More Ways To Fight Without Fighting

If you thought I was crazy the first time around for suggesting that you could have a relationship without fighting, prepare yourself to think I'm completely insane - downright certifiable, even - because I'm about to give you even more strategies for mastering the relationship-saving art of fighting without fighting.

To transform destructive, hurtful fights into constructive conflicts, follow these suggestions:

1. Hunt for moments of harmony. In almost every argument, points of agreement can be found. Hunt for these moments of clarity and harmony and embrace them when they're found. Finding the common ground is the first step towards discovering a solution that's workable for both parties.

2. Compromise when necessary. Be willing to give a little, and make space for your partner to give a little in return. Every relationship - no matter how solid or satisfying - requires compromise at times. It won't always be split 50-50, but this isn't about keeping score - it's about resolving conflicts in a mature and healthy manner. Remember, however, that compromise should never feel like unwanted sacrifice. If you feel like you are unfairly expected to compromise when your partner is not, the issue needs to be addressed.

3. Consider all your options. Collaboration is a key element of ending conflicts. When you and your partner begin cooperating in order to work out a solution together, the end of the argument is near. Suggest resolution strategies, ask for alternatives from your partner, and show respect for their opinion by considering all options before making a decision.

4. Listen to your grandmother. Like many wise and wizened relatives, my grandmother told me that my partner and I should never go to bed angry. This oft-repeated advice has become cliché now, but that doesn't make it any less true. "Winning" is never more important than communication, connection, and happiness. Some arguments, in the face of the prospect of no sleep, will suddenly seem trivial and be forgotten. Other arguments will require serious discussion and a peace offering or two, but the extra time spent working out a compromise before hitting the sack will be well worth it.

5. Embrace the tension. Conflicts will happen, no matter how much you love each other, so instead of fearing conflict, learn to embrace it. Working through disagreements together builds a solid foundation for the relationship, and provides invaluable opportunities for growth both as a couple and as individuals. Treat every moment of dissonance as a chance to learn from each other and the experiences you share.

Conflicts - when handled correctly - will strengthen a relationship instead of harming it.