Why It's Good To Take A Break

The serial dater: everyone knows at least one. For me, it's my friend Erin. I've known her since we were kids, and it feels like she's been single for all of 5 days since she started seeing her first boyfriend in high school. She's dated one man after another, and although relationships are wonderful in so many ways, I can't help but think that she's missing out on something vital by never giving herself time to be single.

There's a lot to learn from a break up, and the singlehood that follows it, for the observant and open-minded scholar. Remember that the primary reason for any break up, whatever the more detailed and specific reasons are, is that the relationship wasn't right for you - you didn't want it, or you didn't need it, or the person was wrong for you, or the dynamics of the relationship were fundamentally flawed. Without time to reflect on what ended the relationship - to take a deep, honest look at what you want, what you need, and who you're most compatible with - you'll never have the opportunity to figure out what will make a relationship last.

So what can taking a break do for you?

• Taking a break allows you to figure out exactly what you need from a long-term relationship. The only way to figure out what you want in a partner is to date as many different people as possible, and to have a mixture of good and bad experiences from which to learn. If you're constantly in serious relationships, you'll never have the breadth of experience required to pinpoint precisely who you're most compatible with.

• Taking a break gives you time to grow. When a long-term relationship comes to an end, you need time to process the experience. Singlehood provides a much-needed opportunity to breathe, reflect, and make the necessary changes. That can mean anything from going back to school, to changing your career, to picking up a hobby or learning a new skill, to traveling or even moving. Hopping directly from one serious relationship to another, on the other hand, will almost always stunt your personal growth.

• Taking a break helps you conquer your fear of being alone. One of the most difficult relationship lessons to learn is that you don't actually need a relationship - you are healthy and whole, all on your own. It may sound like a paradox, but the best way to be happy in a relationship is to be happy without a relationship. Take the time you need to become your happiest, healthiest self, before making a long-term commitment to someone else.

Embrace change. Embrace the break up. And embrace your path to personal evolution.