Let's get this out of the way right now: it's what's inside that counts. I know that. You know that.

But we also know that no one's going to get to the inside if they don't like the outside first. It's not pessimistic or cynical, it's just honest.

Your picture is one of the first things people see when visiting your profile. And if you use a service like Tinder, it's practically the only thing they see. It's hard to overstate the importance of a photo under those circumstances, isn't it?

The good news is, there are plenty of ways to catch someone's eye, and they don't have to be complicated or expensive. Here are a few things to consider:

• Your profile picture should just be you. You may love a picture of you and your bestie, but you don't want visitors to waste time wondering which one you are. They'll swipe left simply out of frustration. Once you're past the main profile picture, feel free to include photos with friends. They show off your social side and prove you aren't a narcissist who only snaps selfies.
• Include a variety of photos. A collection of headshots – each one exactly the same except for a slightly different angle – says nothing about who you are. (Or maybe it does, and it says “boring.”) Mix things up a bit. Have one picture with a pet, another engaged in a hobby, and a third showing off your silly side. Visitors get not only a better idea of what you look like, but also a better sense of your personality and lifestyle.
• Show off your face and your body. I know. It's scary. It feels vulnerable and you're worried someone will criticize you, or move on without taking even a second to read your profile. But think about it logically. You can't lie or hide when you meet someone in person, so you might as well be totally honest up front. You'll waste less of your own time and everyone else's.
• Stay current. Some people intentionally put up photos that are outdated. Others simply forget that they haven't refreshed theirs in a while. The same rules as above apply. Lying by omission is not a good way to start a relationship. And who knows? A feature you don't like may be incredibly attractive to someone else. At the end of the day, almost nothing is sexier than confidence.

In the competitive world of online dating, making a memorable first impression – and making it the right one – is critical. Choosing the right photos gives you a powerful leg up.

Every week, someone's in the news with a cautionary tale of online love gone wrong. Online dating critics are quick to point out the threat of scammers, but how big is the risk really?

Apparently a lot bigger if you live in China. A new study of the largest online dating site in China discovered hundreds of thousands of con artists, and their scams are far more intricate than simply lying about their age or adding an inch to their height.

The study, “Quit Playing Games With My Heart: Understanding Online Dating Scams”, is a collaboration between University College London and Jiayuan. Together they analyzed more than 500,000 profiles, drawn from Jiayuan’s 100 million users, which had been flagged as scam accounts.

The most popular scam – fake profiles promoting escort services – will be familiar to users of any dating service in any country. What's really interesting are the more intricate, culturally specific cons.

Take “the flower basket.” In this scam, lonely middle-aged women are targeted by “attracive mid-age men” who contact them and develop an entirely digital romantic relationship. Once a solid connection has been established, the man will imply that he wants to get married, but that his parents require a gesture of goodwill.

He'll then explain that the gesture is an expensive flower basket that can cost as much as $20,000. The man will refer his target to a florist he has teamed up with, who gives him a cut of the money after the purchase is made.

In another surprisingly ingenious scam, a female fraudster is hired by the owner of an expensive restaurant. She joins a dating site and asks a target to take her to the restaurant she's affiliated with. She'll run up an enormous tab (anywhere from $100 to $2,000) during the date, then disappear, never to be heard from again.

“The success rate of this type of scam is much higher [than traditional online scams],” write the researchers, “because the scammer leverages the desire of the victim to meet an attractive woman. In addition, it is likely that the victim will never realise that he has been scammed, since the date really happened, and the victim possibly had a good time.”

It’s also, according to the study, not strictly illegal, so the con artists involved don’t put themselves at much of a risk. That's some seriously next-level scamming.

Just be glad these shakedowns haven't made their way abroad yet. Or have they? Be on the lookout for pricey flower arrangements.

Who is your go-to for dating advice? Your best friend? A parent? A stand-up comedian?

