Relationships

I live in southern California, so I have to admit - dating here, and especially in the summer, is awesome. There's no need for a back-up plan because it rarely rains. Outdoor concerts, hiking, and kayaking are all great dates that can be planned in advance with no hiccups.

But for the majority of the country, it's not so easy. Plans for taking a picnic to the beach are easily thwarted with afternoon thunder showers or the occasional cold, overcast evening. Instead of cursing the local weather person, try one of these indoor date ideas:

See some art. Museums often stay open late in the summer, especially if there is a special exhibition. Other good alternatives are galleries, which tend to be smaller, more intimate experiences with wine and cheese offerings if it's opening night. Check your local listings for what's available.

Cook together. When was the last time you bought special ingredients and prepared an elaborate three-course dinner including dessert? One of my favorite dates is cooking together - sharing a bottle of wine and trying out a new recipe. Not a chef? That's okay. Look for cooking classes in your area. Most will give you a specific assignment and provide ingredients so you don't have to shop. Go for an informal, fun setting so it doesn't become stressful or a contest. The point is to have fun and enjoy what you create together.

Painting parties. Many cities are starting to offer "wine and paint" parties, which are exactly as they sound. You pay a set fee for supplies, and then you're given a painting assignment while you sip some chardonnay. Don't consider yourself an artist? That's okay. It's a chance to be creative and have some fun indoors. (And if you're single, you could meet potential dates.)

Watch old movies. There's nothing like a movie marathon to help boost your spirits. Pop some popcorn, crack open a bottle of wine, and login to your Netflix account to revisit some of your old favorites, whether it's Breakfast at Tiffany's, Say Anything, or Pulp Fiction. You get to decide in the comfort of your own living room.

Go dancing. Were you looking to get some exercise? If your date admits his dance moves aren't the best, maybe it's time to take some lessons. Most cities offer informal classes in salsa, two-step, and other popular forms of dance, and then open the floor for everyone later in the evening. Even if you're not the best dancers, it will help you break a sweat, listen to good music, and have some fun.

Mobile technology may be changing how we date, according to a recent study by popular dating websites ChristianMingle.com and JDate.com. Texting is fast becoming the preferred method of communication in relationships, including asking someone out for the first time or even for breaking up.

The study found that approximately one third of men (31%) and slightly more women (33%) find it easier to ask someone out on a date via text rather than making a phone call. Also, 55% of singles feel their mobile devices make it easier to meet and get to know people they may be interested in dating. And 64% of singles feel the quality of relationships with those they are dating or interested in dating has improved due to their mobile devices.

The study notes that mobile devices make it easier to break up, too. More than 50 percent of singles said they would consider breaking up with someone they were casually dating via text and an incredible 24% would consider ending an exclusive relationship that way.

Technology has been a part of dating for a while. Online dating started as a novel idea that gained popularity over time. Mobile technology has provided us with even more access to meeting people and dating, since our phones travel with us. We can meet a friend at the bar, open a mobile app and see if there are any other singles at the same bar that we might be interested in dating. You have so much information at your fingertips, and you can communicate via your phone. So it makes sense that daters are gravitating to their phones to connect with more people.

The study found some other interesting results:

• Seventy-eight percent of singles expect to communicate within 24 hours after a good first date. And after a good date, a majority of the men and women surveyed agree it doesn't matter who initiates the next communication.

• Don't be coy. Forty-six percent of singles have become upset with someone they are dating over their text response time, with more women (52%) getting upset than men (40%).

• Texting is the most frequent form of communication, particularly for those ages 21 to 26, who report texting several times a day before going on a date (50%), during a casual relationship (43%) and during an exclusive relationship (62%).

• 96 percent of singles keep phones out of sight during a date. But, somehow, 67% still find a way to check their phones during a date.

The study surveyed 1,500 U.S. singles between the ages of 21 and 50.

When you're online dating, sometimes it can be hard to tell what a potential match's relationship goals might be. Is she looking for a fling, or something more substantial? Many people don't reveal their true intentions in a dating profile, but they do provide some clues.

New research by The University of Texas found that when a woman is looking for a fling, she tends to talk about herself in her profile. But if she focuses on the traits she desires in a man, she's likely looking for something more serious.

For the study, researchers asked single women to record video profiles for an online dating site. After the video was recorded the women were asked questions about their relationship goals. They discovered that women who talked about the kind of partner they wanted were more selective, whereas the women advertising themselves were just looking to have fun.

Following are a few more tips to help you recognize what her relationship intentions are:

She's completed a profile. Most women who are serious spend a lot of time answering questions and writing profile descriptions, compared to those who aren't. The more thoughtful she is in her approach and the more she shares what she wants, the more likely she is looking for a relationship. If she leaves a lot of blank spaces, chances are she's not so committed.

She's responsive. Many people set up online dating profiles just to scroll through pictures and see who's out there. If you notice she hasn't checked in for a week, or she responded to your emails and then abruptly stopped, then chances are she's not really invested in finding a new relationship (or she already found someone else). However, if she's engaging you in digital conversation, respond in a timely manner. It means she's interested.

She pays for the site. Yes, there is a difference between daters who sign up for the free sites compared with those who are willing to shell out some dough. When you pay for online dating, you tend to be more serious, because let's face it - it's easy to meet people for free. (This is especially true for women---they get all kinds of emails when they sign up for free dating sites.) But if you want to meet a quality match who is also willing to pay (a.k.a. find a real relationship), then you're best bet is to pay for it.

