Relationships

We all know about dating app Tinder by now. It’s known less for its accuracy in matchmaking and more for its accessibility in meeting people anytime, anywhere – who are up for a brief fling or flirtatious chat. While Tinder is getting a lot of name recognition, another dating app called Hinge is slowly surfacing, city by city, taking the dating app world by storm and attracting a recent round of $4.5 million in venture capital money.

Why is Hinge getting so much attention (and money)? Because it is differentiating itself from Tinder in the most basic of ways. Hinge is focused on the quality of matches, which means instead of scrolling through endless photos and swiping left or right, the app finds a fixed number of matches for each user that they think suit you. Hinge is all about playing matchmaker. (It also doesn’t help Tinder that its CMO Justin Mateen was suspended recently for sexual harassment.)

Hinge matches people based on particular factors, namely profession, education history, and interests, as well who you’ve been interested in previously. What’s different about the dating app is that it’s not just pairing you with people from your circles with the same job or who went to the same college. Hinge looks for less obvious connections, like that Ivy League college alums like to intermingle, or that guys in finance like to date female lawyers. Plus, matches are all gained through your Facebook circles (friends of friends only), and you must have a Facebook friend who’s already on Hinge in order to join. It makes for a kind of exclusive club feeling.

Hinge started small in the D.C. area, but it’s iOS and Android userbase is up 300% this year in the nine cities it operates in: DC, Philadelphia, NYC, Boston, San Francisco, Chicago, Atlanta, Dallas, and L.A.

Hinge however isn’t focused solely on the dating game. They want to move in the direction of the so-called “social discovery” app, where they match people who could be friends based on interests.

The new $4.5 million round from Founders Fund and Lowercase Capital brings Hinge to $8.6 million in total funding. Right now, Hinge is free, but in order to be profitable for its investors the company is probably looking into adding premium services for a fee, or potentially licensing its technology, according to website Tech Crunch.

For now, it’s slow-growth approach and catered matchmaking are making it a big hit, especially among the more serious and discerning female daters. It will be interesting to see where it goes next.

Just when you thought you had enough things to worry about in your love life, here’s another: your sense of humor. And not just whether or not you have one, but what your specific taste in funny says about your personality.

The fine folks over at eHarmony found that both men and women report that a great sense of humor is the most important thing they are looking for in their match. “Women’s ratings of a man’s humor was significantly associated with their ratings of the man’s intelligence and warmth, showing that women see funny men as more intelligent, positive, and upbeat,” a blog post on the subject said. Men, on the other hand, use humor as a tactic of competing with one another in hopes of catching the eye of a romantic interest.

Looking deeper, researchers identified 4 different types of humor: affiliative, self-defeating, self-enhancing, and aggressive. Each has unique characteristics:

• Affiliative: When people think “sense of humor,” this is what they’re thinking of. Affiliative humor involves telling jokes and making funny comments that are not at the expense of anyone. This type of humor is used to nurture relationships between people, to bring groups together, and to create a light-hearted, entertaining atmosphere.
• Self-defeating: People with the self-defeating humor type amuse others at their own expense. They make themselves the butt of their own jokes in order to gain approval from others (and they’ll even laugh along when others put them down).
• Self-enhancing: Those who use self-enhancing humor find the funny in everything, and typically deal with challenges by looking on the bright side. Self-enhancing humor can be used as a method of coping with adversity, to prevent negative emotions from taking over.
• Aggressive: The name says it all. Aggressive humor can include teasing, sarcasm, making fun of others or putting others down. It’s a hurtful kind of humor used to manipulate and alienate others. People who use aggressive humor can often have trouble holding back from saying things they find funny, even if they’re insensitive.