The last one may not be the first thing that comes to mind, but Aziz Ansari is out to change that. Together with Eric Klinenberg, a professor of sociology at New York University, he has penned a new book called Modern Romance. In a recent article for The New York Times, the duo shares a few insights gleaned from two years of research for the book.

“Online dating generates a spectrum of reactions,” they write, from exhilaration to fatigue to fury. The question is, “Is there a way to do it more effectively, with less stress?” After two years of study, Ansari and Klinenberg believe the answer is yes. They offer the following tips for singles looking to make online dating work better.

Don't rely too much on algorithms. You can filter to your heart's content, but at the end of the day, “we are horrible at knowing what we want.” Think of online dating as a vehicle for meeting people, rather than a method for finding the love of your life. An online dating site can only predict so much. Introductions are guaranteed, but only by meeting in person can you decide if you have long-term potential as a couple.

Your picture matters (probably too much). OkCupid launched an app called Crazy Blind Date that offered users only a blurred photo and minimal info. After going on the date, users were asked to rate their satisfaction with the experience. On OkCupid's regular site, women who were rated highly attractive were unlikey to respond to men who were rated less attractive. But when they were matched using Crazy Blind Date, they had a good time.

What does that mean? According to Christian Rudder, an OkCupid co-founder, “people appear to be heavily preselecting online for something that, once they sit down in person, doesn’t seem important to them.” Next time you look at a photo that doesn't seem quite up to snuff, remember that the person behind it could be exactly the date you're looking for.

Swipe apps don't deserve the stigma. You've heard critics complain that swipe apps like Tinder are too superficial, but Ansari and Klinenberg call that cynical. “When you walk into a bar or party,” they write, “often all you have to go by is faces, and that’s what you use to decide if you are going to gather the courage to talk to them. Isn’t a swipe app just a huge party full of faces?”

For more insight into modern romance, read the original article and, as Tim Gunn says, “Make it work.”

What's the best way to score a date online? Be someone worth dating.

Easier said than done, right? It feels unnatural and uncomfortable to write out all your most positive traits. If you have any insecurities (and who doesn't?) they're likely to come out in your profile. And once you've laid it all out there, you're intensely vulnerable.

Think about it another way. You're trying to date someone, which means you think there's a reason for someone to date you. You believe you have something valuable to offer a potential partner, so highlight it.

That doesn't mean bragging, but it does mean filling your profile with things that make you unique and interesting. Talk about what you like, what you love, and what you want. If you’re at a loss, here are some key areas to cover:

• Your hobbies. Your hobbies and interests are an easy place to start. What really sets you apart? “Spending time with friends” or “watching Netflix” isn't it. The fact that you build robots in your spare time, however, is. Not only does this give potential dates a clearer picture of who you are, it also offers them an easy way to start a conversation.
• What you're doing with your life. You don't want your profile to read like a resume, but it's ok to spend some time on your career and ambitions. Sharing where you're currently at in your life and where you plan to go – whether you want Hollywood superstardom or a quiet life on a dairy farm – helps attract partners who are actually compatible.
• Your personality. It sounds obvious, but it's important to include personality traits so potential dates have an idea of what they're working with. If you're the outdoorsy type and your date doesn't even like going to the park, it's better for both of you to keep looking. Get creative about how you express your personality. A list of attributes is boring. Show who you are instead of telling.
• What you're looking for. Most of your profile is about you, but some of it should be about the person you're hoping to meet. We're not talking about a 20-page list of deal breakers, but if you have certain requirements, it's a-ok to mention them. “Tall, dark, and handsome” doesn't count, but “I have kids and need a partner who's comfortable that” definitely does.

Remember, the most important thing is to put your best foot forward. Use positive language, avoid untruths, talk more about what you're like than what you want, and don't put yourself down – ever. Give your visitors something to get excited about.

When you’re online dating, it’s hard to not take rejection personally. After all, your matches rejected you romantically! It doesn’t get more personal than that, right?

