Relationships

Dating is a tricky thing. People have different views on what's acceptable and what's not, but they don't always communicate it. After all, would you feel comfortable saying that you want exclusivity on a second or third date? Probably not. But when you avoid the hard conversations with your dates in order to just be casual and have fun, you might be sending the wrong message.

For instance, if you're a woman who enjoys meeting men, do you have an obligation to tell a man you've been dating for a month that you don't want to be exclusive? Or is it better to wait until he brings it up to you?

Many people opt for the latter, because they are afraid to have the serious conversations. They are afraid being truthful will mean they might have to give up something that's easy and fun.

But dating requires us to be truthful in order to have a real relationship. If you're hiding what you want, you aren't doing anybody any favors. People deserve to know where they stand, even if it means breaking things off.

Let's look at a few examples:

Jack and Simone - they have been dating for two months. Simone is also sleeping with her co-worker, but she doesn't consider this a "real" relationship, just a convenience. She doesn't want to give her co-worker up in case her new relationship doesn't work out, but recently he's been wanting more than just a casual fling. Should she come clean with both of them?

You can see why Simone might be hesitant. She stands to lose both dates by telling them she's not interested in being exclusive just yet. Her co-worker could be angry that she was dating at all, especially if she wasn't clear about her intentions with him. And if she is ready to take her new relationship to the next level? She has to risk potentially losing her new guy, too. He might not want to be exclusive, but she owes it to herself to be clear about what she wants and to communicate it.

Anna and Caleb - Anna has been dating a few men she met online for the last several weeks. She likes them all, and figures she should keep dating all of them until they fall out. Steve is really handsome and charming, Rob is really energetic and creative, and then there's Caleb, who makes her laugh. She's most interested in Caleb, but he's been giving off a vibe that he's not really the monogamous type. She and Caleb haven't discussed their relationship at all, but she assumes he's seeing other women and she wants to leave her options open, too.

When you're dating, you're still in the process of getting to know someone, so there's no need to rush into a relationship. However, you can't date multiple people without being honest with all of them. If she really wants to continue dating all of them, she has to tell them she's dating other people, and let them decide whether or not to continue. But even more to the point, it's important that she tell Caleb her feelings, otherwise she will continue dating him without getting her needs met. There's no point in holding on to someone if there's no chance your relationship will progress.

There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to dating, but it's most important to be honest - with the people you date and yourself.

Christmas can be a lonely time for singles. With the focus of the holiday season on love, family and relationships, it's easy for singles to feel left out. Even if your parents and siblings are happy to have you for Christmas dinner, it just isn't quite the same as celebrating with a family of your own.... and that's just Christmas itself. In the lead-up to the Holiday Season, there's office parties to get through without a date, endless conversations about where and with whom you will be celebrating and the nagging question whether you will still be single come the new year.

If you are determined to ring in 2014 with a new partner, we have put together a list of tips for you. These top 3 seasonal tips will help singles find love during the holiday season.

1. Find love during the holiday season by getting into party mode

You may resent the endless parade of holiday parties, but there's no better way to meet new people - and at least some of them are bound to be feeling the single Christmas blues, just like you! In addition to the usual party atmosphere, there should be mistletoe on hand to break the ice if you come across a particularly kissable pair of single lips!

2. Find love during the holiday season by being full of Christmas cheer

Happy singles are attractive singles, so don't let the loneliness get you down. Instead, get into the Christmas spirit, decorate your home, buy a silly sweater and do everything you can to turn yourself into a person absolutely everyone will want to be around.

3. Find love during the holiday season by online dating

Did you know that December is one of the busiest months of the year for online dating websites? You aren't the only one who wants to find love before the year is up, so there's no better time to get active and see who's registered recently, looking for a Christmas romance. If you don't get lucky during the holiday season, you'll already be ahead of the curve in January, when online dating peaks in a flurry of new year's resolutions and turkey hangovers!

Some of us are busy decking the halls with boughs of holly. Some of us are lighting the menorah. Some are getting trampled by sale-obsessed shoppers at Walmart and Best Buy. Some are still trying to recover from their Thanksgiving food comas. And many of us are wondering whether we'll have a midnight kiss on New Year's Eve.

Singles are always curious about whether there is an ideal time to try online dating. The best answer is "No, the perfect time for online dating is whenever you're ready for it." Online dating requires a significant investment of time, attention, and emotions, so don't dive into it before you're prepared. But if you are ready, why waste time looking for the "right" moment? The right moment is right now.

That being said, there is one time of year it might be just a little bit more right than any other: the week between Christmas and New Year's, all the way through to Valentine's Day.

In December 2011, Match.com's relationship expert Whitney Casey said that "From December 26 to February 14 is our busiest season. New Year's Eve is such a big deal because it's a new beginning." Match is far from the only site to notice a jump in usage during that time. PlentyOfFish also reported a 15% spike in sign-ups, as well as a 20% boost in activity from current users during the same period.

Rachel Seliger, Community Manager for JDate.com, attributes the holiday spike to a renewed excitement about meeting new people. "This is definitely one of our busiest times of the year," she says, "and that's simply because the festive fun of the holiday season often reminds singles there is nothing better than being around those we love - that romantic relationships! Plus, we often see a big bump in membership numbers with so many people adding 'find love' to their New Year's resolutions!"

This year, along with working out, reading more, volunteering, getting organized, and spending more time with friends and family, put 'Try online dating' on your New Year's resolutions list. Like any resolution, staying on track won't always be easy, but setting the goal is the first step. Take advantage of the improved odds and maybe that midnight kiss will turn from far-off fantasy into reality.

Just please don't put up a profile picture taken in that hideous holiday sweater knitted by your grandmother. There's not enough eggnog in the world to make that pic a good choice.