We each use all four types of humor in combination, but probably have a preference for one or two. Based on researchers’ findings, what that preference is could say something about your personality:

• People who use any affiliative, self-enhancing, and aggressive humor more were found to be significantly more intelligent.
• Affiliative humor users were also found to be significantly more secure in their relationships, value their friendships more, and be less athletic.
• Users of self-enhancing humor were found to be significantly happier in general than those who don’t use this type very often. They were found to be more confident in themselves, to feel more fortunate, and to be more satisfied with themselves overall.
• Individuals who use self-defeating humor are more likely to develop close relationships with others and are not afraid to show their true selves. However, they were also found to be significantly more anxious, depressed, and neurotic, as well as less confident in their own physical attractiveness.
• Aggressive humor users are significantly less kind and caring, more neurotic, more bossy and dominating, less confident in their physical attractiveness, and less likely to want a close relationship with their partner. They may also be more intelligent and more interested in sex, but the cons outweigh the pros in this case.

For more on the dating site which conducted this study you can read our review of eHarmony.

Let’s face it, most of us have a phone in our hands a majority of the day, and during that time, our faces are buried in text messages, emails, Facebook, Instagram, or in apps to get us home or to the restaurant to meet friends. But can we disconnect long enough to connect with someone else in real life?

When I go out with my friends, I make a conscious effort to leave my phone in my purse, to turn off the ringer, to have a conversation that doesn’t include constant distraction. And it can be hard – especially if I’m expecting an email or text from work, or I want to check in with Twitter or Facebook. But as I read recently, the most important thing we can do in our lives is to create memories. And how can we create memories if we’re constantly distracted and bringing ourselves out of the present moment?

It’s the same with dating. It’s hard enough to connect with a stranger romantically, but when you add the distraction of cell phones to the mix, it’s even harder. Instead of becoming attached to your phone – for safety, for preventing social awkwardness, or for distraction – try putting it away and taking things one moment at a time – concentrating on what’s right in front of you.

Following are some tips when it comes to smartphones and dating:

Decide to be present. Sometimes emergencies crop up, but that doesn’t mean you keep your cell phone out and ready to pick up on the first ring during your date. If you’re expecting a call from your boss or a family member, knowing you’ll be spending the evening worrying or waiting, then why not postpone to a better night? Give your date a real chance by being fully present.

No photos. Maybe you’re addicted to Instagram and can’t help but take pictures of the cocktail you’re drinking or perhaps the gorgeous pasta dish in front of you. Resist this compulsion on a first date. Really, your food will taste better and you won’t be distracted with all the posting. Not every moment has to be documented.

No play-by-play on Twitter. I know some people who like to keep a record of their dates for the public to see, or who have to check their feeds every few minutes. But honestly, Twitter and Facebook can wait until after your date is over. Besides, if you write something bad about your date, assume he will see it – either on your phone or on your feed. Is that really how you want to conduct your dating life?

Text your date after the fact. If you had a good time, let him know! If not, tell him thanks but you’re just not a match. It shows you are courteous, which is a real plus when it comes to dating.

Most singles might agree: we’ve become Tinder-obsessed lately. It’s so easy to flip through photos, rejecting and accepting as many people as possible. It’s become a bit of a sport, or an old game of hot-or-not.

Needless to say, while some people have found true love over apps like Tinder, the majority are still finding it hard to meet people and go on a real date. There seems to be too much choice, too many options for meeting new people. Few daters are focusing on finding a relationship or even dating one person because there are so many options out there.

Studies have shown that people are not great at dealing with too many options. In scientific terms, they become "cognitively overwhelmed." In other words, the more men or women there are to choose from, the harder it can be to pick just one. Kind of like going to a grocery store and choosing from 100 different types of chocolate. How do you really make a good decision about what to purchase?

Fortunately, a new crop of dating apps are addressing this dilemma by trying to give singles what they really want – a more manageable way to date, rather than more options.

CoffeeMeetsBagel is one such app, offering its members one match per day (every day at noon), and you have twenty-four hours to decide if this person is right for you. Matches are chosen based on your Facebook networks, so they are also on better behavior than those you could meet over Tinder and who have no accountability.

Hinge is another such app, offering anywhere from seven to fifteen matches per day to its users, depending on how many Facebook friends you invite to join. It works kind of like a referral service, but since you only get a limited number of matches, you have time to really consider your options and likely accept more dates. Plus, you have to have a friend on Hinge to be able to join, and both your first and last name are visible to your matches. So again, there is some accountability because of your Facebook networks – bad behavior isn’t going to be easily forgotten.

