Advice

Prepare to have your relationship world rocked, because I'm about to tell you why you never need to fight with a partner again.

I'm crazy, right? I must have spent too many hours baking in the summer sun or been dropped on my head as a baby, because there's no way anyone - even the most dedicated of pacifists - can be in a relationship that's completely fight-free. Right? Right?

Wrong.

The key lies in an important distinction. Hurtful accusations, threats, cursing, name-calling, painful character *censored**censored*inations, bitter sarcasm, screaming matches, p*censored*ive-aggressive behavior - these are the signs and symptoms of fighting. With some hard work and dedication, you can wipe these destructive forces from your relationships and transform your fighting into loving and constructive interactions, like thoughtful criticism, respectful conflicts, friendly disagreements and debates, honest expressions of feelings and opinions, p*censored*ionate engagements, and mature negotiation.

Here are 5 strategies for fighting without fighting:

1. Use your inside voice. The louder you yell, the less likely it is that your partner will actually hear anything you're saying. Focus on the issues, rather than how much noise you can make while discussing them.

2. Listen actively and respectfully. If your partner is starting to sound like the teacher from "Charlie Brown," you're not listening effectively. Hear your partner out and acknowledge their feelings, even if you disagree, and wait until they're done speaking before sharing your feelings on the matter.

3. Don't attack each other. Stick to the issue at hand and don't resort to personal attacks. Dealing with a problem is challenging at the best of times, so why add to the stress of the situation by resorting to name-calling and character *censored**censored*inations that hurt feelings but have no real bearing on the actual issue?

4. Get specific. It's hard to understand another person's point of view, so make it as easy on them as possible. Be as specific and detailed as you can about why you're upset, how you want to deal with the problem, and what can be done in the future to prevent the issue from arising again. Give examples to illuminate the situation, and when you're listening to your partner's side of the story, be sure to ask for clarification over anything you don't understand.

5. Don't go global. Resist the temptation to make global, generalized statements like "You always" or "You never." They almost always lead to dead ends and more conflict, and are rarely, if ever, true.

Those are a few strategies to get you started on the path towards conflict resolution mastery, but there's more where that came from. 5 more, next time.

The serial dater: everyone knows at least one. For me, it's my friend Erin. I've known her since we were kids, and it feels like she's been single for all of 5 days since she started seeing her first boyfriend in high school. She's dated one man after another, and although relationships are wonderful in so many ways, I can't help but think that she's missing out on something vital by never giving herself time to be single.

There's a lot to learn from a break up, and the singlehood that follows it, for the observant and open-minded scholar. Remember that the primary reason for any break up, whatever the more detailed and specific reasons are, is that the relationship wasn't right for you - you didn't want it, or you didn't need it, or the person was wrong for you, or the dynamics of the relationship were fundamentally flawed. Without time to reflect on what ended the relationship - to take a deep, honest look at what you want, what you need, and who you're most compatible with - you'll never have the opportunity to figure out what will make a relationship last.

So what can taking a break do for you?

• Taking a break allows you to figure out exactly what you need from a long-term relationship. The only way to figure out what you want in a partner is to date as many different people as possible, and to have a mixture of good and bad experiences from which to learn. If you're constantly in serious relationships, you'll never have the breadth of experience required to pinpoint precisely who you're most compatible with.

• Taking a break gives you time to grow. When a long-term relationship comes to an end, you need time to process the experience. Singlehood provides a much-needed opportunity to breathe, reflect, and make the necessary changes. That can mean anything from going back to school, to changing your career, to picking up a hobby or learning a new skill, to traveling or even moving. Hopping directly from one serious relationship to another, on the other hand, will almost always stunt your personal growth.

• Taking a break helps you conquer your fear of being alone. One of the most difficult relationship lessons to learn is that you don't actually need a relationship - you are healthy and whole, all on your own. It may sound like a paradox, but the best way to be happy in a relationship is to be happy without a relationship. Take the time you need to become your happiest, healthiest self, before making a long-term commitment to someone else.

Embrace change. Embrace the break up. And embrace your path to personal evolution.

Ever wondered what it's like to be Hugh Hefner? I can't help you with the mansion, lavish parties, and flash cars (or the cryptkeeper look and Viagra dependency), but I can help you create a Hefner-like love life. We've covered 4 of the basic rules of being a sugar baby already, so now let's have a look at what it takes to be an in-demand sugar daddy.

