Relationships

I saw a ridiculous article today (so ridiculous that it doesn't deserve to get a link from this site). In the article, the writer was trying to make the argument that people don't lie in their online dating profiles. That's right - the whole buzz about people lying in their profiles is wrong because nobody flat-out lies in their profile.

The writer went on to describe these less-than-truthful profiles as being written by "people pleasers," the kind of folks who just want everyone to like them and thus try to be everything to everybody.

So in reality, these folks aren't liars. They see themselves as taller, thinner, and generally better than their average selves.

When John describes himself as 5'9" when he's really 5'7", it's not a lie. John just really feels that he stands taller than the average guy who is 5'7". He FEELS 5'7" and that's enough, right?

When Mary describes herself as "About Average" when she's barely squeezing into a men's size 2XL shirt, she's describing the way she feels, not the pesky truth of her bumps and rolls.

Oh, and people who lie about their age? It's just a number!! They have every right to put down how old they feel they are (or how old the kid at the grocery store thinks they are when they get carded for appearing under 35).

Enough already, right?

Lying is lying is lying. It doesn't matter if you feel 34 if you're actually 42. It doesn't matter if you have shoes that make you almost 5'9" if you're really 5'7". It doesn't matter that the "average" American is overweight. If you're putting something in your profile that isn't true, it's a lie no matter what your good intentions may be.

Stay honest. Having lies in your profile may help you score a date or three in the short term, but in the long term, the person who will become your lifetime partner is going to have to want ALL of you - even the shorter, squishier, older parts. And you'll love them for all their shorter, squishier, older parts.

Hang in there, single friends.

Usually, I'm all about telling people to look outside their box, to avoid being too picky. When searching for potential matches on a dating site, I often recommend looking for general common interests; you don't have to match up perfectly. General, not specific, is the way to go when looking for someone else.

However, when constructing your own profile, being general, not specific, is the surest way to become utterly forgettable.

Here's an example: “I like music. I like some of everything; I go in phases.” Okay, I am someone who has very broad tastes in music, so I sympathize with this instinct, I really do. Your tastes are varied! You're so much more than a one-note music appreciator! The problem is, does saying “I like music” - like most of the population – really say anything about you at all? Rather than coming off as a connoisseur, you fade into the background – just another generic profile.

So we've established that you want to use specific examples in your profile. But what if you really do have incredibly broad and varied tastes? Should you then list something from every genre or interest?

In a word, no. A laundry list is just as bad as being too vague; if the list is too long, the reader won't bother with it at all. Here's where you have to make a little compromise. So maybe you're afraid that there's one obscure band that you love, and if you don't list it you could be missing out on your perfect match. Well, by all means, list that band – but there shouldn't be more than a few must-lists.

Otherwise, to convey your broad range, list the extremes: “I am equally at home at a concert featuring Stravinsky or Lady Gaga.” Or “Celtic Woman and Metallica.” Yes, you have to omit some in the middle, but the point gets across, your profile is actually being read – not skipped over – and the contrast might even stick out in the memory of the reader.

To use an old cliché, there are many fish in the sea. As fisherman, your best bet is to cast a wide, general net. However, when you're the fish, you want to be as sparkling and special as you can – and the way to do that through an online profile is succinct, specific, and memorable.

Do you have a type? By type I mean a very clear picture of what it is you want in a mate? We all do even if we think that we don't. To be honest, my type was always a guy well over 6 foot with longish dark hair and eyes and from a European background. Kind of like a freakishly tall soccer player on steroids who also had a bit of a gut! Along with these physical traits I also, much to my chagrin, realized long ago that I was attracted to guys who were also complicated, macho and arrogant. Was this working for me? Only on a very superficial level at best. Did I stray from my type? Not for a loooooooooong time! Once I did though, I was pleasantly surprised by what was out there and by how attracted to other 'types' I could be.

One of the greatest things about dating and online dating especially is the endless opportunities that you are privy to. Just think, when you use a dating site that has hundreds and even thousands of members, you have the chance to have all kinds of dates with all kinds of different people! Look at how many shots at love that is-if you're willing to try. Keeping an open mind is so important when it comes to dating. While you should never lower your standards and date people who repulse you just for the sake of dating; straying from a very specific type could pay off. You may have a list of things that you find attractive, but what harm would it do to maybe look past one or two of those things and go for a coffee with someone who could prove to be incredible? And, as much as you may believe that certain characteristics will make you happy in love, the reality is that most of us don't know what's out there if we don't stray from our comfort zone a little. As hot a large boobs or a six pack may be, they certainly don't guarantee chemistry, compatibility or love.

Next time you're browsing the members on a dating site, try increasing or decreasing the age range you browse, or maybe leave the height and body type open when you search. Even better, why not just limit it to the gender that you're interested in and just browse all of the listings for your location? Check out the pictures, read the profiles and keep an open mind because you just never know when someone's profile is going to speak to you and resonate in a way that you might not have expected. Live a little! There's no better way to find true love than to give yourself a good shot at it to begin with!

