Most People are in the Dark About What Caused Their Break-Up

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Have you ever wondered why most people break up? Cheating seems a likely (and most would say justifiable) reason, but what about arguing over finances, or simply falling out of love?

According to a recent poll conducted by, it turns out most of us don't even know why our previous relationship ended. Out of 284 voters, almost 23 percent claimed they had no idea what caused the break-up. This came in ahead of the 20.7% who claimed that their relationships ended because their partner cheated (along with 1.4% who claimed they were the ones cheating). And almost 20% said that they just "fell out of love."

Surprisingly, money didn't factor in to many causes of break-ups among readers, nor did work-related issues. In fact, they were the least popular reasons for breaking up (each about 2.5%).

It seems most of the people surveyed are still in the dark about their previous relationship and what caused it to end. This would indicate that they are still seeking closure, and that they haven't been able to obtain that from a partner.

Break-ups can leave us devastated and confused, especially when we are the ones left, and we didn't really see it coming. But maybe there were some red flags along the way that you didn't notice. Did he noticeably pull away, or was he always busy at work and not so available? Or did he shy away from having serious conversations about where your relationship was headed? Or did he just disappear and stop calling altogether?

You might never know what happened between you, and that's okay. What's more important is your ability to deal with your pain and grief over the relationship and move on to a healthier one in the future.

If you have dealt with infidelity, whether your partner cheated or you did the cheating, it's also important to note what circumstances led to it. Was there a lapse in communication? Was there a lot of jealousy? Were you happy in your relationship or was there something missing? The more honest you can be in identifying the problems that were already there, or even how your partner treated you, the more likely you'll avoid the same pattern of cheating in the future.

Causes of break-ups in the poll were as follows:

Causes of Relationship Breakups

1/1: Why did your previous relationship end?

I have never been in a relationship 6.34%
He or she was unfaithful 20.77%
I was unfaithful 1.41%
Amicable separation 5.99%
Drifted apart / Fell out of Love 19.72%
Fought about money 2.46%
Work kept us apart 2.46%
Irreconcilable differences 17.96%
Not sure of the cause 22.89%

The poll was taken by readers of

Fall in Love with eHarmony Free Communication

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We Just got word that eHarmony in Canada and the United States will be having a free communication weekend starting Thursday, September 26th and ending Sunday night on September 29th. This 4 day event allows members to create a profile, view your matches, and communicate with those matches through the guided communication process and email.

Summer is almost over and with the season change comes new optimism for love. This makes it an ideal time for new singles interested in trying online dating to check out a popular service for free. eHarmony is designed to foster long-term relationships between it's members. They do this by having carefully chosen profile questions that are based on 29 dimensions of compatibility. While there are a lot of questions which take the average person about 40 minutes to answer it is recommended you take your time and answer each question to the best of your ability. The answers to these questions are then used by eHarmony's super secret 😊 matching algorithm to generate you a list of high quality matches. Once you review your matches your job is to then select the ones you like on a personal level and then start the communication process with them. Free communication at eHarmony during this event does not include photos in profiles, secure calls over your phone, or skipping the guided communication process.

For more detailed information on eHarmony you can read our review. The last free eHarmony communication weekend was the September long weekend (see Story).

Ryan Seacrest Launches New Dating Show

TV Shows
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TV's biggest bachelor seems to have become a matchmaker too, according to the latest buzz in Hollywood. Ryan Seacrest, who has launched such successful reality TV shows as "Keeping up with the Kardashians" (and their spin-offs) and "Married to Jonas" under his Ryan Seacrest Productions banner, has announced that he will be producing a dating competition series called "Dream Date" which will air on FOX.

According to Deadline, which first reported the news, the show will revolve around a group of women looking for love as well as a "celebrity element." No information on which celebrities might be involved, in what capacity, or even how many has been revealed.

Nationwide auditions began last spring, calling for women ages 21 and over to apply. Those auditioning were reportedly given surveys with questions that included: "Do you think chivalry is dead? Are you asked or expected to pay half the final bill? Would you like to be wined and dined? Are you ready to have a life-changing dating experience?"

The questions in the survey point to the failings of today's dating culture. It seems producers are looking for women who are disillusioned with dating and romance on some level. (It makes for good TV, too.) With all of the talk about "the end of dating" and "hook-up culture" in The New York Times and other notable publications, many daters are feeling disheartened, and wondering if they will ever find someone, or if they will ever be romanced at all. Perhaps focusing on the problems with dating is a good way to attract not only contestants, but viewers. The challenge for the show becomes: can we deliver a genuinely positive, romantic dating experience?

We don't know for sure. Producers have started shooting but are tight-lipped on the details. According to Deadline they are looking for a mid-season fall premiere but so far no date has been set.

One thing's for sure: The Bachelor and Bachelorette won't be the only popular dating dramas in the media this fall. With the launch of "Dream Date" and the serial blog posts from two co-workers at Forty Days of Dating (which has gained considerable buzz and is in consideration for a TV deal), we will have more interesting dating stories than ever to follow. And perhaps it will help us figure out our own relationship goals, habits, and challenges so that we can improve our love lives.

Or at least we can have fun watching other people's drama.

Online Dating Tips From Hollywood Casting Directors

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I will always be the first to say that I have a pretty sweet gig. I get to read, write, and coach people about relationships every single day, which is exactly what I've always wanted to do. The downside is that I'm also bombarded with online dating tips from other experts and coaches, if I'm being honest, can get a little boring.