Finding a sugar baby, in the age of the Internet, is as easy as logging onto one of the many sugar daddy dating sites that can be found on the World Wide Web. Simply sign up, fill out a profile, and start searching. The real question is: what do you do after you've found a suitable sugar baby? How does a sugar arrangement work? Is it different from other kinds of dating relationships?

To master the art of being a successful sugar daddy, follow these rules:

1. Know exactly what you're looking for, and what you can afford. Misrepresentation is an epidemic plaguing every online dating site, and sugar daddy dating is no exception. Before entering the sugar lifestyle, be clear about what kind of companionship you're looking for. Gorgeous arm candy? Friendship? Sex? A relationship that could develop into something more meaningful? Be upfront with potential sugar babies about what you're seeking and what you plan to provide, and don't enter any arrangement that that will force you to live beyond your means.

2. Market yourself. Competition is fierce in the world of sugar daddy dating. In an environment in which the available men are often significantly older than their female companions, the most attractive (in every sense of the word) sugar daddies are in high demand. "Attractive," in this case, goes far beyond physical appearance. Are you funny, charming, well-read, artistic, or musically talented? Have you traveled the world? Can you play a sport or speak a foreign language? What makes you unique and desirable? Play up your strengths to stand out from the crowd.

3. Be safe. Don't think that, just because you're a man and not a woman, this rule doesn't apply to you. Online dating can be dangerous for anyone who isn't careful. Be cautious about the information you share, and do your best to protect yourself from the unscrupulous people who lurk online. Sugar daddy relationships are financial arrangements, but that doesn't mean that you should be frivolous about your finances. Beware of scammers and gold-diggers who are not genuinely interested in being part of the sugar lifestyle.

4. Act the part. If you don't want to live up to the image and expectations of being a sugar daddy, don't be one. Sugar babies have their visions about what the arrangement will be like, just like sugar daddies. Dress sharply. Be generous and charming. Spoil your sugar babies. Walk the walk and talk the talk. Live up to the fantasy.

Now go get your Hefner on.

For more information on a relate online dating site, please read our Sugardaddie.com review.

Let’s say you’ve put a fair amount of work into your online dating profile, and you’re pretty sure it’s as good as it’s going to get. However, you’re just not getting the responses you’d like. What could you be doing wrong?

The first place to check is the first-contact email. “Wait a minute,” you might be saying. “First-contact email? I only email someone after they’ve contacted me first.” If that’s the case, we’ve solved your problem right there. See, just existing on the website isn’t necessarily enough to bring people to your profile. You have to let them know you exist. You have to be the first one to say hello. Thus, the first-contact email.

We call an online profile a first impression, and to a great extent it’s true; however, if they didn’t stumble onto your profile themselves, for many the real first impression comes from the first-contact email. However, don’t let that intimidate you! A first-contact email should be short and sweet, a modified version of the “hello” with which you begin any conversation. In a the email, you should get across two main points: that you’re a human being and not spam, and that you’ve read their profile.

How do we do this? The easiest way is to send an email that’s not copied and pasted, and contains a question that pertains to your profile, like, “I see you like sled dogs. Have you ever been to watch the Iditarod?” In one fell swoop, you’ve established that you’re a human being who’s read and thought about their profile.

Other information is implied through the email, but addressing it directly is unnecessary. For example, there’s no need to mention that you have a profile yourself; it’s obvious, and drawing attention to it could make you seem self-centered. There’s no reason to mention that you’re interested in or attracted to the email recipient; again, you wouldn’t be emailing if you weren’t interested, and trying to hit on them after saying “hello” could create a range of impressions, ranging from tacky to creepy.

A first-contact email is some of the simplest writing you’ll do, so don’t let yourself get bogged down - or complacent (a copy-and-pasted email is a sure way to an embarr*censored*ing mistake). And don’t be afraid to send emails to many people - anyone you’re interested in. Again, the only way they’ll know you have a profile is if you say hello.

What does the sugar lifestyle have to offer? What should a sugar baby expect from her arrangement? How should a sugar baby conduct herself with her sugar daddy?

