Relationships

Each year, the majority of break-ups happen just before the holidays. There are many people hurting right now over lost love, and wondering how to get over their pain.

The truth is, healing takes time and patience. There are no short cuts, as badly as we might want them. But if you allow yourself to go through the process of mourning and letting go, you can move on to healthier relationships. Many people get stuck in the grieving process, wanting to move on quickly by jumping from relationship to relationship or closing themselves off from emotional intimacy with a new person.

Don’t let this happen. There are ways to deal with a break-up that lead to a much healthier, happier you. Here are some steps to take to work through the pain:

Exercise, be active. Interestingly, moving our bodies physically can help us become emotionally unstuck, even if getting up from the couch is the last thing we want to do. When you are feeling sad and lethargic, try doing some yoga poses, going for a walk, or even jumping rope. Movement helps release endorphins, and helps lift depression.

Journal. So you’re not a writer – it doesn’t matter. Get your feelings out on the page. And don’t blog about it; treat yourself to an old-fashioned paper journal that you won’t be sharing with anyone else, so you can really lay out your pain, vulnerability, and relationship issues. There’s something healing about personal journaling when you are working through pain that helps clear things up.

Lean on friends/ family. There’s no shame in asking for help when you need it. Call up a friend to go for a walk with you, or a family member to cry it out. We’ve all been through heartache – and it helps to release with people you trust.

Meditate. Meditation isn’t just for Tibetan monks or hippie chicks in Santa Cruz. It’s become very popular lately for very good reason – it works. Meditation helps calm your mind so that emotions don’t take over – it helps you work through pain, release it, and create a more peaceful existence. If you’re not sure what to do, there are plenty of apps and online tutorials – try Deepak Chopra, Oprah.com, or the apps Headspace or Synchronicity, which provide short guided meditations.

Rediscover yourself. Have you been part of a couple so long you’ve lost track of what you really like? Are you looking for a new routine, a new hobby, or a change of scenery? Now is the time to explore. Clear the slate and start anew – whether that means redecorating your house, picking up a new hobby, visiting a new place, or cutting your hair and getting a fresh look. Trying new things opens up our world, and helps us find those things that make us happy. It’s a step in a new direction, towards a new life.

The New Year is here – and the majority of us seem motivated to make positive changes in our lives. In addition to healthy diets and exercise regimens, many people have also vowed to make changes to find love this year – whether it’s making more time to date, committing to finding a relationship, or even making an attitude adjustment.

So what has been holding you back from pursuing a long-term relationship? Do you find yourself getting frustrated from the online dating process? Do you feel that relationships don’t ever work out for you? Or are you just not meeting the right person?

With dating, we have to get clear about what we want before we can expect a relationship. And that means looking at our online dating profiles and making some changes. After all, it’s your marketing tool – your first introduction to potential dates and your chance to make a good first impression. So why not spend some time on it, so you can attract the kind of person you’d like to meet?

Following are some simple profile changes to make to get 2016 started on the right foot:

Change your photos. This is an easy and effective way to spruce things up in 2016. Look for photos that show your whole body as well as a headshot. Include shots of you doing yoga, surfing, hiking, playing guitar, or whatever else you like to do. People look through photos before reading profiles, so try to tell a story through yours.

Reconsider your handle. People do make snap judgments about handles. If you have a sexually suggestive one, get another – it’s a big turn-off for women. Or if it’s too generic, like John1987, opt instead for one that includes a hobby or favorite song, for instance. Get creative.

Pick a topic and get specific. Instead of including a laundry list of likes and dislikes in your description, try naming a specific thing and telling a story. For instance, if you like to travel, instead of just listing where you’ve been, think of a favorite trip and describe what it was like, or tell a funny story of something that happened to you. The goal is to get potential dates to message you, ask a question, start a conversation.