Nobody walks into an online dating site and thinks, "Wow! I'll bet this is a great place to make friends!"

But why not?

We meet people every day - at work, school, events - that we get along with just fine but don't want to date. While it may not be your goal, don't close the door on the possibility that the person sitting across from you, while not the perfect date, just might be a perfect friend.

I'm fortunate in that some of my best male friends have come from my online dating experiences. While my long-term boyfriend and I did not meet on an online dating website, he's met pretty much every one of the awesome guys that I met in those places. Why? Because they're awesome people. We dog sit for one another, play trivia on Sunday nights together, watch the Super Bowl together...they're great guys. He knows where my heart is and without all of those dates that showed me what I didn't want, I wouldn't have found the man that I actually do want. When you invest yourself in online dating, you already know more about someone you're seeing for the first time than maybe many of that person's coworkers. Take advantage of that. If you can talk for hours but there's just no chemistry, ask your date if they'd be open to being friends.

Granted, not everyone is looking for more friends, but look at the scenario this way: you liked one another enough to meet. What's to say that you won't like each other one enough later on to share time with them as a human being, too? It's almost hilarious when one of my guy friends brings a double date with my boyfriend and me. They invariably ask, "How do you guys know each other?" Well, we're always honest and there's always a chuckle.

"We met online." And then I lean over and squeeze my boyfriend's hand and give him a kiss. I'm glad he can share my friends with me.

Before meeting Mr. Right on Plenty of Fish, I was on a mission to chronicle 50 blind dates on a blog and in a book. To find these 50 days I began scouring the internet for all kinds of dating sites as recommended by friends and yes, even this very site. One of the sites that a couple of friends had recommended was LargeFriends.com. I figured it was a good fit since I am by no stretch a skinny gal, along with the fact that I've always found teddy bear-big guys to be kind of endearing.

Largefriends.com, in case you haven't figured it out, is a plus size dating site that caters to bigger members and the people who love them-also known as BBWs (Big, Beautiful Women) and BHMs (Big, Handsome Men). The plus side to a site dedicated to the plus size is not having to worry about how you describe your size so that it doesn't scare off the guys who are put off by the chub. You know that any guy on the site is open to meeting women who fall to the curvier or heavier side of the spectrum which is kinda' nice.

The site itself is very easy to navigate, packed with members of all shapes and sizes, and not very expensive. My profile got a lot of attention and was pleased by the caliber of men I chatted with as well; polite, positive and employed. There was one in particular who was witty and gave good chat-a must for me as a writer! We decided to meet and I had every reason to believe that we would hit it off, which we seemed to throughout the course of our date. That is until he began to make reference to my size. The thing is he wasn't referring to my being too big for his liking but rather too small! If I recall correctly he said that I "ate one fry too little to be big enough for a plus size dating site"! It seems that while I was plus size by a store's standard at the time, I was not nearly big enough for what this guy deemed to be plus size. He had marveled during many chats about my "gorgeous face", but a pretty face wasn't enough as he was looking for a woman of at least 200LBS. The experience led me to doing a little bit of research amongst the members I was in contact with and it turned out that many of the men on the site were indeed looking for a much bigger gal!

So, if you're a big girl and are looking for a plus size dating site where the members are open to a much larger or even supersize figure, then LargeFriends.com is it!

As you might have heard, there's a whole lot of basketball going on right now – the NCAA Championships, to be exact. Everywhere I went last weekend, people were cheering at TV screens, discussing schools.

The fun thing about it is that everyone has their hopes for who will win, but they all know that it could go to anyone – probably some school that nobody expected. A game is capable of going any way, at any time. I find this refreshing; compare this to the Superbowl, where the outcome of just one game was tied to the hopes and dreams of New Orleans, the validation of the career of Archie Manning... It was a little ridiculous, really.

I find online dating – and maybe all dating – is the same way. When you look at an online dating site, there's a vast pool of prospects. Sending emails and going on dates is a way of narrowing the brackets of potential matches; sometimes it goes your way, sometimes it doesn't. Eventually it will get narrowed down, but you're meeting people who are really strangers. There aren't really any winners or losers when you're simply incompatible.

The problem comes when you look at dating – at meeting, really – as a Superbowl situation. When you place tons of meaning on one email or one first date, you'll be crushed if it doesn't work out, plain and simple. Sure, you don't want to consider dating a complete lark – you want to recognize something good when it comes along, and be ready to act accordingly – but if one email is not returned, it will not be the end of the world.

The best way to combat the Superbowl mentality is to send more than one email a week. You don't need to send out 32 copy-and-paste emails, but several short, personalized emails per week are usually more than enough to keep anyone from dwelling too much on any single email. And remember: an email, a first date, is just a meeting! Unlike sports, it's not a competition. It's just a search for the best person for YOU. There's no losing in dating.