How Do You Know If You Should Keep Dating?

Have you been on a date where you felt incredible chemistry and got excited about the relationship’s potential, and then after a few more dates, for some reason it just fizzled out? Maybe you were left disillusioned. You wondered what happened to that initial spark that fueled the first date? Does it just go away? Was it really there in the first place?

The problem with relying on chemistry to tell us whether or not we should pursue a relationship is that it leaves us feeling confused, heartbroken and often disappointed. Chemistry is a heady feeling, but it’s not indicative of anything but that particular moment. Chemistry can be fleeting, and it can be misguided. We’re often drawn to people who aren’t really right for us, but we pursue them because of chemistry, most of the time falling for them before we even get to know them.

But why can’t we trust chemistry? While you might want to feel that confirmation of attraction for someone else, the truth is – chemistry is dodgy. You don’t really know who the person is after one date, or even a few. You are really taking that feeling of chemistry and applying a fantasy to it – and to your date. This is a recipe for disaster if you don’t take your time and really get to know him.

But why wait? You didn’t imagine that the chemistry was there – you actually felt it. And he seemed to as well. Shouldn’t you just go along for the ride?

Chemistry is very attractive, and if you want to go for it, you can. But dive in with your eyes wide open. Chemistry doesn’t mean lasting relationship – and I think this is where women get their hearts broken, because they are already imagining a future.

How many times has a relationship that started with such chemistry fizzled? Probably more often than you want to consider. I’m not knocking chemistry. The truth is, the chemistry might have been there, but for any number of reasons, he’s just not interested in pursuing a relationship. It might have to do with his own issues, or a former girlfriend coming into the picture, or he might not feel the same connection that you do.

The main point is – look for the signs that he’s interested before you invest heart, mind, body and soul into this man. If you are having sex, he might keep calling you from time to time until he meets someone else, and if your feelings continue to grow, it can be devastating. Know your own emotional limits, and what you are willing to endure.

If you see that he only calls you from time to time, that maybe you date once a week or a few times a month, then know he’s not interested in taking the relationship to the next level. Instead of reading into his inconsistent romantic gestures, it’s better to look at your relationship and take it at face value. It isn’t going anywhere.

If you are okay with that, then go for it and have fun, but continue to date other people. If you are not fine with his non-committal and flaky behavior, then it’s time to get real about his intentions and walk away before you get too invested. Someone better for you is out there.