Types (Niche)

I've met a lot of very attractive women who have come through a divorce or break-up looking to meet someone new. The problem? The men who are their ages (in their 40s and 50s) seem to want to date younger women only.

Many women wonder why this is. After all, they aren't looking at only younger men. It doesn't seem fair, does it?

There is an element of truth to this notion: many men do prefer to date younger women, and we see this reflected in TV shows and movies. It's not a problem for a man to date someone half his age, and in fact it's expected. Maybe it's due to biology, or maybe he just wants to ignore his own aging process.

There's also a certain amount of relief in dating a younger woman because she likely doesn't have the baggage that an older woman does. Chances are he looks for simplicity above all else - a woman who has no children, not much debt, or no messy break-up that has taken a toll on her psyche and finances.

So then we wonder - is it possible to find older men who are interested in women their own age?

Absolutely. Just because you've noticed a pattern in your own life or among your friends (or even in a Hollywood movie) doesn't mean that it is true for everyone. There are many single men in the world, and a lot of them enjoy the company of women their own age. You just have to know where to look and what to look for.

First of all, it might be time to refresh your online dating profile. Make sure you are focusing on what you want to bring into your life, not on what has happened in the past. Mention your interests, your career, or whatever makes you happy - and let that be the tone with which you craft your profile. Men can pick up on the energy and tone a woman sends from a profile or a first message. It's important to keep it positive so you can attract as many men as possible.

Second, I would suggest picking a new dating site. OkCupid and PlentyofFish are great for people looking for something casual (i.e. younger), but if you're looking for an emotional connection, it's better to go with a paid site like eHarmony or Match. OurTime is a good niche option specifically for older daters, so you know that your dates won't discount you because of your age.

Third, keep an open mind about the possibilities open to you right now. Say yes to more men that you might not normally consider, just to see what dating someone new is like. Allow yourself a little more fun in the dating process - it doesn't have to be so focused on the end result. It's a journey, after all.

“They both swiped right. (For professional purposes, that is.)”

That’s how TIME describes the meeting of Sean Rad and Justin Mateen during the first semester of their freshman year at University of Southern California in 2004. At the time they were both working on their own businesses, but soon enough they joined forces and became co-founders of mobile dating’s most impressive success story so far: Tinder.

In just 17 months, Tinder has become a phenomenon. “For the uninitiated,” writes TIME, “Tinder is a smartphone app that at first seems like a higher tech version of ‘hot or not.’ Users are shown photos of nearby potential matches and can swipe right to ‘like’ and left for ‘nope.’” It's now getting 600 million swipes per day from its obsessive 18-24 year-old userbase, and landed two of its founding team on the Forbes 2013 “30 Under 30” list.

Why did it become so big, so fast? Because traditional dating sites require extended periods of time and attention spent filling out and browsing long profiles, and in our speedy modern era we no longer have time for that kind of commitment. Tinder can be played – because yes, it is a game – in short bursts on the go, making it the most convenient way to meet your match currently on the scene.

Tinder snagged TechCrunch’s Crunchie award for best new startup on February 10, 2014, an honor it fully deserved for its mind-boggling success in 2013. There's no doubt that Tinder is the hottest thing on the mobile market right now, but the question is: can it maintain its success in the future?

“Nobody joins Tinder because they’re looking for something,” Rad told TIME. “They join because they want to have fun. It doesn’t even matter if you match because swiping is so fun.” So with fun in mind, the Tinder team plans to extend their reach beyond dating. The plan is for the app to evolve into a social discovery service, one that’s useful for meeting people beyond the romantic context.

“You’ll be able to eventually interact with friends for other purposes,” Mateen said. “So even if you’re in a relationship you’re going to be able to find good value in Tinder in the coming months.” The problems encountered when connecting with someone new are universal, whether you’re meeting someone with romantic, professional, or friendly intentions, and Tinder hopes to help.

Other plans for the future of the app include an updated communication system that goes beyond text messaging and further international expansion.

Match.com's Singles in America study, now in its fourth year, examines the attitudes and behaviors of over 5,300 American singles from all walks of life in order to get a glimpse into how love and relationships are viewed today.