Wrong. Online dating is to some extent, a numbers game. That is, anyone who is online dating is bound to get rejected because of the sheer number of people doing it, whether your match swiped left on Tinder or wrote a heart-felt rejection message over eHarmony. Not every love connection is going to work out. In fact, most of them don’t.

Instead of taking it personally when you get rejected online, following are a few things to understand and help you gain perspective – so take heart:

It’s not personal.

Rejection happens to everyone. If you’ve been online dating long enough, it can get downright discouraging. But this doesn’t mean you’re hopeless. It just means that there are a lot of options out there, and some people aren’t willing to take the time to get to know the real you, and that’s okay. Some people will choose to get to know you, too. Like everything in life that’s rewarding, online dating requires a bit of patience and perseverance.

What would you have done differently?

Online dating gives us a unique opportunity to see and evaluate our own behavior apart from our familiar circles of friends and family. Dates are subjective, but they react to how you present yourself. Were you in a bad mood on the date? Are you harboring judgment or anger? These things can come across to your date, so pay attention to what is going on inside of you, as well as your date.

You’ve rejected people, too.

Think back to those people whose messages you ignored, those profiles you swiped left on. Chances are, you have done your share of rejecting, too. Was it personal? I’d bet in most cases, it wasn’t personal at all – just a preference. So don’t take it so personally when an online date rejects you.

Your date might have met someone else.

A lot can happen in one night. If your date was chatting with someone else and decided to pursue her, that’s a choice – it’s not a reflection on you. Or, your date might have gotten back together with an ex. You never know what might have happened to someone else or what they have going on in their lives, so don’t drive yourself crazy with analyzing every text or date. Just let it go, and know that someone else is out there.

There are still more people to meet.

As I just mentioned, online dating presents all kinds of new options, at any time you want. If you want to feel better after a rejection, spice up your profile, reach out to some new people, and see what happens. Online dating can get you down, but it can also be an ego boost.

If you’re single, chances are you’ve been given a lot of advice. The bigger question is – how much of it was actually helpful? Some people have good intentions, but if they haven't dated in twenty years, they could be giving outdated advice.

Instead of relying on the opinions of friends, family or even co-workers, it’s better to understand your own experiences and learn from them. Chances are, you’ve picked up a thing or two from the dates you’ve been on. The key question is – are you going to change your own behavior, or are you going to keep doing things the way you have been because those are the “rules” of dating?

Dating is changing all the time – thanks in large part to the accessibility of meeting other people through online dating services and apps. We no longer have to drag ourselves to a local bar to chat with someone – we can do it over our phones while binge-watching Real Housewives or standing in line at the grocery store. In fact, most dating-related conversations take place over the phone.

So what are some traditional dating “rules” you can kiss goodbye? Start here:

Letting the man ask you out.

It’s 2015, not 1952. Women and men compete for the same jobs and make decisions about what kind of life they want to lead. So why should dating be stuck back in the dark ages? Instead, ladies – it’s time to take some control and ask guys out. It’s incredibly easy to do with dating apps, and it’s no pressure.

Looking for romance over everything else.

I’m not saying romance is dead – in fact, it can be better than ever. But we need to recognize the difference between lust at first sight and real love. Attraction is great, but if someone sweeps you off your feet it doesn’t mean a lasting relationship – that is only built over time. So try to say yes to more second and third dates before you dismiss someone because of “lack of chemistry.” Chemistry grows stronger, too.

Letting the man take the lead.

Again, it’s 2015, so there’s no need to check yourself at the door and put your own needs on hold to wait for “cues” from your date about where the relationship will go. You have a say, too. Speak up. If you’re looking for long-term, don’t betray your own feelings by saying you’re fine with something more casual. You have an equal say in what you want, so make sure you take it.

Acting like you don’t care.

Playing the “cool girl” is not a path to success. Sooner or later your inner freak will come out, and that’s a good thing. Nobody is an emotionless void – we all have feelings and reactions, and it’s okay to show them. We’re not robots, and the more we embrace our feelings, the more intimate we can be in relationships.