Relationships

Have you been on a date where you felt incredible chemistry and got excited about the relationship’s potential, and then after a few more dates, for some reason it just fizzled out? Maybe you were left disillusioned. You wondered what happened to that initial spark that fueled the first date? Does it just go away? Was it really there in the first place?

The problem with relying on chemistry to tell us whether or not we should pursue a relationship is that it leaves us feeling confused, heartbroken and often disappointed. Chemistry is a heady feeling, but it’s not indicative of anything but that particular moment. Chemistry can be fleeting, and it can be misguided. We’re often drawn to people who aren’t really right for us, but we pursue them because of chemistry, most of the time falling for them before we even get to know them.

But why can’t we trust chemistry? While you might want to feel that confirmation of attraction for someone else, the truth is – chemistry is dodgy. You don’t really know who the person is after one date, or even a few. You are really taking that feeling of chemistry and applying a fantasy to it – and to your date. This is a recipe for disaster if you don’t take your time and really get to know him.

But why wait? You didn’t imagine that the chemistry was there – you actually felt it. And he seemed to as well. Shouldn’t you just go along for the ride?

Chemistry is very attractive, and if you want to go for it, you can. But dive in with your eyes wide open. Chemistry doesn’t mean lasting relationship – and I think this is where women get their hearts broken, because they are already imagining a future.

How many times has a relationship that started with such chemistry fizzled? Probably more often than you want to consider. I’m not knocking chemistry. The truth is, the chemistry might have been there, but for any number of reasons, he’s just not interested in pursuing a relationship. It might have to do with his own issues, or a former girlfriend coming into the picture, or he might not feel the same connection that you do.

The main point is – look for the signs that he’s interested before you invest heart, mind, body and soul into this man. If you are having sex, he might keep calling you from time to time until he meets someone else, and if your feelings continue to grow, it can be devastating. Know your own emotional limits, and what you are willing to endure.

If you see that he only calls you from time to time, that maybe you date once a week or a few times a month, then know he’s not interested in taking the relationship to the next level. Instead of reading into his inconsistent romantic gestures, it’s better to look at your relationship and take it at face value. It isn’t going anywhere.

If you are okay with that, then go for it and have fun, but continue to date other people. If you are not fine with his non-committal and flaky behavior, then it’s time to get real about his intentions and walk away before you get too invested. Someone better for you is out there.

Having something in common is key to any successful relationship. Intimacy requires shared interests and values, which often come from religious beliefs. Enter Christian dating sites, which bring faith to the forefront in the search for love.

Niche, religion-based dating sites are a simple way to weed out those who don’t share the same fundamental values as you do, ultimately giving you a greater chance of compatibility and long-term relationship success (or, at the very least, something in common to discuss on your first date).

Christian Crush is an up-and-coming Christian dating site. Though relatively new, having only been around since 2011, Christian Crush is making a name for itself. The service offers a balance of personality-based and faith-based matching in order to create the most well-rounded experience for members.

What makes Christian Crush stand out against competition like ChristianMingle? These are a few of the reasons:

• New CC users receive their first two weeks free
• CC is the only Christian dating service that's Christian owned and operated
• CC is the only Christian dating service developed by a Christian psychologist
• CC is the only Biblical dating site using video profiles
• CC is the only Christian personals site using a derivative of the Big Five personality assessment
• Ten percent of all CC proceeds are tithed to local ministries

Christian Crush says its mission is to “provide the highest quality ministry on the web for Christians to connect and develop Godly, covenant based relationships.” In service of that goal, the company operates based on six core values that define its vision and inform its operations.

That's not to say that Christian Crush relies entirely on faith. The profile is composed of an interesting combination of religion and psychology. You'll find all the usual questions about appearance, education, politics and lifestyle, but also more specific questions about the role of religion in your life.

A detailed personality quiz offers further insight into Christian Crush members. Although it's 120 questions long, it only takes around 10 minutes to complete the questionnaire. The results are scored in accordance with a modified version of the Big Five personality assessment, which evaluates personality traits across the five categories of extroversion, agreeableness, conscientiousness, neuroticism and openness to experience.

