing a little extra-obvious flirting with someone you know is shy or uncertain. Regardless of what actually falls outside your comfort zone, you’ll know it when you get there - the butterflies, the adrenaline. You might be amazed at your own audacity.

But here’s the thing - we all have to do it sometime. No one likes the risk of rejection, but a relationship is comprised of two people willing to stick their neck out to succeed. Are you going to let fear, complacency, or some ridiculous “rule” hold you back from love?

You're with a couple of friends at a local bar, and someone catches your eye. You can't stop staring. Is it her eyes, her smile, or the way she carries herself, or even something more intangible?

There's something to be said for sensuality. You don't have to be drop-dead gorgeous to be sexy and attractive. So what is it that attracts us to some people and not necessarily to others?

For me, humor and attentiveness are very sexy qualities in a man. To someone else, it may be his intellect and confidence. What attracts us varies from person to person, which is why it's a good thing that we're all unique. If you try to hide what you perceive are flaws or if you think there's something different about you that you don't want others to know, you're sabotaging yourself and your love life. People are attracted to different qualities, and usually it has something to do with what you uniquely offer.

Men and women feel attraction in different ways. For women, it's all about connection. If she feels close to a man, it's a turn-on. There are many factors that make a woman feel connected - like if he listens and is attentive to her, if he treats her with respect and consideration, if he's a good kisser or physically in tune with her, or if he communicates well with her.

For men, turn-ons are more physical. They prefer women who smile and make eye contact, so that he knows she's open to him approaching and flirting with her. Men are also attracted to women who dress a little sexy - from wearing high heels or showing some skin in a low-cut blouse. (No need to be get slutty - show skin but most men prefer you keep it classy). Contrary to what women think (that men only like a certain "type" of woman) - men vary in their tastes of who they find physically attractive, so stop worrying about your body type or anything you may perceive as a flaw. There's also more to attraction than just the physical for men - according to AskMen.com, guys also prefer women who can have some fun and laugh with them.

For both men and women, the biggest turn-on is someone who feels comfortable in his or her own skin. Confidence is sexy. There's nothing more attractive than someone who knows who he is and isn't afraid to be himself.

There are a few questions that have stumped great thinkers forever:

To be or not to be?

What is the meaning of life?

What's more important: your profile or your picture?

I don't have an answer for the first two, but a small study run by AnswerLab in San Francisco may have an answer for the third. The study asked 39 patrons of a coffee shop to look at dating profiles from Match.com and eHarmony.com on a laptop. The 18 women and 21 men who participated all identified as interested in dating someone of the opposite sex.

As the participants viewed the profiles, the researcher used the Tobii X1 Light Eye Tracker to collected dating about where the participants' eyes focused on the computer screen. The tracker works by shining an infrared light at the eye and creating a reflection that is then recorded by a camera. After collecting the recordings, the program evaluates the physical structure of the eye (the angle between the cornea and pupil) to calculate the angle of the gaze. Added together, the angle of the gaze and the distance between the eyes and the screen make for an accurate method of tracking the eye's movements.

Though most people are not aware of it, the eye is moving at all times in order to take in everything with the maximum amount of detail. The eye stops moving only briefly, called a "fixation," to focus on each different element that catches your attention. Thanks to the fixations, eye tracking systems can determine exactly what we look at and for how long - like what parts of an online dating profile attract the most attention from curious singles.

The AnswerLab study found that women spent an average of 84 seconds evaluating a profile to determine if it was a match, while men spent an average of 58 seconds. Men spent the majority of their time assessing a user's photo - 65% more than women, to be exact. Men also spent 50% less time analyzing the profile overall.

The sample size was small for the study, but it may offer a little guidance when it comes to creating a profile. Know your target audience: if you're interested in men, spend more time picking the perfect photo, and if you're interested in women, devote your time and attention to crafting an original and (literally) eye-catching profile.

It’s not uncommon to hear people lament about how difficult it is to date as an adult. When you’re in your teens or early twenties, you might be in high school or college. You’re in a community comprised almost entirely of your peers, for perhaps the only time in your adult life. And most of those peers are probably single, and looking for love themselves. It’s easy to look back longingly on that time and feel that youth is wasted on the young.

But not everything is easier about dating when you’re younger. In many respects, the “dating game” gets easier the older you get. First, there’s the issue of decision-making: some claim your brain isn’t even fully equipped for major decision-making until your early twenties. Whether or not that’s true, it’s certainly flooded with hormones, potentially leading to bigger mistakes and messier relationships in your youth.

Next, there’s “game-playing” - or a lack thereof. The more mature you become, the less guesswork goes into dating. Adults likely have a better sense of who they are and what they’re looking for, and they’re more likely to be more direct about it. In theory, it’s much easier to know what’s “right” for you when you’ve spent more time experiencing what doesn’t work.

Finally, adults are more likely to be looking for someone who makes them happy in reality - not a fantasy of what they think they should be looking for. I’ve seen many in their early 20s leave relationships because they “want to see what else is out there” or they aren’t sure if something better will come along. A more mature person is less likely to be looking for just “fireworks,” and less likely to wonder “what if” about anyone else.

Dating isn’t incredibly easy, regardless of age - it’s filled with uncertainty and butterflies. Still, it’s important to realize that there’s no “perfect time” to date or find the right one for you - and that real love can be found at any stage in life.

Online dating has become a standard way for singles to meet. But what about mobile dating? It seems to be gaining a lot of ground in the past couple of years, since most people are attached to their smart phones. In fact, according to recent statistics mobile dating makes up 15.8% of the online dating market. It only makes sense that singles want to check out other singles while meeting their friends for dinner or drinks after work. So why not incorporate online dating with the accessibility of your phone?

While the idea sounds appealing, there are reasons people are more hesitant to try mobile dating and aren't convinced it's a true way to find love. Mobile apps have made hooking up via phones the norm, so there's not an incentive to look for lasting love this way. Successful mobile apps like OkCupid's Locals and Grindr designed their mobile apps as more of a vehicle for people close by to "hang out," rather than offering true matchmaking capability. There's a safety element that is not being addressed as well, which doesn't really work for women.

But what if the capabilities of mobile dating were joined with your social media networks? So you could more easily meet friends of friends on Facebook or followers of followers on Twitter? This seems to be an appealing idea to a lot of people, and one that Snap.com seems to be promoting through its various apps, including AreYouInterested.com (an app that integrates online dating, Facebook, and mobile dating).

The power of mobile apps is that many are location-based, which means more spontaneity for the users. You can check your phone at the mall or the bar and see if there are any available singles nearby, making face-to-face meetings more immediate without going through the emailing and questionnaire process of many online dating sites.

In fact, most of the major online dating sites including Match.com, OkCupid, and eHarmony have launched their own mobile apps to make it easier for their members to meet. eHarmony claims 30% of its members join through their mobile dating app now. However, eHarmony doesn't utilize the GPS capabilities; it's more of a mobile version of the regular site.

So what is the future of mobile dating? And what about its success if you're looking for lasting love? It's a great option for you to meet more people, especially if it's linked with social networks or with an online dating site you're already signed up with. It can expand your network and options. Just remember to exercise caution when meeting people face-to-face, and don't expect that everyone using a mobile app has intentions of dating. It's best to be upfront about what you want, just like with online dating. And make sure you only meet your dates in public places.

For more information on some services which offer Mobile Dating you can check out our review of Match.com, our review of OkCupid, and our review of eHarmony