Relationships

Have you been frustrated with the kind of men responding to your profiles, or maybe their lack of interest? Do you jump from dating site to dating site hoping things will change? Instead of dropping your online dating subscription altogether, I recommend you take a look at your profile and see what to improve.

Online daters tend to be quick with their searches through profiles and even quicker with their judgments. That means guys may pass your profile without really taking any time to read it. Does this seem unfair? Maybe. But keep in mind you are probably doing the same - and not many people want to spend valuable time reading every sentence of an online dating profile. That's why it's important to capture attention from the beginning.

Following are some common mistakes made by women when they are online dating:

Using old photos. This is a bad idea for everyone. Sure, you want more from a man than to have him judge you from your looks, but let's be honest - men are visual creatures, and if they don't believe your photo, then you've discounted yourself before you begin. Instead of using pictures from five years ago, have a friend take some now (and not with a cell phone). Use a real digital camera, and use good lighting.

Hiding your "flaws." Instead of posting a picture that hides your features or body, or describing yourself as "athletic" when really you are not, be proud of what you have! Some men like voluptuous full-figured women, and some like strong features like a pronounced nose or long neck, so whatever your perceived flaw is - it's time to embrace it. Ok Cupid found in one of their studies that men are more attracted to unique features rather than the cookie-cutter types. So embrace the real you and the right guy will, too.

The list. Sure, it's easy to provide a laundry list of what you want in a man on your profile - but is this the way to attract him? Most guys steer clear of a woman with a lot of requirements, because she screams high maintenance. Who would want to live up to that kind of challenge? Instead, pick your "must-haves" and stick to those. Brief is better.

Going negative. This is another trap we women tend to fall into. If you've had a few rough relationships, been cheated on, or been on a string of bad dates, leave your baggage at the door. There's no need to go into it in your profile with phrases like "I want a real man, not a boy" or "I can't deal with another player." Remember, this is an initial brochure about you, not a memoir about your dating history. Keep it positive, focusing on the things you do want and not all the bad things that have happened in the past or that you want to avoid.

Denial. If you're online dating, then own it. Don't say: "I never thought I'd be doing this" or "my friend signed me up" because you're dismissing all of your potential dates who are online dating. There's nothing to be embarrassed about - most single people are online dating because they want to meet people outside of the usual networks. And you do, too. Embrace it and enjoy!

Related Article: 5 Online Dating Mistakes Guys Make

Most of us look for romantic relationships to make us happy. When we've found the right person, we reason, then everything else in our lives will fall into place. We'll no longer feel lonely or unhappy because we'll be able to share our lives. But is this actually the case?

Not so much. Happiness can't be found in another person. It is cultivated within us. Looking outside yourself to find it can lead you on a chase that never satisfies your heart or soul. This is why it's important to first seek out what makes you happy and fulfilled before you commit to being in a relationship with someone else.

Easier said than done, right? Since we were little, fairytales taught us that a prince was coming to save us from distress, so we unconsciously look for that same kind of rescue from our romantic relationships - usually by wanting a man to chase us. Preferably the good-looking, funny, smart bad boy who falls head over heels for us. But this kind of rescue isn't a recipe for happiness.

Instead of looking to love to make you happy, try making yourself happy first:

There are many parts of your life in addition to your romantic relationship. So don't let the fact that you don't have a boyfriend make you feel incomplete. Instead, focus on other parts of your life that bring you joy and fulfillment, whether it's your career, your artistic pursuits, your friends, your church, your hobbies, or your volunteer work. Cultivate your own life with working towards personal goals and weekends spent doing things that are meaningful to you.

Don't drop everything for a guy in the early stages of a relationship. It's a fantastic feeling to fall in love, or to be excited about a new romantic prospect, but there's no need to rush things. If the relationship is meant to last, you'll have plenty of opportunities to do things together. Besides, as your relationship progresses, you want to include each other in your lives, which means spending time with your friends and family. Don't you want to keep those ties strong?

Don't pretend with him. If he's really into old movies and you prefer the new action flicks, don't lie and say you're a fan of Bogart, too. Same thing with sports, music, or any other pastime - don't pretend you've read something you haven't, or like something you don't. If the relationship progresses, the truth will come out sooner or later. And you might be upset with yourself that you let your real passions fade in favor of your boyfriend's.

Bottom line: Get to know yourself better - what excites you and what you like to spend time doing, and cultivate that. The right guy will love you for who you are.

Have you noticed your dating game is a little off? Are you wondering why nobody's responding to your online dating profile, IMs or your emails? Relax, chances are it's not what you have to offer, but rather how you might come across online to a total stranger.

First, it's good to remember that people browsing through profiles have no idea who you are. They can only draw conclusions based on what they read in your profile or emails, or how you approach them, which means there's a lot of room for misunderstanding. That's why it's important to spend a little time creating a good profile (and recruit a friend to help).

If you're wondering what you can do to improve your online dating skills, let's start with five things that you should definitely avoid:

Poor photos. No more shirtless pictures guys, no matter how proud you are of your abs. Also, no shots with your phone or in front of the bathroom mirror. It's better to use a digital camera and have a friend take it for you. The better the quality, the more women will stop to look. And please only post photos that have been taken in the last six months. Anything older and you run the risk of her claiming you don't look like your photo.

Spell it out. There's nothing worse than reading a profile or getting an email with text speak (u, ur, cant, IDK). Take a little extra time to spell things out. Otherwise you look a little immature. OkCupid found that less than 10% of profiles and emails written in text speak get answered.

Negativity. Maybe your last girlfriend cheated on you, or maybe the last few dates have been horrible, but that's no reason to go negative on women you've never met - let alone potential dates! Curb your talk about "no drama queens" or giving a laundry list of what you won't tolerate. Instead, focus your profile description on what you do want.

