Being Happy – In or Out of a Relationship

Most of us look for romantic relationships to make us happy. When we've found the right person, we reason, then everything else in our lives will fall into place. We'll no longer feel lonely or unhappy because we'll be able to share our lives. But is this actually the case?

Not so much. Happiness can't be found in another person. It is cultivated within us. Looking outside yourself to find it can lead you on a chase that never satisfies your heart or soul. This is why it's important to first seek out what makes you happy and fulfilled before you commit to being in a relationship with someone else.

Easier said than done, right? Since we were little, fairytales taught us that a prince was coming to save us from distress, so we unconsciously look for that same kind of rescue from our romantic relationships - usually by wanting a man to chase us. Preferably the good-looking, funny, smart bad boy who falls head over heels for us. But this kind of rescue isn't a recipe for happiness.

Instead of looking to love to make you happy, try making yourself happy first:

There are many parts of your life in addition to your romantic relationship. So don't let the fact that you don't have a boyfriend make you feel incomplete. Instead, focus on other parts of your life that bring you joy and fulfillment, whether it's your career, your artistic pursuits, your friends, your church, your hobbies, or your volunteer work. Cultivate your own life with working towards personal goals and weekends spent doing things that are meaningful to you.

Don't drop everything for a guy in the early stages of a relationship. It's a fantastic feeling to fall in love, or to be excited about a new romantic prospect, but there's no need to rush things. If the relationship is meant to last, you'll have plenty of opportunities to do things together. Besides, as your relationship progresses, you want to include each other in your lives, which means spending time with your friends and family. Don't you want to keep those ties strong?

Don't pretend with him. If he's really into old movies and you prefer the new action flicks, don't lie and say you're a fan of Bogart, too. Same thing with sports, music, or any other pastime - don't pretend you've read something you haven't, or like something you don't. If the relationship progresses, the truth will come out sooner or later. And you might be upset with yourself that you let your real passions fade in favor of your boyfriend's.

Bottom line: Get to know yourself better - what excites you and what you like to spend time doing, and cultivate that. The right guy will love you for who you are.