Relationships

Little Lizzie McGuire herself, Hilary Duff, is officially on Tinder.

Her appearance on the popular dating app has been big news since a Tinder user came across her profile and posted a screen shot to Reddit. Naturally, there were plenty of skeptics, but Duff confirmed to radio show Valentine in the Morning that she is indeed on the app. And that's not all she had to say about her new adventures as a mobile dater.

"In my life I've always had really serious boyfriends, I've always met people through work, and I've never been on a blind date," she said. Determined to try something new, she turned to Tinder and called the experience “wildly addicting” so far.

Some would dip their toes slowly into the online dating waters, but not Ms. Duff. She jumped straight in and says she's talking to “probably about nine guys right now.” Not to suggest she has no standards – a shirtless mirror selfie is an instant swipe left, she explains, while a funny profile is likely to get you a right swipe.

Duff even went as far as to dish on her first Tinder dates. It appears her style is low-key, active, and affordable. Her first date was to a bowling alley, with the second scheduled for a go-karting track. She even brought friends along to the first date, making sure things stayed safe and laidback.

So how did things go on the big day? During an interview with On Air With Ryan Seacrest, Duff said “He was cool. He brought a friend and I had some friends there. He used to be in editing for reality shows. Now, he’s an actor and he just wrote a play. He’s an interesting guy.”

Still, it doesn't seem that sparks flew on the first try. She says the night didn't end with a kiss, and that she's unsure about the prospect of a second date. “I don’t know how I’m feeling,” she told Seacrest. “We’ll see how it goes.”

Duff likely has plenty more meetups to look forward to, as rumor has it cameras were rolling during her bowling date. Sources told TMZ that Duff plans to capture her exploits in the dating world on camera for a reality show that chronicles her life as a new divorcée.

So far her rep has no comment about the potential reality show, but Duff was allegedly seen on a second date and once again cameras were recording the proceedings.

Will you be tuning in if the Duff dating show makes it to TV?

Across the board, so-called “hookup apps” have a certain reputation. It's right there in the name. While plenty of singles use dating apps like Tinder to find actual relationships, popular perception skews in a much more sensationalized direction.

No group falls victim to that melodramatic media coverage more than the gay community, who constantly catch flack for the use of Grindr and similar apps. The common refrain is that these applications encourage risky sexual behavior and exist only for easy, no-strings-attached gratification, but a new study may have people rethinking that narrow-minded assumption.

Garrett Prestage, associate professor of sociology at the University of New South Wales’ Kirby Institute, says 80% of gay men now find their boyfriends through apps and dating websites.

According to his research, published in AIDS and Behaviour and backed by the National Health and Medical Research Council and LaTrobe University, showed that only 14% of gay men met their partners online in 2001. Fourteen years later, things are drastically different.

Today, the numbers of gay men who meet long-term partners at bars, at sex-on-premises venues, and through friends have dropped dramatically, and the changing landscape of gay dating is forcing safer-sex campaigners to rethink their strategies and assumptions.

It's long been said that men who using dating sites or mobile apps are at a higher risk than men who do not, but Prestage casts doubt upon any studies that seem to confirm that theory. “This data show that this is faulty logic because most gay men meet partners this way… be that romantic or sexual,” he says. “If they’re comparing it with men who don’t use apps they’re comparing men who are sexually active with those who are not.”

Prestage adds that “the myth that an online hook up is only just about sex” could mean that health organisations using apps and websites for HIV prevention outreach could be falling short of their goals.

“A more sensible approach is simply to accept that men are more likely to meet via online methods these days and make sure that there are appropriate online interventions and information,” he argues.

A more effective tactic would be to target specific users based on what they're looking for, providing different messaging for men looking for relationships and men looking for casual sex. Ultimately, while apps can certainly help increase awareness around sexual health campaigns, they aren't a sufficient strategy for serious engagement.

Health organizations must adapt to the changing landscape of gay dating if they want to remain relevant and engaging.

