Relationships

Think Tinder is only about hooking up? Not so much. The app is now venturing outside of being a dating app and into the friend zone.

The latest version of Tinder (on the iPhone) keeps the same basic functionality of choosing each potential date based on a photo and a few bits of information gleaned from Facebook. But this time, you aren't just rating a date, but a potential friend - also with one swipe. Once you and your platonic interest have selected each other as friends, you can add each other to your "friend" list and be able to chat via Tinder. (I'm guessing you can swap notes on people you are hooking up with.)

The list feature in the latest version of the app allows users to customize according to how they want to categorize the people they've approved/ met over Tinder. Maybe according to city where they live, hair color, or height? If you are spending a lot of time meeting people on Tinder, it's a good way to keep everyone straight.

Another addition to 3.0 is the ability to add up to six profile photos, so you don't have to rely on just one to prove how hot you might be. (All photos are visible at the same time, so you don't have to worry about which one potential matches will see first.) Tinder has also improved its algorithms so that you end up with more accurate potential matches.

Founder Sean Rad told website TechCrunch that "eventually, Tinder will create automatic, dynamic lists for users, based on its relevancy algorithm and user preferences, location and interests." In other words, Tinder will notice where you are and who you are interested in (and for what purpose - dating, friendship, work, etc.) and become smarter about sending you matches based on your past swiping preferences.

But the ability to distinguish your Tinder contacts into categories that suit your life - dating, work, or friendship - is a huge breakthrough according to Rad.

"You have certain co-workers, acquaintances, and whatnot, and it would be socially awkward if you added them on Facebook," Rad says in TechCrunch. For instance, if you were to come across a co-worker or colleague on Tinder, you could swipe right and be added to each other's business contact or friends list. It replaces the Facebook dilemna of whether or not to add someone when there isn't much of a personal connection - and perhaps there are some things you post that you don't want them to see. "That's the breakthrough with Tinder," he adds. "That signal has been gone until now."

Everyone agrees that dating requires a lot of confidence. However, ending an old relationship - no matter the circumstances - can drain you of confidence rather quickly. If your last relationship wasn’t “successful,” you think, why should the next one be? What if the last several relationships haven’t worked out - is there a pattern? What should you do?

There’s nothing wrong with a little self-reflection; indeed, it’s possible that in the past there was a negative pattern in the relationships you chose. But self-reflection is not the same as beating yourself up, nor should it be. Sometimes relationships simply end. Often there’s fault on both ends. The fact remains, whatever the circumstances, you will never be in that exact relationship again.

Think about that statement: Every relationship is unique, a combination of two unique individuals and a very specific time and place, so you will never be in that exact relationship again. Thus, you can take away a lesson you’ve learned, but you will not be able to use that relationship as a template for the future. It doesn’t matter if the next relationship is your first or your fiftieth; everyone enters the game with varying communication skills, innate intuition and experience, but to a certain extent, everyone is also starting fresh, with a clean slate.

Your new partner is an entirely different person, and you may need to learn new methods of communication or affection. You’ll form new jokes and new familiarities. Some aspects may be similar to past experiences, but others will be utterly new.

That’s the key to dating: starting back at the beginning is not bad, nor is it a sign of failure. It’s a fresh start, a new chance at love, the beginning of a unique experience. And perhaps most importantly, you’re not alone in doing so: everyone who’s ever been in any relationship, including all successful ones, started at the beginning. Regardless of the way your last relationship ended, that’s worthy of hope, optimism, and, yes, confidence.

An acquaintance, “Rick,” recently found himself in an awkward situation. After having ended a years-long relationship, he’d begun dating someone new, and he really liked her. After dating the new girl for a month, he felt ready to introduce her to friends and family, at a low-key gathering where someone else was the focus.

Or so he’d thought. Midway through the party, Rick found out that all the whispering was about him and his new date. The verdict? Though the girl was lovely, everyone was more interested in the fact that she was apparently the “spitting image” of his ex. Rick thought he’d comfortably let go of his baggage, but now his family was throwing him into a spiral of uncertainty: was he more attached to the memory of his ex than he’d thought?

In reality, it’s actually more likely that the friends and family were the ones who were having problems letting go. For years, Rick had been in a relationship with one person; he was part of a pair. They were literally used to seeing him with one other, specific face. It’s human nature to attempt to spot patterns; chances are Rick’s support system would have found something they found similar, whether it was body type, hair color, smile, personality, or some ephemeral quality that didn’t even exist.

On the other hand, it’s also possible that Rick’s new flame does bear some resemblance to his ex. However, this doesn’t mean he’s still attached to her, or that he’s having problems letting go. Many people do have a physical “type” to whom they’re inherently attracted, and there’s nothing wrong with that; maybe it’s hardwired, or maybe it’s a way of identifying those with whom they’re most compatible.

If Rick’s new girlfriend does resemble his last one, it’s entirely possible she also resembles the one before that, or his favorite movie star, or the comic character he crushed on growing up. It probably says more about Rick than his last relationship.

The important thing to note about Rick’s experience is this: until it was brought to his attention, Rick wasn’t thinking of his new match as a replacement for the last one. He wasn’t viewing her as a clone. In this relationship, the only views that really matter are those of Rick and his new love. Eventually his friends and family will see the new girl for her unique qualities, but more importantly, Rick already does.

Americans are gravitating away from meeting for dinner as a first date option, preferring to meet for cocktails instead. Maybe it's the promise of a social lubricant for those who are more reserved or nervous, or it's a more efficient way to get to know someone, or perhaps it's just a more casual approach than taking someone to dinner. Whatever the reason, singles are meeting each other more and more often over a glass of wine or a gin and tonic rather than a bowl of pasta.