No generic phrases. Liking to “Netflix and chill” is not a good way to attract a potential relationship – nor is the fact that you are “looking for a partner in crime” or that you “love to laugh.” Doesn’t everyone love to laugh? What tells a story about you is what makes you laugh. Do you like comedy shows, or telling bad jokes, or is there a favorite Instagram feed that makes you giggle? Show that you have interests, where you like to go on the weekends, or the fact that waking up to Rihanna's music helps get you through the work day. Potential dates know that anyone can sit on the couch and watch TV, but they really want to know who you are and what sets you apart. Think of it this way: write phrases that can start conversations.

We’ve all heard (or seen via Instagram) the news about Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton dating. They met as co-workers on the set of reality TV show The Voice, and now, since they both split from their respective spouses, they have become a very public item.

But what does it mean to work alongside the person you’re romantically involved with – do many people do it, or is it just something most people think about?

If you have been wondering (or considering your own workplace affair), Match.com has crunched the numbers for you to reveal a few facts on the subject. They surveyed thousands of singles in their latest “Singles in America” study, and revealed information on workplace dating.

Following are some interesting stats that Match found in regard to workplace dating:

• According to Match, one-third of singles have dated someone they work with, and more than half say a happy relationship is more important than their career.
• Of the 35% of people Match surveyed who have dated someone they work with (37% of males, 34% of females), 55% of them don’t even try to hide the romance – much like Gwen and Blake, who have been documenting it themselves via Instagram.
• An almost equal number of men and women (57% of males, 56% of females) say that a happy relationship is more important to them than their careers.
• The majority of people surveyed agree that flirting with a co-worker is totally fine (75% of men and 66% of women) - but do it after work. Forty-three percent of people surveyed said they prefer to flirt with colleagues after work rather than during the day at the office (39%). And a whopping majority of 92% said they would never flirt with their boss.
• Don’t put it in writing – only 14% of people said they have flirted with a colleague via email.
• Men are more likely to act on their feelings, regardless of the potential consequences. Forty-three percent of men vs. only 35% of women are inclined to flirt in the office. Fifity-seven percent of men vs. 29% of women fantasize about having sex with one of their co-workers, and 46% of men vs. 15% of women would consider having a one-night stand with someone they work closely with.
• Of the people surveyed who admitted to dating someone at work, 65% of them have had a one-night stand, 56% have had a friends with benefits relationship and 80% think about sex at least once a week.

Lisa Hoehn is an expert in the art of online dating. Her website, ProfilePolish.com, specializes in giving undateable profiles a much-needed makevoer so you are still you – just a better-sounding, better-looking version. The kind that actually gets dates.

In her new book, You Probably Shouldn't Write That: Tips and Tricks for Creating an Online Dating Profile That Doesn't Suck, Hoehn shares her best advice for creating a sought-after digital dating presence. Not only does she reveal the mistakes you probably don't even know you're making, she also offers step-by-step guidance to correct them.

Read on for 5 of her best online dating tips.

1. Pick your username carefully. Most of the time, potential suitors will ignore it. But if it's really awesome – or really terrible – they'll notice. Hoehn's biggest username no-no's include: sexual references, too many numbers, obvious bragging and your last name (because you don't need to be Googled by someone you've never even met).
2. Ban bad photos. It's more important to have good pictures than to be good-looking. Your photos should paint you in a flattering light while offering insight into your personality and lifestyle. Images that are blurry, small, dark, grainy, edited, outdated and – worst of all – don't even include you – need to be nixed.
3. Use the English language (or whichever one you speak) properly. Sloppy grammer and spelling mistakes are instant attraction killers. Hoehn also advises against including too many exclamation points, overusing emoticons, typing in all caps and adding hashtags.
4. Watch your words. Certain subjects just don't belong in your dating profile. Don't insult a group of people. Don't mention your ex. Don't be blatantly sexual (unless you're using a service specifically for that). Don't talk about money or your medical history. Don't say you're looking for a “new beginning,” a “fresh start,” or something “drama-free” – because what you're really saying is “I come with a lot of baggage.”
5. Don't go overboard. If you're one of the rare specimens who actually enjoys filling out a profile, resist the urge to pen a novel. Don't wax poetic about your favorite subjects (no one cares). Don't use too many lists. Don't make sweeping, corny romantic statements (it's cheesy and you're definitely jumping the gun). Don't share so many details about your life that there's nothing left to talk about on a date.

