Relationships

Mobile technology may be changing how we date, according to a recent study by popular dating websites ChristianMingle.com and JDate.com. Texting is fast becoming the preferred method of communication in relationships, including asking someone out for the first time or even for breaking up.

The study found that approximately one third of men (31%) and slightly more women (33%) find it easier to ask someone out on a date via text rather than making a phone call. Also, 55% of singles feel their mobile devices make it easier to meet and get to know people they may be interested in dating. And 64% of singles feel the quality of relationships with those they are dating or interested in dating has improved due to their mobile devices.

The study notes that mobile devices make it easier to break up, too. More than 50 percent of singles said they would consider breaking up with someone they were casually dating via text and an incredible 24% would consider ending an exclusive relationship that way.

Technology has been a part of dating for a while. Online dating started as a novel idea that gained popularity over time. Mobile technology has provided us with even more access to meeting people and dating, since our phones travel with us. We can meet a friend at the bar, open a mobile app and see if there are any other singles at the same bar that we might be interested in dating. You have so much information at your fingertips, and you can communicate via your phone. So it makes sense that daters are gravitating to their phones to connect with more people.

The study found some other interesting results:

• Seventy-eight percent of singles expect to communicate within 24 hours after a good first date. And after a good date, a majority of the men and women surveyed agree it doesn't matter who initiates the next communication.

• Don't be coy. Forty-six percent of singles have become upset with someone they are dating over their text response time, with more women (52%) getting upset than men (40%).

• Texting is the most frequent form of communication, particularly for those ages 21 to 26, who report texting several times a day before going on a date (50%), during a casual relationship (43%) and during an exclusive relationship (62%).

• 96 percent of singles keep phones out of sight during a date. But, somehow, 67% still find a way to check their phones during a date.

The study surveyed 1,500 U.S. singles between the ages of 21 and 50.

When you're online dating, sometimes it can be hard to tell what a potential match's relationship goals might be. Is she looking for a fling, or something more substantial? Many people don't reveal their true intentions in a dating profile, but they do provide some clues.

New research by The University of Texas found that when a woman is looking for a fling, she tends to talk about herself in her profile. But if she focuses on the traits she desires in a man, she's likely looking for something more serious.

For the study, researchers asked single women to record video profiles for an online dating site. After the video was recorded the women were asked questions about their relationship goals. They discovered that women who talked about the kind of partner they wanted were more selective, whereas the women advertising themselves were just looking to have fun.

Following are a few more tips to help you recognize what her relationship intentions are:

She's completed a profile. Most women who are serious spend a lot of time answering questions and writing profile descriptions, compared to those who aren't. The more thoughtful she is in her approach and the more she shares what she wants, the more likely she is looking for a relationship. If she leaves a lot of blank spaces, chances are she's not so committed.

She's responsive. Many people set up online dating profiles just to scroll through pictures and see who's out there. If you notice she hasn't checked in for a week, or she responded to your emails and then abruptly stopped, then chances are she's not really invested in finding a new relationship (or she already found someone else). However, if she's engaging you in digital conversation, respond in a timely manner. It means she's interested.

She pays for the site. Yes, there is a difference between daters who sign up for the free sites compared with those who are willing to shell out some dough. When you pay for online dating, you tend to be more serious, because let's face it - it's easy to meet people for free. (This is especially true for women---they get all kinds of emails when they sign up for free dating sites.) But if you want to meet a quality match who is also willing to pay (a.k.a. find a real relationship), then you're best bet is to pay for it.

Instant gratification is part of our lives. Whether we want a coffee or an iPhone, we can get it right now. There's no such thing as saving up for a new couch when you could put it on the credit card or even layaway and take it home right away. Or take social media. When I post something on Facebook or Twitter, I can get responses almost instantly, which makes me post even more.

So with our proclivity to instant gratification, does it affect our dating lives? Are you expecting relationships to just "happen" with the right chemistry? Are you having sex whenever you want, even when you aren't necessarily into the guy/ girl? Do you think to yourself that you can't commit because you might meet someone else even better tomorrow?

When you're online dating, it's easy to fall into this mental trap. After all, with one click you can search through hundreds of profiles and have dates lined up every day of the week. There's always somebody new to meet, someone to have sex with, which can make us feel that there's always something better around the corner without really looking at the person right on front of us. This can be especially true in big cities where the possibilities for dating seem endless.

Or if you're the type to jump into a relationship quickly because the chemistry is so intense, you're giving in to instant gratification as well. The truth is, you don't yet know the person, so you're projecting your ideal relationship and romantic partner onto him without even realizing it. And when you actually get to know each other, these assumptions and beliefs fall away, and you're left angry and confused.

Neither scenario feels like a healthy way to date. Looking to satisfy your need for instant gratification won't bring about what most people truly desire, a real and lasting relationship. We want to connect. We want to love. But sometimes, this feels more scary than doing what we know and following the same unhealthy patterns.

Instead of jumping headfirst into your next relationship, or dating so many men/ women that you can't keep their names straight, try doing the opposite. Try focusing on one date at a time. Instead of pushing things forward, let your dating progress at a slow pace. It will feel strange, but it will allow you some freedom. You'll get to know each other on a deeper level without the intensity (and commitment).

Take it one date at a time, and see if your next relationship turns out differently.

One of the best things about online dating is its ability to connect you with more potential partners, from anywhere in the world, than you would ever encounter in real life.

One of the worst things about online is its ability to connect you with more potential partners, from anywhere in the world, than you would ever encounter in real life. All that choice is more than a little overwhelming, and when we're faced with an overwhelming number of choices we tend not to make any decisions at all.