Christian Crush is an innovative player in the religious dating game. It doesn't seem to follow a particular mold – it isn't secular, but it doesn't feel entirely Biblical either. Instead Christian Crush takes a new school approach to finding love based on faith, which could be exactly what it needs to claim the top spot in the Christian dating industry.

We all know that what you wear on a date gives off a certain impression of who you are. Flirty dresses are feminine and sexy, while pants and more tailored outfits convey some reserve.

But what about your lips, the starting point of any romantic triste? Apparently the color lipstick you wear says a lot about who you are and what you want.

Mashable decided to look into this phenomenon by asking Professor Karen Pine, a notable fashion psychologist and author of Mind What You Wear, The Psychology of Fashion, what her thoughts were about lipstick and dating. While all of the shades she examined were various shades of red and nude, they each provide a very distinct impression of the person wearing it. A small change in hue can make a huge difference in how your date perceives what you are really looking for.

Not surprisingly, classic red lips provide a lot of sex appeal with very little mystery. Professor Pine states: "You are sending out emotionally charged signals, wearing a color associated with passion, energy and action. You’re a bold, confident woman and one in her sexual prime."

As lipstick shades go lighter, the woman’s intentions come across as a little more mysterious. For instance, Pine notes: "Pink is the color of innocence, but you’ve added some heat too, signaling a mixed message of approach-avoidance. Your date may be confused as to what you want from a relationship..."

Purple hues indicate strength, but depending on whether you go bright or dark, you can give off different impressions. A bright fuchsia for instance indicates artistic sensibility and creativity – and you’ll likely expect your date to be interesting or at least a good conversationalist. Burgundy however is much more serious. It shows your strong, decisive character but there is an element of reserve. Your dates might feel that you take a while in getting to know someone, and they should expect to be patient.

Orange hues, much like pink, indicate a certain degree of playfulness, without any specific intention of where you want the date to go.

Neutrals and wearing no lipstick also give off a distinct impression to your date. Nude lipsticks let him know that you want to be taken seriously. Pine states: “There’s a vulnerability and sensitivity to your approach but with the right partner, you're willing to bare your soul and wear your heart on your sleeve.” Wearing no lipstick however, means business. Your no-nonsense approach to dating says “take me as I am, I have nothing to hide.”

Don’t take this article’s word for it. Why not try out a few different shades of lipstick on your next several dates, and see what kind of response you get? At least you get to have a little fun with color.

Lauren Urasek was surprised when a reporter from a major New York magazine contacted her to interview "the most popular girl on the dating site OkCupid."

The makeup artist and self-proclaimed technology nerd became an internet celebrity when the dating site declared her its most messaged female user in New York City. She made the most of her new-found notoriety, spinning it into an article for xoJane, a Tumblr blog and now a new book.

In Popular: The Ups and Downs of Online Dating from the Most Popular Girl in New York City, Urasek offers advice, personal stories and essays to help singletons navigate the crazy world of digital dating. Here are a few of her tips for making the most of your online dating experience:

1. Post photos that are flattering, varied and recent. Flatting goes without saying, but it doesn't count if your pictures are pixelated or highly filtered. Show off the real you. Group shots, sunglasses and outdated photos are also on the don'ts list. Be sure to choose a selection of snaps that feature face and body from different angles, as well as different facets of your personality.
2. Have realistic expectations. It's ok that you want to ride off into the sunset with Prince or Princess Charming. Just don't expect do it on the first date. Someone who seems awesome online may prove incompatible in person. Anticipating instant fireworks puts too much pressure on the date and is bound to lead to disappointment. Focus on more lowkey goals, like having fun and meeting new people.
3. Don't waste your time. Online dating can be a total time-suck. It's easy to fall into the trap of an endless message exchange, but writing back and forth for weeks before meeting can backfire. You don't want to go on a date only to discover that your fiery text chemistry translates to zero chemistry in person. Meet sooner rather than later so you can both move on if the spark isn't there.
4. Answer the compatibility questions. Not every dating service includes these, but if yours does, answer them. They may seem pointless or tedious, but they serve an actual purpose. Whether or not you believe in a dating algorithm's scientific accuracy, there's something to be said for knowing that you have common interests and values (or don't) with people you're interested in.
5. It's ok to be single. Despite being OkCupid's most popular female user, Urasek says she's happily single. If your swipes and messages and winks don't lead to love, that's ok too. Don't let societal pressure to couple up get to you. Being comfortable with your self is just as – if not more so – important.