"U.S. singles most often have sex at night, don't want to know their partner's sexual history, have trouble deciding when to have sex with a new dating partner, and overall just want more sex," says Dr. Justin R. Garcia, PhD., Scientific Advisor at Match.com. "But why?"

That's the million-dollar question, one of the many questions Match.com tried to answer in the latest Singles in America study. A survey of what it means to be single would be incomplete without an examination of what it means to be single and sexual, because whether you're a new couple or have been married for half a century, sex is an important ingredient in almost every romantic relationship.

Research has shown that sexual satisfaction influences a huge range of outcomes, from one's happiness, to one's health, to the likelihood of a breakup. So what's the state of sexuality in America today? Match.com says:

• Singles want more sex. We probably didn't need a study to tell us that, but we got one anyway. 68% of single men and 57% of single women say they want more sex in 2014, although it may still be less sex than you're expecting. Most singles ideally would like to have sex 2 to 3 times per week - only 15% of single men 12% of single women would ideally have sex every day.
• We are all really confused about when we "should" have sex. Everyone is stressed out about when to take a new relationship to the next step. Nearly half of singles think it's only okay to have sex with a new partner once they've reached the 6th date. Men, on average, tend to count the number of dates (and observe totally idiosyncratic rules about which number it's appropriate to have sex on). Women, on the other hand, tend to rely on relationship milestones - such as a clear sign of commitment or exclusivity - to mark when it's okay to make things sexual.
• Some of us are keeping our number under wraps, but it's fewer than you might expect. 21% of women and 23% of men admit to altering their number of sexual partners (in either direction) when asked about it. Nearly half singles of both genders simply say they've don't want to know their partner's sexual history at all.
• Television is totally killing the vibe. 77% of men and 82% of women consider the TV a huge turn-off. In fact, it's the #2 sexual turn-off for women and the #1 sexual turn-off for men. Why? Because TV is hugely distracting, and satisfying sex doesn't happen when your attention is focused elsewhere.

If anyone knows how to crack the code of online dating it’s Greg Liberman. Liberman has been president and CEO of Spark Networks since 2004, giving him more insight into the industry than almost anyone else in the biz. He spoke with The Forward in early February about the tremendous success of JDate, the Internet’s most popular Jewish dating service.

Liberman chalks the company’s success up to one simple thing: “this company was built out of a need.” And not just any need – one specific person's need. One of the founders had recently been divorced and was looking to expand his social circle of single Jewish women. Out of that quest, JDate grew organically.

Once the site had gotten its start, it set itself apart from the competition by creating a strong culturally focused community. “Religion is obviously at the core,” says Liberman, “but the majority of the members are Conservative and Reform and interested in a more culturally based identity.” The site provided a meeting place for Jewish singles who wanted to continue the traditions they were raised with, but weren't interested in a heavy emphasis on faith.

When asked how things have changed over the course of JDate’s history, Liberman nominates mobile dating as the decade’s biggest innovation. Mobile is becoming an increasingly important part of our lives, and that includes our love lives. “We saw in 2013 a 114% increase in log-ins via mobile,” Liberman says of JDate. “People are connected all the time, and for us it’s really important. I mean, it’s a huge opportunity for us to continue to drive our mission.”

Mobile isn’t the only change in store for JDate. The site announced the launch of a new marketing campaign on Valentine’s Day 2014 that further stresses the “J” half of its name. The rebranding initiative – JDate’s first – is called “Get Chosen.” Liberman hopes that it will help strengthen the Jewish community and ensure that Jewish traditions are passed on for generations to come. He calls it a “fun, living, breathing campaign” designed to “remind Jewish singles of the cultural ties, not just the religious ones, that make dating, and ultimately marrying, someone else who is Jewish so special.”

The multi-platform campaign will begin immediately across various channels, including print, digital and social. In addition to adding the tagline “Get Chosen” to the logo, JDate revealed a new homepage design for the website. The company also plans to run digital billboards in New York’s Times Square and a street sign campaign throughout Chicago. Other creative elements, including television and web videos to support the “Get Chosen” theme, will roll out later this year.

