Relationships

Online dating services like eHarmony and Chemistry.com have long emphasized their ability to find “quality” matches based on matchmaking algorithms. Even dating app Tinder, known as more of a hook-up app than a true matchmaking service, is getting in on the long-term love strategy. The company just released a new version, with updated algorithms that Tinder CEO Sean Rad maintains will lead to “more meaningful matches.”

Matching algorithms work like this: If you craft a profile with your interests, hobbies, income, and other descriptors, and you identify the qualities you are looking for in a match, then voila – the online dating site will find those candidates best suited for you. In other words, they will find people with similar preferences, interests, and backgrounds and match you together.

Which means that there’s a higher likelihood of the two of you falling in love and living happily ever after, right?

Not necessarily. Some writers point to research that says otherwise. As The Washington Post shared in a recent article: “Dating site algorithms are meaningless. They really don’t do anything. In fact, the research suggests that so-called ‘matching algorithms’ are only negligibly better at matching people than random chance.”

The reasons behind this conclusion are varied, but the basic idea is that chemistry between two people is highly variable. Just because you might match up well in theory, (and online), doesn’t mean that the spark will exist in real life. But the dating sites want you to believe otherwise.

There is an argument to be made that people who are considered “compatible” or who have the same background, communication style, or any number of factors in common might make better matches. And they might – or they might not. According to one very prominent study from 2012 conducted by Northwestern University’s Eli Finkel on the matching algorithms used by online dating sites, there was just as good a chance that someone you meet at random could end up being the love of your life.

According to Finkel’s study, relationship success depends on three things. First, individual characteristics, like whether you’re smart, funny, consider yourself beautiful, or avoid commitment at all costs. Second, the quality of interaction between two people - specifically how you hit it off in-person, not through text messages back and forth. And third, your surrounding circumstances, like your career, ethnicity, financial security, and health.

As we know from online dating sites, we aren’t always accurate or truthful when we are describing ourselves, so it’s likely we aren’t as compatible as we think. Another problem is that compatibility isn’t the marker of a good relationship. It really comes down to that elusive thing called chemistry and how you interact together in person.

With this information, it’s to every dater’s benefit to accept more invitations and matches, even those who don’t seem to be suited for you. Because the truth is, until you meet, you just don’t know.

How will technology change the way we date over the next 25 years? Virtual reality, DNA testing and wearable technology could all be part of the picture.

A recent report from Imperial College Business School in the United Kingdom, commissioned by eHarmony, explores how we'll date in the future. The report analyzed over 100 years’ worth of trend data and interviews with experts in multiple fields to predict how dating and relationships could change by 2040.

"By 2040 we estimate that 70 percent of couples will get together online, with technology revolutionising the way we find love and build our relationships," said Romain Bertrand, eHarmony UK manager, to The Telegraph.

‘Tis the season! The holidays are upon us, which means that despite the cooler weather, our options for date ideas really open up. After all, parties and celebrations are everywhere---there’s no need to rely on the typical night of Netflix and dinner at home.

While popping some prosecco and lighting a nice fire in your living room are always good options for getting romantic, let’s think outside the box (meaning outside your apartment). What are some cool date options for someone you’re starting to really warm up to?

Following are some ideas to get you started:

Check out the lights in a cool neighborhood. No matter the city, there’s always a street or two that decorates like crazy – enough to attract small crowds during the holidays. This is a fun way to get into the holiday spirit. Do a little online research and pick a neighborhood, then go exploring – on foot or by car.

Go ice skating, sledding, or hiking. Even in Los Angeles, we have outdoor ice rinks during the holidays (as well as imported snow). So even if your city is not known for its icy lakes, chances are, there’s an outdoor ice rink to check out. (And for my friends in warmer climates this time of year, you have lots of outdoor options!) If you are blessed with cold weather options, try sledding, skiing, or hiking in the snow – or building a snowman. The point is: get outside and enjoy.

Volunteer. Sometimes we get so caught up in our own lives that we don’t make time for others. Volunteering helps us get in the spirit of the holidays and also reminds us of all that we have. It’s a great way to feel inspired with your date.

Build something together. Do you have a project you’ve been wanting to tackle? Perhaps you want to build a new bookcase, or put together a dollhouse you’d love to give your niece, or refinish the antique table in your backyard? Now is the time to take on this project – and doing it with a date makes it fun. Crack open a bottle of wine or go out to dinner as a reward.

Visit a Christmas tree farm. Nothing says Christmas quite like the smell of fresh cut pine trees. Pick out a tree together to take home and decorate, or just walk around and enjoy the atmosphere.

Go to an outdoor Christmas market. Outdoor holiday markets are big in many parts of the world, and offer a great variety of shopping, food, and warm mulled wine for the Christmas enthusiast. You can get errands done and enjoy the experience. Plus, it’s a festive way to spend the evening with a date.

Visit a sauna/ have a couples massage. Sometimes, you need a break from the holiday spirit. Why not treat yourself and your date to an afternoon sauna, or a nice couples massage? Consider it your holiday gift to yourselves.

