Relationships

Building a relationship isn't as easy as it seems. It's wonderful to fall in love, to form a connection with someone. But eventually life brings some hardship and you might find yourself butting heads, arguing, and noticing every little annoying thing that your partner does. Because we're all human, we're also capable of making mistakes and not meeting our partner's expectations all the time.

Unfortunately, we don't always know how to communicate what we want or need to each other. So instead of talking things through, we might get defensive or critical and try to get the last word in rather than listening and reaching a compromise. Or sometimes, we might just give in to our partners and build up resentment over time. Neither situation is ideal.

So what is the best way to have your needs met while making sure your partner is satisfied, too? It all comes down to communication, which is almost an art form, especially in relationships. It's important to remember that you might have different opinions or expectations, and both are valid. Ignoring the needs of your partner or yourself won't serve the end purpose of satisfying both of you.

Following are some steps to take to effectively compromise, rather than compete:

Respect each other. If you don't respect your partner's needs and feelings then you aren't starting on a level playing field. Even if you disagree, there is value to how both of you feel. Acknowledge what you mean to each other. Reinforce your love and partnership, your willingness to keep an open mind.

Listen. There's nothing more important than listening to each other and keeping an open mind. When you fall into old patterns, assuming your partner will only react one way, you're limiting your options and outcomes. Instead, really listen to what he has to say. Ask questions without baiting. See how he really feels.

Acknowledge that you've heard. There's more to listening than just nodding your head. Repeat back what your partner has said. For example: "I understand you said..." This is because what we hear and what was said isn't always the same. It's important to understand your partner's motivations as well as your own.

Consider both of your ideal scenarios, then meet in the middle. Easier said than done sometimes. If you are able to compromise on something small, like how often you go out to dinner or who does the laundry, then you'll be able to tackle the larger issues, like whether or not to move to another city or change jobs.

What makes you happy? If you're the type to compromise in order to keep the peace or make your partner happy, you're not helping your relationship. It's important to know what you want and communicate it. If you don't, then you can't get upset when your partner doesn't make room for your wishes. Don't be afraid to ask for what you want. That's where compromise begins.

We first saw them in online dating profiles - photos that people took of themselves while standing in front of bathroom mirrors. Now technology has advanced and the practice has spread. People can view themselves on their smartphone screens, then pose, shoot, and post pictures to Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter within seconds.

Such pictures are called "selfies," and they've become a polarizing subject among social media users. According to a recent study out of the UK, posting selfies can have a negative impact on your relationships.

The UK research team evaluated people's posting habits, particularly in regard to self photographs, and if the practice could potentially affect how others view them. Since Facebook pages typically include a wide range of people - from friends to family to work colleagues to acquaintances and high school classmates - how they view profiles varies greatly. Selfies were considered the worst type of pictures to post in terms of what people prefer to see.

In addition, posting too many selfies were found to hurt romantic relationships, too. Researchers found that users who posted selfies were more likely to report feeling less supported by their relationship partners. In the majority of these cases, their partners tended to post pictures of families and family events. Researchers reasoned that the difference between the types of photos people posted could explain why one person in the relationship feels less supported than the other.

Based on the finding of the study, researchers agreed that it would be a good idea to talk about your social media practices before entering into a relationship. If you tend to take selfies and it turns your partner off, it could be a source of conflict as the relationship progresses.

Good communication is the foundation of a good relationship, even your online communication with your circle of friends and family. If you're posting a lot of selfies on Facebook and Instagram, others could conclude that you want a lot of attention and it turns them off. Your partner might feel that you'll dish about your relationship, the good and the bad, which is nobody else's business. Others might get annoyed at your posts clogging up their Facebook feeds.

Whatever the case, too many self photographs are a definite turn-off among users of social media according to the study, and often they can detract from a relationship. Instead of turning inward and posting on social media, talk to your partner if you're not getting what you need. Work on your relationship together, offline.

