Relationships

eHarmony is offering a 5 day free trial this Thanksgiving weekend here in the United States. It starts Thursday November 26th and ends on Monday November 30th, 2015.

If you are single, the holidays can be harder on you especially when family and friends keep asking the same question - Have you met anyone new? If you are not out shopping for gifts (hopefully you have finished because those lines can get crazy), what better way to fix your predicament this holiday weekend than looking for your ideal match. Trust me you are not alone in this. Dating services like eHarmony are extremely busy during the holidays for this reason alone. If you are looking for a steady long-term relationship then eHarmony should be the dating service you want to try out. Their complex matching algorithm, which has had millions of dollars in research spent on it, sends eHarmony members new quality matches everyday for them to review. During the free trial, communication is free so if one or more match sparks your interest, you can send them messages.

Signing up to eHarmony is easy to do and free. All you need to do is complete the membership signup process and the matching questionnaire (which takes about 30 minutes). Once complete eHarmony will analyze your profile and send you your first set of matches. This process is completely free and no credit card is required. Just remember free trials do not include photos, secure call (a phone service), or skip straight to email. You will have to purchase a membership to use these features directly.

For more information about this service (the website and dating app) which looks to create long-term relationships between it's members, you can read our review of eHarmony.

Do you feel like your career is taking off, and yet your love life is still lacking? Many men and women find their jobs much easier to navigate than their love lives. After all, if you have a plan, work hard, and accomplish your goals, chances are you will be promoted in your job, or at least have opportunities in your career to move up the ladder.

Dating is a little more elusive. You can strive to find a partner, but it won’t necessarily happen in your ideal timeframe, or under the perfect circumstances, or even after a lot of time spent dating or “on the job” as it were. In other words, dating is often left to chance.

What you might not realize is that you have more control than you think, and there are skills that you’ve gained in your career that could serve your dating life as well. You just have to know what tools you have in your arsenal.

Following are 5 career skills that you can use to improve your dating life:

Set a goal. When you are looking to get ahead in your career, you set some goals to get to the desired place you want. When you work towards something, you feel more productive and optimistic about the future, whether it is career, a fitness goal, a hobby, or even dating.

Get organized. Who can proceed without a plan? The sooner you get organized, the better. Research your options for online dating, such as which dating apps to try. Put time aside in your busy work schedule to actually date and have fun. Enlist a friend to help set up your profile, take pictures, or keep you on track by checking in to see how your dates are going.

Put yourself out there. You can’t move forward in your dating life if you’re fearful. Dating requires a certain amount of courage, and a certain amount of playfulness – remember, not everyone is going to be right for you, so don’t take rejection so seriously. It will happen, and you move on. Instead, focus on trying to have fun, not trying to meet or be the perfect date.

Let go of old ideas and attitudes. Are you too old-fashioned to ask a guy out? It’s time to get over those old dating stereotypes. You are confident in the office when you ask for what you want, or when you manage a project – so why not be a boss in your dating life? Make eye contact with the hot guy at the bar (and hold it!), or try making the first move. Message your matches first. Don’t want for him to ask you out – do it yourself.

Be clear about what you want. In our jobs, we are aware of our goals, and we work towards them. Likely your boss knows your next steps, or at least has an idea of what you want to eventually be doing. This applies to your dates. If you start dating with an attitude of “let’s see where this goes,” you’ll end up stuck in a dead-end relationship, much like a dead-end job when you don’t know what you want. Get focused and stick to your goals. Envision a future that you want. It will pay off in the end.

Most guys assume they can upload a few photos to Tinder and they are ready for online dating. But in reality, after several messages go unanswered and matches disappear, they are often left wondering – what did I do wrong?

The truth is, online dating is a lot more complex than swiping left and right and hoping it leads to some real-life interaction. Think of it this way: when you approach an attractive woman in person, do you get results if you just tell her you think she’s pretty? Most of the time, a lot more effort is required. Women are told they are attractive by guys all the time – so you have to stand out from the crowd.