A new study by DatingAdvice.com surveyed 1,080 respondents and found that 15% preferred drinks over dinner for a first date. Gay men and women were more than twice as likely as heterosexuals to prefer meeting for cocktails instead of dinner, at 32%.

Interestingly, income plays a role in how people prefer to meet. It seems the more you make, the less invested you want to be in a first date (at least financially). Those earning between $100,000 and $124,999 were 57% more likely than those earning less than $25,000 to choose drinks over dinner.

Divorced men and women were also more likely to choose drinks over dinner, maybe in an effort to keep things more casual at the beginning of a potential relationship. One in four divorcees preferred to meet for drinks rather than dinner, compared to one in ten of singles who had never been married.

DatingAdvice.com expert Gina Stewart attributes the trend of meeting for drinks to the increasing rate at which our work lives tend to spill over into our personal lives.

"The benefits of cocktails on a first date mean social lubrication. Someone can break out of the first date jitters much faster. Drinks don't take as long as dinner, so if the date isn't going well, you're not forced to endure it more than the length of the drink," she said. "Nice cocktails are cheaper than nice dinners, and you have no worries about having embarrassing stuff get on your face or stuck in your teeth."

Race and age both play a factor, too. Both African-Americans and seniors aged 65 and older were half as likely as the general population to prefer meeting for cocktails instead of dinner (both at only 9%). Southerners were less likely to go for drinks on a first date too, with only 13% responding affirmatively.

The study was conducted based on accurately representing the U.S. census data in terms of consideration for age, gender, income, race, sexuality and other factors.

There is a process to successful online dating - it takes time. You first create your profile, then search through your matches, and finally email the ones that interest you. After that, you're ready to start making plans to meet some of them in person. When you get to the actual date, you want things to go well - after all, it took effort to get there!

Many people are excited to go on a first date. After all, you're curious. You want to see if there's chemistry, if the conversation flows, if you both laugh -and let's face it, if she looks like her picture. But sometimes you're so busy wondering how the date will go that you don't think about the little things that will ensure its success.

Following are some first date mistakes that many people make, but now that you know, you can avoid! If you're interested, the goal is to get to the second date, right?

You didn't plan ahead. This is such an easy fix. Usually, your date won't care where you meet for a first date, as long as you take charge (especially since you are the one asking her out). Whoever does the asking, does the planning. Even for a coffee date. Check the place out so you know what to expect.

You were late. There's nothing more infuriating than showing up on time to a date and then waiting. And waiting. If you're stuck in traffic or running late, text your date to let her know. But try to allow extra time and get there early. It makes a good impression because it shows you care.

You wore old dirty jeans and a t-shirt. There's nothing wrong with this look if you're at home watching the game, but for a first date? It's not good. Put some effort into your dress - clean clothes only, and preferably a nice shirt or jacket and closed shoes, not flip flops. Think of your date as an important business meeting. You want to impress your clients, so why not impress your date?

You kept looking around the room. Maybe there were plenty of attractive women at the bar that night and you couldn't help yourself. But your date wants to feel she is special, at least for the time you two are on the date. Pay attention and engage with her, and try not to get so distracted.

You let her grab the check. There's nothing wrong with splitting the bill or taking turns paying when you're dating someone, but if this is a first date, pay the bill. It shows you're classy. I understand that many people don't have a lot of money to spend on dates, and that's okay. This is why you are the one planning it - pick a place you can afford, like a coffee shop, r do something free like a walk in the park. Then you know what to expect when the check arrives.

Happy dating!

There has always been a nagging problem lurking in the back of the online dating industry's head: when you've built your business around helping singles find true love, what happens when they find it? On one hand, your marketing department has a lot to brag about. On the other hand, you just lost a customer.

HowAboutWe has answered the question and solved the online dating paradox with an innovative strategy: aim for a whole new market. Co-founders Brian Schechter and Aaron Schildkrout turned the problem into a business advantage by creating a dedicated site for people who are already paired up. The site was christened HowAboutWe for Couples, and a new era of online dating was born.

"We had always focused on bringing online dating offline," Schildkrout told Fast Company. "All the sites are designed to keep users chatting, poking, and endlessly searching profiles online," but HowAboutWe's purpose was "to connect people in the real world." Its original incarnation earned over 1 million users easily, but the dating experience doesn't end at a meet up.

"Couples go on thousands of dates in the course of their relationship," Schildkrout observed. Multiple studies have shown the positive effects of date nights for committed couples. One such study from the National Marriage Project found that married men and women who go on dates at least once a week are 3.5 times more likely to report being "very happy" in their marriages. Consequently, they're also less likely to get divorced than those who do not spend dedicated time with their mates.

To help its couples stay together, and keep them coming back for more, HowAboutWe for Couples curates a list of date ideas culled from existing data on dates, information gleaned from the site's user base, and a team devoted to uncovering the best undiscovered dates. Think dessert tastings, archery lessons, hot air balloon rides, and an aphrodisiac pop-up dinner, whatever that is.

The couples' site operates similarly to the original dating site. Users pay a membership fee ($18 per month) to browse dates, and pay per date based on the ones they choose. Unlike coupon sites like Groupon or LivingSocial, HowAboutWe doesn't extract a percentage from the cost of the date. 100% of the proceeds go to the vendor. Because of this, Schildkrout says, HowAboutWe is able to offer more unique experiences then the daily coupon companies.

So far, HowAboutWe's move seems to be a good one. Though only 12% of users who met through the site are currently using the couples service, Schildkrout reports that it has maintained a 90% month-over-month retention and has over half a million users. To find out more about this dating and couple service you can read our How About We review.