Relationships

You'd be forgiven for thinking dating is an extrovert's game. With all the messaging and the meeting and the inevitable talking, dating sounds like an introvert's nightmare. The kind where you wake up screaming and then realize you've wet the bed.

But even the shyest of the shy need love and companionship, right? Online dating is for everyone, and in fact may even offer advantages for introverts.

First, online dating can be done from the comfort of your own home (or whatever space you're most comfortable in). Second, it doesn't involve any of the pressures of meeting via traditional methods, like striking up conversations with strangers or jostling for space in crowded bars. And third, it eliminates the pressure of needing to having insightful, witty, flirty conversations on the fly – all of your communication can be done thoughtfully, on your own time, over a series of messages.

With that in mind, here are 5 tips for introverts dipping their toes in the online dating waters.

1. Proceed at your own pace. Your friends are swiping like crazy and you'd almost swear they go on dates 10 days a week. Don't feel pressure to do the same. Go on one date a week, one date every two weeks – whatever works for you. And if it ever feels overwhelming, take a break.
2. Be honest in your profile. Own your introversion. You can outright call yourself an introvert in your profile or, if that's uncomfortable for you, indicate it in more subtle ways. Mention how much you value quiet time, or how happy you are curled up with a book. Drop enough hints and people will get the picture.
3. Choose your dating service wisely. Some dating services may be more suitable than others. A site highly focused on compatibility, like eHarmony, may make you feel more at ease. Or a service like Bumble, that only lets you communicate if mutual interest is established. Or perhaps a personality-specific niche site, like ShyPassions.com.
4. Screen carefully for compatibility. Isn't that what everyone is doing online? Well, yes, kind of, but this is about something very specific. If going out every weekend isn't your style, avoid profiles with tons of party pics. If, on the other hand, you're looking for someone to bring you out of your shell, perhaps the party pics are exactly what you need.
5. Share your interests. So you're not into loud clubs and vodka-soaked dance floors. That's OK. Tell people what you are interested in. You'll attract suitors who are interested in similar things and – added bonus – possibly have a first date built right in.

Have you been single for a while? Do you date hoping to meet someone special - because you crave the companionship, the support, the life shared together?

All of these things are wonderful. Having a relationship is a great goal for your life. But the truth is, there are times when even the people who are happily committed want a little space and freedom from the demands of the relationship. It’s important when you are single to keep some perspective, so you don’t fall into a mode of self-pity. In reality, there are positives and negatives to both – being single and being part of a couple.

It’s time to focus on the positive aspects of being single – and what many people in relationships wish they could have:

You can book a last-minute trip. Anywhere. This is an amazing perk of being single – you are completely in charge of your time and your budget, so if travel is your priority and you don’t have to consult with a partner, then it’s really easy to say yes to those last-minute trips. Or that European vacation. Take advantage now, because that kind of freedom is not quite as easy to pull off in a relationship, especially if you decide to start a family.

You don’t have to share your calendar. Do you want a weekend getaway with the girls? When you are partnered up, you might have to spend that weekend with your in-laws or at your boyfriend’s cousin’s graduation instead. Family time obligations are doubled when you are with a partner, as well as dealing with two different sets of social obligations. You will be busy doing things you don’t always want to do when you are part of a couple, so enjoy setting your own schedule now.

You can spend your weekend however you want. If you want to spend all day shopping, or having a leisurely brunch with your girlfriends, or play poker with your buddies, go for it. There’s nothing stopping you.

The only habits you deal with our your own. Do you like the dishes to be put away before you leave the house? Are you kind of a slob who leaves your shoes and clothes everywhere? No matter your habits, good or bad, clean or messy, your partner will likely have different ones. Enjoy doing things your way now without compromise or consideration - it won’t last forever.

Eating whatever (and whenever) you want. If you like to eat cereal for dinner while you binge-watch Mr. Robot at 10:00 at night, you can without hassle or regret. If you want ice cream for lunch and you don't have to worry about making something for your partner, go for it. You won’t always have this kind of freedom and ability when you are partnered up.

Enjoy the single life – embrace the present!

Where has the year gone? Summer might have blown by fast, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have time to get your date on before the holiday season. Autumn is a great time for pursuing love, or maybe just meeting some new people. There’s a chill in the air, the nights are longer, and there’s more than enough pumpkin spice to go around.

So for your next Tinder date, maybe it's time to venture outside the coffee shop and get a little more creative. Check out these fall date ideas:

Halloween Costume Shopping. Stores start decorating for Christmas in August, so why not begin thinking about your Halloween costume in September? Take your date to some local costume shops and go through the racks together. Try on a costume or two if you are feeling brave. There's something cool and sexy about Halloween, of course! If you enjoy each other’s company, you can talk about your Halloween plans without feeling pressure.

