How Mobile Solved The Online Dating Problem – Especially For Women

Mobile
  • Friday, February 21 2014 @ 06:57 am
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Much has been said about online dating's transition from stigmatized service used only in the shadows to full-blown pop culture trend. The term "meteoric" has never been more appropriate. Online dating's rise to total world domination has been unprecedented...and we might have mobile to thank for that.

With the equally meteoric rise of mobile dating, online dating has become a social activity - one that people are happy to discuss in public in a way they've never been before. Tinder turned public perception of online dating on its head, especially for the young people who primarily make up its userbase.

It's not unusual to see friends using the app together, sharing images and messages amongst the group, or sending each other screenshots of especially notable Tinder chats. It's what people talk about on the bus, what they use to pass the time while waiting in long lines, and what they turn to when they're feeling awkward at a party. The online service is rapidly becoming integrated into our offline lives, and no one is embarrassed about it.

Though all online daters have benefited from the attitude adjustment that came along with Tinder, one group may be discovering some very important bonus benefits: women. Traditional thinkers say that women only want relationships - they're not interested in casual dating and would never judge someone on appearances alone. Yet 45% of Tinder users are women, and they seem perfectly comfortable with the app's low-commitment approach to relationships and reliance on physical appearance.

Tinder's non-profile profile offers up very little information (all culled from Facebook) about users, meaning it disproves a second common stereotype: that, unlike superficial men, women require detailed information about men before deciding if they're interested. The stripped down profile also prevents users from feeling exposed in an uncomfortable way they might on an online dating site. If you haven't spent hours on a meticulously crafted profile that digs into the heart of the "real you," rejection hardly feels like rejection.

There's also the message problem. Female users on online dating sites are famously bombarded with messages from admirers, an overwhelming experience that turns many off from online dating as a whole. But Tinder users can only receive messages from people they've indicated an interest in, and the app doesn't allow users to send photos (meaning unsolicited scandalous pics are kept at bay). It's a perfect solution.

And then there's the final plus of Tinder: it's fun. It manages to be silly, exciting, intriguing, and socially acceptable at the same time. Online dating has yet to crack that code.

Are You Attracted to your Friend’s Date?

Friendship
  • Thursday, February 20 2014 @ 06:55 am
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Have you ever been on a double date? I'm a big fan of group dates, because it takes the pressure off. Some daters feel more comfortable and relaxed when they don't have to think of all the conversation like they do in a one-on-one date.

But what if you're on a double date with your friend and you find yourself drawn to your friend's date? In fact, you've barely heard two words your own date has muttered. You're too busy staring at your friend's guy - his beautiful green eyes and sexy mouth. The chemistry is there. You can sense he's interested in you, too. Should you pretend not to notice, or do you pull your friend aside and ask her if you can pursue him?

This can be an awkward moment, especially because you have history and a friendship with your friend and likely you're just meeting her date. There's no reason to think that things might work out between you, or that you would know how your friend might feel about it. One question to ask yourself is: how committed is your friend to her date? Is this the first time they are meeting, or have they been going out a while?

If this is a first date and your friend doesn't seem to be too interested, it might be a good idea to pull her aside and let her know how you feel. After all, chemistry is a powerful thing - and if you feel it, you want to see where it leads.

On the other hand, if your friend has been dating him a while or has expressed real interest, then you might be crossing a line by asking if she'd be okay with you dating him. They might not be together, but you don't want to interfere if she started dating him first. If it doesn't work out between them, or if he doesn't feel the same way about her, tell your friend before you start pursuing him.

Think of it this way: would you want your friend to run off with your date, even if you weren't sure if you were interested in him? Probably not, because you at least want a chance to see where it goes. And if you were interested in him initially, it can still feel like a betrayal if she doesn't consider your feelings along with her actions.

Bottom line: Talk to your friend before the date, and let each other know where you stand on this issue. If it is a first date for both of you, then be willing to let your friend pursue your date if you're not feeling it. But if she's been dating him a while? Try looking for someone else.

Olympic Athletes using Tinder to Hook Up

Tinder
  • Wednesday, February 19 2014 @ 05:16 pm
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The winter Olympics in Sochi this year may get a little cold - but not for the athletes. According to various reports, they are looking for a little love and warmth using mobile dating app Tinder.

