The Origins of Speed Dating

Speed Dating
  • Saturday, November 16 2013 @ 09:49 pm
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A recent article in The New York Times interviewed Rabbi Yaacov Deyo, whose name is not well-known in the dating world. But it should be.

Back in 1998, Rabbi Deyo was brainstorming with some friends in his L.A. living room about how he could best serve the local Jewish community. This group included many entertainment industry execs, including game show producers. When the subject of love and how to meet romantic partners came up, the concept for speed dating was born.

A few weeks later, the rabbi was at a local Coffee Bean blowing a whistle as couples table-hopped one to the next, spending ten minutes at a time talking to each person. Little did he know the impact it would have in the dating world.

Soon, speed dating started popping up everywhere. It was no longer just the rabbi's idea - others had taken hold of it and used it in their local towns and communities. Speed dating was even featured in an episode of Sex and the City, where it was exposed to millions of people who were interested in trying it.

Since then, speed dating companies have expanded around the world. While the popularity of speed dating has waned in recent years, it is still a concept that many people find intriguing, if fewer are willing to try.

As a former speed dating host, I saw my fair share of awkward first dates and conversations that were stilted. They informed me of how to be a more engaging date. I was also inspired by the many people who put themselves out there to find love.

Speed dating is an interesting way for single people to meet. Some think it works best to introduce people who come from a similar culture, background, profession, etc., who would find it otherwise hard to meet people of their same faith or occupation but who have something in common. It gets a little more complicated when an event is open to the public. There isn't much filtering that can be done at events, other than by age or location. So, you really don't have much control over the types of people you're meeting.

While this can be frustrating, it can also be liberating. You could meet someone that you'd never choose on an online dating site, but in person you hit it off. Also, it forces you to engage with people who aren't necessarily your type. Speed dating is a great way to get past all those hang-ups we have about who we "should" date. It shows you that there are many kinds of people in the dating world, and some of them may surprise you.

HowAboutWe Now Has An Extra $4.2M To Help You Find Love

How About We
  • Saturday, November 16 2013 @ 04:14 pm
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Lately, a dear friend of mine won't shut up about HowAboutWe. Every time the subject of online dating comes up, she has to - at least once - talk about how much she's over OkCupid and how much she loves HowAboutWe. And it looks like she's not the only one who thinks the future of online dating is the activity-based dating site - HowAboutWe has just raised $4.2 million in the name of helping singles find their mates.

HowAboutWe is a modern approach to online dating that hopes to appeal to the unique needs of a new generation of daters. Instead of relying on a matching system based around online interactions, HowAboutWe seeks to connect users offline over shared interests and activities. Members post specific date ideas to the site - beginning with "How about we..." - and await responses from other members interested in having the same experience.

The point is to make it easier to meet new people in real life, where the magic actually happens. The deepest connections happen after you've met face-to-face, so why waste time sending messages back and forth when you could jump straight to the good part?

HowAboutWe is also revolutionizing the online dating industry by creating a service that caters to couples. Members who are paired up but still looking for fun activities to keep the love alive get access to a wide range of experiences offered at discount prices. The site's free concierge service can even help members see sold out shows, go on free dates, and plan special occasions.

"Almost all existing online dating sites are oriented towards keeping people online - messaging endlessly and browsing infinite lists of repetition profiles," founders Aaron Schildkrout and Brian Schechter told VentureBeat. "Online dating as a business has a terrible churn problem because these companies lose their most successful customers. We've become the first dating site to provide a meaningful, on-brand service for our happiest members. In doing so, we became the first dating site that doesn't want our users to fail."

That's a nice warm fuzzy thought, isn't it? Sorta?

Now that HowAboutWe has massively expanded its potential user base, it's ready to put those millions of dollars in funding to good use. With the new financing, VentureBeat reports that HowAboutWe plans to scale by adding new products and services, and expanding into new markets. With a total capital raised of $22 million, it sounds like HowAboutWe users have a lot to look forward to.

Palestinian Authority Legalizes Online Dating

Legal
  • Thursday, November 14 2013 @ 07:06 am
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It seems that the desire for online dating has reached even the most religiously conservative societies. According to The Jerusalem Post, the Palestinian Authority's Supreme Council has legalized online dating, but with a catch. Daters must abide by Shari'a rules, which means communication between members must be with the intent to marry.

Though Islamic scholars have dismissed online dating in the past, the council stated that the mingling of men and women online was now "a central characteristic of our time" and "unavoidable." This opens the door for many Muslims to date outside their social circles and provides more opportunity for meeting people than ever before.

Islamic dating websites have emerged in recent years, modeling themselves after other popular religious dating sites like JDate. But many Islamists, including Palestinians, already converse freely over social networks like Facebook and Twitter, according to The Times of Israel. It seems that allowing online dating was the obvious next step.

New Research Shows Who’s Dating Online in Australia

Australia
  • Tuesday, November 12 2013 @ 06:58 am
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It seems Australians have gotten over the stigma that used to come with online dating. The majority of singles (51%) said they have either tried online dating or are willing to give it a shot. It seems more and more are looking outside their own networks of friends, colleagues and family to pursue a romantic relationship.

So if you're a resident, you might be wondering: who would I be meeting through an online dating site?

Two of the country's most popular online dating sites, eHarmony and RSVP, have pulled research from their membership to reveal the typical Australian online dater. So in case you were wondering, now's your chance to find out before you sign up.

According to eHarmony, which has a user base of about two million in the country, the average Australian online dater has never been married, is in her (or his) early to mid-thirties and works as a teacher. The next most popular professions for females are nursing and retail, and for men - truck driving. It makes sense that singles in such isolated professions, some with shifting schedules, would look for love online.