Urasek's debut book Popular is available now on Amazon.

Single and looking for love in the UK? You're not the only one. Far from it, in fact. According to data from the 2011 Census, the single population is thriving in England and Wales.

An analysis of the data examined how the single population changed over the decade between 2001 and 2011. Over 15.7 million adults (35% of those aged 16 and over) in England and Wales had never been married in 2011, up significantly from 12.5 million (30%) in 2001. In contrast, there were 23 million (51%) ‘not married’ (meaning never married, divorced, or widowed) people in 2011, a rise from 19.4 million (47%) in 2001.

According to the analysis from the UK's Office for National Statistics, the rise in the single population could be the result of a number of factors. One explanation could be the proportional decline in marriage since the 1970s. Another could be the increased social acceptability of remaining single or cohabiting (either never marrying or not re-marrying following divorce or widowhood).

The Office for National Statistics also teased out a few interesting tidbits from the Census to highlight:

• The single population in 2011 was older than in 2001. The single population aged over the course of the decade, perhaps due to the increase in older divorced and widowed people. Of those who had never been married, women were younger than men, likely due to the trend for women to marry men older than themselves.
• Islington had the highest proportion of single people in its population. The majority of the top 10 local authorities with the highest proportions of individuals who were either never married or unmarried were in London. Islington had the greatest concentration of both these groups. The area with the lowest proportion of both never married and not married was East Dorset.
• There were 21 never married men for every 10 never married women in Richmondshire. In some areas, the ratio of single men to single women was drastically imbalanced. Richmondshire was home to 21 never married men to every 10 never married women. Within Richmondshire, Scotton had the largest difference between males and females who had never married: 97 men to every 10 women. There were no local authorities with considerably more women who had never married than men.

The Office for National Statistics also released an map that plots the results of the Census analysis. Use it to search by relationship status, gender, postcode or address to find out which parts of the country are most densely populated with singles. If you're looking for love and having no luck at home, it may be time to consider a move.

A recent article in The Wall Street  Journal pointed out the importance of using correct grammar in your online dating profile. According to surveys done in recent years by dating websites OkCupid and Match.com, grammar is by far one of the most important aspects of an online dating profile. If you mix up “your” and “you’re,” many daters will move on to the next.

But why is this? Aren’t people more concerned with great photos, as we’ve seen with apps like Tinder and Grindr? Why should online daters care about how people write – it isn’t necessarily an indication of who they are in real life or how great a match they would be. Besides, aren’t most daters attracted to physical appearances rather than writing style?

Apparently not. Match.com found that 88% of women and 75% of men in their survey of 5,000 singles said they cared about grammar most, putting it ahead of a person’s confidence and teeth.

The WSJ attributed this trend to the rise of dating apps and the common use of text slang, with abbreviations like YOLO (You only Live Once) replacing standard phrasing and sentences. While messaging has now become more of a convenience than an art, grammar has fallen by the wayside, and one way to make yourself stand out among the millions of other daters out there is to approach communicating with someone as though you put in some effort. After all, most dating apps don’t require much more effort than a swipe.

In other words, think about your professional life and how much time and care you put in to communication with your bosses and co-workers. When you send an email to a group of work colleagues, chances are you spell-checked it before pressing the “send” key, and most likely it isn’t filled with acronyms for every common phrase. If you apply the same protocol to online dating, it might seem a bit formal at first, but it definitely scores you more points. The person receiving your message is more likely to take you seriously because it looks like you have put in more time and effort.

In other words, you come across as smart and caring. Thoughtfulness goes a long way.

Grammar has been important in the online dating scene for a while, even before the popularity of texting and dating apps made bad grammar much more common. Dating websites like Match and eHarmony encouraged users to use complete sentences in their profiles and check for spelling errors. Wouldn’t you be turned off if someone you didn’t know turned in a report or emailed you with a couple of brief sentences, rife with misspellings?

A little effort goes a long way.