When you’re online dating, it’s the same. Women are inundated with matches and messages – much more so that the average guy. Most women like it when a man pursues and takes charge, rather than leaving her to do all the heavy lifting. So if you want to improve your online dating game, the first thing to do is put in a lot more effort. The following are 5 tips for online dating:

State what you are looking for.

Most women don’t want to date a guy who is vague or ambiguous about what he’s after. If you say “I’m up for anything” or “let’s see where things go” you’ve already lost her vote. Why should she reach out to you when you aren’t sure what you want? Women don’t want to be kept guessing, they want to know who you are and what you want – whether it’s a hook-up or a relationship - so tell them.

Share what makes you happy.

If you can describe what you love via a photo, then use it. People are visual creatures and you will capture more attention if you show what you love to do – surfing, playing guitar, whatever. Also, instead of saying you like movies, talk about the last movie you saw and what you liked about it. The details are important, so you don’t sound generic.

Watch your words.

When you message a woman, keep in mind that “ur hot” has been used before. A lot. Don’t speak in text, speak in sentences, and make it interesting. Talk about something you saw in her profile, or ask her what she did the day before to keep her engaged.

Make the plans.

There’s nothing hotter than a guy who takes charge and acts like a grown-up. Ask her out. Tell her where to meet you. Do a little research in advance, and show up on time.

Leave out the negatives.

She doesn’t want to hear about your ex girlfriend, the women you’ve dated who didn’t work out, or any other past romance. Keep it focused on the present, and on the possibility with someone new. The past is in the past – leave it there.

Even the most open-minded dater has dealbreakers. Maybe it's bad manners. Maybe it's selfishness. Maybe it's talking too often about an ex or refusing to put the toilet seat down.

Most of us could make a list of the positive qualities we're looking for in a mate and a list of the negative qualities that will send us running. If you've spent any amount of time reading dating advice, you've been told that the best way to find a partner is to focus on what you do want rather than what you don't.

But now, new research suggests that people give more weight to their dealbreakers than they do to their deal makers. According to The Wall Street Journal, this tendency is essentially “the relationship version of the economic loss-aversion theory, which holds that people prioritize avoiding risk over acquiring gains.” People pay more attention to what's wrong with a potential partner than what is right.

In a series of six studies published together in October in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, researchers from several universities found that women have more deal breakers than men. This is most likely because the stakes are higher for childbearers, who must be pickier about choosing a mate.

The studies also found that people who believe they are a good catch have more dealbreakers, and that everyone has more dealbreakers when considering a long-term relationship rather than a short-term one. One of the studies found that, though women tend to have more dealbreakers than men, there are more similarities than differences between the sexes.

The biggest dealbreaker for both was “disheveled or unclean,” followed by “lazy” and “too needy.” Women place greater importance on having a sense of humor, perhaps because humor is linked to intelligence. Men aren't as concerned about brains in a mate – in fact, one study found that men prefer not to date women who are smarter than they are.

When it comes to hitting the sack, the sexes are divided again. Women consider “bad sex” to be the biggest dealbreaker. Men, on the other hand, are more turned off low sex drives and talking too much. It's a classic dichotomy – men want quantity, women want quality.

A discusssion of dealbreakers begs the question: are you too picky or not picky enough? And which is better? Psychologists and dating experts say it's smart to set reasonable standards and expectations, but relying on irrational ones could mean missing out on a great mate.

If you want to know if a dealbreaker is reasonable or ridiculous, try this tip from Michael Boman, a licensed clinical social worker in Magna, Utah, who counsels couples: “Ask yourself what your best friend would say. It helps you to become objective.”

Dating advice tends to fall into two categories: mostly terrible and completely heinous. It's Cosmo giving women bogus tips on how to trap a man or pompous pick up artists telling men how to seduce a woman. Either way, everyone loses.

But every once in a while, beneath the steaming garbage heap of trash dating tips, there are a few nuggets of genuine wisdom. They aren't about how to dress sexy or charm a date with pre-planned pickup lines. In fact, they aren't really about your dates at all. They're about you.