Sometimes I like to mix it up a little. Sometimes I like to hear from people who aren't your average 'dating experts' and 'love coaches.' That's where Damona Hoffman and Sarah Monson come in. They may consider themselves dating experts now, but once upon a time they were toiling away in an entirely different career: Hollywood casting director.

One worked on 'some wildly popular prime-time hits' as well as a few 'pilots that never saw the light of day.' The other took what she learned as a casting director about developing a personal brand for actors and transformed it into advice for online daters.

So what did casting teach these ladies about life and love?

Lesson 1: Guys Are Never As Tall As They Say They Are

Ok, so it's not just guys. There's a lot of white lying going on online, and men and women are both at fault. Subtract a few pounds here, add a couple of inches there...what's the harm, right? There are certainly worse lies you could tell, but the truth is that it's always better to avoid the lies in the first place.

Lesson 2: A First Date Is Just Like a Reality Show Audition, Minus the Background Check

No matter what guidelines you sent out, you still might end up with someone totally different from what you expected. Maybe you'll get lucky, and it'll turn out that what you needed wasn't what you thought you were looking for. But maybe you won't. In that case, you could try ducking all the post-date phone calls, but it's better to be an adult about it. Let them down gently, but be honest and clear about your feelings.

Lesson 3: Most People Have No Idea How To Advertise Who They Are Or What They're Looking For

Think of yourself as a product. Online dating is the release of the premium version of the 'You' product after years of beta testing. Identify your strongest assets, then design a marketing plan for your profile that presents those assets to potential dates. Understand your product inside and out, so you know exactly what's going to make a casting director or future date say "Yes! That's the one!"

Cupid Plc Launches New ‘Safe Mode’ Functionality To Boost User Safety
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2013 didn't start out well for Cupid plc, the top-5 global online dating company that's responsible for a network of dating sites including Cupid came under fire for allegedly using fake profiles to boost its membership, after the BBC claimed that members of Cupid's online dating services suspected fake "flirtatious" messages were being used to encourage free users to sign up for paid subscriptions.

Cupid plc denied using fakes and said it was cleared of the allegations by auditors. According to Cupid, the auditors found "no evidence of a company organised practice of staff enticing registered members to subscribe through the use of fake profiles."

The experiences of members and undercover investigators suggest otherwise, and users are still (rightfully) suspicious, but some good news has finally come out of the Cupid camp.

Cupid recently launched 'safe mode' functionality for its network of dating sites. The update still allows users to choose who they want to interact with, but provides the added security of being able to filter out members who choose not to verify themselves on the site. With 'safe mode' on, you can contact any user but will only receive communications from members who have undergone the verification process. Unverified users are welcome to continue using the site, but are encouraged to become "Trusted Members" to unlock access to people already using 'safe mode.'

For some reason, at this point, 'safe mode' is only available for male users and only female members are asked to become verified. Cupid hopes that the new technology will create a "smoother" and "more positive" online experience for its users and...well...I certainly can't blame them for hoping. Cupid needs any boost it can get at this point.

"We have listened to our customers and to dating website users in general," says Sean Wood, Communications Director at Cupid plc. "The main goal here is to give our customers choice to decide who they communicate with. This means they can choose verified users only or indeed if they feel comfortable with communicating more widely, then they have that ability too. Our members can use the sites secure in the knowledge that they are in a safe environment where they can get on with enjoying the experience, making contacts and meeting up."

Right. So...Cupid customers are safe from each other, but the real question is: are they safe from Cupid itself?

Celebrity Dater Antonio Sabato, Jr. Launches Dating Blog

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Guys, are you looking for a virtual wingman? How about someone who always seems to date the hottest women around? Antonio Sabato Jr.'s new blog may be the answer to getting your love life on track and improving your pick-up skills in the dating department.

Sabato has launched a new dating advice blog for men through the matchmaking site entitled: Under the Sheets: Tips from A Celebrity Wingman. Utilizing his skills from dating celebrities like Pamela Anderson, Madonna, and Jennifer Love Hewitt, Sabato provides tools, techniques, and tips to finding and wooing the woman of your dreams.

His partnership with is no doubt influencing his opinions. Instead of advising men on how to pick up women at bars, he's advising how to speak to them online. "Guys today are taking the wrong approach to dating - from how to speak to a woman to where to meet her," he says. "They just don't get it, and somehow they still think that the best way to meet women is in a crowded bar or sweaty dance club. They don't understand that dating has evolved way beyond that these days, especially online where the options are endless, and men truly can find their perfect match."

Sabato's first post shows that he's not just relying on his good looks and six-pack abs, but on his conversational and flirting skills, too. "How to flirt" provides tips on how to strike up a conversation that holds her attention, and I must admit he's spot on in his assessment. He claims that men tend to provide facts about themselves to attract women, whereas women are looking for that emotional connection or spark.

"To women, that fact-based conversation is boring. They've had it a hundred times with a hundred other guys. You, though, are going to be different. Always start a conversation with banter - make it fun," he writes.

He then goes on to provide two examples of conversations - one that will likely go nowhere and another that is more engaging and flirtatious. Of course, it seems like a no-brainer when you look at them both, but how many times have you opted for the "safer" route when engaging with someone new? "Where are you from?" is an easy question to ask because it doesn't require work. But when you're online, you have access to a lot of information because you can read the profile of a potential date. He advises that you show that you have been paying attention and ask questions that relate to her interests like, "what made you take that trip to Fiji a few months ago?" You'll get a lot further.

You can read more of Sabato's dating advice on