I know a lot of women who are attracted to men who have exciting careers. They envision dating someone successful, since they have achieved their own independence and success and want someone who strives towards the same goals. However, the men who have the exciting careers that they envision – chef, musician, studio executive, or city councilman, for instance – tend to be beholden to those careers and don’t put enough time into their relationships.

The problem isn't that most men and women have different priorities as far as career ambitions - but that their timing is not always in sync.

Many women, especially if they are interested in starting a family or getting married, crave more connection and time together with a partner, especially when men are trying to build their careers. They want to spend time with a new love interest. Men in demanding careers might crave chemistry and connection as well, but might not have the same priorities of starting a family or being so committed to a relationship. Instead, work might come first – even at the expense of a relationship.

Sometimes an impending breakup is as obvious as Donald Trump's comb over. Other times it creeps up slowly, leaving you in a long period of uncertainty and doubt.

Should you give it a chance? Maybe if you hang in there, things will get better.

Should you move on? Maybe it's better to end sooner rather than later. Why waste precious time and energy on something you know is doomed?

Here are five signs it's time to seek out new prospects.

The same nagging concerns keep coming up. It's not only natural to ask questions about a relationship, it's healthy. All relationships must be evaluated at critical steps in order to determine long-term suitability. But if the same questions and concerns keep popping up, they're probably trying to tell you something. Take them seriously.

You don't feel free to be yourself. A relationship can only reach its full potential if both partners are completely authentic. If you do not feel free to express your true self, or your partner does not, the relationship will never be satisfying. Instead you'll feel stifled, suffocated, and prevented from personal growth.

You can't resolve conflicts. It's impossible to escape conflict in a relationship, so you must be able to handle it with grace and maturity. A healthy relationship is built on a solid foundation of communication – at all times, but especially when things get challenging. A relationship is guaranteed to fail if conflicts can't be resolved.

You don't feel supported. There's no place for narcissism in relationships. If your partner has a bad me-first attitude, or shows little regard for your interests and ambitions, they're not the right partner for you. In a healthy relationship, your partner will actively express interest in your life, your thoughts, your feelings, and your goals. You will not have to question their support for you.

Someone is stuck in the past. You can't get where you're going until you leave where you've been. Before you can build a future with a new partner, you have to be done with the past. If either of you is holding onto something, the weight of the baggage will drag your budding relationship down. Remain single until you're ready to live in the present and plan for the future.

Your life plans don't intersect. There's no way around it – if your life plans don't match, you're not a match. Someone who wants to be childless in a big city will never be a suitable partner for someone who wants a big family in the country. A relationship that is otherwise good will still crumble if your ambitions aren't complementary.

I spent a lot of time single fantasizing about what my life might be like with a partner. Specifically, how much better everything would be. I thought about road trips and vacations we’d take, driving up the coast - or settling into a bungalow in Bora Bora, sipping cocktails as we watched the sunset.

I thought about how having a partner would be an answer to the problems I was grappling with. I thought it would make me happier in my career, feel more secure financially, and give me companionship (not to mention sex on demand). Of course I knew there would be problems, but with the right person, we could address them.

Because of my “grass is greener” approach to being single, I missed out on a lot of opportunities. Thankfully, a couple of years before meeting my partner, I decided to take a different approach – to embrace my single status and to really enjoy the moment. It made me a happier person, and as an added bonus made me more attractive to the men I did meet. Dating became fun.

Here’s how you should enjoy being single and embrace the present now:

Pursue your passions while you date. I could have done a lot more with my time than binge-watch Real Housewives or sip cocktails with friends. I love hiking, and thankfully, I started to do more of it on my own until it became part of my routine. Do you write, play volleyball, ride horses, or garden? Are you looking to start your own business? Use this time to begin now – because in a relationship, you won’t have your schedule all to yourself.

Travel on your own. There’s nothing more liberating than being in a foreign country on your own schedule, and seeing what can happen. If that is too adventurous for you, then try a smaller trip – a drive up the coast or a weekend getaway. When you travel alone, you are more likely to strike up conversations with strangers and act with more spontaneity – not to mention making new friends to visit again.

See a movie or have dinner by yourself. Again, it can be liberating. Plus, you get to eat desert for dinner and watch an avant-garde art film if you want, no judgment.

Do something spontaneous once a week. When you’re in a relationship, you tend towards routine. Mix things up when you are single by trying a new coffee shop, exploring a new neighborhood, or trying your hand at surf lessons. It doesn’t matter what it is – trying new things keeps us curious and engaged (and happy).

Own your schedule. One of the perks of being single is that you can do what you want, when you want. Make plans with your friends. Work on that novel. Go hiking. It doesn’t matter what you do, just enjoy the fact that you have choices.