Changing your dating life means changing the way you approach dating. When you adjust your actions, mindset and expectations, you can totally transform your dating game. Follow these four tips to give it a complete overhaul:

Be willing to work for it. We cling to the idea that love is supposed to find us suddenly and sweep us off our feet. It's a romantic notion, but utterly impractical. Relationships don't just happen – you have to work for it, just like you put work into your career. Make dating a priority. Meet new people. Go outside of your comfort zone. It's the best way to increase your odds of finding someone you really click with.

Don't judge a book by its cover, or a person by their profile. Just because everyone's trying online dating doesn't mean they're any good at it. Some people are awful writers and aren't photogenic, but they're great dates when you meet them in person. Other people nail the profile but don't live up to it face to face. Ultimately, a good profile only means that you're good at writing profiles. The only way to really get to know someone is to do it in person.

Focus on how someone makes you feel. It's impossible to date without judging. In a way, that's what dating is about – evaluating people to determine if they're a potential partner. Just make sure you're judging the right thing. Picking apart someone's clothes or hairline is superficial. Instead, focus on how they make you feel. Are you comfortable? Are you happy? Do you feel like the best version of yourself when you're around them? Those are the things that really matter.

Get used to taking risks. “Nothing ventured, nothing gained” is a tired cliché, but it's 100 percent applicable to your love life. Dating means taking risks, unless you're willing to settle for whatever accidentally comes your way. Guys, approach someone even if you think they're out of your league. Ladies, start approaching men if you've always been the approach-ee. You'll begin meeting better quality partners when you put yourself out there and go after what you really want.

Forget Black Friday. Forget Cyber Monday. China’s Singles' Day is now the world’s biggest online shopping bonanza.

The holiday, an anti-Valentine's Day for single people, traces its origins back to Nanjing University in 1993. Students began celebrating the single life annually on November 11, a date chosen because of the connection between singlehood and the number 1. Upon graduation many continued the tradition and the celebration of Singles' Day is now widespread amongst young Chinese people.

To mark the occasion, Chinese singles party with other single friends. The festivities can include a special breakfast, karaoke and blind date parties hosted in attempt to end singlehood as soon as possible. Singles' Day has also become the largest online shopping day in the world, with sales in e-commerce giant Alibaba's sites Tmall and Taobao clocking in at US$9.3 billion in 2014.

Yes, $9.3 billion. That’s more than the total U.S. online sales on Black Friday and Cyber Monday combined in 2014. And no one got run over in a tragic store stampede.

Singles' Day shopping originated with Alibaba, but today merchants throughout China participate. Shoppers can score major deals on clothing, cosmetics, electronics and even food. Looking at the numbers will make your head spin:

• Alibaba's Singles' Day 2015 selection will include 6 million products from more than 40,000 merchants, and over 30,000 brands from 25 countries
• China’s post office estimates that nearly 800 million packages will be shipped as a result of the hoilday
• A Nielsen survey found that 56 percent of more than 1,000 internet users in China said they would increase spending compared with 2014
• Consumers are expected to spend an average of $277 per person, up 22 percent year on year
• Alibaba estimates that 1.7 million deliverymen, 400,000 delivery vehicles, 5,000 warehouses and 200 airplanes will be necessary to handle the deliveries

If predictions are accurate, 2015 could be the biggest year yet for retailers on Singles' Day. Alibaba sales could hit $10 billion in a 24-hour period.

"It's not a huge surprise that consumers are planning to spend more during this year's 'Double 11,'” Yan Xuan, President of Nielsen Greater China, told CNBC. “Income levels and internet penetration continue to rise throughout China, so this is a natural progression.”

Singles' Day is also expanding worldwide. Five thousand overseas brands from 25 countries – including the U.S, Europe, Japan and South Korea – will be available this year. This year's international participants include Costco, LG Electronics, Walt Disney Co., Fisher-Price and Lego. In recent years, Apple, Calvin Klein, Macy's and Burberry have participated.

Perhaps Singles' Day itself will soon be a global phenomenon.