What's the point of spending all that time browsing profiles if you're only going to window shop? Online dating doesn't do you any good unless you actually remember to do the 'dating' part, too.

Learning how to online date efficiently wasn't easy, but after enough wasted hours and dead-end profiles I've finally figured out a few key ways to identify dates with real potential. If you're in the market for something more serious than a few flirty messages or a quick hookup, be on the lookout for these four signs you've found a promising partner:

1. They've got a positive outlook on life. You wouldn't want to spend your life with someone who was consistently pessimistic, so why start a relationship with someone who is already showing off their negative side? Profiles that are cynical about relationships, whine about their exes, or otherwise talk about the ways life gets them down are not good date material.
2. They're confident but humble. There's a fine line to walk when you're dating online - you have to present your positive qualities (because if you don't, who will?), but you don't want to come off as arrogant or narcissistic. Avoid profiles that cross the line and seem more interested in talking about themselves than learning about you.
3. They've got something going for them. That 'something' can be pretty much anything - an intriguing hobby, a passion for travel, an interesting job - as long as it exists. What you don't want is a profile that seems totally directionless. If every picture takes place in a nightclub and is captioned with something about how wasted they were that night, long-term dating probably isn't in the cards.
4. They're taking it seriously. We've all run across those profiles that consist of only a few sentences, one of which is probably something about how they don't know what to say or aren't really sure about the online dating thing. Don't date a waffler. Unless it's clear that they have a profile because they're genuinely interested in meeting someone to date, don't waste your time.

While everyone loves a Hollywood ending, in real life, things can get much more complicated and murky. Instead of the leading man and the object of his affection coming together despite all the odds, there is usually a trail of miscommunication, resentment, and mistakes. All too often, it just doesn't work out.

If you're waiting around for your prince to find you like Tom Hanks finds Meg Ryan in Sleepless in Seattle, then you might want to rethink your strategy. Love takes two people actively searching and putting forth the effort. Developing a strong relationship takes time, trust, and courage - not to mention actually meeting first.

Following are some of the other myths about love we could do without:

Emotionally distant men will come around. I know - who didn't think Carrie should pursue her affair with Mr. Big? And let's face it, there is something really sexy about Don Draper. But these are poor examples of worthy men when it comes to finding the right relationship. A man of mystery doesn't know how to give love or communicate, which can lead to frustration, mistrust, and resentment over time. Instead of seeking to turn the bad boy into a loving partner, find a new love.

I want my boyfriend to pursue me. It's very romantic to picture a man running through the streets of New York trying to catch us before we board that plane to London and leave him for good. But is that really plausible? If you are waiting for that moment where your man decides he can't live without you, then you're likely chasing a dream. When a man is truly interested, he makes himself clear. He pursues you, calls you, wants to spend time with you. He doesn't keep you from his friends and family, he looks to incorporate you into his life.

Changing my appearance will help me get a man. Many women go to great lengths with botox injections, breast implants, tummy tucks and lip fillers. But does this really attract a man with long-term potential? Most men find a woman attractive based on her energy and her confidence rather than her size. If you embrace your physical flaws and exude sexiness, you'll be irresistible.

We should just "get" each other. As romantic as it sounds to be able to stare into one another's eyes and know what each other is thinking, this is not the case. Communication is essential in any successful relationship. If you aren't getting your needs met, it's important to speak up instead of thinking he should figure it out. Talking with each other about what you both want creates emotional intimacy.

Our dating lives are primarily driven by chemistry. We search for that elusive instant spark, and if we're not feeling it within the first few minutes of the date, many times we check out mentally and emotionally. We dismiss a date without even trying to get to know him.

There's a big difference between a good date and a good relationship. While a man might appear funny, charming, and sexy at the beginning, later on you might find him to be non-committal, a player, or otherwise not relationship material. The only way you can find out if someone is good relationship material is through actually getting to know him.

Most people are awkward and a little unsure on the first date. And if they get the vibe that you're not into them, then the awkwardness intensifies. He will either try to oversell himself to compensate for your lack of interest, or he'll withdraw. Neither of these scenarios means that you will be more attracted to him. But have you given him a real chance? Probably not.

Instead of writing him off, take a step back. The majority of women say that they married a man who they weren't at first attracted to - which means that they gave someone a chance even if he didn't blow them away from the start. And then they found lasting love.

Following are five reasons to say yes to a second date:

He's not your type - and that might be a good thing. If you tend to be attracted to the same type of man but it hasn't yet worked out for you, isn't it worth it to date someone totally different? You might find that the men you are typically attracted to are great daters, but lousy partners. You can't know whether someone will love and respect you until you have dated and gotten to know each other. Real, lasting relationships take time to build. And when you're with the right person, it doesn't fizzle out. It only gets stronger.

The first date was fine, but not exciting. If you found a first date to be just okay, that he was "nice enough," then consider giving him a fair shot and agreeing to a second date. Remember: you aren't dating him exclusively - you are still meeting men. But giving each of your dates a fair shot means that it's important to take your time and see how things unfold between you. Finding love requires patience as well as perseverance.

It can't hurt. This goes without saying. What's the harm in agreeing to a second date? Maybe it will go nowhere, but maybe he will surprise you.

Chemistry doesn't mean long-term potential. I know people will disagree on this, but there is too much weight placed on instant attraction. What matters more is someone's honesty, respect for you, and kindness - none of which can really be assessed on the first or even the second date. It takes time. Isn't it worth it to get to know someone who possesses these qualities?