Focus on the physical. Maybe you're reaching out to her because she's hot. Or maybe you only want beautiful, sexy women to respond to you so you clarify this in your profile. The problem? Women want you to get to know them, and they don't want to be talked to like they are nothing more than their physical appearance. Instead of reminding her about how sexy she is, read her profile and engage her in conversation about something that interests her. Keep it classy.

Waiting around. Online dating prospects move fast. It's really easy to meet people now, so if you wait too long you miss out on all kinds of opportunities. Instead of playing coy or waiting to respond so you don't look too eager, go for it! Also, don't keep trading emails for weeks. It's great if you connect online, but what if you don't click in person? If you're interested, ask her out - sooner rather than later.

Related Article: 5 Online Dating Mistakes Women Make

Writing an online dating profile, especially if you’ve never written one before, can be tough. If don’t have to write often in your daily life, or if you have to write in a technical, non-conversational style, it can take a little while to switch gears. And who hasn’t spent a considerable amount of time and effort on something, then seen someone else’s work and thought, “Oh, I wish I would have gone in that direction instead”? So it might seem strange, but before you sit down to write your profile, you might want to consider reading the profiles of others first.

To be clear, this is not at all the same thing as plagiarizing someone else’s work. It’s simply making yourself familiar with the “genre,” as it were, of online profiles. I’ve known people who have said to me, “I thought I had a really original idea for my profile, but it turns out everyone says this.” By reading through a few profiles, you can get a sense of what’s “normal” and even what’s overdone, so you can avoid such cliches and save yourself time and effort.

Additionally, make notes of what you like in the profiles of others, and what stands out to you in a positive way, so you can incorporate something similar in your own profile. Again, this doesn’t mean you should copy directly; however, there’s nothing wrong with emulating a style you like. Just reading through well-written profiles can help you get in the “conversational” frame of mind. It also can’t hurt to take note of what pictures stand out and “work” as well.

Sometimes we all need to jump-start our creativity, and the easiest way to do this is to have something to aim for, a mental picture to paint. By first familiarizing yourself with online dating profiles, it’s possible to jump over the hurdle of the learning curve - and make your “first profile” also a “great profile.”

Imagine: you’re perusing profiles on an online dating site. You’ve been looking for awhile, and to be honest the faces are all starting to blur together together for you. So the next thumbnail image fairly leaps off the page: a giant, yellow smiley face. Or maybe it’s a close-up of a silly cat. It’s wholly unexpected, and the cheekiness of it makes you smile. You click on the profile to check it out.

We go to such lengths to make sure our default picture is just right, but maybe sometimes an attention-getter is all you need. If you’re uncomfortable with the idea of representing yourself with something that’s not you, consider a picture that is of you - maybe in a giant hot dog costume, or wearing an obviously fake mustache and glasses. You don’t have to go the humor route, either; maybe it’s a picture of you crossing the line of a marathon race, covered in colored corn starch. The point is, it doesn’t necessarily have to be a posed, airbrushed-to-perfection picture to make you memorable. You don’t have to be perfect to get someone to want to know more.

Something to bear in mind, however: you don’t want to sacrifice honesty for the sake of memorability. Neither do you want to sacrifice content for gags. So whatever your eye-catching default pic or headline might be, make sure it’s balanced by genuine content: clear, non-silly pictures of you, a profile into which you’ve put some thought.

Don’t try to explain your attention-grabbing antics. Either they’ll have found the picture amusing or they didn’t; explaining a joke will only suck the comedy right out. The exception to this rule is if there’s an interesting story behind the picture or headline: the reason behind the hot dog costume or the corn starch race. Maybe that’s not a funny cat you found on a search engine, but actually your cat. Just make sure you avoid anything self-satisfied, like “Made you look!”

If you’re stressing out over your default picture - or perhaps if you’re just bored with the one you have and want to experiment - consider something that relies more on getting attention than just being aesthetically pleasing. It’s a bit of a gamble, but you can always change it if you feel inclined. And who knows? It might bring in readers who previously saw you as one of the pack.

You adore him. He's fabulous! And it's clear he thinks you're pretty incredible, too. And now you're ready to turn up the heat.

Or maybe you've been together for a while, but haven't yet really seen the sparks fly...

Are you hoping for something exciting to happen soon? Are you waiting for him to make the next move? Why not turn on your inner sex siren, and get his engine running with some sexy, sultry moves of your own?

Some of the hot and steamy questions below are PG, but a few are very definitely rated "GS" for "guaranteed sexy." You're bound to find some that fit your particular style.

So set up an intimate dinner out. Or order in! Or just surprise him with a very unexpected phone call. And try out some of these tantalizing, tempting questions that are guaranteed to give him a little bit - or even a lot - of love fever...!

1. What do you wear when you go to bed? (Do you know what I wear? Would you like me to tell you?)

2. What would you like me to wear under my clothes when I go to work (when we go out, etc.) tomorrow?

3. What spot on my body do you think I most like to be kissed?

4. Do you think you're a good kisser?

5. How do you like to get a good massage from a woman?

6. Would you like to buy me some sexy lingerie? Should I go with you when you pick it out?

7. Where are you the most ticklish? Would you like to be lightly bitten there?

8. You fill in the blank: It's always the man's job to do _______ during sex.

9. Would you like to read an erotic story out loud to me?

10. If we were alone right now, but you only had 3 minutes, what would you do to me?

11. Do you check me out when I'm walking away?

12. Under the covers or on top of them?

13. Do you like to do it with most, some, or no clothing on?

14. Were you ever caught doing something naughty?

15. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

17. What do you think is the most sensitive area on my body?

18. If we could be alone anywhere in the world, where would you like to take me?

19. What is my sexiest article of clothing?