Tinder

The rise in popularity of Bye Felipe isn’t accidental – it’s due to more and more women speaking out about unwanted or even abusive messages they receive through dating apps and online dating sites.

Online dating has become mainstream, thanks to the rise in popularity of dating apps like Tinder, which have made it easier to meet people now more than ever. However, along with all of these new opportunities (and new people joining the game) come some unwanted messages and trolls looking for a platform to vent their anger rather than connect with someone.

Most of us (especially women) have been subjected to some unwanted or even abusive behavior online. We receive messages propositioning for sex without even meeting face-to-face first, or abusive messages claiming that we are untrustworthy, shallow, ugly, etc. from men we’ve only exchanged a couple of text messages with. This can be shocking, hurtful, and even scary – turning many victims off of online dating altogether.

It’s only natural for online daters to wonder what exactly they are signing up for when they experience this kind of abusive behavior.

Unfortunately, because some people are skeptical of the effectiveness of online dating, a few abusive emails are enough to write off the whole practice. But this is the wrong approach. It’s better instead to look at online dating as a whole, rather than just its worst aspects (and worst customers).

Instead of looking at all the online connections that are positive (or even ordinary), we tend to focus on the messages that have been upsetting, suggestive, and otherwise unwanted. We dwell on the negative, confirming our fears about meeting people online. But the truth is, millions of matches are made every day with no abuse, and no fanfare either. The vast majority of matches are between ordinary people looking for real-life relationships. If we get caught up in the actions of a small percentage of trolls, we miss opportunities.

We should not ignore the problem. Clearly, online dating sites have to clean up the process to be able to filter out this kind of bad behavior. A lot more work needs to be done.

But if you want a chance to meet people outside of your current networks of friends, family and co-workers, online dating is your best opportunity. But be smart in your approach. Research different websites and apps. Obviously apps like Tinder are very popular, but that means they also attract a lot of dating trolls. If you are looking for something more serious, you might want to invest in a site like eHarmony where there is more of a screening process among users.

Don’t give up on online dating because of a few bad apples. Give it another chance. Try a new site. Ask your friends to help. These small steps should help you improve your overall experience. For more information on the services mentioned you can read our Tinder review and our eHarmony review.

If you are among the 150,000 Tinder users in Ireland, your chances of finding a match are only one in a hundred - or about 1% - according to a new study.

Researchers for Ipsos MRBI, who surveyed people living in Ireland who say they use Tinder, discovered that dating app users’ chances for finding someone they click with are not that much greater than randomly meeting people at bars and pubs. In fact, the odds may be less favorable with apps, likely because there is the perception of browsing through a seemingly infinite number of eligible singles each time you log on to the app, making commitment seem unappealing. The more choices you have, the less willing you become to settle for just one person.

There is an addictive quality to apps like Tinder, according to its own figures. The average Tinder user spends between an hour and 90 minutes using the app every day, logging in 11 times. There are also an estimated 50 million active users of Tinder, compared to 864 million active Facebook users and 300 million active Twitter users – proving that the dating app has as much power to hold users’ attention as the major social media platforms.

Part of the reason for its low percentage of matches might be Tinder’s demographic, at least in Ireland - preferred mainly among fickle twenty-somethings who log on to the app several times a day. Only 12% of Irish Tinder users are between ages 35 and 44, and for those between 45 and 54, the number goes down to 3%.

Men are also less picky than women when it comes to saying yes to a dating app match. According to the study, they are three times more likely (46%) to swipe “like” on a woman’s profile whereas only 14% of women say yes to a man’s profile. The study also shows however that women invest a little more thought and time - women spend 8.5 minutes reading profiles on Tinder each time they log in, compared to a man’s 7.2 minutes (which are spent swiping).

So what does this mean for daters? The U.K. might not be much different from Tinder users all over the world. There is an accessibility and ease to the app, which has made it extremely popular and given its users a lot of options when it comes to meeting new people. But just like flipping through magazine pictures, sometimes it’s easier to just look at more photos than to reach out and contact someone, even if you find them intriguing. The real test is – can Tinder translate to real-world relationships?