Instant gratification is part of our lives. Whether we want a coffee or an iPhone, we can get it right now. There's no such thing as saving up for a new couch when you could put it on the credit card or even layaway and take it home right away. Or take social media. When I post something on Facebook or Twitter, I can get responses almost instantly, which makes me post even more.

So with our proclivity to instant gratification, does it affect our dating lives? Are you expecting relationships to just "happen" with the right chemistry? Are you having sex whenever you want, even when you aren't necessarily into the guy/ girl? Do you think to yourself that you can't commit because you might meet someone else even better tomorrow?

When you're online dating, it's easy to fall into this mental trap. After all, with one click you can search through hundreds of profiles and have dates lined up every day of the week. There's always somebody new to meet, someone to have sex with, which can make us feel that there's always something better around the corner without really looking at the person right on front of us. This can be especially true in big cities where the possibilities for dating seem endless.

Or if you're the type to jump into a relationship quickly because the chemistry is so intense, you're giving in to instant gratification as well. The truth is, you don't yet know the person, so you're projecting your ideal relationship and romantic partner onto him without even realizing it. And when you actually get to know each other, these assumptions and beliefs fall away, and you're left angry and confused.

Neither scenario feels like a healthy way to date. Looking to satisfy your need for instant gratification won't bring about what most people truly desire, a real and lasting relationship. We want to connect. We want to love. But sometimes, this feels more scary than doing what we know and following the same unhealthy patterns.

Instead of jumping headfirst into your next relationship, or dating so many men/ women that you can't keep their names straight, try doing the opposite. Try focusing on one date at a time. Instead of pushing things forward, let your dating progress at a slow pace. It will feel strange, but it will allow you some freedom. You'll get to know each other on a deeper level without the intensity (and commitment).

Take it one date at a time, and see if your next relationship turns out differently.

One of the best things about online dating is its ability to connect you with more potential partners, from anywhere in the world, than you would ever encounter in real life.

One of the worst things about online is its ability to connect you with more potential partners, from anywhere in the world, than you would ever encounter in real life. All that choice is more than a little overwhelming, and when we're faced with an overwhelming number of choices we tend not to make any decisions at all.

What's the point of spending all that time browsing profiles if you're only going to window shop? Online dating doesn't do you any good unless you actually remember to do the 'dating' part, too.

Learning how to online date efficiently wasn't easy, but after enough wasted hours and dead-end profiles I've finally figured out a few key ways to identify dates with real potential. If you're in the market for something more serious than a few flirty messages or a quick hookup, be on the lookout for these four signs you've found a promising partner:

1. They've got a positive outlook on life. You wouldn't want to spend your life with someone who was consistently pessimistic, so why start a relationship with someone who is already showing off their negative side? Profiles that are cynical about relationships, whine about their exes, or otherwise talk about the ways life gets them down are not good date material.
2. They're confident but humble. There's a fine line to walk when you're dating online - you have to present your positive qualities (because if you don't, who will?), but you don't want to come off as arrogant or narcissistic. Avoid profiles that cross the line and seem more interested in talking about themselves than learning about you.
3. They've got something going for them. That 'something' can be pretty much anything - an intriguing hobby, a passion for travel, an interesting job - as long as it exists. What you don't want is a profile that seems totally directionless. If every picture takes place in a nightclub and is captioned with something about how wasted they were that night, long-term dating probably isn't in the cards.
4. They're taking it seriously. We've all run across those profiles that consist of only a few sentences, one of which is probably something about how they don't know what to say or aren't really sure about the online dating thing. Don't date a waffler. Unless it's clear that they have a profile because they're genuinely interested in meeting someone to date, don't waste your time.

While everyone loves a Hollywood ending, in real life, things can get much more complicated and murky. Instead of the leading man and the object of his affection coming together despite all the odds, there is usually a trail of miscommunication, resentment, and mistakes. All too often, it just doesn't work out.

If you're waiting around for your prince to find you like Tom Hanks finds Meg Ryan in Sleepless in Seattle, then you might want to rethink your strategy. Love takes two people actively searching and putting forth the effort. Developing a strong relationship takes time, trust, and courage - not to mention actually meeting first.

Following are some of the other myths about love we could do without:

Emotionally distant men will come around. I know - who didn't think Carrie should pursue her affair with Mr. Big? And let's face it, there is something really sexy about Don Draper. But these are poor examples of worthy men when it comes to finding the right relationship. A man of mystery doesn't know how to give love or communicate, which can lead to frustration, mistrust, and resentment over time. Instead of seeking to turn the bad boy into a loving partner, find a new love.

I want my boyfriend to pursue me. It's very romantic to picture a man running through the streets of New York trying to catch us before we board that plane to London and leave him for good. But is that really plausible? If you are waiting for that moment where your man decides he can't live without you, then you're likely chasing a dream. When a man is truly interested, he makes himself clear. He pursues you, calls you, wants to spend time with you. He doesn't keep you from his friends and family, he looks to incorporate you into his life.

Changing my appearance will help me get a man. Many women go to great lengths with botox injections, breast implants, tummy tucks and lip fillers. But does this really attract a man with long-term potential? Most men find a woman attractive based on her energy and her confidence rather than her size. If you embrace your physical flaws and exude sexiness, you'll be irresistible.

We should just "get" each other. As romantic as it sounds to be able to stare into one another's eyes and know what each other is thinking, this is not the case. Communication is essential in any successful relationship. If you aren't getting your needs met, it's important to speak up instead of thinking he should figure it out. Talking with each other about what you both want creates emotional intimacy.