New Love or Ghost of the Past?
- Saturday, January 18 2014 @ 03:33 pm
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,206
An acquaintance, “Rick,” recently found himself in an awkward situation. After having ended a years-long relationship, he’d begun dating someone new, and he really liked her. After dating the new girl for a month, he felt ready to introduce her to friends and family, at a low-key gathering where someone else was the focus.
Or so he’d thought. Midway through the party, Rick found out that all the whispering was about him and his new date. The verdict? Though the girl was lovely, everyone was more interested in the fact that she was apparently the “spitting image” of his ex. Rick thought he’d comfortably let go of his baggage, but now his family was throwing him into a spiral of uncertainty: was he more attached to the memory of his ex than he’d thought?
In reality, it’s actually more likely that the friends and family were the ones who were having problems letting go. For years, Rick had been in a relationship with one person; he was part of a pair. They were literally used to seeing him with one other, specific face. It’s human nature to attempt to spot patterns; chances are Rick’s support system would have found something they found similar, whether it was body type, hair color, smile, personality, or some ephemeral quality that didn’t even exist.
On the other hand, it’s also possible that Rick’s new flame does bear some resemblance to his ex. However, this doesn’t mean he’s still attached to her, or that he’s having problems letting go. Many people do have a physical “type” to whom they’re inherently attracted, and there’s nothing wrong with that; maybe it’s hardwired, or maybe it’s a way of identifying those with whom they’re most compatible.
If Rick’s new girlfriend does resemble his last one, it’s entirely possible she also resembles the one before that, or his favorite movie star, or the comic character he crushed on growing up. It probably says more about Rick than his last relationship.
The important thing to note about Rick’s experience is this: until it was brought to his attention, Rick wasn’t thinking of his new match as a replacement for the last one. He wasn’t viewing her as a clone. In this relationship, the only views that really matter are those of Rick and his new love. Eventually his friends and family will see the new girl for her unique qualities, but more importantly, Rick already does.
Or so he’d thought. Midway through the party, Rick found out that all the whispering was about him and his new date. The verdict? Though the girl was lovely, everyone was more interested in the fact that she was apparently the “spitting image” of his ex. Rick thought he’d comfortably let go of his baggage, but now his family was throwing him into a spiral of uncertainty: was he more attached to the memory of his ex than he’d thought?
In reality, it’s actually more likely that the friends and family were the ones who were having problems letting go. For years, Rick had been in a relationship with one person; he was part of a pair. They were literally used to seeing him with one other, specific face. It’s human nature to attempt to spot patterns; chances are Rick’s support system would have found something they found similar, whether it was body type, hair color, smile, personality, or some ephemeral quality that didn’t even exist.
On the other hand, it’s also possible that Rick’s new flame does bear some resemblance to his ex. However, this doesn’t mean he’s still attached to her, or that he’s having problems letting go. Many people do have a physical “type” to whom they’re inherently attracted, and there’s nothing wrong with that; maybe it’s hardwired, or maybe it’s a way of identifying those with whom they’re most compatible.
If Rick’s new girlfriend does resemble his last one, it’s entirely possible she also resembles the one before that, or his favorite movie star, or the comic character he crushed on growing up. It probably says more about Rick than his last relationship.
The important thing to note about Rick’s experience is this: until it was brought to his attention, Rick wasn’t thinking of his new match as a replacement for the last one. He wasn’t viewing her as a clone. In this relationship, the only views that really matter are those of Rick and his new love. Eventually his friends and family will see the new girl for her unique qualities, but more importantly, Rick already does.
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