Maybe your chances are about the same on Tinder as they are at your local bar. But until you reach out to try and meet in real life, you won’t know.

Bye Felipe has become an Instagram sensation, with female daters posting their awkward, annoying, uncomfortable and sometimes even harassing message trail with other online daters, mainly men. It seems that in the wake of Tinder’s popularity, there have been a few casualties and women are looking for a more genuine tool to meet guys, sans the weird pick-up lines.

While there isn’t a dating app that can screen or prevent all creeps from making their way into your matching possibilities, at least some apps give women the power to decide what we will and will not tolerate.

Following are a few to watch for in 2015:

Bumble. While I’m not a fan of how this app came about – it’s the brainchild of Whitney Wolfe, one of the former Tinder executives who also filed a sexual harassment lawsuit against co-founder Justin Mateen. And since she walked away with a bit of money from a settlement, she has decided to launch her own dating app, where women decide who they want to meet (and have 24 hours to make that decision before the option disappears). According to its marketing, the app “promotes a safe and respectful community…Bumble suggests matches based on more relevant signals than other, more shallow apps.”

LuLu. This has been around for a couple of years, allowing women to rate their dates and share information about men with other female app users. While LuLu sounds like it has the potential to be a giant slam book, many women also use it to promote their guy friends who are looking for love – kind of an online voucher for a guy’s character. The Grade is another new app that has a similar kind of review system through – you guessed it – grading them. If you get an “F” guys? You’re off the site.

Siren. True to its name, Siren allows women to put a question out to men they choose on the site (or to all men in their area) to schedule a last-minute date. For instance, a woman could ask: “want to meet up for a jog?” - and then see who responds. She can also browse profiles in private without revealing herself.

JessMeetKen. This online dating site works through Facebook connections, and allows women to post a profile of their male friends who are looking for love, recommending them to other women. (Think of that guy you really like but just aren’t attracted to.) The guys all come recommended by a woman, so it’s less likely the men you’ll be meeting will be creepers, which makes it worth it even if you aren’t a match.

Happy dating!

Tinder only launched in 2012, but already new apps are trying to make its popular “hot-or-not” visually-based format a thing of the past. TrueView, a new location-based dating app wants its users to take dating a little more seriously.

TrueView is based out of London, and its founders advocate a switch from Tinder to improve not only your dating experience, but your odds of matching with someone at all. As many people as there are logging on to Tinder regularly, TrueView points out there are 998 million rejections daily.

The app works more like a social media platform than a traditional dating app. Similar to an app like Zoosk, TrueView logs a person’s actual behavior while using the app so users have a better, “truer” view of who they really are. Users are encouraged to share things they love to do (while they are doing it), discovering people who have similar interests. The app has a “stuff to do” section which lists events, clubs, restaurants, sports and concerts in your local city. The “news” section keeps you up to date on the things most important to you, and prompts more discussions.

The idea behind TrueView is that you can have a more organic conversation online first to see if you’re interested in someone before you meet him/her – as opposed to just swiping through photos.

True View was inspired by Andrew Ibbotson, one of the founders whose real-life online dating experience left him frustrated. He was tired of the hook-up scene and a lot of matches that led to nothing, spending more time and money for very little return. He wanted to create a better experience for himself, so he teamed up with friends Matt Verity and Damian Mitchell. They came up with the idea of a service that uses what they call "real-time micro-blogging" to make two people meeting feel more organic – and True View was born.

Tinder is still the app to beat, despite all the recent apps who are trying to outdo it, like TrueView. But it seems there is room for a new player, since even the celebrities who made it popular are now starting to turn against it. As actor Sam Smith said: "No offence to people who go on Tinder, but I just feel like it's ruining romance...why would I swipe people who are 'unattractive' when I could potentially fall in love with them?" 

TrueView is betting the people who become disillusioned with Tinder will look to the app for a new experience. While this may be true, it has hit some bumps along the way. According to a dozen reviews in the Google Play store, people are encountering some bugs with the technology, but they have had a few thousand installs so far.

TrueView is available on both iTunes and Google Play. Currently, the app isn’t available yet in the U.S.

