Facebook “Selfies” Hurting Relationships

Facebook
  • Monday, October 07 2013 @ 07:03 am
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We first saw them in online dating profiles - photos that people took of themselves while standing in front of bathroom mirrors. Now technology has advanced and the practice has spread. People can view themselves on their smartphone screens, then pose, shoot, and post pictures to Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter within seconds.

Such pictures are called "selfies," and they've become a polarizing subject among social media users. According to a recent study out of the UK, posting selfies can have a negative impact on your relationships.

The UK research team evaluated people's posting habits, particularly in regard to self photographs, and if the practice could potentially affect how others view them. Since Facebook pages typically include a wide range of people - from friends to family to work colleagues to acquaintances and high school classmates - how they view profiles varies greatly. Selfies were considered the worst type of pictures to post in terms of what people prefer to see.

In addition, posting too many selfies were found to hurt romantic relationships, too. Researchers found that users who posted selfies were more likely to report feeling less supported by their relationship partners. In the majority of these cases, their partners tended to post pictures of families and family events. Researchers reasoned that the difference between the types of photos people posted could explain why one person in the relationship feels less supported than the other.

Based on the finding of the study, researchers agreed that it would be a good idea to talk about your social media practices before entering into a relationship. If you tend to take selfies and it turns your partner off, it could be a source of conflict as the relationship progresses.

Good communication is the foundation of a good relationship, even your online communication with your circle of friends and family. If you're posting a lot of selfies on Facebook and Instagram, others could conclude that you want a lot of attention and it turns them off. Your partner might feel that you'll dish about your relationship, the good and the bad, which is nobody else's business. Others might get annoyed at your posts clogging up their Facebook feeds.

Whatever the case, too many self photographs are a definite turn-off among users of social media according to the study, and often they can detract from a relationship. Instead of turning inward and posting on social media, talk to your partner if you're not getting what you need. Work on your relationship together, offline.

How Long Should You Message Before Asking Someone Out?

Communication
  • Sunday, October 06 2013 @ 01:35 pm
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Making a good online impression is really an art. Do you consider yourself an online Casanova? Are you able to email with matches endlessly, but are too intimidated to ask for a real date? Let's face it. You know that at some point, the online interaction needs to cease and you should meet face to face, because how else are you going to see if you're really a match?

Some people are talented wordsmiths while others might not feel so comfortable writing as they do speaking to someone in person or over the phone. When it comes to online dating, this shouldn't matter. Because the last thing you want to do is correspond with potential online dates for weeks or months at a time, when you should be meeting them as quickly as possible.

Many people have asked me how long they should email before asking somebody out over an online dating site. I recognize that you are strangers and it's good to feel comfortable with someone before agreeing to meet in person. However, if you wait too long, you are missing out on some great opportunities.

Technology has kicked online and mobile dating into high gear. You don't have to be at home in front of your computer in order to message or meet someone. Now, you can reach them in seconds via your phone - through instant chat, mobile apps, or even Facebook and Twitter. This means that people are meeting each other all the time. So what's to stop them from asking someone else out on a date?

It used to be acceptable for people to correspond over email for weeks at a time before actually meeting in person. But now, people don't have the patience or inclination. It's much better if you ask somebody out after one or two emails, three at the most. If you wait much longer, you risk that person meeting and dating someone else. You also risk forming an emotional attachment to somebody you might not have chemistry with in person.

I have met several men who were amazing over email - witty, charming, engaging - but then when I met them in person it was like they were complete strangers. We didn't banter, or they didn't appear to be interested in me, or they weren't the type of man I pictured as we were writing each other. In other words, I had high expectations based on a picture in my mind. If I would have met them sooner, before I became smitten with them over email, my disappointment over our real-life encounter wouldn't have been so devastating.

The bottom line: Ask him/her out, sooner rather than later. If you get on well in person, there's nothing stopping you from exchanging some amazing emails with each other later.

10 Things Millennials Need To Know About Online Dating

Tips
  • Friday, October 04 2013 @ 06:55 am
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I was scrolling through my email, clearing my inbox of junk mail, when a headline caught my eye: "20 Things 20 Year Olds Need To Know About Online Dating." I'm 20-something-or-other. I'm involved in online dating. I think we're generally a pretty tech-savvy bunch, but apparently I needed to know whatever bite-sized bits of wisdom The Inquisitr had to share. So I clicked.