The holidays are upon us. It can be a stressful time, but with it comes a fair bit of revelry - holiday parties, New Year’s celebrations, vacation time. For many, it represents an end to a stressful season and a time to blow off steam.

It’s also a time of year in which many turn to online dating with renewed vigor. We’ve already discussed that one should carefully weigh whether the holidays are personally the right time to start dating; let’s assume that the holidays are not extra stressful and that one simply wants to take a bit of their extra free time to write a great profile and start lining up dates. However, that doesn’t mean that there aren’t still aspects of holiday dating to watch out for.

First and foremost, there’s alcohol. Alcohol exists year-round, but holiday celebrations are particularly cheer-heavy, from spiked punch and eggnog to champagne. Add in the holiday revelry and you have a recipe for rash decisions. Many might focus on the “upsides” - lessened inhibitions leading to more immediate “connections” - but they don’t always think of the possible downsides, like embarrassing speeches you don’t intend to make or a miscalculation leading to a vomit-filled evening. For some adults, the holidays are their equivalent of a college Spring Break. Try not to make the same mistakes the kids do.

It’s also important to weigh your motivation for online dating. Are you actually looking for the potential of a long-term relationship, or are you looking for someone to be with on New Year’s Eve? If it’s the former, the holidays might make it harder to sort through the party noise and find someone who wants the same. Similarly, a date at a holiday party might not be the way to really get to know someone and determine whether you’re compatible. If you’re just looking for someone to party with, that’s fine too - just make sure your motivations are clear, so no feelings are hurt.

The holidays can be a time to unwind from the stress of the year, and maybe even reevaluate priorities and create new beginnings. While signing up for an online dating site can certainly be such a new beginning, there’s no rush or rule that says you have to find love immediately. While holiday fun can be a blast, just make sure you’re signing up for the type of fun you want - all the better to start the new year off on the right foot.

The holidays are a time for joyful gatherings and tidings of good cheer, right? Well, not for everyone.

It's also the time of year when many hearts are broken. In fact, most break-ups occur around the holidays. The hurt can be devastating, whether you were part of a long-term couple or even if you'd just started dating and suddenly were abandoned with no explanation or reason why. But no matter how deep and lasting your ties, breaking up over the holidays when everyone around you seems happy and thankful can be a bit overwhelming. You might be tempted to hole up in your room and not come out until January second.

While this move isn't practical, broken hearts do have to be treated with care. Instead of pasting on a smile and going about your holidays as though nothing is wrong, I suggest you take care of yourself by doing the following:

Pamper yourself. Remember that birthday coupon for a massage you got a few months ago? Now is the time to use it. If a mani/pedi is more your style, then make an appointment. Treat yourself to a new hairstyle. You get the picture. Do something for yourself - whether it's relaxing or lifting your spirits.

Call an old friend. Sometimes it helps to reconnect with someone you haven't spoken to in a while - someone who was your best friend or confidant at another time in your life. Find out what's going on with him/her, and share your own story. It can help to talk with someone who has seen you through good times and bad, and loves you for exactly who you are.

Make plans with single friends. Maybe you've been hanging out with a lot of couples, but now is the time to connect with single friends. They can be a great boost, especially if they are really social and get you out of the house and doing fun things. Try not to spend your time downing cocktails and bashing exes - instead, give a toast to your friendship and being there for each other.

Exercise. Sometimes, nothing helps a broken heart like a few extra endorphins. Something about exercising can clear your head, help you focus, and also miraculously lift your spirits. So instead of vegging out in front of the TV all weekend watching romantic comedies, try going for a run at the gym or ice skating at a local outdoor rink. Just get moving.

Give thanks. This might sound cheesy, but it works. Make a list of everything you currently have in your life that you're grateful for. It can be something as small as the banana nut muffins you ate for breakfast or as big as having your sister in your life who always has your back. Reflecting on the good things you have right now really helps put things in perspective and guides you out of heartbreak.

We’re in the swing of the holiday season, and that’s a time when many consider signing up to online dating websites for the first time. Maybe it’s the nostalgia, the emphasis on family, the holiday parties, or the increase in TV movies; regardless, many do consider being more proactive in their search for love around this time.

The problem is that the end of the year is not just a time for holidays. For a good portion of the globe, it’s also cold and flu season. Depending on your job, it might be the busiest, most stressful time of year. It can be a time in which familial obligations are increased - and for many, this also equals added stress. Maybe this is the time of year to squeeze in traveling and vacation.

Thus, it’s not unheard of to sign up to an online dating site, create a profile, start chatting with someone - and promptly get pneumonia, or have to leave for the next two weeks, or be swamped with work and plans with family members.

Granted, this sort of bad timing could happen at any point in the year - people get sick, have jobs that get busy at varying times, and so on. But the somewhat universal experience of holiday nostalgia, paired with the somewhat universal experience of holiday stress, seems to be a recipe for increased, widespread dating frustration.

Does this mean you should avoid online dating during the holidays? Not necessarily. After all, new people are signing up, so it’s a good opportunity to check out fresh faces and send some first-contact emails. But let’s say you know you get run-down every year at this time, or swamped. Instead of plunging into online dating headfirst for the first time, perhaps you could hold off for just a few more weeks; you might feel like time’s a-wasting, but perhaps you’re just giving your prospective matches time to recover from their own illnesses and obligations.

The same logic applies at any point in the year; if you know life is hectic, stressful and you’re physically worn out, now might not be the best time to attempt to meet new people. Instead, work on beefing up your immune system and your profile. Once you make that decision to sign up, it’s tempting to do so at that very moment, but consider: if you’re going to meet a potential match, won’t you want to be clearheaded enough to decide if you’re actually compatible?