From SugarDaddie.com, to SeekingArrangement.com, to SugarDaddyForMe.com, to MillionaireDates.com, sugar daddy dating is a flourishing niche of the online dating world. For many, the thought of such an arrangement is appalling. But for many others, the idea of forming a mutually beneficial relationship with someone who can meet their needs, whatever they may be, is undeniably appealing. If you fall into the latter category, here are a few tips for being a skillful sugar baby:

1. Be the best you that you can possibly be. A sugar daddy is seeking companionship with someone extraordinary, so to be a successful sugar baby you must live up to the fantasy. This goes far beyond simply being beautiful. An expert sugar baby attractive, but also cultured, charming, funny, playful, and intelligent. She is confident, intriguing, and entertaining. She loves life, and does her best to bring fun to the lives of those around her. A sugar daddy improves the life of his sugar baby, and she must return the favor.

2. Be appreciative. If accepting the generosity of others makes you feel uncomfortable or guilty, a sugar daddy arrangement is probably not for you. To be a sugar baby, you must let go of the idea that benefits must be earned, and that receiving gifts without reason makes you spoiled. A man enters a sugar daddy relationship because he wants to pamper a woman and provide her with the things she seeks, whether they be in the form of money, gifts, or all-expenses-paid travel. Accept the things you're given graciously.

3. Be on your guard. This factors into the sugar lifestyle in two ways:

• Emotions - beyond the connection of friendship - have no place in a sugar daddy arrangement. Hopefully your sugar daddy is someone you truly like and enjoy spending time with, but falling in love is not an option. Do your best to keep your emotions in check.

• Your safety, as with online dating in any form, is a primary concern. Most men on sugar daddy sites are genuinely good people, but there are always a few frogs among the princes. Always meet in public places, and go with your gut.

4. Be honest at all times. Discuss the terms of your arrangement upfront, with clarity and strict attention to detail. Be clear about what you're willing to provide, and what exactly you want from your sugar daddy. Each person's expectations should be well-defined, and both parties should do their best to meet them. If your expectations are not being met, terminate the agreement and find a new one in which they are. Never stay in a relationship that makes you unhappy or does not meet your needs.

Now that you know a few of the key rules of being in a sugar arrangement, tell us: Would you ever consider being a sugar baby?

For more information on a relate online dating site, please read our Sugar Daddie review.

In her latest book, anthropologist and best-selling author Dr. Helen Fisher seeks to solve one of life's greatest mysteries: Why him? Why her? Why do we love who we love?

Her research, compiled in a book called Why Him, Why Her: Finding Real Love by Understanding Your Personality Type, led Fisher to construct a theory of love and relationships based on the four personality types, and their associated hormones and neurotransmitters, we discussed in the previous two posts: Explorers (dopamine), Builders (serotonin), Directors (testosterone), and Negotiators (estrogen). Now let's take a look at Fisher's findings in her own words.

Fisher described the four personality types to TIME magazine in January of 2009:

"People who express dopamine - I call them Explorers - tend to be risk-taking, curious, creative, impulsive, optimistic and energetic. The traits associated with the serotonin system express themselves in what I call Builders. They're cautious but not fearful, calm, traditional, community-oriented, persistent and loyal. Directors have traits associated with activity in the testosterone system. These people tend to be very analytical, decisive, tough-minded; they like to debate and can be aggressive. The fourth type is the Negotiator. Men or women who express activity in the estrogen system tend to be broadminded imaginative, compassionate, intuitive, verbal, nurturing, altruistic and idealistic."

But those aren't the only ways our chemistry and biological make up affect who we love, Fisher says. "Norepinephrine, a chemical closely related to dopamine, undoubtedly contributes to some of the Explorer's traits, especially their energy and impulsivity," she told Telling It Like It Is. "And oxytocin-a chemical synthesized, stored and triggered (in large part) by estrogen-most likely plays a role in the Negotiator's compassion, nurturing, trust and intuition."

Fisher's research has numerous potential applications. It's possible that, one day, technology will allow us to test partners' chemical composition, to judge whether or not we will be compatible. Each personality type views intimacy differently, so understanding the types and how to connect with each one affords you more opportunities to bond with potential partners. Within a relationship, understanding the categories can help you determine what challenges you're likely to face, and how to overcome them.

With all the research Fisher has done into relationships and attraction, does she ever worry that love will lose its magic for her?

"You can know every single ingredient in a piece of chocolate cake," she told Elle, "and still sit down and eat it and feel the joy. You can know every note in Beethoven's Ninth and listen to it and reel with the pleasure. To me, understanding the system expands my wonder."

Dr. Helen Fisher assisted in developing an online dating site's matching system. To find out more about this dating service you can read our review of Chemistry.com.