These are the first 10 things The Inquisitr, in partnership with Let's Date CEO Adam Huie, thinks Millennials need to know about dating online:

  1. It works. Well, I can't argue with that. The percentage of relationships (and marriages) that begin online is increasing all the time, and a recent study found that the divorce/separation rate is lower for couples who meet online than for couples who meet offline.
  2. It's cheaper. I guess that depends on what your idea of a date is, but yeah...it definitely can be. A month's worth of nightclub cover charges and drinks bought at bars could easily add up to more than an online dating site's monthly subscription fee.
  3. It's fun. If dating - of any kind - isn't fun, you're doing something wrong, but online dating services are going the extra mile to make meeting people easy and enjoyable. "Gamification" is all the rage these days, which is making some dating services feel more like games than matchmaking.
  4. The Catfish scenario is not a reality. Eh, The Inquisitr has it half right. Yes, the overwhelming majority of people you meet online are genuine folks who are looking for love just like you are. But that doesn't mean that there aren't any unscrupulous people online. Just keep your wits about you and your BS detector switched on.
  5. More the merrier. It sounds like an invitation to an orgy, but what it actually means is that you should try out several dating services. Each offers something different, and you won't know which one suits your goals best until you experiment.
  6. It's okay to be curious. Yes! Thanks for including this one, Inquisitr! Online dating sites can be a great place for LGBT young adults to begin exploring their sexuality if they haven't had the chance to do it offline yet.
  7. Use your best photo. Is there anyone who didn't already know this? Millennials should be especially equipped to pick a killer picture (as long as we're avoiding the dreaded mirror selfie), since we grew up in the era of Facebook and Instagram.
  8. Take the time to fill out your profile. This, on the other hand, we might not be as good at. We like words to come in short, 140 character bursts - a full dating profile might be too intimidating to tackle. Tough luck, Millennials. It needs to be done anyway.
  9. Don't lie. I've heard some valid reasons for stretching the truth, but on the whole it's easier not to. And why go the harder route when you can choose an easier one?
  10. Spelling counts. I can't emphasize this enough. Text speak is not cute anywhere outside of a text message (and it's hardly even cute there). No one wants to date someone who sounds like they didn't make it out of third grade.

Related Article: 10 More Things Millennials Need To Know About Online Dating (Part II)

New Study Finds Daters Prefer Savers Over Spenders

Money
  • Thursday, October 03 2013 @ 08:19 pm
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  • Views: 2,096

Have you always envisioned the perfect guy to romance you with grand gestures like exotic trips, expensive jewelry or dinners at fancy restaurants?

Turns out, most singles would rather you have a savings account and a 401K.

According to a recent study from the University of Michigan Ross School of Business, savers are viewed as more attractive dating material than spenders. Researchers gathered existing studies and conducted a series of experiments asking participants to rate the desirability of different dates. They concluded that as long as the urge to save isn't extreme, the perception is that savers possess greater self-control, which increases their romantic attractiveness.

And saving habits are thought to lead to other good disciplinary practices as well, like working out and eating healthily, according to the study. So daters who care about saving money might be perceived as better looking and more physically attractive, too.

Researchers were quick to note the context in which they conducted the study, since the economic climate in the U.S. has been depressed compared to before the recession began in 2008. This could affect the priorities of singles, who are looking for someone who is more cautious and less flagrant when it comes to trying to impress a date.

The study notes that: "We observed this pattern in the shadow of the Great Recession, a time in which people who chronically spend may be viewed as especially irresponsible. Whether savers continue to be preferred in times of economic abundance (when active saving is less necessary for financial survival) is an important open question."

This isn't the first bit of news to tie economics to dating preferences. An article in the New York Times earlier this year noted that a person's credit score is a very important factor in deciding whether or not to date someone. "Credit scores are like the dating equivalent of a sexually transmitted disease test," said Manisha Thakor, the founder and chief executive of MoneyZen Wealth Management, in the Times article. "It's a shorthand way to get a sense of someone's financial past the same way an S.T.D. test gives some information about a person's sexual past."