You know how speed dating works. An equal number of men and women attend an event. Each person spends a set period of time chatting to a prospective date, before half the guests rotate and everyone is introduced to a new potential partner. At the end of the night, each person indicates who they are interested in seeing again, and if there's a match, the organizers arrange an exchange of details.

But there's plenty you probably don't know about speed dating. Like the story of its origin: did you know that speed dating was invented by a Rabbi? Rabbi Yaacov Deyo, a Los Angeles resident and director Aish HaTorah (a Jewish Orthodox organization with a network of branches around the world), originally founded speed dating as a way to help Jewish singles meet and marry. In fact, SpeedDating, written as a single word, is a registered trademark of Aish HaTorah.

The first speed dating event took place at Peet's Café in Beverly Hills in late 1998, but it didn't take long for the idea to spread beyond Southern California. Within a year or so, the speed dating idea had gone viral and imitations had popped up around the country. It was a revolutionary way for busy singles to meet each other without the stigma associated with other kinds of dating agencies.

Although online dating is on the forefront of everyone's minds these days, it doesn't mean speed dating isn't worth a try. Science has a few interesting facts to keep in mind if you're looking to take the leap into speed dating:

1. First impressions really do count, and they happen fast. More than one study has concluded that most people make their choices within the first 30 seconds of meeting someone new.
2. Deeper issues, like religion, previous marriages, and smoking habits, were found to play a much smaller role than expected.
3. If you're looking to woo someone quickly, talk about your adventures abroad. Studies have found that dialogue concerning travel results in more matches than dialogue about films.
4. Don' judge a book by its cover, if you can help it. As is the case with online dating, what people say they want in an ideal mate when asked about it frequently does not match up with their subconscious preferences in practice.
5. Meeting in person has one serious leg-up on meeting online: your sense of smell. Scientific research has found that olfaction plays a major role in attraction, and that people wearing pheromones receive more matches. Try getting that through a computer screen.
6. Studies of speed dating events have generally shown more selectivity among women than among men, but more recent studies suggest that selectivity is based on which gender is seated and which is rotating. It may be that whoever is seated is more selective, regardless of sex.

It's a question I hadn't given much thought to (and I'm guessing I'm not the only one) until Slate posted it: Why don't single sitcom characters date online? Everyone and their mother (quite literally) is doing it in real life, so why haven't televisions shows jumped on the bandwagon?

Earlier this month, The Mindy Project used mobile dating as a marketing device. Tinder users swiping through profiles could come across two fictional characters from the show, which would then direct to videos promoting the sitcom if they made a match. It's was a clever marketing gimmick, and relatively unobtrusive for a generation of people who have grown accustomed to seeing ads everywhere. But it begs the question: why is Mindy on Tinder, but Tinder isn't on The Mindy Project?

"In two seasons of casual dating," writes Amanda Hess for Slate, "Mindy's been set up on a blind date; she's met suitors on the subway, in her office building, in the hospital, and on the street; and she once even unwittingly employed the services of a male escort. But she's yet to locate a date through her phone." New Girl, How I Met Your Mother, and Parks and Recreation have all featured online dating, but only as a one-off, single episode gimmick.

What gives? In real life, we'd be looking for love online or on our phones at least once an episode, not once in an entire series. Could it somehow be that we're doing away with the online dating stigma everywhere but on television? Are sitcoms just totally out of touch with modern dating?

Slate says there's another way of looking at it: "Sitcoms and dating sites are both built to organize our messy romantic lives by corralling our desires into neat narratives. Sitcoms offer an unrealistic version of modern singledom, but so do online dating services." Sitcom characters have a team of writers controlling the narrative structure of their dating lives, while those of us who live nonfictional lives require technology companies to provide a script for us.

Expect to see more online dating on your screen soon, however. Bravo plans to launch a show called "Online Dating Rituals of the American Male" in spring. The series will follow a cast of men in their search for love (or whatever else they're looking for) online. The hope is that it will provide an insider's perspective on the male psyche and dating in the digital age.

Being on Bravo, it's bound to be a sensationalized, over the top, drama fest of a show, but maybe it's still a step in the right direction.