Let’s face it – dating today is elusive. People are meeting new potential dates all the time with the popularity of dating apps like Tinder and Grindr. It’s no wonder that commitment is hard to come by – even for just one date.

Have you ever experienced the “fade” in dating – some call it ghosting – where the person you’ve been seeing suddenly disappears with no reason or explanation? You might have thought things were going great. Maybe you were looking forward to the concert you were going to invite him to, or perhaps you were fantasizing about a future relationship. After all, he was really into you, or so you thought – why not get excited?

But then, inexplicably, your texts and calls went unanswered. Maybe you only went out a few times, but you were starting to get emotionally invested. It’s only natural to want an explanation – to understand why this person you thought was so interested didn’t choose you.

But think about it – you’ve probably been on the other side of this relationship, too. Maybe you started dating someone and it was fun for a while, but you decided as time went on that you really weren’t into that person. Or maybe you decided you didn’t want a relationship that quickly – that you’d rather keep dating. Or maybe you weren’t over your ex and your date had become a nice distraction. Unfortunately, you weren’t as into him as he was into you.

Did you pull the fade on him?

If you’ve only been out a few times, or you never really established what your relationship is, then it’s difficult to know what to do when that person disappears. After all, you weren’t “together” – at least not in any committed sense. So what’s the problem, and why are you so upset over a relationship that wasn’t “real”?

The problem with this thinking is that it’s misguided. Even if you haven’t had “the talk” with someone you have dated, if you have developed feelings, then it can be just as devastating as a real break-up. This is why it’s important to not pull the fade.

Instead, honor and respect the person you’ve been dating by letting her know you aren’t interested in a relationship. It might hurt to be blunt, but it will help the other person move on more quickly and easily. After all, wouldn’t you want to know?

It’s important to be clear in this age of elusiveness in dating. It will create more open and honest relationships in your life. Don’t pretend to be friends or continue to hook up with someone you aren’t interested in. Make a clean break. Allow him to move on, too.

Here’s the scenario: you’ve been dating an incredible guy – kind, funny, smart – and it seems the two of you have hit it off. You imagined your future relationship – taking vacations, moving in together. You’re smitten, and it seems he is, too. However, he told you that he broke up with his girlfriend a couple of weeks before you met. He claims he’s over her and wants to see where your new relationship is headed, but you have your doubts.

His confession has put a damper on your relationship, or at least how you feel about it. Maybe he’s telling the truth – that he has moved on – but you have a nagging sense that you might be a rebound for him.

How do you know for sure? Are there signs?

The development of any relationship can be tricky – there are no guarantees, which is why you have to take your chances from time to time if you feel the desire to be with someone, to see where the relationship goes no matter what. This could be one of those times to take the risk and put your heart out there – it is up to you to decide.

While it’s important to throw caution to the wind, it’s also good to pay attention to warning signs. Here’s how to tell that he might not be over his ex:

He pushes your relationship forward faster than you want. There’s nothing wrong with a man who is excited about you. But if he wants to charge ahead when you would rather take things a bit more slowly, he might be avoiding his own grieving process. Every broken relationship requires healing time – he might have done this while he was in the relationship, but maybe not. If he’s serious about you, he will respect your timeline without feeling the need to get serious so quickly.

He is hot and cold. Does he sweep you off your feet one day, and retreat into silence the next? If you have a hard time keeping track of his moods or when you can reach him, he’s obviously distracted. This likely means he’s still dealing with the pain of losing his old relationship, or that he is scared to move on to a new one with you – and possibly get hurt again.

He is set in his relationship ways. It might be difficult to notice right away, but pay attention to his habits when you are with him – for instance, does he communicate with you, or just tell you what he wants to happen? Does he criticize your taste in decorating or how you cook because it is different from what he’s “used to?” Does he assume you want to do the things he wants to do? If he is already carving out your place in the relationship, it’s a red flag that he is trying to recreate his past relationship. Start from a new place and compromise, or consider that he might not be ready for a relationship.

