Helen Fisher Asks: “Why Him? Why Her?” (Part III)

In her latest book, anthropologist and best-selling author Dr. Helen Fisher seeks to solve one of life's greatest mysteries: Why him? Why her? Why do we love who we love?

Her research, compiled in a book called Why Him, Why Her: Finding Real Love by Understanding Your Personality Type, led Fisher to construct a theory of love and relationships based on the four personality types, and their associated hormones and neurotransmitters, we discussed in the previous two posts: Explorers (dopamine), Builders (serotonin), Directors (testosterone), and Negotiators (estrogen). Now let's take a look at Fisher's findings in her own words.

Fisher described the four personality types to TIME magazine in January of 2009:

"People who express dopamine - I call them Explorers - tend to be risk-taking, curious, creative, impulsive, optimistic and energetic. The traits associated with the serotonin system express themselves in what I call Builders. They're cautious but not fearful, calm, traditional, community-oriented, persistent and loyal. Directors have traits associated with activity in the testosterone system. These people tend to be very analytical, decisive, tough-minded; they like to debate and can be aggressive. The fourth type is the Negotiator. Men or women who express activity in the estrogen system tend to be broadminded imaginative, compassionate, intuitive, verbal, nurturing, altruistic and idealistic."

But those aren't the only ways our chemistry and biological make up affect who we love, Fisher says. "Norepinephrine, a chemical closely related to dopamine, undoubtedly contributes to some of the Explorer's traits, especially their energy and impulsivity," she told Telling It Like It Is. "And oxytocin-a chemical synthesized, stored and triggered (in large part) by estrogen-most likely plays a role in the Negotiator's compassion, nurturing, trust and intuition."

Fisher's research has numerous potential applications. It's possible that, one day, technology will allow us to test partners' chemical composition, to judge whether or not we will be compatible. Each personality type views intimacy differently, so understanding the types and how to connect with each one affords you more opportunities to bond with potential partners. Within a relationship, understanding the categories can help you determine what challenges you're likely to face, and how to overcome them.

With all the research Fisher has done into relationships and attraction, does she ever worry that love will lose its magic for her?

"You can know every single ingredient in a piece of chocolate cake," she told Elle, "and still sit down and eat it and feel the joy. You can know every note in Beethoven's Ninth and listen to it and reel with the pleasure. To me, understanding the system expands my wonder."

Dr. Helen Fisher assisted in developing an online dating site's matching system. To find out more about this dating service you can read our review of Chemistry.com.