For more top tips from Lisa Hoehn, pick up a copy of You Probably Shouldn't Write That: Tips and Tricks for Creating an Online Dating Profile That Doesn't Suck at Amazon.com.

As we kick off 2016, there's no denying online dating has gone mainstream. We're firing off Match.com messages while waiting in line for coffee, swiping through Tinder profiles on public transportation, and hoping we don't run into anyone from work on OkCupid.

But while online dating has become the go-to for millions of singles, it's not the only option available. Remember that thing called the real world? Yeah, it's still around too. And some people even prefer to date that way.

For the screen-shy, 2016 could be the year to ditch online dating for good (or at least a trial period). There's just one catch: you have to remember how to meet someone face-to-face. Here are 5 resolutions to make if you're burnt out on online dating and want to get back to basics.

1. Put the phone away. Part of this is about avoiding temptation. With your phone in hand, you'll be much more inclined to open Tinder for a sneaky swipe or two. This is also about openness. You don't look approachable when your face is glued to a screen. And without that source of entertainment, you're much more likely to look for entertainment elsewhere – like actually talking to people.
2. Leave the house. Online dating is awesome because it allows you to meet tons of new people from the comfort of your couch. Offline dating? Not so much. You'll score exactly 0 dates if you don't make an effort to turn off Netflix and get out of your PJs. The more you interact with people, the more likely you are to meet one who sparks your interest.
3. Know your audience. What does your ideal date like to do? You could go to a bar and hope for the best (and you'd hardly be the first person to meet their significant other that way), but there are better methods. Go to places – like clubs, meetups, events and group activities – that you're interested in to increase your chance of meeting people you're attracted to.
4. Say “yes.” When a friend invites you to something social, say yes. Say yes even if you're tired, or had a stressful day at work, or only have a few more episodes to binge watch before you finish the series. You never know who else said those magical three letters too.
5. Take risks. Online dating is all about lowering risk. It's hard to feel the full sting of rejection when it's coming from behind a screen. In real life, you have face a potential “no” head-on. Be bold. Talk to the good-looking person at the end of the bar, or pass your number to the neighboring table at a cafe. Bravery is the best way to secure yourself a date in 2016.

eHarmony is having a 7 day free trial here in the United States and Canada. It starts Wednesday January 13th, 2016 and runs to the end of day on Tuesday January 19th, 2016.

What the eHarmony free trial gives you is the ability to communicate via email with all of your matches for no charge. To access the 7 day trial all you need to do is create a free membership account if you already don't have one. Once completed you can then take the eHarmony questionnaire which takes the average person between 30 to 40 minutes to complete. The questionnaire is a very important step and I would recommend taking your time answering the questions as truthfully as possible since your answers is what eHarmony's matchmaking algorithm uses to determine your matches. The algorithm is very complex and eHarmony has invested millions of dollars over the years in research to make sure it will produce matches that lead to long-term relationships. Most of the questions are multiple choice based so it is easy to skim through it and answer all the questions quickly but then, you would be decreases your chances of finding that special someone.

These free trials eHarmony has (about once a month) are an ideal time to try out this dating service to see if it is the right fit for you. If you are looking for a meaningful relationship which is not just a hookup then eHarmony is a good dating site for you to try out. The trial is available on all of the platforms including the website and dating apps (Android and iPhone). Please note the free trial does not include viewing photos and skipping the guided communication process and going straight to email.

For more information about this popular online matchmaking service, you can read our review of eHarmony.