And a survey last fall found that more than 25% of adult daters have used a coupon on a first date, and 73% of those surveyed said they would continue to date a coupon clipper.

It seems most daters are on board with saving pennies, so there's no need to impress him or her with over the top gifts or gestures. Impress her with your credit score instead.

4 More Truths About Online Dating

Advice
  • Thursday, October 03 2013 @ 06:58 am
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  • Views: 1,240

Remember what I said previously about the secret realities of online dating? Well, there's more where that came from.

If you want to make it through the online dating jungle with minimal fatigue, minimal heartbreak, and maximum fun and success, add these 4 truths about online dating to your list:

  1. My dad's advice was right: You can please some people some of the time, but you can't please all people all of the time. There are some people who just won't be interested in you. And that's ok. (I mean...it sucks at first, but then it's ok.) You can't let it get you down or put you off online dating (or, if you're feeling really melodramatic, dating in general) forever. There are plenty of fish in the sea, even if that's not the site you're using.
  2. As Dr. House would say, Everybody lies. It would be nice if it wasn't true, but we are never going to live in a world where everyone is honest, all the time. In fact, there's a good chance you're not honest all the time. You could say that everyone who stretches the truth is a jerk, but I think that's doing them a disservice. The question is: Why did they do it? Were they actually trying to be malicious, or is there a much less devious explanation? If they just needed a little help getting their foot in the door, consider cutting them some slack. That foot might be attached to someone awesome.
  3. An online dating profile isn't as deep as you think it is. Every online dating site swears its profile goes more in-depth than any other site, or that its matching algorithm is more complex and accurate than any of the competition. Yes, dating services are constantly trying to improve the experience, and as online daters we try our best to create multifaceted pictures of who we are in our profiles, but the reality is that it will only ever be a one-dimensional representation of who we really are. Try to remember that what's on a person's page is just the tip of the iceberg.
  4. Rules are definitely meant to be broken. A more appropriate name for this one might have been "Rules? What rules?" There are none anymore. You're probably abiding by all kinds of principles you think are important that really aren't. Email whoever you're interested in. Ask someone out if you want to meet them in person. Stop playing coy and forget about gender roles. Online dating is the perfect time to throw caution to the wind and take a flying leap out of your comfort zone.

Why You Didn’t Hear Back

Communication
  • Tuesday, October 01 2013 @ 09:08 pm
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  • Views: 1,556

You could be the best-looking person on this planet, but I guarantee even you have had this problem at least once: you didn't hear back from someone you were interested in.

It blows, right? You spot the perfect online dating profile, and you think "YES! I barely know anything about this person, but it's obvious we're going to fall in love and get married and be together forever!" [Note: Do not actually have this reaction to people you have never met. It's creepy.]

Then you send a message to them and wait for their gushing response about how great it is that you've finally found each other. But it never comes. And you're left wondering why someone you thought was so perfect doesn't think you're perfect, too.

Buck up. Grab some Ben & Jerry's. And let's settle in for a little life lesson. Here's why they didn't get back to you:

  1. They can't. Many dating sites allow both paid and free members to join, but only allow paying members to view and/or send mail. Don't take it personally if your love interest simply couldn't see or respond to your message.
  2. They're drowning in a sea of messages. If you think a person is awesome, there's a good chance other people also think they're awesome. The cream of the online dating crop is inundated with emails - maybe even triple digits per day - which makes it pretty much impossible to respond to everything. Your message may just have slipped through the cracks.
  3. Your message wasn't up to snuff. Did you include an attention-grabbing subject line? Did you send an obvious cut-and-paste message? Did you ask an interesting question, include a witty joke, make a thoughtful reference to their profile, or otherwise do something that encourages interaction? Take some time to learn what kind of emails get opened and responded to.
  4. Your photos aren't working for you. First of all: do you even have a photo? If you don't, that's the first thing to fix. If you do, do you have more than one? You should. And if you have that under control, evaluate your photo album with a critical eye. Do they actually show you at your best? Do they represent you well? Do they paint you in an interesting light? What stories do they tell?
  5. Your profile is harder to get through than War and Peace. Maybe you have a snooze-fest of a personal essay. There's no excuse for a poorly written profile. And there's plenty of advice to be found online that will help you create something unique and enticing.

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