This less-is-more strategy also helps daters in terms of communication. Guys aren’t cutting-and-pasting mass emails to send to as many women as possible on the more selective apps, nor are women receiving many unwanted sexual advances from random guys. It is more of a formal approach, and one that is slow and deliberate.

Are apps like Hinge or CoffeeMeetsBagel for everyone? Maybe not, but if you’re a guy looking to meet women, these are the apps females are more likely to check out and join.

There’s no denying that family has a major impact on who and what we turn out to be. But exactly how big is that impact?

The research team PlentyOfFish set out to understand how your family affects your likelihood of reaching financial and personal success. The study examined the correlation between birth order and long-term relationships, income brackets, and education level. It also looked at the relationship between birth order and hair color, pets, and body type.

The participants in the study were North American singles, both men and women, between the ages of 25 and 45 who are from families of up to six children. All had created a PlentyOfFish profile since 2013, but were a mix of current users and those who had since deleted their accounts.

The study found that firstborns are more likely to experience multiple advantages in life. In comparison to their younger siblings, firstborns are more likely to find a relationship, pursue higher education, and make between $100k and $150k a year. Although the findings differed depending on the number of children in the family, firstborn children consistently came out on top. Fun fact: the eldest of two is also up to 8% more likely to be a redhead.

Middle children across the board are the least likely to find a relationship. On the other hand, they are more likely to make between $100k and $150k a year than their younger siblings. They are also, apparently, 20% more likely to own a bird as a pet.

Youngest children are the most likely to be looking for a relationship. The youngest of two is up to 15% more likely to be blonde and 9% more likely to own an iPhone. Youngest male children are 10% more likely to be thin, while the youngest female child of two is 9% more likely to be athletic and 7% more likely to be thin. The youngest in the family, regardless of gender, is also most likely to own a cat or a dog.

Single children are 9% more likely to be very ambitious and 15% more likely to be seeking a casual relationship. There are also 16% more likely to be overweight, 9% more likely to use an Android device, and up to 19% more likely to have black hair.

Moral of the story: birth order does have a connection to the direction your life takes, and it pays big to be the first born.

If you’re a lucky online dater, you’ll be going on a lot of first dates.

If you’re an unlucky online dater, you’ll be going on a lot of first dates.

Online dating is pretty much the definition of "double-edged sword." On one hand, it's exciting to go on so many dates and meet so many new people. On the other hand, it's totally taxing trying to get to know that many strangers. And the worst part about it is answering the same tired get-to-know-you questions over and over again.

You could be on a date with someone who is perfect on paper (or is that “screen?”), but the second they open their mouth and one of these questions comes out, you know you’re headed straight for Boredomland:

• What do you do for a living? “What do you do for a living?” is the first offender you're likely to hear. It's not that it's wrong to want to know, because of course getting to know someone means understanding what they do in their professional life, it's just that it's incredibly dull. In this same vein are questions like “Where did you grow up?” and “Where did you go to school?” They're all generic queries that sound more like a job interview than scintillating first date conversation.
• What do you do for fun? Again, it's not that you wouldn’t want to know how your date enjoys spending their time, it's just not a very memorable or exciting question. Your job on a first date is to set yourself apart, not to sound exactly like every other snoozefest your date has had dinner with. Besides, what are the odds that their answer will actually give you serious additional insight into who they are as a person?
• Why are you single? Ouch. Why does anyone ever think this question is a good idea? There’s pretty much no way to answer without feeling like a total failure for one reason or another. Also steer clear of backhanded compliments like "I can't believe someone hasn't locked you down already!" Thanks. Guess it must be because something is totally wrong with me.
• What kind of guys/girls are you into? Awkward. Irrelevant. Pretty much destined to end in disaster. At the end of the day, a person's "type" doesn't matter at all – all that counts is that they’re attracted to you. And if you’re on a date together, it’s safe to say you already know the answer to that question.
• Why did your last relationship end? No. Just no.
• Where do you live? Do you live alone? This is the part of the night when you start worrying that your date is a serial killer. If you’re lucky, all they’re doing is calculating the likelihood that you'll hook up that night. If you're not so lucky, there is a dark alley and an ax in your future.