The dating app has become a popular activity to try during down time in Olympic Village where the athletes congregate. The app is location-based so you can find other singles in the hotels next to yours - no matter what country they represent.

The app works easily and has taken off in the U.S. All that is required is a Facebook account, which populates your Tinder profile with photos, age, and location details. Other Tinder users can scroll through photos - swiping right for yes and left for no. When two people match (that is, they both swipe right), they are put in touch with each other and can message quickly.

According to Today.com, the three American skiers who swept the medals in slopestyle last Thursday, Joss Christensen, Gus Kenworthy and Nick Goepper, all admitted to being on Tinder. But does all this activity take away from their concentration on the games?

Kenworthy notes: "For me it's definitely more the game aspect that's fun,'' he said. "Who you think's hot, see if they do, too. I'm not sure how much further it goes than that for me."

Tinder founder Sean Rad told the Wall Street Journal that they noticed a 400% day-on-day increase in new users since the start of the Olympics. Apparently the athletes are starting a trend among young daters who might not have used the app previously.

Tinder however is primarily used by Americans in the Olympic Village, so there's not much hope of hooking up with someone from another team. Christensen admits it's "a little weird" to see his fellow teammates on Tinder. Goepper however keeps his options open and swipes right more often than not, so he's had some success during the games. "I've gotten quite a few notifications that say: 'this person wants to kiss you'," he tells Today.com.

And what about members of the media who are in Sochi and on Tinder? According to some athletes, they don't want to engage with any media employees over Tinder, and prefer to stick with the other athletes. But that doesn't mean that young media employees are doing the same - they prefer to meet athletes, American or otherwise.

The Olympics have a history of hook-ups between athletes that go on behind the scenes, so it's no wonder that Tinder plays into the lore so well. So the question is - what will be the dating app of choice for the summer 2016 games?

Christian Mingle Dater Gets Catfished

Scams
  • Wednesday, February 19 2014 @ 06:56 am
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Christian Mingle, a popular niche dating sites for religiously inclined singles, learned that one of its members was swindled out of a substantial amount of money from another user of the site.

A 66 year-old divorcee from Santa Fe revealed that she had been emailing with a man through the site who wooed her with flowers, text messages and phone calls. Pretending to be a U.K. citizen named David Holmes who was working on a Scottish oil rig, authorities discovered the suitor was actually Nigerian. According to authorities involved with the case, he did not seem to have a noticeable Nigerian accent.

The Santa Fe woman wired money to Holmes in increments at first totaling $300,000. She contacted authorities after she sent her last check for $200,000 to a Turkish bank account. A hold was placed on the check, and soon after a man named Wisdom Onokpite turned up to withdraw the funds. He was arrested, and authorities assumed they had caught the scammer, but it turned out he was only an associate sent to collect the money. The suspect calling himself David Holmes is still at large.

The woman claimed she had given more than half a million dollars to Holmes to invest in a fictitious oil rig. Authorities confirm they were able to get some of the money back, but not all of it.

Deputy District Attorney Cherie Bourland warned that people need to be more careful on international online dating sites, especially older daters who seem to be the target of a majority of fraud cases.

"You get the love drug in you and you end up getting duped," Bourland said.

As for daters on Christian Mingle and other online dating sites, it's good to use caution and common sense when interacting with strangers. Following are some tips to avoid being catfished yourself:

Don't share personal information. Don't give out your last name, home or work address, or any other personal information to someone on an online dating site. Remember that you don't know each other, and the person behind the profile could be lying.

Don't share financial information. This is especially important, because typically online daters who become victims of fraud do this after they have had some communication and built up a sense of trust. But if an online dater asks you for money, remember: always say no, even if your suitor is wooing you with phone calls, flowers, or messages of love. If you haven't met in person, be especially careful of declarations of love.

Meet in a public place. Never meet an online date at your home, always meet in a public place. You don't know this person or his intentions, so don't take unnecessary risks. Also, let a friend know where you are. Be safe and have fun!

Are You Settling?