Making a good online impression is really an art. Do you consider yourself an online Casanova? Are you able to email with matches endlessly, but are too intimidated to ask for a real date? Let's face it. You know that at some point, the online interaction needs to cease and you should meet face to face, because how else are you going to see if you're really a match?

Some people are talented wordsmiths while others might not feel so comfortable writing as they do speaking to someone in person or over the phone. When it comes to online dating, this shouldn't matter. Because the last thing you want to do is correspond with potential online dates for weeks or months at a time, when you should be meeting them as quickly as possible.

Many people have asked me how long they should email before asking somebody out over an online dating site. I recognize that you are strangers and it's good to feel comfortable with someone before agreeing to meet in person. However, if you wait too long, you are missing out on some great opportunities.

Technology has kicked online and mobile dating into high gear. You don't have to be at home in front of your computer in order to message or meet someone. Now, you can reach them in seconds via your phone - through instant chat, mobile apps, or even Facebook and Twitter. This means that people are meeting each other all the time. So what's to stop them from asking someone else out on a date?

It used to be acceptable for people to correspond over email for weeks at a time before actually meeting in person. But now, people don't have the patience or inclination. It's much better if you ask somebody out after one or two emails, three at the most. If you wait much longer, you risk that person meeting and dating someone else. You also risk forming an emotional attachment to somebody you might not have chemistry with in person.

I have met several men who were amazing over email - witty, charming, engaging - but then when I met them in person it was like they were complete strangers. We didn't banter, or they didn't appear to be interested in me, or they weren't the type of man I pictured as we were writing each other. In other words, I had high expectations based on a picture in my mind. If I would have met them sooner, before I became smitten with them over email, my disappointment over our real-life encounter wouldn't have been so devastating.

The bottom line: Ask him/her out, sooner rather than later. If you get on well in person, there's nothing stopping you from exchanging some amazing emails with each other later.

Have you always envisioned the perfect guy to romance you with grand gestures like exotic trips, expensive jewelry or dinners at fancy restaurants?

Turns out, most singles would rather you have a savings account and a 401K.

According to a recent study from the University of Michigan Ross School of Business, savers are viewed as more attractive dating material than spenders. Researchers gathered existing studies and conducted a series of experiments asking participants to rate the desirability of different dates. They concluded that as long as the urge to save isn't extreme, the perception is that savers possess greater self-control, which increases their romantic attractiveness.

And saving habits are thought to lead to other good disciplinary practices as well, like working out and eating healthily, according to the study. So daters who care about saving money might be perceived as better looking and more physically attractive, too.

Researchers were quick to note the context in which they conducted the study, since the economic climate in the U.S. has been depressed compared to before the recession began in 2008. This could affect the priorities of singles, who are looking for someone who is more cautious and less flagrant when it comes to trying to impress a date.

The study notes that: "We observed this pattern in the shadow of the Great Recession, a time in which people who chronically spend may be viewed as especially irresponsible. Whether savers continue to be preferred in times of economic abundance (when active saving is less necessary for financial survival) is an important open question."

This isn't the first bit of news to tie economics to dating preferences. An article in the New York Times earlier this year noted that a person's credit score is a very important factor in deciding whether or not to date someone. "Credit scores are like the dating equivalent of a sexually transmitted disease test," said Manisha Thakor, the founder and chief executive of MoneyZen Wealth Management, in the Times article. "It's a shorthand way to get a sense of someone's financial past the same way an S.T.D. test gives some information about a person's sexual past."

And a survey last fall found that more than 25% of adult daters have used a coupon on a first date, and 73% of those surveyed said they would continue to date a coupon clipper.

It seems most daters are on board with saving pennies, so there's no need to impress him or her with over the top gifts or gestures. Impress her with your credit score instead.

Have you ever wondered why most people break up? Cheating seems a likely (and most would say justifiable) reason, but what about arguing over finances, or simply falling out of love?