Dating app Clover analyzed data from 200,000 users of its service to find out where people like to go on a first date. Not surprisingly – Starbucks Coffee Chains took the number one spot.

What was surprising about the study was that bars and other popular coffee shops didn’t really figure into the top choices. According to Clover, their users chose restaurants overall, though perhaps meeting for a drink at a restaurant is preferable for most first dates instead of the local bar. After all, if it’s going well – then you can just move on to dinner.

But as it turns out, well-known chain restaurants are among the most popular places to meet a date, as opposed to a local café or even a bar. (It doesn’t pay to be a little more creative.) Chains including In-N-Out, Olive Garden, and Red Lobster are among the top 30 places to meet a first date, according to Clover. Chipotle claimed the number two spot behind Starbucks, beating out Cheesecake Factory at number four and Peet’s Coffee and Tea at number fifteen.

Women differ from men by where they would like to meet for that first date. Fifty-two percent would rather meet at a coffee shop, as opposed to only 35% who prefer to meet at a restaurant. Perhaps because they don’t want to get stuck for a meal that could take hours with someone they aren’t especially attracted to. On the other hand, men are far more willing to take their chances, or at least enjoy a good meal as long as they are on a date. Fifty-one percent of men prefer to meet at restaurants, as opposed to 31% who prefer coffee shops. Surprisingly, neither men or women find bars to be good first date places. Only 18% of men and 13% of women would choose to meet at a bar.

While Starbucks far outweighs any other coffee shop on the list when it comes to preferable meeting places, restaurants do tend to differ according to age. Eighteen to twenty-four year-olds, typically with the lowest discretionary income, chose Chipotle as their number one choice. Twenty-five to thirty-four year-olds preferred Cheesecake Factory, while 35 and older chose The Olive Garden.

It should be noted that Clover is an “on-demand” dating app, which allows users to select a nearby location through the app to meet for a first date. The data was gathered through user preferences in the app.

Ah, the much-maligned hookup app.

It gets a bad rap. Naysayers act like “hookup culture” is a recent phenomenon, like having smartphone access to hundreds of possible dates suddenly made people want to have casual sex with each other.

It sounds silly when you think of it that way, doesn't it? The hookup app didn't make people more inclined to hook up, it just made it more efficient.

We talk about tools like Tinder in a very specific way. The media says they've “revolutionized” how people date and mate. “But,” Mic notes, “what we call modern might not be so new.” The Tinders of the world wouldn't exist if it weren't for one “humble predecessor” that started it all: Craigslist.

Cragslist got its start in 1995, as an email mailing list in San Francisco. It wasn't long before it became more than a marketplace for products and services. Soon it was connecting individuals, spurred on by the opportunity for free, uncensored, and anonymous connections. The site's sparse layout, faceless profiles, and near-endless options made it a perfect destination for those looking to explore.

Craigslist created a uniquely candid atmosphere. Openness between strangers was encouraged. Users felt comfortable sharing their deepest, darkest desires – maybe things they hadn't even acknowledged to themselves. It was, and still is, a place to get honest with yourself and honest with others. Users can be fully themselves, the ultimate freedom.

Like the so-called hookup apps, Craigslist is about more than just sex. Out of that vulnerable environment springs actual emotion. Something casual can lead to dating and even marriage. The basic premise of CL's “Casual Encounters” section and a hookup app is the same: “connect people who might not have met otherwise and facilitate real-life meetups for sex or dating.” In that sense, Craigslist is the ancient ancestor of every dating service we have today.

Now Craigslist is a fish in a much larger ocean. It's lost a significant portion of its audience, who have turned instead to the booming dating market and its enhanced technology. Image-centric profiles and geolocation tech make it easier than ever for users to quickly connect in person.

That being said, Craiglist has yet to lose its appeal. While other dating services become progressively less private, Craigslist retains its strong sense of anonymity. That's an invaluable commodity in a world that increasingly shows little regard for privacy.

For more information on the original hookup app take a look at our Craigslist review.