"Plenty of research exists showing that many people meet their partner at work," eHarmony spokeswoman Sarah Mason told the Sydney Morning Herald. "However, a large number work in an environment which is not conducive to developing meaningful romantic relationships. Others may be too time-poor, or just shirk at the thought of making small talk in a noisy bar after a long day at work."

The research from dating site RSVP differed a bit from eHarmony, however. According to them, the most popular age group is between 25-34, followed by 35-44 year-olds. For these members, the most popular occupation is in healthcare, followed by education and science.

Not surprisingly, most of the women on RSVP want men who are a few inches taller. Both sexes prefer people with green eyes. Also, vegetarians have a 37% higher success rate with other vegetarians on the site.

RSVP has about two million members as well.

While this research paints a picture of the typical online dater in Australia, especially in terms of professions they hold, it doesn't reference all of the diversity found online. Let's face it: people have all different backgrounds, preferences, and reasons for joining a dating site. Variety of choice is more important to online dating than knowing the "types" of people you might see online when you join. People connect based on chemistry, not on profession, height preference, or even the type of food you enjoy. So date with an open mind.

Everyone’s Freaking Out Over OkCupid’s A-List Membership

OkCupid
  • Monday, November 11 2013 @ 06:41 am
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Why is everyone suddenly upset about OkCupid's A-List membership? Anyone with the ability to read - which I assume is the vast majority of the OkCupid userbase - should have known long ago about the little quirk that's been getting everyone's goat this week.

Let me back up a little bit. OkCupid's best functionality, like pretty much every other dating site, is saved for its paying members. Members of OkCupid's A-List receive perks like the ability to browse profiles invisibly, proof that their messages have been opened, and special match search options. It's that last one that's got everybody up in arms all of a sudden.

James Cook of KernelMag.com recently wrote that, by paying the $4.95 monthly fee for A-List membership, you can "make all those fat, ugly people on the internet go away" and called OkCupid's premium search options "eyebrow-raising in an era of tolerance and political correctness."

Whew. Those are some seriously inflammatory, designed-to-cause-outrage-and-garner-clicks statements! But are they true?

Well, yeah, technically they are. A-List members can filter their search results based on body type, so yes - a user could filter out anyone who describes themselves as "overweight," "a little extra," "curvy," "full figured," or "used up." They can also filter their search results based on members' crowdsourced ratings so they are only shown profiles that receive 5/5 stars.

But I think it's shortsighted to focus only on that. Every other body type is also represented, so an A-List member could filter out anyone who describes themselves as "thin" or "skinny" just as easily (not everyone is into that, remember?). Or maybe you're not a fan of the bodybuilder, hyper-muscled physique. No problem - just filter out anyone who calls themselves "jacked."

The thing is, every single one of us is doing this in real life anyway, aren't we? Of course it's shallow - no one is denying that - but it's reality. We make snap judgments about potential dates based on what we are and aren't attracted to all the time. Would life be better if we didn't? Absolutely! But it's not happening any time soon, and I think it's unfair to fault people for having preferences as long as they aren't being narrow-minded jerks about it.

And if they are being narrow-minded jerks about it...well...there's another way to look at this A-List search "scandal." If you hate the idea of people being able to filter you out by your body type, think of it this way: they're simultaneously filtering themselves out of your life. They get what they want and you get fewer shallow jerks in your life...it's a win for everyone.

How To Date After Divorce Without Driving Yourself Insane

Divorce
  • Sunday, November 10 2013 @ 05:05 pm
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Let's face it: dating after a breakup of any kind isn't easy. Dating after a divorce is even harder. And online dating after divorce, especially if you've never dated online before, can be downright terrifying. Some of you will feel like throwing in the towel before you've even entered the ring.

But here's the good news: you're not the first person to date after a divorce, and you certainly won't be the last. The process doesn't have to be stressful if you don't want it to be (and why would you want it to be?).

Here are a few things to keep in mind if you want to date after a divorce without driving yourself insane:

  1. Stop thinking that online dating is for losers. Seriously, this stereotype is getting old. It's well past time to bury it. These days you're practically in the minority if you haven't tried it. In no way is online dating a sign of failure - it's an awesome opportunity to meet people you never would have met otherwise.
  2. Remember it's just a date and there are plenty more out there. In fact, you don't even have to think of it as dating. Just think of it as a chance to meet interesting new people. If you click - great. If you don't - no big deal. Never be afraid to say "next" if it doesn't feel right.
  3. Do your best to manage your expectations. Be honest, because it's the right thing to do, but remember that not everyone else will be. That person who sounds perfect on paper might not be so perfect in person. On the other hand, take a chance on someone who doesn't sound quite right in the beginning - you never know who's going to surprise you.
  4. Meet as soon as you feel comfortable doing so. It's easy to create a fantasy version of someone when you're chatting online. Don't waste weeks wrapped up in make-believe only to find out that you're not actually compatible in real life.
  5. There's no rush. Take it slowly, even if you meet and hit it off right away. If this is the person for you, the bond will grow in its own time.
  6. Have a sense of humor about it. Crazy things can happen when you're online dating. The experience will be so much more rewarding if you can laugh at the lunacy when it happens.
  7. Don't go looking for your next spouse right away. Have fun DATING. If you only date to find the love of your life, you'll probably be disappointed most of the time. If you're also open to meeting a new friend, making a business contact, or just enjoying a few hours of conversation with someone new, you'll enjoy the process so much more.

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