Attend a festival. The holiday season is nothing if not festive. There are plenty of concerts and festivals – whether it’s wine and beer tasting, live music, a food festival, or holiday open houses, there’s always something to attend. Do a little research, and if you live near a big city, make it a day trip for you and your date.

Happy holidays!

Are you a Scorpio? Do you only date Geminis? If you plan your love life according to astrological charts, there’s a new dating app for you called Align.

Align works as you might assume – asking for your birth date and a few personality traits that describe you before finding you matches based on the alignment of your stars. These features are all part of the app’s design, too, which includes a galaxy backdrop.

You sign in with Facebook, as with most apps that require some sort of identity verification. Then Align offers you words to choose to describe yourself, such as “bossy,” “generous,” or “charming.” If you’re a more visual person, you can choose from a range of emojis to describe yourself, too.

Align then goes to work to match you according to your personality (and of course, your chart). And each day, Align will send you five matches that it thinks will suit you, handed to you as photo bubbles or “constellations” of varying sizes, depending on how much of a match the app thinks you are. (The bigger the constellation, the better the match.) You then have 24 hours to accept your matches, or they will be replaced the next day with another five.

The app also uses colors to identify your match in terms of personal compatibility with you. For example, yellow signifies an air sign, which means you’re matched with analyzers, intellectuals, idealists, thinkers, and problem solvers - while green covers earth signs, or those who are driven, goal-oriented, practical, and dependable, for example.

When you and a potential match both decide you like each other, you are then “Aligned” and can start messaging in the app. (Everyone you align with shows up in your “Connections” screen.)

The app was designed to appeal to people who are looking for deeper online connections without spending too much time filling out questionnaires, as you would with personality-based dating apps and websites like eHarmony. Helen Grossman and Aliza Kelly Faragher, the two creators of the app, were tired of feeling disconnected from other online daters and noted on their website that: “these soulless swipes were going nowhere.”

According to Aliza, over 45 million Millennials believe in Astrology, or at least think it contributes to a good match for dating. So, the founders decided to get Astrological when developing their app.

Astrology might not be the only thing that is important when you are looking for love online, but at least it provides a point of reference beyond a photo, and can start up some interesting conversation. I mean, who wouldn’t want to ponder why the last two Leo boyfriends didn’t work out, or why you seem to be attracted to Virgos?

Align is available as a free download in the iTunes store.

It's that time of year again. Leaves are changing color and falling to the ground. Starbucks has unleashed seasonal flavors and holiday cups. Temperatures are dropping and the sun sets before 5pm.

It's cuffing season.

For those unfamiliar with the term, let me explain. “Cuffing season” comes annually as cool weather approaches, when singletons become obsessed with finding someone to cuddle with. After a summer of low-stress dates and sexy flings, flying solo suddenly seems far less appealing than coupling up and sharing body heat.

With cuffing season comes more dates. With more dates comes more bad dates. And with those bad dates comes more people willing to settle in the name of having someone to spoon. Cuffing season or no cuffing season, resist the urge to pursue a match when intuition tells you it isn't right. Here are # signs that your date is just not that into you.

1. They take a long time to respond to your messages. Sometimes work really is hectic and things like dating slip through the cracks. It happens. But more often than not, if someone doesn't reply to your messages in a timely fashion, it's because getting to know you isn't a priority. If they're interested, they'll act interested. That means replying within an appropriate timeframe.
2. They never set up an actual date. You've messaged back and forth but there are no plans for an in-person meetup. Congratulations, you now have an internet penpal. Someone who wants to date you will, surprise, take steps to arrange an actual date. After the initial digital getting-to-know-you phase is done, it's time to ask for a phone number or plan to meet. If things aren't moving forward, it's time to move on.
3. They don't ask questions. This is Dating 101. A person who is interested in you will ask you questions because they want to learn more about you. If they're silent, there are three possibilities. One, your date could be shy and too nervous to hold the conversation they really want to have. Two, your date is self-absorbed and only wants to talk about themselves. Three, they're just not that into you.
4. They don't mention a second date. Could it be any clearer? Second dates are often arranged before the first date is over. You're just trying to enjoy your dessert and already your date is making plans for next weekend. We know when we've found a good thing and we want to lock it down ASAP. Someone who doesn't bring up your next time together within a reasonable period isn't interested in a next time at all.

Pick your ego up from the floor, dust it off, and get back in the ring. Cuffing season has only just begun.

eHarmony is offering a 4 day Cyber Monday Special this weekend in Canada. It starts Friday November 27th and ends on Monday November 30th, 2015.

With this special you can receive up to 75% off on select memberships at eHarmony. This is a great deal for singles who are looking to try out online dating. To receive the deal you don't have to do anything more than signup to eHarmony by November 30th. Once you have created your membership and completed the profile questionnaire you will find the discounted prices on your membership subscription page.

For more information about this online dating site, you can read our review of eHarmony review.