Dating apps like Tinder have taken the dating world by storm – and some argue have rendered traditional online dating a thing of the past. While sites like Match.com and eHarmony offer matches based on preferences and compatibility, Tinder offers the ability to look at a photo and instantly decide whether or not you’re interested.

In a recent article in Business Insider, eHarmony’s Vice President of Brand Marketing Grant Langston looked at Tinder’s success as a boost to his business. For instance, he’s seen a surge of new subscriptions since Tinder launched in Australia – 2.5 million members, up from 2 million the same time last year.

“The press [Tinder is] receiving is bringing lots of people to the online dating world, including people that find Tinder isn’t the right choice for them,” Langston told Business Insider. “Globally, this trend has helped us tap into new markets and led to an increase in our membership numbers.”

But why are more people choosing eHarmony when Tinder seems to be taking off? For one thing, Langston argues that people who would have never joined an online dating site before find it a little easier to start when they use a dating app. It’s made online dating in general lose its stigma.

Langston also attributes the surge in subscriptions to the high quality matchmaking that is eHarmony’s business model, compared to Tinder’s superficial match-making process. With Tinder, choosing a match is entirely dependent on photos and a couple of sentences, which aren’t much better odds for finding love than meeting someone at a bar. There isn’t necessarily any kind of compatibility – aside from that initial physical attraction.

People who are matched on eHarmony however, are compatible in specific ways. Matches aren’t made via liking the same music or TV shows or someone’s photo, but based on similar dispositions and compatible personalities – which is a bit more complex and relational. Langston says that eHarmony’s matching creates a foundation for a relationship to start, where Tinder is more fleeting, intended for a hook-up. So when people are disappointed with the matches they are meeting through Tinder, they look to other more serious online dating options, which is when they gravitate to eHarmony.

Langston also noted that eHarmony’s growth in the past year has been due to young professionals ages 23-33 flocking to the site, looking for people who are more compatible whether or not they are looking to marry.

According to Langston, eHarmony owes much of its recent success to the fact that Tinder isn’t producing many serious relationships. Then again, it seems that despite the appeal of Tinder, people are looking for something deeper.

Earlier this year, Tinder co-founder Whitney Wolfe left the company after raising a lawsuit against her colleagues over allegations of sexual harassment and discrimination. In case you need a refresher, Wolfe alleged that she was sent inappropriate messages by one of Tinder's male co-founders, who pursued a romantic relationship with Wolfe and then publicly shamed her. She also says she was stripped of her co-founder title over fears that her age and gender would damage the company's perceived valuation.

Heavy stuff, but it looks like Wolfe might soon get her revenge. TechCrunch reported that she's teamed up with Tinder alumni Chris Gulczynski and Sarah Mick to create a similarly swipe-based dating app they've dubbed Bumble. According to its Facebook page, Bumble is “an exciting, new place to meet people” and “everything you've always wanted from a social discovery app with none of the things you don't.”

Ok, sounds good so far. So how does it actually work?

According to TechCrunch, the app looks (unsurprisingly) much like Tinder. The famous swipe interface is in play, as is the basic large photo/snippet of personal info structure. A key difference is that Bumble appears to use more detailed information than Tinder – including job position, company, college, and graduation year – supporting the idea that it is intended for more serous daters.

Bumble explains its process like this:

• Two people like each other and it's a connection
• The girl has to make the first move by starting a chat within 24 hours
• If she doesn't chat, the connection disappears forever
• But... guys can extend ONE match per day for an extra 24 hours

A 24-hour rule seems a little harsh, but otherwise the idea is interesting. Will flipping the traditional dating dynamic on its head actually work, or will Bumble end up being a service where almost everyone is silent?

Bumble's behind-the-scenes structure also raises some interesting points. Competing with Tinder is no easy feat, but if anyone stands a chance, isn't it a Tinder founder and former employees? They have experience and insider knowledge that no one else has, plus enough public visibility to spread awareness quickly.

Really quickly, as it turns out. A source told TechCrunch that Bumble has already raised millions of dollars from a number of different sources, including social dating service Badoo and a multi-millionaire heir to an oil fortune. Bumble claims the app will be launching any day now, so we should find out soon enough whether that's enough to take on Tinder.