According to a recent poll conducted by DatingSitesReviews.com, it turns out most of us don't even know why our previous relationship ended. Out of 284 voters, almost 23 percent claimed they had no idea what caused the break-up. This came in ahead of the 20.7% who claimed that their relationships ended because their partner cheated (along with 1.4% who claimed they were the ones cheating). And almost 20% said that they just "fell out of love."

Surprisingly, money didn't factor in to many causes of break-ups among readers, nor did work-related issues. In fact, they were the least popular reasons for breaking up (each about 2.5%).

It seems most of the people surveyed are still in the dark about their previous relationship and what caused it to end. This would indicate that they are still seeking closure, and that they haven't been able to obtain that from a partner.

Break-ups can leave us devastated and confused, especially when we are the ones left, and we didn't really see it coming. But maybe there were some red flags along the way that you didn't notice. Did he noticeably pull away, or was he always busy at work and not so available? Or did he shy away from having serious conversations about where your relationship was headed? Or did he just disappear and stop calling altogether?

You might never know what happened between you, and that's okay. What's more important is your ability to deal with your pain and grief over the relationship and move on to a healthier one in the future.

If you have dealt with infidelity, whether your partner cheated or you did the cheating, it's also important to note what circumstances led to it. Was there a lapse in communication? Was there a lot of jealousy? Were you happy in your relationship or was there something missing? The more honest you can be in identifying the problems that were already there, or even how your partner treated you, the more likely you'll avoid the same pattern of cheating in the future.

Causes of break-ups in the poll were as follows:

The poll was taken by readers of DatingSitesReviews.com.

Everyone knows that double dates can be awkward: another couple, begging to be directly compared to your relationship. What you might not realize is that the temptation to compare relationship to someone else’s doesn’t only occur when they’re sitting across from you at dinner. We tend to relate to others by sharing and comparing our own experiences, so when you’ve embarked on a new relationship it’s not uncommon to get a lot of “helpful tips” and stories from others. And when that happens, it’s probably best we stuff some proverbial cotton in our ears.

You see, comparing yourself to another relationship is not often good, but comparing it against an established relationship can be even worse. Yes, there is the occasional kernel of wisdom, but in general it’s best to maintain a “take it with a grain of salt” policy. Here are just a few reasons why:

First, there’s what, in the literary world, is called the “unreliable narrator.” Not that the person talking to you is a liar, or in any way malicious or untrustworthy; it’s just that they can only tell you their story from their own perspective. They may think their relationship had a turning point thanks to some event, while their partner may think it was due to a completely different motivation. Combine that with the fuzziness of time, and even the most cherished memories might be closer to a vague approximation of the truth rather than gospel.

Next, there’s the benefit of time. It can be tempting to observe another couple and long for the closeness they might have: a one-word answer and a look that seems to equal an entire message to a partner, or two people who make the same joke at the same time. Those people might even say they “clicked” at once. The truth: they may well have had a spark, but they likely weren’t that close at first sight. No matter how compatible you are, some things only come with time - doing activities together, watching the same movies, actively working on communication.

Finally, remember this: whenever you see another couple, they know they’re in public, potentially being observed, and thus, are always on their best behavior. Even when you can spot the cracks in a public facade, know that you’re only seeing half the story. This doesn’t mean that every relationship is terrible behind closed doors; in fact, some might be even more loving and affectionate when they’re not feeling self-conscious and exposed. It simply means that you’re not getting an accurate picture of how the relationship really works.

So you can’t really get an accurate sense of someone else’s relationship, even if you observe, even if they tell you all about it - and that’s okay! Because there’s no point comparing your relationship that closely with someone else’s; every relationship is somewhat unique anyway. Sometimes you can make the tips and tricks of others work for you; sometimes you and your partner have to find your own way. As long as you’re seeking your own happiness, and not what you think happiness should look like, you’re on the right path.