Dating
  • Tuesday, February 18 2014 @ 06:43 am
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Women place a lot of expectations on themselves when it comes to relationships. We invest emotionally, even when we aren't sure how he feels. We think that if we work hard to show a man how much we love him, how much we're willing to sacrifice, he's bound to love us back.

Life often doesn't work this way.

It's hard to be single, especially when you see your friends getting coupled up, one by one. Maybe you join a slew of online dating sites hoping to meet the right person, or maybe you decide the man you're dating could be the right one, so why not commit to him? Unfortunately, when you choose a partner based on a timeline instead of your own conviction and happiness the relationship will likely fail.

When women date, especially as we grow older, we can accumulate a sense of urgency (the biological clock) as well as a sense of fear (we'll never meet the Right One and we'll be alone forever). So our choices seem very limited and we panic. Maybe we reach out to the first available guy, or maybe we commit to a man who doesn't really care to be in a relationship, just to avoid being alone, or maybe because we think that's all we can have. But in reality - it's quite the opposite. More than half of the U.S. adult population is single. That's more than enough choice. The key is being patient enough to find the person you really want, and having the courage to communicate your needs.

Following are some tips to help you embrace dating instead of the fear of being alone:

Take it slow. When we feel chemistry with a man, it's hard to stop ourselves from jumping into a relationship headfirst. We want to fall in love! The problem is, we can't know someone after one or two dates, so we have no idea what he wants or who he is. How many times have men just disappeared after a great date? So even if you do feel chemistry, it's best to take things slow. Really get to know him, and take your time. There's no rush to the finish line when it comes to forming a lasting relationship.

Communicate your own needs. Are you the one who's always making plans or calling, only to have him cancel at the last minute? Do you find yourself wanting more every time you're together - more intimacy, more communication, more attention? Maybe it's time to stop chasing him, and move on to someone who does the pursuing. There's no use trying to move a relationship forward if you're the only one doing it. You deserve someone who feels the same way about you.

Don't settle when it comes to love.

How Smartphones Have Changed The Way We Date

Mobile
  • Monday, February 17 2014 @ 12:14 pm
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Our smartphones have changed the way we do...well, pretty much everything...and dating is no exception. Some people remain dating purists, committed to only communicating via phone call, abiding by the 3-day rule, and never, ever using an app to meet someone. Others have fully embraced the new technological era, and are probably swiping their way through matches on Tinder as we speak.

I have no doubt that both sides have valid points, but frankly I prefer to consult someone (or in this case, something) a little less biased: research. A new study examining mobile's impact on dating and relationships has shed a teeny bit of light on how our smartphones affect our love lives. Here's what the study found:

  • To call or not to call? That is the question. When asked, women tend to say they prefer men to call before meeting face-to-face, while men say they feel a call is too forward. The data, however, tells a slightly different story. Around 1/3 of both sexes agree that it's less intimidating to ask someone out via text, although 68% of singles say they still want to chat on the phone or in person to schedule dates. We modern techies typically type, but seeing as confidence is widely considered to be the most attractive trait in a partner, maybe the text is doing us a disservice. Perhaps we should opt for the proactive approach and pick up the phone.
  • Stop with the 3-day rule already. If things didn't go well on your date, put everyone out of their misery and end things sooner rather than later. Just do it like the nice, responsible adult you are, please - don't be one of the 50% of singles who said they would consider breaking up with someone they were casually dating with just a few swipes on screen, or the 24% who said they would end an exclusive relationship via text. On the other hand, if things went well, make your feelings clear in low-pressure way. A simple thank you text sent within 24 hours of a good first date keeps you on your date's radar and opens the door for further flirty conversation.
  • Your smartphone speaks louder than words. The iPhone vs. Android battle is fierce, and it turns out which side you fall on reveals insights into your personality and behaviors. Android users are apparently the politer daters - more likely to pick you up at home, pay for the first date, and send a post-date text. They're also more trusting of their partners - nearly 50% said they would allow someone they're dating to look through their phones!

So are smartphones good or bad news for our love lives? It's hard to tell. But what we do know is that they aren't going anywhere any time soon, so we're far better off learning to love them as another tool in our dating arsenals.

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